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[jeremeister]

Everything...I don't know how the hell I feel today. My Grandpa died last night. I don't know how to feel. Death is supposed to be sad right? Why? He had a crappy life ever since my Grandma died? His suffering must be so much less now? So should I be sad, I don't know. Right now all I can really feel is this dull little throbbing anger, and you know who I'm talking to? What the hell is up? Honestly..I felt good until two seconds ago when I remembered AGAin, but I guess thats going to happen...and I did ask for something to happen..didn't I? I just hope you didn't cash in his chips on account of me. All I know is that this trip better be of Gardenstate perportions or we're gonna have some problems? Got me? I either feel numb or super-sensitive, I swear, where is the middle ground? I hate the middle ground. I still miss her...I wish I could talk to her, but I don't think that would yeild anything...she hasn't actually "talked" to me a freaking month, so I have no idea whats runnning through her head. The question of the day today is: "Is she thinking about me?" Well I guess this is the true test...screw tests...I mean it. I feel really in tune with "The Future Freaks Me Out," right now, I feel like it speaks perfectly for both Ashley and I, "I rock to fast for love, i'm footloose in my velcro shoes. Whats up with Will and Grace, I don't get drum or bass, the future freaks me out" And i'm over here "Ashley, Its so hard to relate to the whole human race, I don't no where to begin, I don't know where to begin, if we could both find a way to do the things I would say, we might not sit in our room and drink our day dreams away..." but right now...I feel like i'm on the verge of saying "Aw...Fuck It, I'm on fire..." Eh? You see the connection? Hah I'm messed up. I love MCST. Ah...so...happy or sad? Okay or not? Life or Death? Fall Out Boy or Say Anything? NYC or Chicago? Hang on or Let go? "Betty can't quit carving question marks in my wrist..." agh...this is messed up...wish me luck...

~j3r3~

"Thought that I might have the strength to carry on, turns out there i'm barely, barely, holding on..."