Crack Fic: April Fools!
SCENE: Alt-Rufus, Rolas, POW Rufus, POW Rolas, Canon Rufus and another Rolas sporting an eyepatch are all sitting on the floor around a laptop in front of a closed roll top desk.
Canon Rufus: No, that's not it. Try "teri[ampersand]mattsnogging".
POW Rufus (typing): That didn't work either
POW Rolas: I'll still say I can just use a wrench on it.
Alt-Rufus: We told you before, that won't work. There's no guarantee that we could destroy the hard drive.
Rolas: Anybody know where we can find a big electromagnet? That might do the trick.
Peta walks in.
Peta: Hey Royce! I've got good news, bad news and good news. The good news is I found out where your Christmas package went. The bad news it's in Saudi Arabia. The good news is that Wazzy needed chocolate therapy anyway. (beat) What on Earth are all of you doing here? Where's Royce?
From inside the desk there's some thumping and a muffled "Help!" Canon Rufus bangs briefly on the desk
Canon Rufus: He's out at the moment.
Peta: Okay, I recognize most of you, but who's the Rolas with the eyepatch?
Other Rolas: I'm the me he designed for your canon universe.
Peta: Oh, the one with the nasty attitude. (pauses as she hears more banging from the desk) I assume you're the one that stuck Royce in the desk?
Royce (muffled): Get me out of here!
Other Rolas: I don't know what you're talking about.
POW Rolas: It was self-defense.
Peta: And that's Royce's laptop. What are you trying to do with it?
POW Rufus: Erase a file, but he's got it password locked.
Peta: What file? (leans over and starts reading) "My handsome lieutenant," Rufus breathed, his muzzle nuzzling Rolas' neck while his paw moved up to begin stroking the fur that covered the well defined muscles of his chest…. Oh, my!
Canon Rufus: Gah! Not out loud! (slams the laptop's cover shut on POW Rufus' fingers.)
POW Rufus: Ow!
Alt-Rufus: Oh, stop it, that's your clockwork hand.
Royce: I keep telling you, that's my April Fool's Day story! It's a joke!
POW Rolas: I'd like to point out how your "jokes" tend to get mired in angst.
Other Rolas: We could let him out I suppose.
Royce: That's nice of you.
Other Rolas: Of course if you still won't give us the password I can start removing your fingerclaws.
Peta: That's a bit extreme, don't you think?
Canon Rufus: I should think so. Start with his toenails, he doesn't use them anyway.
Melika, Hazel and Maria lean into the shot equipped with stunner rifles and a case of cufftape.
Melika: Oh stop it, Ru. You'll do no such thing.
Canon Rufus: Oh, all right. Er, what's all that for?
Hazel: Royce, we'll take of the boys and let you out, if you promise to finish the story.
Maria: Make it as looooong as you want!
Royce: Sounds good.
Melika: Oh, Peta will do the illustrations.
POW Rufus (growing pale): She will?
Peta: I will?
Hazel (resting the muzzle of her rifle on Peta's Nose): You will.
Peta: I will!
Rolas, Rolas and Rolas: Do we get a shirt this time?
Melika, Maria and Hazel: NO!
The End