If this is Tuesday, you must be Jeremy
Elsewhere there was a request for people to write some poly diaries, which appeals to me in the form that I ever write journals, as a series of events to hang my thoughts about them on.
Monday
Back from weekend with C, for two days at home with T. Notable for car shopping, in which we collect my second ever car, chosen with advice and support from the much carrisher T, which seems natural as she'll share ownership and be insured to drive it. But she doesn't actually like it (it's a Smart) or go in it much, compared with other partners, who don't have cars of their own.
So how should poly car buying work? Weighted by household, or by who will spend most time in the car?
Wednesday
T goes off with her other main partner to visit her mother, leading to discovering mother doesn't know how to change her central heating settings, and boyfriend sorting it out. Which is one of the less publicised poly benefits of outsourcing - when your partner's partner fixes things for your mother in law.
Later that day I go for not-date with A, consisting of chatting, cuddling, and pizzas. This is like a date, but without the romantic or sexual overtones, and rather delightful, considering how rare such things are in monogamous arrangements. Which is another less visible poly benefit, in creating space for a wide range of relationship types other than the conventional lovers/friends false dichotomy.
Thursday-Sunday
Back to C and away on Friday for long weekend in flat fennish places. Including spooky coincidence when T and boyfriend are on the other side of the Wash from C and me, at another outlet of the same Pirate Adventure Crazy Golf, though they give in to temptation while C and I are Sensible. Variety is good, and outsourcing your pirate golf is even better.
Monday-Thursday
Resting and catching up, particularly with email, including as ever two a day with C, and a permanent backlog with V. I like long email courtships, with the most successful relationships preceded by 6-9 months email before first meeting, and then carrying on extensively between seeings. But some people think this is excessive - how odd.
Friday-Sunday
Long weekend with V, at her house while her partner's away camping in a field. Unfortunately the keywords in partner's weather-related texts go from "swamp" on Saturday through "VILE" during the night to "evacuation" by Sunday morning, so I go home early allowing partner to have her house back before drowning, and especially heroically leave the Sunday afternoon crumble behind too.
I like the poly tendency to treat partners' partners well, particularly compared to the monogamous customs taught to us from Carmen to West Side Story, with the painful angst and the high body count, despite the good songs. Or as the poly Bible puts it, greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his crumble for his girlfriend's wife to get warm and dry.
and coming up next week:
Tuesday
Seeing the Osmonds (minus the three anyone has heard of) with T, including the lucky "meet and greet" tickets, so a good chance to ask for the Mormon perspective on polyamory. And to find out their names.
Saturday-Monday
Off to Wales for a big family birthday, with the perennial dither over whether to come out as poly to my mother. Generally I think not, if only because I'm not out to her as married yet (she might worry), and at 54 it's getting awkward to mention even that now.
So, in summary of how to be poly: be nice to everyone involved, share your Google calenders, and set your relationship status to "they're complicated".
Monday
Back from weekend with C, for two days at home with T. Notable for car shopping, in which we collect my second ever car, chosen with advice and support from the much carrisher T, which seems natural as she'll share ownership and be insured to drive it. But she doesn't actually like it (it's a Smart) or go in it much, compared with other partners, who don't have cars of their own.
So how should poly car buying work? Weighted by household, or by who will spend most time in the car?
Wednesday
T goes off with her other main partner to visit her mother, leading to discovering mother doesn't know how to change her central heating settings, and boyfriend sorting it out. Which is one of the less publicised poly benefits of outsourcing - when your partner's partner fixes things for your mother in law.
Later that day I go for not-date with A, consisting of chatting, cuddling, and pizzas. This is like a date, but without the romantic or sexual overtones, and rather delightful, considering how rare such things are in monogamous arrangements. Which is another less visible poly benefit, in creating space for a wide range of relationship types other than the conventional lovers/friends false dichotomy.
Thursday-Sunday
Back to C and away on Friday for long weekend in flat fennish places. Including spooky coincidence when T and boyfriend are on the other side of the Wash from C and me, at another outlet of the same Pirate Adventure Crazy Golf, though they give in to temptation while C and I are Sensible. Variety is good, and outsourcing your pirate golf is even better.
Monday-Thursday
Resting and catching up, particularly with email, including as ever two a day with C, and a permanent backlog with V. I like long email courtships, with the most successful relationships preceded by 6-9 months email before first meeting, and then carrying on extensively between seeings. But some people think this is excessive - how odd.
Friday-Sunday
Long weekend with V, at her house while her partner's away camping in a field. Unfortunately the keywords in partner's weather-related texts go from "swamp" on Saturday through "VILE" during the night to "evacuation" by Sunday morning, so I go home early allowing partner to have her house back before drowning, and especially heroically leave the Sunday afternoon crumble behind too.
I like the poly tendency to treat partners' partners well, particularly compared to the monogamous customs taught to us from Carmen to West Side Story, with the painful angst and the high body count, despite the good songs. Or as the poly Bible puts it, greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his crumble for his girlfriend's wife to get warm and dry.
and coming up next week:
Tuesday
Seeing the Osmonds (minus the three anyone has heard of) with T, including the lucky "meet and greet" tickets, so a good chance to ask for the Mormon perspective on polyamory. And to find out their names.
Saturday-Monday
Off to Wales for a big family birthday, with the perennial dither over whether to come out as poly to my mother. Generally I think not, if only because I'm not out to her as married yet (she might worry), and at 54 it's getting awkward to mention even that now.
So, in summary of how to be poly: be nice to everyone involved, share your Google calenders, and set your relationship status to "they're complicated".