Chapter 9
Luke knows as he dials the number and patiently listens to the ring tone, that pretty soon he’ll be chained to the phone, as he explains to his mother why he didn’t come home last night - why this and why that.
He curls up on the sofa, his eyes watching the spot Noah vacated almost twenty minutes ago.
“Hello,” someone finally says, sleep still stuck in their throat.
After pumping himself up to deal with his mother, he’s pretty shocked, better yet relieved, to hear a thick accent and deep yawn on the other end.
“Damian?” he warily asks.
“Luciano,” Damian whispers. “Have you lost your mind? I know you are an adult, but your mother is….” Luke can just picture the furrow of Damian’s brow. “What do you American’s say? Freaking out? Well, what ever that means, that is what she is doing.”
Luke smiles, as he tries to stop a laugh from bubbling through. “So then how do you know the term, if you are confused by it, Damian?”
“Your sister Faith said it, and then little Ethan kept repeating it over and over. It almost drove your mother mad. And don’t be a smart ass.”
“….and how do you know that phrase?”
“Your grandmother…”
“Yes, Lucinda can be very blunt-”
“Stop stalling! Where are you?”
“Is that Luke?” It’s Holden’s voice in the background.
Luke cringes.
There’s some muffled replies going back and forth and Luke patiently waits.
“Are you still at Winston’s?” It’s Damian’s voice that comes back on the line.
“So you know where I’m at? Why is everyone acting like I’ve disappeared off the face of the earth?”
“Don’t you get smart with me, Luciano.”
“Is he…” There’s some kind of struggle between his fathers, a back and forth of who should talk and why.
Thirty seconds pass by before a different voice comes on. “Look, Kiddo… you may be a grown man, but that doesn’t mean people don’t get worried. If Winston hadn’t called last night, I’d never have gotten your mother to - I’m going to take a page from Nat’s book - chillax.”
“Ask if he has his medication?”
Luke closes his eyes in disappointment with himself; he can hear the fear in Damian’s voice.
“Jesus Boy, do you?” Holden’s fear is just as potent.
“Of course, Dad… of course! I wouldn’t forget that.” He runs his hand across his forehead angry with himself. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, like a small child who should have known better. “Tell Damian, I’m sorry.”
Holden takes a deep breath “I will.” There’s a moment of silence before Holden speaks again. “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” is Luke’s simple reply.
“Did you meet-”
“He’s…” Luke wants to say more, but he really doesn’t know how to explain one Noah Mayer. “Winston’s great,” he says instead. Right now Noah’s a mouthful - too much to explain with a few words. Luke thinks he likes that, he knows he does.
“Luke?” Holden says worriedly.
“Um,” Luke clears his throat. “So why’s Damian there?”
Holden can hear the change in Luke’s voice and knows his son would rather not talk about it - that he’d rather live in a little world of denial where everything is safe and sure, and things smell fresh and sweet like candy. A child’s world, where there’s no pain and nothing bad happens.
“Much like your mother, although not as emotional, he was worried.” Holden takes a deep breath. “We may have known where you were going… but, Kiddo, anything could have happened. You can’t-”
“Dad, I know. I am sorry.”
“I know. I know you are.”
Luke has more to say, but he doesn’t know how to begin and he doesn’t want to embarrass his father by asking personnel questions.
“I can hear those wheels turning, Kid. What is it?”
Luke laughs at that. It’s a combination of the way his father says ‘kid’ and the fact that Holden knows him so well, that does him in. It makes him feel all warm inside - makes him feel like that child’s world really does exist. “Dad… um…”
“You can ask me anything.” He hears Holden move away from Damian; can almost imagine his bio-dad sitting on Emma’s couch intently watching Holden - Holden smiling reassuringly in his direction.
“When did you first know that… um… you were in love?”
That stops Holden in his tracks. He knows why and Luke knows too. It’s a sticky situation, a topic they are both good at avoiding.
“Um, you know…. with Mom…”
Holden takes a deep breath; the sound of his feet shuffling loud through the phone. “Well, Son…”
Luke can hear his father’s discomfort. He knows Damian must be hanging on Holden’s every word.
“You see, Son… When you love someone, or have deep feelings for someone, they can drive you crazy. They can make you want to yell and throw things. That person could say some of the worst things to you and you’ll leave, but you’ll come back for more because…”
“…you love them, care for them,” Luke finishes.
“Yes.”
“Do you feel that way about…?” Luke bites his lip, his eyes shut tight.
Holden silently waits.
This is what people do. They ignore things; stuff them in the back of an imaginary closet and let them fester. Nothing ever gets healed. It’s painful and hard and so very fucked up sometimes.
Holden knows his son needs him. He knows his son wouldn’t risk delving into these feelings for no reason. “Yeah, yeah I do.” Holden takes another one of those deep breaths. “Very deeply...”
In the background, Luke hears shuffling, footsteps; the opening of a door. He knows Damian’s leaving Holden alone; seeking escape from his own deep feelings.
“Are you coming back today?”
For a moment Luke thinks Holden’s talking to him. He opens his mouth to reply, but stops short when Holden mutters, “Good. That’s good.”
Luke waits with bated breath and inhales quickly when he hears the distinct sound of the farm’s kitchen door closing. Damian is gone. “Dad?”
“It’s not too late for you Luke. You’re not bound to responsibilities yet. At least not the kind that have the potential of blowing things to pieces.”
“Dad…”
“…everything is the way it should be Luke. This family has finally mended.”
Luke wants to say more, he needs to say more, but he can hear the tone in Holden’s voice. The discussion is over. There’s no need to go over it. There’s no need for ‘what if we’ or ‘maybe we could’. It is what it is and that’s not going to change anytime soon.
“Dad?” Luke repeats weakly, a tear about to fall. He tucks his head down, his chin almost hitting his knee. A creak in the floor has Luke quickly looking up.
Winston stands before him with a pan of meat in his hands, a worried look on his face. “Are you okay son?”
All Luke can do is nod, give a false smile.
Winston knows the smile isn’t real, but he doesn’t pry. “I’ll be in the back at the grill,” he says instead. He points to a door off of the living room. “If you need me…” He lets the sentence hang; figuring Luke’s bright enough to get what he’s saying.
This time Luke’s smile is genuine. He can’t help it with this man.
Winston leaves without another word.
“Luke?”
“Sorry, Dad”
“It’s okay, Kiddo. So, are you coming home soon?”
“Can you handle Mom?”
“I take that as a no?”
Luke sighs.
“It’s okay, Son. I was just wondering.”
“It’s Friday. I don’t have work. I know I must be crazy… but… I want to stay, Dad.”
“Well okay.” Holden chuckles lightly; a warm sound down the line. “What we discussed-”
“I won’t bring it up again….unless you want me to.” Luke timidly adds, “Can you tell Mom I love her?”
“Of course kid.”
“…And Damian?”
“Of course… of course I will.”
“I love you too.”
Holden laughs out loud. “I would hope so. I’ll see you later, Kid.”
“Yeah.”
The click comes a few seconds later and Luke is left alone on Noah’s couch with thoughts that scream loud and frantic at him.
CHAPTER 10