(no subject)
Somehow through a Google search for something unrelated I stumbled upon my own long, lost blog.
That led me to posting this first entry in over two years.
I suppose most of what time I previously spent blogging so many years ago is now spent on Facebook, and occasionally Twitter. You might say I've become a micro-blogger, posting miscellaneous updates, thoughts, musings, and life observations. I also occasionally offend or piss some people off. So be it. It keeps things interesting.
For those of you who are new, welcome. You will find that what I write here sometimes seems in-congruent with the me you know in person. That's okay, but not always true. It could be that you don't know me as well as you thought. Or, it could be that I have an easier time expressing certain things in this medium. It runs in the family. I assure you that, good or bad, I am one and the same.
Today is Father's Day. I know that someday it will be a day that has new meaning to me, but for now it's just a day of remembering. As most anyone reading this would know, I lost my dad almost 8 years ago. I know there are lots of people out there who have lost or for whatever reason don't have fathers in their lives, and so I am not alone and lucky to have had what I did. The loss of my dad was difficult for me for a number of reasons. He was taken very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was much too young (44), and I was young too. I got 24 great years with him, which I know is a lot more than some got with their dads, but it's particularly difficult to think that each of my four siblings got even less time, my youngest brother being only 5 at the time of his death. I feel like we were all robbed of 20, 30, or maybe even more years.
It's hard to think about the missed opportunities to grill Conecah sausage, spending the afternoon on the boat, or a day miles out in the Gulf fishing, listening to Jerry Clower and Jimmy Buffett tapes. There'll be no more time spent on deer stands, or just calling to ask how to fix that problem with my car, or for plain ole advice. No more beers at the American Legion or Flora-Bama, or playing air guitar along with a great blues solo. The grief of the loss of my favorite person to do these things fades over time, but will never really ever go away.
Now 8 years have gone by and, in some ways it feels like it has been forever, and in some it was just yesterday. Sometimes I have to think for a second to remember what his voice sounded like. Other times I'll have a vivid and detailed memory of something he did or would do, almost as if he were standing in the very room with me. His memory can be somewhat haunting in that I never know when or where it will pop up, yet it's comforting at the same time.
I try to live my life with a way of doing things that I know would make him proud. Every now and then I find myself doing something where he would say "son", and then give me that look of disapproval. His wisdom has stayed with me, and his voice still rings out inside my head, sometimes as my own conscience. But I know he would be proud of me. I've accomplished and overcome a lot, some things that only few if any know of. In some ways he might be disappointed too, but that's okay. He taught me that our shortcomings are what drive us to do better. I'll never forget that.
Happy Father's Day to everyone. If you are lucky enough to still have your dad in your life, make sure you call him and he knows you love and appreciate him, even if you don't say it with words. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could.
That led me to posting this first entry in over two years.
I suppose most of what time I previously spent blogging so many years ago is now spent on Facebook, and occasionally Twitter. You might say I've become a micro-blogger, posting miscellaneous updates, thoughts, musings, and life observations. I also occasionally offend or piss some people off. So be it. It keeps things interesting.
For those of you who are new, welcome. You will find that what I write here sometimes seems in-congruent with the me you know in person. That's okay, but not always true. It could be that you don't know me as well as you thought. Or, it could be that I have an easier time expressing certain things in this medium. It runs in the family. I assure you that, good or bad, I am one and the same.
Today is Father's Day. I know that someday it will be a day that has new meaning to me, but for now it's just a day of remembering. As most anyone reading this would know, I lost my dad almost 8 years ago. I know there are lots of people out there who have lost or for whatever reason don't have fathers in their lives, and so I am not alone and lucky to have had what I did. The loss of my dad was difficult for me for a number of reasons. He was taken very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was much too young (44), and I was young too. I got 24 great years with him, which I know is a lot more than some got with their dads, but it's particularly difficult to think that each of my four siblings got even less time, my youngest brother being only 5 at the time of his death. I feel like we were all robbed of 20, 30, or maybe even more years.
It's hard to think about the missed opportunities to grill Conecah sausage, spending the afternoon on the boat, or a day miles out in the Gulf fishing, listening to Jerry Clower and Jimmy Buffett tapes. There'll be no more time spent on deer stands, or just calling to ask how to fix that problem with my car, or for plain ole advice. No more beers at the American Legion or Flora-Bama, or playing air guitar along with a great blues solo. The grief of the loss of my favorite person to do these things fades over time, but will never really ever go away.
Now 8 years have gone by and, in some ways it feels like it has been forever, and in some it was just yesterday. Sometimes I have to think for a second to remember what his voice sounded like. Other times I'll have a vivid and detailed memory of something he did or would do, almost as if he were standing in the very room with me. His memory can be somewhat haunting in that I never know when or where it will pop up, yet it's comforting at the same time.
I try to live my life with a way of doing things that I know would make him proud. Every now and then I find myself doing something where he would say "son", and then give me that look of disapproval. His wisdom has stayed with me, and his voice still rings out inside my head, sometimes as my own conscience. But I know he would be proud of me. I've accomplished and overcome a lot, some things that only few if any know of. In some ways he might be disappointed too, but that's okay. He taught me that our shortcomings are what drive us to do better. I'll never forget that.
Happy Father's Day to everyone. If you are lucky enough to still have your dad in your life, make sure you call him and he knows you love and appreciate him, even if you don't say it with words. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could.