Shadow of Her Sins, Chapter Five (cont)
The main part of this is a re-working of my vignette " The Pod" with a large addition at the end.
* * *
Still feeling a bit out of sorts from her conversation with Longwalk, Ali delayed returning to Lady Salli by diverting to the colony's general store. While she took most of her meals with Salli, she kept some comfort food supplies in the small autokitchen in her quarters, in case the need for late night snacking occurred.
“Can I show you something?” Lu asked, approaching Ali just as she was exiting the store, bags in paw, rain spattering her coat.
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you, remember?” she told the patroller.
“This isn’t about your case,” he said, lengthening his stride to keep up with her as she turned and began pacing down the street. “Well it is, sort of, but not directly.”
“Go talk to Lady Salli then,” she replied.
“Ali, please,” he said, making a tentative grab for her sleeve before thinking better of it and drawing his paw back. “I just want to show you something. It won’t take five minutes and then you can tell me to fragg off.”
Ali stopped, half turning towards her maybe-brother. “What?”
“It’s in my quarters.” He led her there, turning back to look at her every once and while, as if worried she might think better of it and just walk off. When they got to the guest quarters, he propped open the door and gestured her into the living area.
In the center of it was a curious diorama. A chair from the dining area had been tilted back to lean at a 45 degree angle against the coffee table. In front of the chair was collection of plastic pipes and cardboard, duct taped together to make a mock control panel, with a big red button drawn in red marker on it. In the chair sat a large blue stuffed toy, a wazagan that appeared to be handmade out of blue terrycloth, wearing a blue checked dress. It was large, about the size of say, a six year old cubling, the sort of thing that a child might drag around all over their home, to play with or just cuddle in the night. Tossed on the couch was a large sealable plastic bag that it had probably been carried in, and Ali somehow knew instantly whom the toy had once belonged to.
“What’s this supposed to be?” she asked, setting down her groceries and jacket on the coffee table.
“A rough mockup of a standard issue escape pod, like the one on our… my family’s freighter,” he told her. “The configuration hasn’t really changed in a couple of centuries. I realize it looks silly, but take it from me that the dimensions are all correct.”
“Okay. What’s with the dolly?”
“It was…” Lu carefully bit back on the word yours, “my sister’s. It was as big as she was, when I left for school. Grandmother had sewn it together for her. Anyway, imagine it’s you, sitting in the escape pod your father strapped you into when the pirates attacked you ship. You said he told you to hit the launch button if a pirate showed up, right?”
“Right,” Ali said with a nod, wondering where he was going with this.
He knelt down beside the chair. “All right, you see the pirate come to the hatch and spot you. You said you froze up, right?”
“Yes,” she said. That she remembered quite clearly, the moment burned into her brain. One of a thousand “if only” moments which were stamped in her long, bloody life, where the wrong choices had led her deeper and deeper into her current mess.
“Okay. So, say you didn’t freeze up. What would you have done?” Lu asked.
“Pressed the launch button and gotten away,” Ali said.
“Show me.”
She gave him an annoyed look, then reached over and tapped a fingerclaw against the red marker button.
“No,” Lu said, taking hold of the dolly’s arm and pointing it towards her. “Use this.”
Ali gave him another look, then took hold of the arm, surreptitiously rubbing her thumb pad against the soft, worn terrycloth. While Lu pressed his palm against the doll’s chest, making like it was strapped to an acceleration couch, she lifted the doll’s arm towards the red button. Even when she stretched it, the doll’s cloth hand was a good five centimeters away.
“You see?” he said. “You couldn’t have reached it. You were strapped in tight. Even if you’d been able to dislocate your own shoulder you couldn’t have gotten to it.”
“I could have unstrapped myself,” Ali pointed out.
“A standard escape pod won’t release the seat straps unless the pod’s hatch is opened again, or it had finished the initial escape burn. You were stuck. And even if you had launched it, all that would have happened is that Bloody Margo’s ship would have fired on the pod and vaporized you.”
“Fine, fine. So what’s it matter?”
Lu seemed to deflate. “I just… I thought you should know. That it wasn’t your fault that you were captured by them. You couldn’t have gotten away, no matter what you tried.”
Ali shrugged. “That doesn’t change anything. You’re still going to try your best to put me in prison.”
“Yes… but… oh, damnation!” He rubbed a paw between his ears, looking frustrated.
Ali turned her head away, her gaze falling on the dolly again. She picked it up, looking down into its shining plastic eyes. “Did you bring this all the way here?”
“Yes,” he said. “It was… my sister’s. When the Patrol found the remains of our family’s ship, after they’d completed their investigation, they boxed up all my family’s personal effects that were left behind. I… it seemed like a sacrilege to throw any of it away, so I just rented a storage unit and put it all there. I brought it because… um… I don’t know now.” He sat down on the couch, resting his chin on his paws, not looking at her as she wasn’t looking at him.
Ali held the dolly up to eye level. It had a shock of purple head fur made of yarn, and a cheerful stitched smile for a mouth. The terrycloth skin was worn thin in many places, marking it as well loved. She took a tentative sniff. It smelled of plastic storage bag, a bit of dust, and…
…herself.
She stumbled backwards, dropping heavily onto the couch, her claws digging into the soft terrycloth of the dolly. There was a vise clamped around her chest, the air in the room grown too thin, as if there was an oxygen leak. She couldn't breathe... she couldn't breathe.
“Ali? Ali! What's wrong?” Blacksailor stood up and grabbed hold of her shoulders. She responded by leaning back on the couch and kicking him hard in the stomach with both footpads. Blacksailor flew backwards into his mockup escape pod, crushing the cardboard control panel and send pieces of PVC piping flying.
“Get away from me!” she shouted. “Get away from me! Why did you have to be right? Why did you have to be real?”
Blacksailor kneeled on the floor, clutching his stomach, trying to catch his breath. “You... you believe me now?”
“Bastard,” she growled, her eyes starting to water, blurring her vision. She almost threw the dolly at him, but then thought better of it. “You tricked me.”
“It wasn't intentional, I swear. I didn't even think about your scent being still on it until you picked it up.”
“Shit. Why are you doing this to me?”
“I'm not doing anything. Ali, for the love of the Mother Goddess, I'm your brother. I want you to be safe, I want you to be happy.”
“Then why can't you just go away?”
He looked up at her from the floor, eyes pleading with her. “Ali, goddess bless, I can't go away now. I thought you were dead, I only just found you. I'm sorry about the damned mess with the piracy charges, but I swear I'll do my best to help you with them. Why are you so intent on pushing me away? You've got a family again, is that so frightening?”
“Yes,” she whispered. Then she fled, groceries and jacket forgotten, back out into the rain.
* * *
Still feeling a bit out of sorts from her conversation with Longwalk, Ali delayed returning to Lady Salli by diverting to the colony's general store. While she took most of her meals with Salli, she kept some comfort food supplies in the small autokitchen in her quarters, in case the need for late night snacking occurred.
“Can I show you something?” Lu asked, approaching Ali just as she was exiting the store, bags in paw, rain spattering her coat.
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you, remember?” she told the patroller.
“This isn’t about your case,” he said, lengthening his stride to keep up with her as she turned and began pacing down the street. “Well it is, sort of, but not directly.”
“Go talk to Lady Salli then,” she replied.
“Ali, please,” he said, making a tentative grab for her sleeve before thinking better of it and drawing his paw back. “I just want to show you something. It won’t take five minutes and then you can tell me to fragg off.”
Ali stopped, half turning towards her maybe-brother. “What?”
“It’s in my quarters.” He led her there, turning back to look at her every once and while, as if worried she might think better of it and just walk off. When they got to the guest quarters, he propped open the door and gestured her into the living area.
In the center of it was a curious diorama. A chair from the dining area had been tilted back to lean at a 45 degree angle against the coffee table. In front of the chair was collection of plastic pipes and cardboard, duct taped together to make a mock control panel, with a big red button drawn in red marker on it. In the chair sat a large blue stuffed toy, a wazagan that appeared to be handmade out of blue terrycloth, wearing a blue checked dress. It was large, about the size of say, a six year old cubling, the sort of thing that a child might drag around all over their home, to play with or just cuddle in the night. Tossed on the couch was a large sealable plastic bag that it had probably been carried in, and Ali somehow knew instantly whom the toy had once belonged to.
“What’s this supposed to be?” she asked, setting down her groceries and jacket on the coffee table.
“A rough mockup of a standard issue escape pod, like the one on our… my family’s freighter,” he told her. “The configuration hasn’t really changed in a couple of centuries. I realize it looks silly, but take it from me that the dimensions are all correct.”
“Okay. What’s with the dolly?”
“It was…” Lu carefully bit back on the word yours, “my sister’s. It was as big as she was, when I left for school. Grandmother had sewn it together for her. Anyway, imagine it’s you, sitting in the escape pod your father strapped you into when the pirates attacked you ship. You said he told you to hit the launch button if a pirate showed up, right?”
“Right,” Ali said with a nod, wondering where he was going with this.
He knelt down beside the chair. “All right, you see the pirate come to the hatch and spot you. You said you froze up, right?”
“Yes,” she said. That she remembered quite clearly, the moment burned into her brain. One of a thousand “if only” moments which were stamped in her long, bloody life, where the wrong choices had led her deeper and deeper into her current mess.
“Okay. So, say you didn’t freeze up. What would you have done?” Lu asked.
“Pressed the launch button and gotten away,” Ali said.
“Show me.”
She gave him an annoyed look, then reached over and tapped a fingerclaw against the red marker button.
“No,” Lu said, taking hold of the dolly’s arm and pointing it towards her. “Use this.”
Ali gave him another look, then took hold of the arm, surreptitiously rubbing her thumb pad against the soft, worn terrycloth. While Lu pressed his palm against the doll’s chest, making like it was strapped to an acceleration couch, she lifted the doll’s arm towards the red button. Even when she stretched it, the doll’s cloth hand was a good five centimeters away.
“You see?” he said. “You couldn’t have reached it. You were strapped in tight. Even if you’d been able to dislocate your own shoulder you couldn’t have gotten to it.”
“I could have unstrapped myself,” Ali pointed out.
“A standard escape pod won’t release the seat straps unless the pod’s hatch is opened again, or it had finished the initial escape burn. You were stuck. And even if you had launched it, all that would have happened is that Bloody Margo’s ship would have fired on the pod and vaporized you.”
“Fine, fine. So what’s it matter?”
Lu seemed to deflate. “I just… I thought you should know. That it wasn’t your fault that you were captured by them. You couldn’t have gotten away, no matter what you tried.”
Ali shrugged. “That doesn’t change anything. You’re still going to try your best to put me in prison.”
“Yes… but… oh, damnation!” He rubbed a paw between his ears, looking frustrated.
Ali turned her head away, her gaze falling on the dolly again. She picked it up, looking down into its shining plastic eyes. “Did you bring this all the way here?”
“Yes,” he said. “It was… my sister’s. When the Patrol found the remains of our family’s ship, after they’d completed their investigation, they boxed up all my family’s personal effects that were left behind. I… it seemed like a sacrilege to throw any of it away, so I just rented a storage unit and put it all there. I brought it because… um… I don’t know now.” He sat down on the couch, resting his chin on his paws, not looking at her as she wasn’t looking at him.
Ali held the dolly up to eye level. It had a shock of purple head fur made of yarn, and a cheerful stitched smile for a mouth. The terrycloth skin was worn thin in many places, marking it as well loved. She took a tentative sniff. It smelled of plastic storage bag, a bit of dust, and…
…herself.
She stumbled backwards, dropping heavily onto the couch, her claws digging into the soft terrycloth of the dolly. There was a vise clamped around her chest, the air in the room grown too thin, as if there was an oxygen leak. She couldn't breathe... she couldn't breathe.
“Ali? Ali! What's wrong?” Blacksailor stood up and grabbed hold of her shoulders. She responded by leaning back on the couch and kicking him hard in the stomach with both footpads. Blacksailor flew backwards into his mockup escape pod, crushing the cardboard control panel and send pieces of PVC piping flying.
“Get away from me!” she shouted. “Get away from me! Why did you have to be right? Why did you have to be real?”
Blacksailor kneeled on the floor, clutching his stomach, trying to catch his breath. “You... you believe me now?”
“Bastard,” she growled, her eyes starting to water, blurring her vision. She almost threw the dolly at him, but then thought better of it. “You tricked me.”
“It wasn't intentional, I swear. I didn't even think about your scent being still on it until you picked it up.”
“Shit. Why are you doing this to me?”
“I'm not doing anything. Ali, for the love of the Mother Goddess, I'm your brother. I want you to be safe, I want you to be happy.”
“Then why can't you just go away?”
He looked up at her from the floor, eyes pleading with her. “Ali, goddess bless, I can't go away now. I thought you were dead, I only just found you. I'm sorry about the damned mess with the piracy charges, but I swear I'll do my best to help you with them. Why are you so intent on pushing me away? You've got a family again, is that so frightening?”
“Yes,” she whispered. Then she fled, groceries and jacket forgotten, back out into the rain.