The Changed Man
I was walking down to the shops in riversdale to get a new calling card and
I got a msg from John and Elaine asking me what I was doing today.
I replied and sent the reply to nikki.
I just stopped.
Sat down on the side of the road.
And just started to think.
I cleared my mind of panic and hurt
and just thought about everything.
Now that I've stepped back from this and gained a little logic and clarity,
I can see what really needs to happen.
Alot more drastically than in the past.
I thought that my baby couldn't be stolen unless I let her get stolen,
so I possessed, like a dick, to try and prevent that, even though it was never
a realistic possibility.
I now realise that she and I can be weakened as a couple... if i let us.
And thats exactly what I've been doing up till now. Trying to prevent it.
Mu very attempts to hold on to her were driving her away.
I need to let go to hold on. Ironic really.
I'm sure I'm not the first though.
She must have felt like I didn't have faith in her love for me.
In the integrity (remember that day I couldn't remember the word 'integrity' babe?)
and strength of it even though I said I did.
It would have been frustrating and I believe now I understand the full extent of her hurt,
even though she told me time and time again.
Its been me thats been weakening us.
Driving her off with my irrational behaviour.
Still she stayed with me through all that.
As scared as she was she stayed.
I am truly lucky and its time to give back.
To be fair.
To make up.
As of this moment... I honestly feel changed.
I got a msg from John and Elaine asking me what I was doing today.
I replied and sent the reply to nikki.
I just stopped.
Sat down on the side of the road.
And just started to think.
I cleared my mind of panic and hurt
and just thought about everything.
Now that I've stepped back from this and gained a little logic and clarity,
I can see what really needs to happen.
Alot more drastically than in the past.
I thought that my baby couldn't be stolen unless I let her get stolen,
so I possessed, like a dick, to try and prevent that, even though it was never
a realistic possibility.
I now realise that she and I can be weakened as a couple... if i let us.
And thats exactly what I've been doing up till now. Trying to prevent it.
Mu very attempts to hold on to her were driving her away.
I need to let go to hold on. Ironic really.
I'm sure I'm not the first though.
She must have felt like I didn't have faith in her love for me.
In the integrity (remember that day I couldn't remember the word 'integrity' babe?)
and strength of it even though I said I did.
It would have been frustrating and I believe now I understand the full extent of her hurt,
even though she told me time and time again.
Its been me thats been weakening us.
Driving her off with my irrational behaviour.
Still she stayed with me through all that.
As scared as she was she stayed.
I am truly lucky and its time to give back.
To be fair.
To make up.
As of this moment... I honestly feel changed.