Longtime no LJ
I've been feeling so unmotivated, uninspired, unexpressive and strange lately. This feeling is so numbing sometimes and all I can do is hope it passes. I guess this is where and what comfort can do to you. I've been thinking a lot lately about what the hell I am doing right now with my life in the short and long term. Teaching has been the bright spot right now, but in the end it makes me feel stagnant because although challenging, it does not challenge me. I would be lying though if I didn't say I love the gratafication that comes with educating "kids." The problem I think I have is actually where I am doing it. At this point in my life, I truly want to be away experiencing all these quarter life crisis blues. I went on a date the other night with a very attractive woman who I believed to be in her late 20's, but after a couple hours out I finally decided I needed to stop guessing and ask, she was 35. 10 years my senior. the point of saying that is because I look towards that stage of my life and in my opinion, if those years are to be as great as they can be, you need to do certain things for yourself in your 20's. The things in which I am referring to are self discovery, the trials of love, adventure and failure. I am looking for those things and cannot help but think I need to do them on my own, away from home, away from the place that I am so comfortable, away from the family that I love and care for so much. I need to do it for me.
So here's my plan. A teacher at my school (a 26 year old HOTTIE) is leaving for Prague this summer for a two year contract teaching english. She has the most amazing opportunity. Living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, making $45k US a year plus $10k a year for rent in a place where $15k US is enough to live very comfortably and rent it $600 a month for a plush two bedroom spot in downtown. Alegria is figuring to save almost $60k during her two years there. If I were able to do that, that would be the answer to many of my prayers (not that I am really praying for anything to happen). I'd be able to travel and live away from home, teach and save a shitload of money. Not a bad deal. Now the only thing I need to do is get credentialed, teach next year and work my ass off to make it happen.
On another note, my ex-girlfriend finally graduated from Occidental yesterday. I say finally because it has been such a turbulant experience for her and myself. We were together for the majority of her years there and during that time, we struggled to get her through. Depsite all the financial and administrative drama she experienced, she made it through. We spoke the other night after she had been trying for weeks to get in touch with me. I guess I was reluctant to open myself up to her again, especially considering how important it always was for me to see her graduate. Needless to say, I didn't get to see her walk across stage, but did get an announcement in the mail. This is what she said to me in her announcement, "Jeremy, we haven't spoken in a while, but I thought you guys (me and my family that is) would enjoy this announcement since you had such a bearing on my finishing school. I don't know if I've been very clear to you that you were the single most important thing that got me through the most difficult times of my college career."
That part of the card really hit home and made me realize how much I missed her. Most of the time I feel as though I am over her, but clearly I am not some of the time. I miss sharing myself with someone. Maybe not her, but with someone.
Someday, sometime, somewhere, with someone.
So here's my plan. A teacher at my school (a 26 year old HOTTIE) is leaving for Prague this summer for a two year contract teaching english. She has the most amazing opportunity. Living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, making $45k US a year plus $10k a year for rent in a place where $15k US is enough to live very comfortably and rent it $600 a month for a plush two bedroom spot in downtown. Alegria is figuring to save almost $60k during her two years there. If I were able to do that, that would be the answer to many of my prayers (not that I am really praying for anything to happen). I'd be able to travel and live away from home, teach and save a shitload of money. Not a bad deal. Now the only thing I need to do is get credentialed, teach next year and work my ass off to make it happen.
On another note, my ex-girlfriend finally graduated from Occidental yesterday. I say finally because it has been such a turbulant experience for her and myself. We were together for the majority of her years there and during that time, we struggled to get her through. Depsite all the financial and administrative drama she experienced, she made it through. We spoke the other night after she had been trying for weeks to get in touch with me. I guess I was reluctant to open myself up to her again, especially considering how important it always was for me to see her graduate. Needless to say, I didn't get to see her walk across stage, but did get an announcement in the mail. This is what she said to me in her announcement, "Jeremy, we haven't spoken in a while, but I thought you guys (me and my family that is) would enjoy this announcement since you had such a bearing on my finishing school. I don't know if I've been very clear to you that you were the single most important thing that got me through the most difficult times of my college career."
That part of the card really hit home and made me realize how much I missed her. Most of the time I feel as though I am over her, but clearly I am not some of the time. I miss sharing myself with someone. Maybe not her, but with someone.
Someday, sometime, somewhere, with someone.