That's right all. I am now officially finished. I have had enough. I am tired of the crap.
This is addressed to all the females out there. And I can say this now, in all honesty, because I no longer give a shit about sparing your feelings or saying that “this is out to all the girls but the ones I care about” to protect myself. If the girls out there can't take this little nugget of truth the way I currently see it, tough shit.
In the past, I was nice. Some would say I was almost gay in the way that I would listen to what a girl was saying and actually care about it. Actually sit and listen as you would bitch about your current or just broken up with ex.
I would hold you to my chest, my arms around you trying to protect you from the world that had hurt you. Kissing the top of your head so you would know that someone, somewhere, did care for you. Rubbed your back to offer comfort and relaxation, like a ship being sheltered from the storm. I listened to what you said and offered encouragement to say more. Shown that I wanted to know what happened so that I could help if I could. Let you cry all down the front of my shirt and get snot all over it and say it was nothing after you finished, that I wanted you to feel better more than I cared about a stupid shirt.
I saw you talking to me as you being hurt and wanting to heal. You having had your heart trampled on and begging someone to help you and make you whole again. To make you feel like you are loved and you are worth something. You wanting to somehow crawl out of the emotional pit you are in. I would help you. Help you to regain your sense of self. Help you to realize that you are needed and cared for. That. You. Are. Loved.
And when it was all said and done, I would get a "thanks" or an "I really needed that" or an "I feel much better now" or "You're such a nice guy/good friend". And, maybe, a kiss on the cheek. That's all. Nothing more than that. Not that I was looking for any more than that. I was happy to have made you feel better. I just wanted you to be happy. That, if I can help you to be happy, then I know that I am not a worthless piece of excrement. That I have accomplished something by being someone you can talk to and not just try to fuck you. Someone you like. Basically, wanting your approval and validation that I am a “nice guy” and “good friend”.
I did all this and didn't want anything for it. Because I was nice. I gave and gave of myself and asked for nothing in return.
This has been my curse for the past 15 years of my life. My insecurity of being a fat-ass made me that way. I am still a fat ass now, but I have stopped letting that control me. I am tired of it. That is the exact reason I never had a good loving relationship with a good, decent girl.
When you walked away after a good cry and talk, ready to either go back to the prick that caused you to cry for the past hour, or find some other guy that will just do the same thing to you all over again, I held my tongue. I knew that if I had said anything early on in the relationship between you and prick #2354, I would suddenly turn into the ass-hole in your mind and you would hate me for it. Even when I would turn out to be 100% correct, you wouldn't allow yourself to believe that I knew beforehand. Your mind wouldn't allow you to believe that you could be bad at choosing guys to fuck. Because, let's be honest here, that's all they wanted of you. You wanted to change them. You honestly thought “the power of my love and understanding will turn him into a better man and he will love me back” no matter how much like shit he would treat you. He only wanted pussy, and you gave it to him because you thought that would help change him. But he dumps you as soon as you say “I love you” or “what are your thoughts on our future together?” He only wants free pussy as long as he can get it. I knew it. All of us nice guys know it and can see it. But you refuse to see that and you see our comment on it as an attack on you. It's not. You just won't let yourself believe otherwise. It's not because I want you for myself, as you all seem to think. My world doesn't revolve around you. But you are my friend and I do want to see you happy. I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I'm not the easiest to get along with. And, most of all, I know that I can't make you the happiest you can be. I want you to find someone who will make you happy. Not just someone who wants what's between your legs.
And the saddest part of all of this. The worst part, is that when you come to me and cry your eyes out and I sit there and listen to you, you say something like Why can't I meet a nice guy like you? What. The. Fuck? A nice guy like me?! What the hell is wrong with me? If you really wanted a "nice guy", you wouldn't keep going out with/fucking/having the kids of/ (all of the above) the pricks of the world. Because, in reality, you don't want a guy like me. Not now. You will want someone like me when they are ready to settle down and start a family. When you get about 30 to 35 and have had all the fun you can stand and have been fucked or fucked over too many times and want someone dependable who will do all of what I said above. But you still think that since I will be trying to fuck you over, as that is what's happened to you so far, you will not trust me. You will think I'm just as bad as the other guys. So you will not be the same as the girl I tried to help. You will have turned into an abusive bitch, wanting only to control as much of the relationship as you can so you won't be hurt again.
Because you don't want the nice guys. Sure, you can say you do all you want, and maybe you can trick yourself into believing it too. But the truth is - you want the jerks. You want the guys who show an interest in you, then back off for no apparent reason. You want the guys who don't call you for two weeks, and when they do they swear up and down they're committed to you. You want the ones who don't talk to you, don’t open up at all (and you want to change them to boot!) If you do find a nice guy, you make sure he's unattainable. He has a girlfriend, or he's gay, or he doesn't want a relationship at all. Basically, you want what you can't have.
And even when I tell you, now, that I care for you and want a relationship with you, you say “no”. That you "don't want to ruin our friendship" and "I value you as a person” and “I don't want a possible breakup to spoil that" or "but you're like a brother to me". All of this is bullshit. Be honest with yourself. The real reason is that you don't see me as being a guy anymore. I am just some sex-less thing that you can come to, dump on, and then go away from feeling better about yourself and your stupid, fucking, decisions. Yes, I want you to be with me, but I will not try to sabotage your current relationship. Caring about someone and even loving them, means that I want you to be happy. Even if it's with someone else. That is love. Not being selfish and doing all I can to win you away. Even after I built up all my courage to tell you that I cared and you basically ripped my heart out, I still want you to be happy. Because I don't just say "oh, well" and move on to the next piece of ass walking down the street.
So no more. No more being the fucking doormat that you can come to and bitch about whatever guy has fucked you over this week. Because you knew. In reality, you knew. You just didn't care. You thought he was "sexy" or "mysterious" or "cool". I finally realized why there is that phrase “Nice guys finish last”. It's because it takes us nice guys longer to turn into the ass-holes you seem to love, or will at least have sex with. Congratulations. You should feel proud of yourself. You have turned someone who would have done his best to make you happy, someone who would have bent over backwards for you, someone who would have spent his every waking moment making sure you knew that he loved and cared for you, and turned him into someone you will ultimately end up hating because he only wanted to fuck you. Do you feel good now? Are you happy? You've taken all I can give and given nothing back. Just more heartache. Such a shame.
Above quoted section from:
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/niceguy.html