SCCtM: Teaser Trailer
Screw the poll, I’m doing this anyway.
* * *
FADE IN: The 21st Century Foxen logo. Gradually it turns from gold to green, as we hear a Theremin play “Jingle Bells”.
FADE TO: The front yard of GRANDMOTHER’s house, a pleasant looking suburban home in upstate New York, with the first snow of winter coming. Grandmother is upset and being questioned by two COPS.
FIRST COP (Mike Nelson): All right, ma’am. You said that your two grandchildren were kidnapped?
GRANDMOTHER (Pia Zadora): Yes! They took them right out of my backyard!
SECOND COP (Kevin Murphy): Who took them, ma’am?
GRANDMOTHER: The Martians!
FIRST COP: Martians, ma’am?
GRANDMOTHER: Yes! They took them right into their spaceship!
FIRST COP (patiently): How do you know they were Martians, ma’am?
GRANDMOTHER: They were green men in a green flying saucer and they took Billy and Betty up in a bright green beam of light!
(She sees they aren't believing a word of this.)
Oh, don’t look at me like that! You believe in Santa Claus, don’t you?
(The two cops trade a “We’ve got a real nut job here” look)
SECOND COP (exaggerated patience): Ma’am, Santa Claus is real.
CUT TO: Back screen, the Men in Black theme rising in volume as the NARRATOR speaks.
NARRATOR: Coming this holiday season, an out of this world adventure.
CUT TO: NEWSMAN at his desk, addressing the camera.
NEWSMAN (utterly serious): The White House has confirmed that there is no doubt in recent reports. Santa Claus has been kidnapped by Martians.
NARRATOR: As Santa’s workshop goes interplanetary!
CUT TO: KIMAR (Liam Neeson) is addressing SANTA CLAUS (John Goodman) in his throne room.
KIMAR: We need you to provide toys to the children of Mars.
NARRATOR: So get ready for action!
CUT TO: BILLY and BETTY being chased by a CGI polar bear across the North Pole.
NARRATOR: Adventure!
CUT TO: Martian saucer narrowly missing the ISS as it heads towards Earth.
NARRATOR: And magic!
CUT TO: A V-22 Osprey tilt-rotor aircraft cross through the Aurora Borealis, transforming into a life-sized wooden toy duplicate of itself.
CUT TO: Title card, repeated by the Narrator.
Narrator: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!
CUT TO: Santa, standing in front of a mountain of toys, MARTIAN CHILDREN looking up at him adoringly.
SANTA: Ho! Ho! HO! Merry Christmas!
(Music comes to a crescendo, then stops abruptly as the screen CUTS to BLACK for a moment)
CUT TO: CLOSE UP of BULMAR (Tim Curry), looking grumpy.
BULMAR: All this trouble over a fat man in a red suit.
END
* * *
FADE IN: The 21st Century Foxen logo. Gradually it turns from gold to green, as we hear a Theremin play “Jingle Bells”.
FADE TO: The front yard of GRANDMOTHER’s house, a pleasant looking suburban home in upstate New York, with the first snow of winter coming. Grandmother is upset and being questioned by two COPS.
FIRST COP (Mike Nelson): All right, ma’am. You said that your two grandchildren were kidnapped?
GRANDMOTHER (Pia Zadora): Yes! They took them right out of my backyard!
SECOND COP (Kevin Murphy): Who took them, ma’am?
GRANDMOTHER: The Martians!
FIRST COP: Martians, ma’am?
GRANDMOTHER: Yes! They took them right into their spaceship!
FIRST COP (patiently): How do you know they were Martians, ma’am?
GRANDMOTHER: They were green men in a green flying saucer and they took Billy and Betty up in a bright green beam of light!
(She sees they aren't believing a word of this.)
Oh, don’t look at me like that! You believe in Santa Claus, don’t you?
(The two cops trade a “We’ve got a real nut job here” look)
SECOND COP (exaggerated patience): Ma’am, Santa Claus is real.
CUT TO: Back screen, the Men in Black theme rising in volume as the NARRATOR speaks.
NARRATOR: Coming this holiday season, an out of this world adventure.
CUT TO: NEWSMAN at his desk, addressing the camera.
NEWSMAN (utterly serious): The White House has confirmed that there is no doubt in recent reports. Santa Claus has been kidnapped by Martians.
NARRATOR: As Santa’s workshop goes interplanetary!
CUT TO: KIMAR (Liam Neeson) is addressing SANTA CLAUS (John Goodman) in his throne room.
KIMAR: We need you to provide toys to the children of Mars.
NARRATOR: So get ready for action!
CUT TO: BILLY and BETTY being chased by a CGI polar bear across the North Pole.
NARRATOR: Adventure!
CUT TO: Martian saucer narrowly missing the ISS as it heads towards Earth.
NARRATOR: And magic!
CUT TO: A V-22 Osprey tilt-rotor aircraft cross through the Aurora Borealis, transforming into a life-sized wooden toy duplicate of itself.
CUT TO: Title card, repeated by the Narrator.
Narrator: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!
CUT TO: Santa, standing in front of a mountain of toys, MARTIAN CHILDREN looking up at him adoringly.
SANTA: Ho! Ho! HO! Merry Christmas!
(Music comes to a crescendo, then stops abruptly as the screen CUTS to BLACK for a moment)
CUT TO: CLOSE UP of BULMAR (Tim Curry), looking grumpy.
BULMAR: All this trouble over a fat man in a red suit.
END