(no subject)
Just finished watching this on DVD. Conclusion: Fun little movie, even if the main character is a complete ass.
The Director: Hi, I'm Wes Anderson and I know diddly about animation, but I am the hot flavor of the month in Hollywood so I managed to scam some investors into making the Bestus Rankin-Bass special evar!
The Author: Hi, I'm Roald Dahl, and I'd just like to say this film has diddly squat to do with my book, and same goes or "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "The Witches"
The Audience: All of which were infinitely cool.
The Author: Cuss off while I finish rolling in my grave.
Scene: We open with the titular Fox standing on a hill, while his wife Felicity approaches
FMF: What did the doc say?
Felicity (lies): Just the flu.
FMF: Wanna raid a guarded chicken pen then do something ridiculously stupid and dangerous?
Felicity: Sure.
Scene: They both catch a chicken for themselves, then FMF gets them caught in a fox trap because he's an idiot.
Felecity: The only reason I'm not going to kill you (assuming we live through this) is because I don't want to be a single mother.
FMF: Wait... what?
SCENE: Two years later (twelve in Fox Years): FMF is having his mid-life crisis.
FMF: Son, are you gay?
Ash: What makes you think that?
FMF: Because you're incompetent at sports, you dress like a freak and you're wearing more eyeliner than your mother.
Ash: Means nothing, especially since this is a PG movie and we can't mention that sort of thing anyway. (spits)
FMF: Whatever.
(clips a real estate ad from the paper)
SCENE: FMF's lawyer's office.
FMF: I wanna buy this mid-life crisis, er, tree.
Badger: Dude, it's out of your price range, the interest rate is usury, and the neighbors are psychotic farmers.
FMF: I can work with that.
SCENE: At their new house, FMF's family welcomes his nephew Kristofferson with open arms.
Felicity: Hi, Kris.
FMF: The son I always wanted!
Ash: Cuss off!
Felicity: By the way, Fox. why are you staring at those farms so hungrily?
FMF: No reason (wipes off drool from his lips)
SCENE: The Calvinball Whackbat game.
Ash: Dads sucks. Of course I'm good at...
Kris proceeds to completely pwn the opposing team despite never having played the game before.
...sports.
Coach: Not really, no.
Kris: Did I mention how irritatingly modest I am?
SCENE: FMF and his sidekick proceed to rob the first two farmers.
Felicity: I'm starting to get mildly suspicious about this self-filling pantry.
SCENE: FMF and his sidekick (and Kris) rob Mr. Bean's cider cellar.
FMF: Rat, what are you doing here?
Rat: I'm just here for the booze, mon cher.
FMF: And why do have that obnoxious Cajun accent?
Rat: For the same reason all of you have got American accents despite this being set in Britain.
FMF: 'kay.
Rat: Oh, I have I mentioned yet what a slut your wife used to be?
FMF: That is so completely not entirely true!
Kris proceeds to kick Rat's ass and they decamp to the FMF residence.
SCENE: The Farmers meet.
Bean: We've been robbed.
The Other Two: Yup.
Bean: I say we kill 'em.
The Other Two: Yup.
Bean: I'll need a machine gun, some napalm, a Tornado fighter/bomber with a GBU Penetrator bomb attached....
The Other Two: Say what?
Bean: There's no kill like overkill.
SCENE: Bean shoots off FMF's tail.
FMF: Ow. I should have listened to my lawyer about buying this place.
Felicity: Moron.
SCENE: Bean starts digging... and digging... and digging...
News Reporter: The insane amount of overkill continues as the farmers hunt down obviously sentient creatures and completely destroy public parkland without permission.
Badger: WTF are we supposed to now, Moron?
FMF: I have a brilliant plan!
They dig more tunnels and rob all the farmers blind, then have a party.
FMF: I'd like to congratulate everyone on helping me overcome the cussup I personally dragged you all into...
Meanwhile, Ash and Kris try to get FMF's tail back, ending in Kris being captured.
Ash: I want to point out that my plan was brilliant.
Kris: Aside from A) You getting us distracted by your stomach, B) Me getting captured, and C) The cussed tail wasn't even here!
Ash: Details!
SCENE: The party is flooded out by the farmers.
FMF: ...and in conclusion, um, we're cussed.
Rat: And we've got your son!
Ash: No you don't.
FMF: What happened to the kid I like... er, I mean your cousin?
Ash: You're just adding onto my psychoanalyst bills for when I'm a teenager. Yipe!
Rat grabs Ash and we totally miss an opportunity for Felicity to chain whip his cuss.
FMF: Now that Rat has revealed what happened to Kris, we've got to mount a rescue mission for him. I have another plan.
Badger: Why should we listen to you, given everything that's happened to us so far is your fault?
FMF: Who's name is the film's title?
Badger: 'kay.
SCENE: The animals torch the town, Ash rescues Kris after the world's quickest karate lesson, FMF is chased by a rabid Beagle.
FMF: And now we drive off into the sun... Wes, what the cuss is that wolf doing there?
The Director: What wolf?
FMF: The one off in the distance by the snow capped glacier in Autumn in North Britain.
The Director: It's a motif, don't sweat it.
FMF: 'kay.
SCENE: Everyone is safe in the sewers.
Badger: Aside from the fact we're trapped underground and starving to death.
FMF: Got a solution to that one.
He leads everyone up a drainpipe into a supermarket.
Felicity: Okay, that was fantastic.
FMF: And best of all, no one blamed me for getting them stuck in this situation... Ash, is that lipstick you're wearing?
Ash: It's grape juice, I swear.
FMF: It looks like lipstick. And you're still wearing the gimp suit.
Ash: It's not, and you're seriously projecting now.
Felicity: Would you both shut up so we can have a happy ending now?
Dance Party!
The Director: Hi, I'm Wes Anderson and I know diddly about animation, but I am the hot flavor of the month in Hollywood so I managed to scam some investors into making the Bestus Rankin-Bass special evar!
The Author: Hi, I'm Roald Dahl, and I'd just like to say this film has diddly squat to do with my book, and same goes or "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "The Witches"
The Audience: All of which were infinitely cool.
The Author: Cuss off while I finish rolling in my grave.
Scene: We open with the titular Fox standing on a hill, while his wife Felicity approaches
FMF: What did the doc say?
Felicity (lies): Just the flu.
FMF: Wanna raid a guarded chicken pen then do something ridiculously stupid and dangerous?
Felicity: Sure.
Scene: They both catch a chicken for themselves, then FMF gets them caught in a fox trap because he's an idiot.
Felecity: The only reason I'm not going to kill you (assuming we live through this) is because I don't want to be a single mother.
FMF: Wait... what?
SCENE: Two years later (twelve in Fox Years): FMF is having his mid-life crisis.
FMF: Son, are you gay?
Ash: What makes you think that?
FMF: Because you're incompetent at sports, you dress like a freak and you're wearing more eyeliner than your mother.
Ash: Means nothing, especially since this is a PG movie and we can't mention that sort of thing anyway. (spits)
FMF: Whatever.
(clips a real estate ad from the paper)
SCENE: FMF's lawyer's office.
FMF: I wanna buy this mid-life crisis, er, tree.
Badger: Dude, it's out of your price range, the interest rate is usury, and the neighbors are psychotic farmers.
FMF: I can work with that.
SCENE: At their new house, FMF's family welcomes his nephew Kristofferson with open arms.
Felicity: Hi, Kris.
FMF: The son I always wanted!
Ash: Cuss off!
Felicity: By the way, Fox. why are you staring at those farms so hungrily?
FMF: No reason (wipes off drool from his lips)
SCENE: The Calvinball Whackbat game.
Ash: Dads sucks. Of course I'm good at...
Kris proceeds to completely pwn the opposing team despite never having played the game before.
...sports.
Coach: Not really, no.
Kris: Did I mention how irritatingly modest I am?
SCENE: FMF and his sidekick proceed to rob the first two farmers.
Felicity: I'm starting to get mildly suspicious about this self-filling pantry.
SCENE: FMF and his sidekick (and Kris) rob Mr. Bean's cider cellar.
FMF: Rat, what are you doing here?
Rat: I'm just here for the booze, mon cher.
FMF: And why do have that obnoxious Cajun accent?
Rat: For the same reason all of you have got American accents despite this being set in Britain.
FMF: 'kay.
Rat: Oh, I have I mentioned yet what a slut your wife used to be?
FMF: That is so completely not entirely true!
Kris proceeds to kick Rat's ass and they decamp to the FMF residence.
SCENE: The Farmers meet.
Bean: We've been robbed.
The Other Two: Yup.
Bean: I say we kill 'em.
The Other Two: Yup.
Bean: I'll need a machine gun, some napalm, a Tornado fighter/bomber with a GBU Penetrator bomb attached....
The Other Two: Say what?
Bean: There's no kill like overkill.
SCENE: Bean shoots off FMF's tail.
FMF: Ow. I should have listened to my lawyer about buying this place.
Felicity: Moron.
SCENE: Bean starts digging... and digging... and digging...
News Reporter: The insane amount of overkill continues as the farmers hunt down obviously sentient creatures and completely destroy public parkland without permission.
Badger: WTF are we supposed to now, Moron?
FMF: I have a brilliant plan!
They dig more tunnels and rob all the farmers blind, then have a party.
FMF: I'd like to congratulate everyone on helping me overcome the cussup I personally dragged you all into...
Meanwhile, Ash and Kris try to get FMF's tail back, ending in Kris being captured.
Ash: I want to point out that my plan was brilliant.
Kris: Aside from A) You getting us distracted by your stomach, B) Me getting captured, and C) The cussed tail wasn't even here!
Ash: Details!
SCENE: The party is flooded out by the farmers.
FMF: ...and in conclusion, um, we're cussed.
Rat: And we've got your son!
Ash: No you don't.
FMF: What happened to the kid I like... er, I mean your cousin?
Ash: You're just adding onto my psychoanalyst bills for when I'm a teenager. Yipe!
Rat grabs Ash and we totally miss an opportunity for Felicity to chain whip his cuss.
FMF: Now that Rat has revealed what happened to Kris, we've got to mount a rescue mission for him. I have another plan.
Badger: Why should we listen to you, given everything that's happened to us so far is your fault?
FMF: Who's name is the film's title?
Badger: 'kay.
SCENE: The animals torch the town, Ash rescues Kris after the world's quickest karate lesson, FMF is chased by a rabid Beagle.
FMF: And now we drive off into the sun... Wes, what the cuss is that wolf doing there?
The Director: What wolf?
FMF: The one off in the distance by the snow capped glacier in Autumn in North Britain.
The Director: It's a motif, don't sweat it.
FMF: 'kay.
SCENE: Everyone is safe in the sewers.
Badger: Aside from the fact we're trapped underground and starving to death.
FMF: Got a solution to that one.
He leads everyone up a drainpipe into a supermarket.
Felicity: Okay, that was fantastic.
FMF: And best of all, no one blamed me for getting them stuck in this situation... Ash, is that lipstick you're wearing?
Ash: It's grape juice, I swear.
FMF: It looks like lipstick. And you're still wearing the gimp suit.
Ash: It's not, and you're seriously projecting now.
Felicity: Would you both shut up so we can have a happy ending now?
Dance Party!