"I Cannot Control Everything"
On the way home from work tonight there was a chihuahua running down the middle of the street in heavy traffic with a leash trailing behind him.
I stopped and tried to catch him. He was hit by two different cars. I was running down the middle of Figueroa, drivers honking at me (most couldn't see anything was going on).
He wound up on the sidewalk in front of a few stores. I went over to take him to the vet. He bit my middle finger (and would not let go). I finally pulled my finger out of his mouth. A woman gave me a towel. I picked him up. A man drove me the several blocks back to my car.
I spent an hour with him in my car. (Or her, I don't know.) Looking at me. I spoke to him in a soothing manner and he seemed to calm a little. (At first when he put his head down for a while I thought he had died.)
I brought him to an all night vet, but I had to take full financial responsibility for them to treat him. I had to make a decision right then right there. I can't put myself further back into debt. And the vet's assistant was describing his condition, estimating it could be several thousand dollars.
So I had to drive him about 30 blocks south to the shelter so they could take him back to that same vet. At the shelter they put him in a little cage. His entire back section was immobilized. I was told that in all likelihood he would be put to sleep tonight.
I started to cry for a moment. Teared up anyway. I kept trying to figure out how I could save this dog's life. They had to fill out a bite report since I was bitten and then they gave me the Animal ID # and the number to call to see what happens to him.
When I started this journey I meant to save his life, not bring him to his death. I wrestled with it all. In the end, I can't afford to pay his vet bills and I can't adopt him on 3/29/2011 when "if we can do anything for him, he'll be available for adoption," as the guy at the shelter told me. In the car earlier when I was speaking to him sing-songy like, I told him all kinds of things. I promised, basically, to reunite him with his family.
At the moment when they laid it out for me that he would probably be euthanized tonight, for a moment I fought it. "What if their owners are looking for him tonight? I'm going back to that store. What if they came?"
We went through it a bit, all my denial, my wishing, and finally to the woman in charge I said, "I cannot control everything." And I let go.
The whole time I'm standing there, he's down the hall all alone in a cage. I went over to him for a while, until they were through with me. We just stared into each other's eyes. He was so frightened, in pain, and I cannot control the universe. I couldn't tell him anymore the things I had said in the car. "Everything'll be all right."
I drove back to the store and spoke with Charlene, the woman who gave me the towel. They were closed, but the guy working there recognized me and she came out and unlocked the door. The guy who gave me the ride worked in the store next door, but he'd gone home already. He had told me he would try to help if anyone came by looking for their dog.
The fact that the dog was running with his leash made me suspect that the owners may have been up the street aways at the moment I took him to the vet. Through this whole experience I kept trying to figure out how I could reunite the owners with their dog, the dog with their owners.
Now I'm home. I'll have to go to the doctor for a tetanus shot, I think. (They're doing a rabies check and they'll call me if he has it, but I think I probably have to go anyway.)
The guy put his leash back in my car (for some reason).
I imagine myself seeing a poster, calling, bringing the leash, and telling someone what happened to their dog.
I stopped and tried to catch him. He was hit by two different cars. I was running down the middle of Figueroa, drivers honking at me (most couldn't see anything was going on).
He wound up on the sidewalk in front of a few stores. I went over to take him to the vet. He bit my middle finger (and would not let go). I finally pulled my finger out of his mouth. A woman gave me a towel. I picked him up. A man drove me the several blocks back to my car.
I spent an hour with him in my car. (Or her, I don't know.) Looking at me. I spoke to him in a soothing manner and he seemed to calm a little. (At first when he put his head down for a while I thought he had died.)
I brought him to an all night vet, but I had to take full financial responsibility for them to treat him. I had to make a decision right then right there. I can't put myself further back into debt. And the vet's assistant was describing his condition, estimating it could be several thousand dollars.
So I had to drive him about 30 blocks south to the shelter so they could take him back to that same vet. At the shelter they put him in a little cage. His entire back section was immobilized. I was told that in all likelihood he would be put to sleep tonight.
I started to cry for a moment. Teared up anyway. I kept trying to figure out how I could save this dog's life. They had to fill out a bite report since I was bitten and then they gave me the Animal ID # and the number to call to see what happens to him.
When I started this journey I meant to save his life, not bring him to his death. I wrestled with it all. In the end, I can't afford to pay his vet bills and I can't adopt him on 3/29/2011 when "if we can do anything for him, he'll be available for adoption," as the guy at the shelter told me. In the car earlier when I was speaking to him sing-songy like, I told him all kinds of things. I promised, basically, to reunite him with his family.
At the moment when they laid it out for me that he would probably be euthanized tonight, for a moment I fought it. "What if their owners are looking for him tonight? I'm going back to that store. What if they came?"
We went through it a bit, all my denial, my wishing, and finally to the woman in charge I said, "I cannot control everything." And I let go.
The whole time I'm standing there, he's down the hall all alone in a cage. I went over to him for a while, until they were through with me. We just stared into each other's eyes. He was so frightened, in pain, and I cannot control the universe. I couldn't tell him anymore the things I had said in the car. "Everything'll be all right."
I drove back to the store and spoke with Charlene, the woman who gave me the towel. They were closed, but the guy working there recognized me and she came out and unlocked the door. The guy who gave me the ride worked in the store next door, but he'd gone home already. He had told me he would try to help if anyone came by looking for their dog.
The fact that the dog was running with his leash made me suspect that the owners may have been up the street aways at the moment I took him to the vet. Through this whole experience I kept trying to figure out how I could reunite the owners with their dog, the dog with their owners.
Now I'm home. I'll have to go to the doctor for a tetanus shot, I think. (They're doing a rabies check and they'll call me if he has it, but I think I probably have to go anyway.)
The guy put his leash back in my car (for some reason).
I imagine myself seeing a poster, calling, bringing the leash, and telling someone what happened to their dog.