Still The One (1/2)
Title: Still The One (1/2)
Author: jerbearthompson
Rating: M for language
Spoilers: None. (Perhaps minor blink-and-you'll-miss-it to Exit Wounds)
Genre: All sorts, it’s quite diverse. (But mainly fluff)
Characters: Ianto/Jack, Gwen
Length: Altogether, close to 12,000 but split into two posts.
Summary: ‘We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one.’ A series of short stories.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. BBC, RTD, blah blah blah Cherry Chapstick.
Prompt: I suppose it’s a song-fic of sorts, to the Orlean’s Still The One. I was requested by KangarooJak to do a fic revolving around the lyrics with the last line of each “chapter” being something to do with the last line of each chorus, "We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one."
Notes for the chapters:
Chapter one contains a quote by Josh Pyke. “Hold your moments, keep them in your pockets.”
Chapter four contains a bit of Gwen-bashing but it’s important to know it’s mainly Jack’s grief talking.
Chapter five was actually a dream I had.
Chapter seven, Koyaanisqatsi is actually a word. It is Hopi-Indian for crazy life, or life out of balance.
The Book in Chapter nine, I completely made up. So don’t try looking for it.
Part One | Part Two
Still The One
--
We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
--
‘God, you are insufferable!’ Jack yelled, throwing his arms up in exasperation.
‘I’m insufferable? You try living with Captain Conceited over there!’ Ianto snarled back.
Jack threw the T.V remote he had been holding down onto the table with a loud cracking noise. ‘Well I’m sorry, okay Ianto? I’m sorry I have a bit of self-pride. God knows how many years it took me to build it back up!’
‘Why do you do this? Ianto momentarily looked up from where he sat tying his shoelaces. ‘You always do this! Play the sympathy card! “Oh, poor little me! I’ve been on more planets than you can name and seen things you can only ever even dream of seeing! But oh no, that’s just horrible! Please pity me and then fall in love with my charm!” I’m sick of it, you know?’
Jack shook his head furiously and let out a heavy, shaking breath. ‘Sorry I’m not up to your standards then,’ he said quietly. ‘Sorry I’m not perfect like everything else in your life has to be!’
‘Look at my life, Jack!’ Ianto rose to his feet, his hands clenched into white fists. ‘Does it look anything like perfect to you? I see death and despair on a daily basis, I have to lie to my friends and family about what I do for a living, and in the seven years we’ve been married I don’t think I’ve ever had a full forty-eight hours of you to myself!’
‘I told you,’ Jack began in a softer tone, a bitter bite tainting his words. ‘I told you before you married me, before you even began this job that it wouldn’t be easy! And it’s not, Ianto. It’s a rough, bumpy ride, and you knew that when you signed up for this! But it’s all I have. All that I can do to feel like I’m doing… doing something in this world, making some sort of a difference!’
‘God Jack, you don’t have to be a hero 24/7! You’re only a human, start acting like one!’
‘I am!’ Jack’s voice was rising again, and Ianto could almost see the spittle flying from his mouth. ‘I’m not trying to be a hero! I’m not trying to save the whole sodding universe every minute of every day! I’m just trying to be a better person.’
‘You are a good person! We can’t, for once, you just listen to me when I say that?’
‘Because I don’t want to be just a good person, I want to be… I want to be a fucking brilliant person! And the only time I ever feel like that is when I’m saving the fucking world.’
There was a short moment of silence, just the sounds of the two men breathing heavily before Jack slammed his hands down on the table in front of him. ‘Sometimes I wish I’d never met you, Ianto Jones.’
Ianto shook his head irately, murmuring in a deadly quiet voice, ‘Sometimes I wish you could die, Jack-fucking-Harkness. I wish you could just die and for once not wake up.’
Jack looked up sharply, staring his husband straight in the eye. ‘I wish I could too. Every time I go out there, every time I do my job I wish I could die. Every hour of every day I-‘
‘Jack,’ Ianto cut him off sadly. ‘Jack, don’t.’
‘-wish I could die. And never have to wake up in this god forsaken world again,’ the older man finished darkly, before turning sharply on his heel and storming out of the room.
Ianto sighed and leaned against a nearby wall, scrunching his eyes shut and letting his head fall back as he tried to even out his breathing. It took him two full minutes to regain his composure and he counted down another full minute of waiting before Jack appeared and took five long strides across the room, crashing into Ianto’s outstretched arms and fastening his arms around the younger man’s waist. The captain’s weight pushed Ianto back against the wall and he held Jack tight as the older man’s face automatically buried itself in his neck.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ Ianto murmured into his hair, one hand pressed supportively between the captain’s shoulder blades and the other coming up to fiddle with the long strands on the nape of his neck. ‘I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t mean it. You’re a brilliant person, a fucking brilliant one.’ He pressed a kiss against the side of Jack’s head as if to prove his point.
‘I love you,’ Jack whispered against his skin, his hot breath tickling the younger man’s neck. ‘I love you so much.’
‘I love you too,’ Ianto punctuated it with another kiss to Jack’s thick, dark hair. ‘Always and forever.’
They spent a moment in not the most comfortableof silences, both men fidgeting with other things on their mind.
‘Jack,’ it was Ianto who spoke first, being careful to keep his face neutral. ‘Did you mean that? Do you really wish every day you could die?’
Jack was quiet a while, and Ianto knew this was because he was thinking it over thoroughly. Just like he knew when Jack did finally answer him, it wouldn’t be just a convenient lie.
‘Not every day, no. But sometimes… when I’m out there, in the chase… Every time I die, Ianto, I can’t help but feel a tiny bit of hope that maybe this time I won’t come back. I’ve been alive so long; I can’t help but wish sometimes it would end. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy, because you have to believe that you make me happier than I’ve been in decades. But I don’t want to have to go on living without you. I don’t want to forget anything about you. But I will… I’ll never forget you as a person, Ianto. But eventually, in a few centuries, millennia even, I will forget the little things that make you you. And that terrifies me. So I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want to die, because there’s always a part of me that would welcome it, should the chance arise.’
‘But you’re here now,’ Ianto tightened his grip on the other man, one hand stroking his hair, his ears, his cheeks, his jaw. ‘Right here, right now, you’re here. And I’m here. You’ve got to hold your moments, Jack. Keep them in your pockets and never let them go.’
He felt Jack kiss his neck gently in return before the older man raised his head, staring without hesitance straight into Ianto’s pale blue eyes. ‘So we’re okay, then? Us, our marriage, we’re okay?’
Ianto grinned and traced his fingers softly over the captain’s lips before holding onto his chin tightly. ‘We’re okay. We’re still having fun. And you’re still the one.’
--
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whispering in my ear
--
There was something about Jack’s ears, Gwen had noticed. He hated people touching his ears, hated people getting close to them and absolutely hated people whispering in them. Gwen had learnt that the hard way. And though she tried, she would never completely get the image of Jack swearing loudly and training his gun on her, backing up against the wall behind him slowly, out of her head.
‘I just… don’t like people whispering in my ears,’ he had explained afterwards, once he thought his hundred or so apologies had gotten through to her. ‘I don’t like the feeling of breath on my…’ he shuddered involuntarily. ‘Just don’t… touch… my ears, okay?’
And that was that. They never spoke of it again. But Gwen had never felt quite as at ease as she used to around Jack since. And she was always extremely conscious of where she was in relation to his ears.
He never seemed to have a problem with Ianto, but then again she couldn’t recall him ever going anywhere near Jack’s ears.
‘Gwen,’ Ianto’s voice drifted through the Hub. ‘You alright there?’
‘Oh,’ Gwen hurriedly turned back to the paperwork on her desk, pointlessly shuffling the documents into a neat pile. ‘Yes, sorry, love. I was just… thinking.’
Ianto chuckled and set down a cup of coffee on an unoccupied corner of her desk. ‘You were staring,’ he corrected. And then as an afterthought, added, ‘…again.’
Gwen coughed as though that would disguise the soft blush creeping across her cheeks. ‘It’s not what you think, I was just…’ She debated with herself for a moment over whether to bring it up or not - surely Ianto knew about it already? - and at a sad shake of Ianto’s head she continued on bravely. ‘What’s up with Jack’s ears?’
‘Jack’s ears?’ Ianto repeated, amusement tugging the corners of his mouth up into a smile. He pretended to peer into the distance where Jack could be seen sitting at his desk, seemingly hard at work but probably just doodling inappropriate stick figures on a blank page… again. ‘They look fine to me, Gwen. What seems to be the problem?’
‘It’s just…’ Gwen gestured to a nearby chair, waiting for Ianto to sit on it and scoot in close before continuing. ‘You’ve noticed it, haven’t you? How Jack doesn’t like people touching his ears…?’
‘Oh really?’ Ianto said in mock surprise. ‘You pay that much attention?’
Gwen blushed again and pushed him playfully on the shoulder. She could have sworn his eyes twinkled mischievously. ‘So you have noticed? And not just touching, whispering too.’
Ianto shrugged. ‘It’s a little scary, don’t you think? Someone being that close to your ear… Maybe he’s just paranoid.’
Something flickered in his eyes, telling Gwen otherwise but she nodded regardless… only to pull back sharply a moment later as Ianto leaned in close and breathed in her ear.
‘Ianto!’
‘Very scary,’ he affirmed as Gwen pressed a hand to her chest, trying to steady her erratic breathing. The man had a point.
‘Well… I just… I still think it’s weird.’
‘Maybe you’re just doing it wrong,’ Ianto smiled, brushing invisible dust off his knees as he rose to his feet.
‘Maybe I’m… what?’ Gwen began, her brow creased in confusion. But Ianto was already retreating quickly, headed in the direction of Jack’s office.
She watched as he knocked twice, giving Jack just enough time to quickly slide the piece of paper he was working on under another before evidently calling for him to enter.
He did, a moment later, and walked straight across the room, sitting on the edge of Jack’s desk and staring at him intently. A few words were exchanged but as to what they were, Gwen had no idea. She had no doubt they were talking about her, but neither of the men gave so much as a glance her way.
She could only keep staring as Ianto eventually reached out and brushed a few strands of Jack’s hair behind his ear, his fingers lingering to gently brush over the top of it again and again. Jack only smiled, never breaking eye contact with the younger man.
Gwen realised with a start that she was perched on the very edge of her chair, almost falling off, and she averted her gaze momentarily, nervously clearing her throat as she shuffled backward. When she once again turned to Jack’s office, Ianto had leant forward and was whispering animatedly into Jack’s ear. The captain gave a slight nod every now and then, but other than that he made no other movements. He didn’t jerk his head away, didn’t quickly shuffle back from Ianto, and certainly did not pull out his gun on the young man. In fact, he almost looked as though he were enjoying the extra attention.
When Ianto apparently finished whispering whatever it was he had to say, he placed a small kiss on Jack’s ear… and then another, for good luck, and another after that… then one more to Jack’s lips and moved away, leaving the office but with Jack’s eyes never leaving his backside.
‘Yep,’ he said as he got closer to Gwen, ‘Definitely just not doing it right.’
Gwen gaped at him. ‘What… you… how did you do that?’
‘Magic,’ Ianto chuckled.
Gwen grinned in return. ‘You’re not going to tell me, are you?’
‘No,’ he agreed, ‘But I wouldn’t go touching his ears anytime soon. Only I’m allowed to, I’m a trained professional, see.’
Gwen shook her head at him in disbelief. ‘You’re mad, the both of you, completely mad!’
Ianto just smiled and tilted his head slightly. ‘We’re just having fun.’ But he knew in his heart that Jack would let him do anything he wanted to to the captain. He knew that he could ask anything of the older man and have him do it. It was scary that Jack trusted him that much, trusted him enough to put aside his fears, put aside his paranoia. And Ianto knew that he would always be willing to do that for the younger man. Because Jack loved him. And to Jack, he was still the one.
--
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
--
‘I love tea parties,’ Jack smiled, taking a small sip from his empty teacup.
‘I do too,’ Ianto tilted forward to plant a short kiss on Jack’s lips before moving back again.
‘Do you think we’ve had enough practise to try it with real tea yet?’
Ianto shook his head, nearly bringing down their makeshift fort. ‘Not yet, I don’t think we’re quite ready for the real deal.’
Jack mm’d and took another pretend sip from his cup.
They did this often whenever they had the chance, spare time in an otherwise hectic job making them both a little delusional. But still, it was nice to stay in touch with their inner children. It sometimes made them forget the sombreness of their job. And so that was why it was tradition, that whenever they had a spare Saturday afternoon to themselves, they would plant two sticks at either end of their large bed and drape the duvet across it, making a tent-like structure for them to sit under and drink their pretend tea.
‘I think this one’s even better than last week’s,’ Jack commented conversationally. ‘Have we moved on from Okinawan tea?’
‘Oh yes, it’s gone completely out of fashion now,’ Ianto informed him in an elegant tone. ‘What you are tasting now is the finest samples of Kombucha tea.’
‘Rare?’
‘Extremely,’ Ianto nodded.
‘Oh Mr Jones, you do spoil me, indeed.’
‘I believe you are quite worth the high price, Captain Harkness.’ Ianto met Jack’s kiss half way before taking another mouthful of air and closing his eyes, a look of pure bliss upon his face.
‘You do that far too well,’ Jack muttered, leaning in and brushing feather kisses across the younger man’s jaw. Ianto instinctively let his head fall back - inconsequentially hitting one of their supporting sticks, causing the whole duvet to crash down around them.
For a moment Ianto was completely tangled up in the blanket, but once he extracted himself from it and raised it with his hands high above his head, he could see Jack was already spread out on his side, head propped up by one elbow and smiling at him. Amused, delighted and completely… well, smitten.
‘Not a word about this to anyone,’ Ianto pointed an accusing finger at him.
Jack grinned muttering, ‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ even as he hooked his hands, one around Ianto’s waist and the other around the base of his neck, pulling the younger man to him. He didn’t kiss him, just held him close.
‘You know what I love even more than fake tea parties?’
‘Real tea parties?’ Ianto teased quietly, stretching the length of his body out to tangle his feet with Jack’s.
‘No,’ Jack smiled at him, curling his fingers around one of the younger man’s hands and tucking it neatly against his chest. ‘Spending a whole Saturday afternoon just lying in bed doing nothing.’
‘Nothing?’ Ianto raised an eyebrow.
‘Absolutely nothing,’ Jack affirmed softly.
‘You know what you love even more than those two things put together?’ Ianto asked.
‘What I love?’
‘Yes, what you love.’
‘I have no idea,’ Jack breathed. ‘You tell me.’
‘Me!’ Ianto laughed.
Jack chuckled, reaching out with his spare hand to play with the dark hair behind the Welshman’s ear. ‘You’re right. I do love you. More than you could possibly imagine.’
There was a moment spent in comfortable silence, both men content to just stare at each other before finally Ianto sighed happily and laughed a bit more. ‘I think we just had a sappy moment,’
Jack ducked his head down to kiss the knuckles he was still holding tightly to his chest. ‘It’s not always a bad thing.’
‘But most likely a very dangerous thing,’ Ianto shot back.
Jack laughed. ‘You ruin everything!’ He leant forward and again, Ianto met the kiss half way. ‘Why can’t you just live for the moment?’
‘Because it’s not a moment, Jack. This thing between us, it’s every single hour, of every single day. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
‘There you go, Mr Sappy!’
‘Oh, and Jack?’
Jack mm’d again.
‘You had better not be lying on any of my good china.’
‘The moment, Ianto! Do you understand the concept of having a moment?’
‘Oh god, you’ve broken it, haven’t you?’
Jack shook his head as best he could while lying down and reached behind him, returning with a small white cup clasped neatly in his hand. Then he slowly slipped it over the side of the bed, out of harm’s way, before kissing Ianto’s nose gently.
Ianto brought his free arm up to pillow his head, just staring at Jack, staring and smiling.
‘Oh great, so now you have a moment. I spill my heart to you but no, it’s only when you realise the teacup is safe that you feel romantic.’
‘Jealous, Jack?’
‘Always.’
‘Good to know. Now be quiet, we’re going to have a moment.’
‘You can’t just say that! You can’t just say “let’s have a moment” and then-’
He was cut off abruptly by a pair of soft lips being pressed to his. And when, after a long time, they finally broke away, there was a pair of pale blue eyes just staring at him. And so he stared back, losing himself in the emotion behind those eyes.
When he thought enough time had passed, he whispered, ‘Well there you go. We had a moment, a perfect moment.’
‘That was nice,’ Ianto smiled. ‘Very boring, but still nice.’
‘And there you go again, ruining the moment.’ But there was no scorn in Jack’s voice, only adoration.
‘Honestly Jack, you are a hopeless romantic.’
‘Maybe I am. It’s not a bad thing.’
‘Not a bad thing at all. A little over the top, though.’
‘Hey, even alien hunters can be romantic sometimes. It’s a lot of fun.’
‘Fun.’
‘Yes, fun. To just say exactly what’s on your mind.’
‘And what’s on your mind?’
Jack grinned wolfishly. ‘How we’re in love. You and me, we are in love. Hopelessly and romantically so. Now it’s your turn.’
‘Oh yes, sounds very fun,’ Ianto sighed. ‘I’m thinking that you’re an idiot. But you are, without a doubt, still the one.’
--
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
--
‘IANTO!’ Jack screamed. He screamed and he screamed and he screamed until his voice was hoarse and his throat scratchy. His chest was burning, like a creature was holed up inside there and trying to claw its way out.
‘Ianto,’ Jack’s screams eventually whittled away to feeble whimpers, and he dropped to his knees at the base of the machine. The machine that had just demolecularised a whole troop of savage, pale blue shark-like humanoids. The machine that, along with them, had demolecularised his brave husband.
His brave, valiant, fearless, courageous, heroic husband, who had willingly given his life for the sake of the human race, no hesitance, no questions asked.
Just gone. One minute apologising softly to Jack through the comm. system, murmuring those soft words that Jack was sure he would never forget, the next just… gone. Dissolved into thin air.
‘Ianto,’ Jack moaned, tears still cascading down his chin. ‘You said you wouldn’t do this, Ianto. You said you wouldn’t die until you were at least thirty. You’re not thirty yet, not until tomorrow.’
He choked a bit more, making terrible, desperate noises in his throat as he tried to hold back even more sobs to no avail.
He wasn’t aware of his name being called softly until Gwen’s hands smoothed over his shoulders and she dropped to her knees so she could hug him tightly. He abruptly stopped his crying, quickly sniffing and reaching a hand up to rub hastily at his eyes.
‘I’m okay,’ he said throatily.
‘You’re not,’ Gwen reprimanded him. ‘You’re not okay and you don’t have to be. I know you think you have to be the strong, brave captain, but he was your husband. You’re allowed to cry.’
‘Is,’ Jack muttered in a bitter tone.
‘What was that, love?’ Gwen urged him on, pulling back to stare at his red rimmed eyes.
‘You said he was my husband. Is, he is my husband.’
‘Jack, sweetheart, I know it hurts but you can’t just ignore this. You have to acknowledge that Ianto is-’
‘Don’t you say it, Gwen Cooper,’ Jack growled darkly, roughly breaking away from her arms and backing himself against the machine. ‘Don’t you dare say it.’
Gwen got to her feet and stepped forward, latching onto his hand again and ignoring how he noticeably cringed. ‘Ianto isn’t coming back.’
‘He is. I’ll make him.’
‘No honey, not this time.’
‘Gwen.’ The effort of not yelling at her was making Jack’s voice sound strained and threatening. ‘Just… please. Go and do… something. Something useful. Keep the Hub afloat, save the world. And leave me the fuck alone.’
‘Jack, I can’t handle the Hub by myself. And you shouldn’t be alone-’
‘No, what I shouldn’t have is you questioning my orders. I am the captain, and if I tell you to man the Hub, you man the Hub. I’m not going back, not yet. Don’t come after me, don’t look me up on CCTV cameras, don’t check in on me, don’t try to contact me. If the world is ending… deal with it. Or you know what, even better, just let it end. At the moment, I couldn’t care less.’
‘Jack, you can’t honestly mean that…’
‘Stop telling me, what I can and can’t do!’ This time Jack couldn’t hold back the anger boiling in his voice, and just didn’t have the energy to apologising for shouting. So instead he turned away from the Welshwoman and leaned his forehead against the cool, smooth metal of the machine.
‘Fine,’ Gwen began, stubborn as ever and desperately trying to hold up her wounded pride. ‘Jack, I know you’re hurting, but it’s not need to shout.
‘I’m not hurting, Gwen! My husband died! He fucking died. I’m torn up inside, I'm falling apart, and all I want to do is go back to screaming about him in peace. So follow my fucking orders, and leave me the fuck alone.’
For a long while Gwen just stood silently behind him, until she finally realised that while he still had anger to focus on, and someone to lash out at, he would never truly let his real emotions show. And so it was her only option to leave him be.
‘Take as much time off as you need,’ she said quietly before exiting the dark room.
It took an even longer moment of silence for Jack to control his heavy breathing, and regain his composure enough to be able to convince himself he could get home in one piece. As it was, he only got two steps away from the machine before turning on his heel and punching it with all his might, the metal dinting with an impressive clang.
‘You said… You told me you wouldn’t die, Ianto,’ he whispered brokenly. And if he concentrated hard enough he could almost feel a pair of strong arms sliding around his waist, a face being pressed into his back just between his shoulder blades in a way that always sent shivers down his spine.
‘You couldn’t have just waited. God you’re so…’ Jack smiled despite himself, still whispering to the ghostly presence behind him. ‘You’re so stubborn, so intent on being a hero, you couldn’t have just waited ten minutes until I got there. I don’t know if I’d even come back from demolecularation… I would have tried, though. I would have done it if it meant these people on earth could see your sweet smile once more…’
Jack laughed softly and tilted his head back. ‘I’m getting soppy. You were always complaining that I get too soppy. I guess I’ll… I guess I’ll never have to worry about you complaining to me ever again.' Jack’s smile faltered momentarily, before he broke down completely into tears again, choking out sobs once more.
‘You bastard. You fucking bastard,’ he rested his hand against the metal as he sank to the floor. ‘I love you so much…’
By the time he hit the cold cement floor, curling himself in the foetal position, Ianto’s last words, sounding tinny through the comm., were already playing over and over in his mind.
‘You’ve got to promise me, Jack, you’ll still have fun without me. I love you, and you know even in heaven, you’ll still be the one.’
--
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
--
‘I hate snow.’
‘You hate snow,’ Jack repeated with the air of a man who had heard those words far too many times.
‘Jack,’ Ianto said with that goddamn accent that still sent tingles down the captain’s spine. ‘Don’t make me go out there,’ he grabbed hold of both Jack’s biceps and rested his head against the older man’s shoulder. ‘Please don’t make me go out there.’
Jack didn’t say anything, partly because he knew he couldn’t bring himself to refuse Ianto aloud, but partly because he knew that Ianto knew he would have to eventually anyway. So instead he lifted the thick scarf in his hands, sliding it over the back of Ianto’s neck and looping it around only once.
‘Warm,’ Ianto murmured into his shoulder.
Jack hummed in agreement. ‘It’s meant to be warm. So you don’t freeze out there in the snow.’
Ianto groaned at the word. ‘Snow is cold. I hate snow.’
‘Look,’ Jack gently pushed Ianto away from him so he could help slide the Welshman’s heavy coat over his shoulders. ‘You’ve got your gloves, got your scarf, got your coat. I can guarantee you’re not going to be cold. Do you want a beanie with that?’
‘I’ll not degrade myself with a beanie,’ Ianto scowled.
‘Okay then,’ Jack opened the door cautiously. ‘We’re all set. Let’s go.’
‘Jack!’ Ianto whimpered in token protest, but he stepped outside regardless.
By the time Jack had shut and locked the door, Ianto was already trying to flinch away from the small ice flakes. Jack chuckled and approached the young man cautiously, smiling as Ianto instinctively reached out for him. He wrapped his arms tightly around the Welshman from behind, breathing hot air down his neck in response.
Ianto visibly relaxed in his arms, breathing out in a puff of white mist.
‘What don’t you like about snow?’ Jack whispered into his ear, keeping one arm firmly curled around Ianto’s waist as they began to walk.
Ianto scrunched up his nose. ‘It’s… cold, and wet, and slushy and all together awkward.’
‘And unpredictable,’ the hot air from Jack’s laugh made the hairs on the back of Ianto’s neck stand up.
‘Uncontrollable,’ Ianto sighed.
‘It’s not all bad you know.’
‘Like you,’ Ianto chuckled softly.
‘Like me,’ Jack agreed cheerfully. ‘Snow can be fun, too.’ He reached down and picked up a handful of crisp white snow.
Ianto immediately scrambled away from him. ‘Put that stuff anywhere near me and I will not lay another hand on you for a year.’
Jack immediately dropped the snow, holding his empty hands up in front of him like a man who was under gun point. Ianto very cautiously accepted Jack’s arm back around him but he was edgy the whole walk to the Hub.
‘If the SUV’s not finished repairs by this afternoon, I’m staying here overnight,’ Ianto told Jack grimly but sincerely once they’re reached the front door, Ianto scooting into the safety of the Tourist Office the second it was unlocked.
Jack sighed. It was a battle he knew he would never win. ‘Okay, Ianto,’ he said instead, giving the young man’s cheek a quick kiss before disappearing through the hidden door.
Apart from Ianto’s short trip down into the Hub to pass out mugs of steaming coffee, Jack didn’t see him again until nearly lunch time when he finally gave up on his paperwork and decided to venture up to the Tourist Office to check on his young lover. He hated slow days at the office.
‘Ianto!’ he called, stepping through the beaded curtain.
‘Jack,’ Ianto beckoned to him swiftly from where he sat by the widow, one hand pressed up against the glass. ‘Come watch this.’
Jack came and knelt beside Ianto’s chair, eluding a small sound of pleasure when the Welshman’s fingers absently threaded through his hair. Looking out the window, it was easy to see what had captured Ianto’s attention.
A man and a woman, both either in their late teens or early twenties, were slowly but surely building up a snowman. Both Jack and Ianto watched, mesmerised, as they finished moulding a snow sphere for the head and lifted it onto the body. The man pulled his scarf from his neck and in turn wound it around the snowman’s shoulders while the woman tugged open her bag, pulling out two shiny black buttons to serve as eyes for their icy friend, a long pointy carrot for the nose and even an elegant smoking pipe to place in its imaginary mouth.
When the two had finished, they stood back to admire their work, arms wrapped around one another and shoulders shaking with happy laughter.
‘Let’s make one,’ Ianto’s voice brought Jack back to the warm room in which he currently sat.
‘A snowman?’
‘Yeah,’ Ianto breathed in awe.
‘Why Mr Jones,’ Jack grinned. ‘I thought you hated snow.’
Ianto looked offended. ‘I said no such thing!’ he cried out, before breaking into a grin himself.
‘Come on,’ Jack grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet, starting toward the door.
‘We can’t Jack, we’ve got work.’
Jack grabbed Ianto’s gloves and scarf from the front desk, tossing them to the younger man and grinning. ‘We’re officially on our lunch breaks,’ he pressed a kiss to the side of Ianto’s face. ‘Just let me get my coat.’ And with that he disappeared.
By the time Ianto had shaken his head sadly, pulled his gloves and scarf on and slipped his coat back over his shoulders, Jack had returned, similarly dressed.
‘Okay, let’s go.’
Ianto laughed and allowed himself to be dragged out into the snow.
A good while later both him and Jack collapsed onto the ground to admire their own snow-weevil.
‘Snow’s not so bad,’ Ianto said.
‘Not bad at all,’ Jack agreed, nuzzling his cold nose into the side of Ianto’s face. ‘Janet would be proud.’
Ianto laughed, pulling Jack’s hands into his own and just holding them in his lap. ‘That was fun.’
‘A job like ours and we’re still having fun,’ Jack said quietly.
‘As long as I’m with you I’ll always be having fun,’ Ianto grinned cheesily. ‘Because you’re still the one.’
--
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
--
‘I have small hands,’ Ianto slowly walked into Jack’s office, hands spread out before his face. ‘Oh that’s going to be very problematic.’
‘Come here,’ Jack reached out and grabbed one of Ianto’s hands, kissing the palm gently. ‘I think they’re perfect.’
Ianto stared at said palm intently. ‘Perfect, oh yes, I’m not doubting that. They’re just so very… small.’
Jack frowned and tugged on Ianto’s waist, getting him to sit on the edge of the desk. ‘Well let’s see,’ he placed his flat palm against Ianto’s. The captain’s was approximately half a fingernail higher, and slightly thicker. ‘They look pretty average to me.’
‘They’re not!’ With his free hand, Ianto tried to push Jack’s fingers down so they were level with his. ‘Yours are much bigger.’
’And that’s not the only thing,’ Jack said with a wink.
Ianto just stared, clearly not impressed. Jack sighed.
‘Ianto, I don’t think it matters,’ he smiled fondly at the younger man.
‘It a hazard, Jack. Workplace Health and Safety!’
‘Oh yes, because I’m sure we’re all in peril at your small hands,’ Jack muttered.
‘Stay here,’ Ianto instructed him, getting off the desk and taking two steps away before returning quickly and grabbing the blue and white striped mug from behind Jack. A guilty look spread across the captain's face. ‘Jack! I told you, you daft fool, no more coffee! You’re watching your blood pressure, remember? Honestly, I’m not your mother.’
‘Thank god you’re not because otherwise I’d get in a lot of trouble for doing this’ Jack hooked his fingers around the back of Ianto’s neck and kissed him leisurely.
‘Are you going to do this every time I catch you eating something you’re not supposed to?’ Ianto asked, not really expecting an answer as he shuffled over to the door.
Jack caught him half way, looping his arms around the younger man’s arms and shoulders from behind, holding him tight. ‘Are you saying you don’t enjoy it?’ he retorted.
Ianto scoffed. ‘Not at all, but you don’t have to wait until you do something wrong to kiss me, Jack.’
‘Oh really?’ Jack ran the tip of his nose down the length of Ianto’s neck. Ianto merely hummed his approval. ‘Maybe I should test this theory,’ he said, spinning Ianto around in his arms.
The Welshman grinned and placed his hands on either side of Jack’s face before frowning and tilting his head back from Jack’s enquiring lips.
‘Small hands,’ he muttered, more to himself than the captain. ‘Go sit down,’ he pushed Jack back gently. ‘And this time stay there. I’ll be back in a minute.’
‘To continue on from where we left off, I hope,’ Jack muttered sourly, wandering back to his desk. He watched as Ianto disappeared before turning his attention to the little silver balls on his desk, smiling in amusement as they clinked against each other.
Ianto returned not too soon later, an impatient Gwen in tow. ‘Okay, look,’ he placed Gwen in front of Jack before grabbing her hand and pressing it against his own. His fingers were easily a whole fingernail’s length bigger, not to mention a lot wider than Gwen’s petite hands.
‘I’m looking…’ Jack began slowly. ‘But I’m not seeing.’
‘They’re practically the same size!’ Ianto cried, shaking his hand slightly as if this would make him see.
‘Jack, he’s deranged,’ Gwen muttered darkly and none too quietly.
Jack sighed, reaching his hands out to Ianto again. ‘Ianto,’ he said softly, resting his hands gently on the Welshman’s hips and pulling him close. ‘What’s got you so paranoid about your hands?’
‘You said I’m your better half, Jack.’
The captain smiled. ‘Indeed you are.’
‘Better half, how can I be better if my hands are so small?’
Jack let out and hearty laugh and even Gwen covered her mouth with her hand to disguise her giggles.
‘Ianto, Ianto, Ianto,’ Jack hugged the younger man’s waist tightly, chuckling into his stomach.
‘It’s a figure of speech, sweetheart,’ Gwen began gently but Jack cut her off, pulling back and staring up at Ianto’s eyes.
‘Just because they’re smaller, doesn’t mean they’re not better! Look,’ he took one of Ianto’s hands and placed it on his cheek. ‘It’s the exact size of my face, Ianto. Any bigger and it’d feel strange, but your hands fit my face perfectly.’
Ianto stared on like a child who was enchanted by a television show.
Jack moved the Welshman’s hand down and curled it around his bicep. ‘Perfect size for holding onto my arms. Not too big, not too small.’ Then he grasped the smaller hand in his own. ‘Fits perfectly in my hand,’ he smiled up at Ianto, lacing their fingers together. ‘And doesn’t stretch my fingers at all, threads in beautifully, see?’
He placed their joined hands over his stomach, just above the waistline of his pants before continuing. ‘Gwen, you might have to leave for this next part.’
Gwen blushed profusely and was about to leave when Ianto pulled his hand free and cupped Jack’s face, leaning down to give it a long, proper kiss. ‘Thank you,’ he smiled sincerely.
‘Any other non-perfect things I can help you out with?’ Jack smiled back.
‘Not while Gwen’s here.’
Ianto laughed at the positively filthy look Jack gave Gwen for still being in his office, the captain firmly pointing to the door and glaring at the former Policewoman. Both Gwen and Ianto both knew that he was only joking, but Gwen took that moment to leave anyway, trying to hide her blush as she gently closed the door behind her.
‘Do you really think I’m perfect?’ Ianto asked, turning back to the captain.
‘In every way,’ he replied with a wolfish grin.
Ianto chuckled. ‘That’s a lie.’
‘It is,’ Jack agreed. ‘You’re a stubborn, uptight, borderline-anal bastard who is infuriatingly snarky and not nearly as good a cook as he thinks he is.’
‘Ooh, that hurt,’ Ianto grinned despite himself.
‘And still I fell for you and I fell for you hard.’
‘How hard?’
‘Call an ambulance, I think I have broken bones.’
Ianto raised an eyebrow dubiously. ‘That’s pretty hard.’
‘Head over heels, Ianto Jones.’ There was not a hint of mockery in Jack’s voice.
‘Sounds like you had fun doing that,’ Ianto replied snidely.
‘And every time I see you I’m reminded just why you’re still the one.’
--
Part Two
Author: jerbearthompson
Rating: M for language
Spoilers: None. (Perhaps minor blink-and-you'll-miss-it to Exit Wounds)
Genre: All sorts, it’s quite diverse. (But mainly fluff)
Characters: Ianto/Jack, Gwen
Length: Altogether, close to 12,000 but split into two posts.
Summary: ‘We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one.’ A series of short stories.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. BBC, RTD, blah blah blah Cherry Chapstick.
Prompt: I suppose it’s a song-fic of sorts, to the Orlean’s Still The One. I was requested by KangarooJak to do a fic revolving around the lyrics with the last line of each “chapter” being something to do with the last line of each chorus, "We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one."
Notes for the chapters:
Chapter one contains a quote by Josh Pyke. “Hold your moments, keep them in your pockets.”
Chapter four contains a bit of Gwen-bashing but it’s important to know it’s mainly Jack’s grief talking.
Chapter five was actually a dream I had.
Chapter seven, Koyaanisqatsi is actually a word. It is Hopi-Indian for crazy life, or life out of balance.
The Book in Chapter nine, I completely made up. So don’t try looking for it.
Part One | Part Two
Still The One
--
We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
--
‘God, you are insufferable!’ Jack yelled, throwing his arms up in exasperation.
‘I’m insufferable? You try living with Captain Conceited over there!’ Ianto snarled back.
Jack threw the T.V remote he had been holding down onto the table with a loud cracking noise. ‘Well I’m sorry, okay Ianto? I’m sorry I have a bit of self-pride. God knows how many years it took me to build it back up!’
‘Why do you do this? Ianto momentarily looked up from where he sat tying his shoelaces. ‘You always do this! Play the sympathy card! “Oh, poor little me! I’ve been on more planets than you can name and seen things you can only ever even dream of seeing! But oh no, that’s just horrible! Please pity me and then fall in love with my charm!” I’m sick of it, you know?’
Jack shook his head furiously and let out a heavy, shaking breath. ‘Sorry I’m not up to your standards then,’ he said quietly. ‘Sorry I’m not perfect like everything else in your life has to be!’
‘Look at my life, Jack!’ Ianto rose to his feet, his hands clenched into white fists. ‘Does it look anything like perfect to you? I see death and despair on a daily basis, I have to lie to my friends and family about what I do for a living, and in the seven years we’ve been married I don’t think I’ve ever had a full forty-eight hours of you to myself!’
‘I told you,’ Jack began in a softer tone, a bitter bite tainting his words. ‘I told you before you married me, before you even began this job that it wouldn’t be easy! And it’s not, Ianto. It’s a rough, bumpy ride, and you knew that when you signed up for this! But it’s all I have. All that I can do to feel like I’m doing… doing something in this world, making some sort of a difference!’
‘God Jack, you don’t have to be a hero 24/7! You’re only a human, start acting like one!’
‘I am!’ Jack’s voice was rising again, and Ianto could almost see the spittle flying from his mouth. ‘I’m not trying to be a hero! I’m not trying to save the whole sodding universe every minute of every day! I’m just trying to be a better person.’
‘You are a good person! We can’t, for once, you just listen to me when I say that?’
‘Because I don’t want to be just a good person, I want to be… I want to be a fucking brilliant person! And the only time I ever feel like that is when I’m saving the fucking world.’
There was a short moment of silence, just the sounds of the two men breathing heavily before Jack slammed his hands down on the table in front of him. ‘Sometimes I wish I’d never met you, Ianto Jones.’
Ianto shook his head irately, murmuring in a deadly quiet voice, ‘Sometimes I wish you could die, Jack-fucking-Harkness. I wish you could just die and for once not wake up.’
Jack looked up sharply, staring his husband straight in the eye. ‘I wish I could too. Every time I go out there, every time I do my job I wish I could die. Every hour of every day I-‘
‘Jack,’ Ianto cut him off sadly. ‘Jack, don’t.’
‘-wish I could die. And never have to wake up in this god forsaken world again,’ the older man finished darkly, before turning sharply on his heel and storming out of the room.
Ianto sighed and leaned against a nearby wall, scrunching his eyes shut and letting his head fall back as he tried to even out his breathing. It took him two full minutes to regain his composure and he counted down another full minute of waiting before Jack appeared and took five long strides across the room, crashing into Ianto’s outstretched arms and fastening his arms around the younger man’s waist. The captain’s weight pushed Ianto back against the wall and he held Jack tight as the older man’s face automatically buried itself in his neck.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ Ianto murmured into his hair, one hand pressed supportively between the captain’s shoulder blades and the other coming up to fiddle with the long strands on the nape of his neck. ‘I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t mean it. You’re a brilliant person, a fucking brilliant one.’ He pressed a kiss against the side of Jack’s head as if to prove his point.
‘I love you,’ Jack whispered against his skin, his hot breath tickling the younger man’s neck. ‘I love you so much.’
‘I love you too,’ Ianto punctuated it with another kiss to Jack’s thick, dark hair. ‘Always and forever.’
They spent a moment in not the most comfortableof silences, both men fidgeting with other things on their mind.
‘Jack,’ it was Ianto who spoke first, being careful to keep his face neutral. ‘Did you mean that? Do you really wish every day you could die?’
Jack was quiet a while, and Ianto knew this was because he was thinking it over thoroughly. Just like he knew when Jack did finally answer him, it wouldn’t be just a convenient lie.
‘Not every day, no. But sometimes… when I’m out there, in the chase… Every time I die, Ianto, I can’t help but feel a tiny bit of hope that maybe this time I won’t come back. I’ve been alive so long; I can’t help but wish sometimes it would end. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy, because you have to believe that you make me happier than I’ve been in decades. But I don’t want to have to go on living without you. I don’t want to forget anything about you. But I will… I’ll never forget you as a person, Ianto. But eventually, in a few centuries, millennia even, I will forget the little things that make you you. And that terrifies me. So I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want to die, because there’s always a part of me that would welcome it, should the chance arise.’
‘But you’re here now,’ Ianto tightened his grip on the other man, one hand stroking his hair, his ears, his cheeks, his jaw. ‘Right here, right now, you’re here. And I’m here. You’ve got to hold your moments, Jack. Keep them in your pockets and never let them go.’
He felt Jack kiss his neck gently in return before the older man raised his head, staring without hesitance straight into Ianto’s pale blue eyes. ‘So we’re okay, then? Us, our marriage, we’re okay?’
Ianto grinned and traced his fingers softly over the captain’s lips before holding onto his chin tightly. ‘We’re okay. We’re still having fun. And you’re still the one.’
--
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whispering in my ear
--
There was something about Jack’s ears, Gwen had noticed. He hated people touching his ears, hated people getting close to them and absolutely hated people whispering in them. Gwen had learnt that the hard way. And though she tried, she would never completely get the image of Jack swearing loudly and training his gun on her, backing up against the wall behind him slowly, out of her head.
‘I just… don’t like people whispering in my ears,’ he had explained afterwards, once he thought his hundred or so apologies had gotten through to her. ‘I don’t like the feeling of breath on my…’ he shuddered involuntarily. ‘Just don’t… touch… my ears, okay?’
And that was that. They never spoke of it again. But Gwen had never felt quite as at ease as she used to around Jack since. And she was always extremely conscious of where she was in relation to his ears.
He never seemed to have a problem with Ianto, but then again she couldn’t recall him ever going anywhere near Jack’s ears.
‘Gwen,’ Ianto’s voice drifted through the Hub. ‘You alright there?’
‘Oh,’ Gwen hurriedly turned back to the paperwork on her desk, pointlessly shuffling the documents into a neat pile. ‘Yes, sorry, love. I was just… thinking.’
Ianto chuckled and set down a cup of coffee on an unoccupied corner of her desk. ‘You were staring,’ he corrected. And then as an afterthought, added, ‘…again.’
Gwen coughed as though that would disguise the soft blush creeping across her cheeks. ‘It’s not what you think, I was just…’ She debated with herself for a moment over whether to bring it up or not - surely Ianto knew about it already? - and at a sad shake of Ianto’s head she continued on bravely. ‘What’s up with Jack’s ears?’
‘Jack’s ears?’ Ianto repeated, amusement tugging the corners of his mouth up into a smile. He pretended to peer into the distance where Jack could be seen sitting at his desk, seemingly hard at work but probably just doodling inappropriate stick figures on a blank page… again. ‘They look fine to me, Gwen. What seems to be the problem?’
‘It’s just…’ Gwen gestured to a nearby chair, waiting for Ianto to sit on it and scoot in close before continuing. ‘You’ve noticed it, haven’t you? How Jack doesn’t like people touching his ears…?’
‘Oh really?’ Ianto said in mock surprise. ‘You pay that much attention?’
Gwen blushed again and pushed him playfully on the shoulder. She could have sworn his eyes twinkled mischievously. ‘So you have noticed? And not just touching, whispering too.’
Ianto shrugged. ‘It’s a little scary, don’t you think? Someone being that close to your ear… Maybe he’s just paranoid.’
Something flickered in his eyes, telling Gwen otherwise but she nodded regardless… only to pull back sharply a moment later as Ianto leaned in close and breathed in her ear.
‘Ianto!’
‘Very scary,’ he affirmed as Gwen pressed a hand to her chest, trying to steady her erratic breathing. The man had a point.
‘Well… I just… I still think it’s weird.’
‘Maybe you’re just doing it wrong,’ Ianto smiled, brushing invisible dust off his knees as he rose to his feet.
‘Maybe I’m… what?’ Gwen began, her brow creased in confusion. But Ianto was already retreating quickly, headed in the direction of Jack’s office.
She watched as he knocked twice, giving Jack just enough time to quickly slide the piece of paper he was working on under another before evidently calling for him to enter.
He did, a moment later, and walked straight across the room, sitting on the edge of Jack’s desk and staring at him intently. A few words were exchanged but as to what they were, Gwen had no idea. She had no doubt they were talking about her, but neither of the men gave so much as a glance her way.
She could only keep staring as Ianto eventually reached out and brushed a few strands of Jack’s hair behind his ear, his fingers lingering to gently brush over the top of it again and again. Jack only smiled, never breaking eye contact with the younger man.
Gwen realised with a start that she was perched on the very edge of her chair, almost falling off, and she averted her gaze momentarily, nervously clearing her throat as she shuffled backward. When she once again turned to Jack’s office, Ianto had leant forward and was whispering animatedly into Jack’s ear. The captain gave a slight nod every now and then, but other than that he made no other movements. He didn’t jerk his head away, didn’t quickly shuffle back from Ianto, and certainly did not pull out his gun on the young man. In fact, he almost looked as though he were enjoying the extra attention.
When Ianto apparently finished whispering whatever it was he had to say, he placed a small kiss on Jack’s ear… and then another, for good luck, and another after that… then one more to Jack’s lips and moved away, leaving the office but with Jack’s eyes never leaving his backside.
‘Yep,’ he said as he got closer to Gwen, ‘Definitely just not doing it right.’
Gwen gaped at him. ‘What… you… how did you do that?’
‘Magic,’ Ianto chuckled.
Gwen grinned in return. ‘You’re not going to tell me, are you?’
‘No,’ he agreed, ‘But I wouldn’t go touching his ears anytime soon. Only I’m allowed to, I’m a trained professional, see.’
Gwen shook her head at him in disbelief. ‘You’re mad, the both of you, completely mad!’
Ianto just smiled and tilted his head slightly. ‘We’re just having fun.’ But he knew in his heart that Jack would let him do anything he wanted to to the captain. He knew that he could ask anything of the older man and have him do it. It was scary that Jack trusted him that much, trusted him enough to put aside his fears, put aside his paranoia. And Ianto knew that he would always be willing to do that for the younger man. Because Jack loved him. And to Jack, he was still the one.
--
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
--
‘I love tea parties,’ Jack smiled, taking a small sip from his empty teacup.
‘I do too,’ Ianto tilted forward to plant a short kiss on Jack’s lips before moving back again.
‘Do you think we’ve had enough practise to try it with real tea yet?’
Ianto shook his head, nearly bringing down their makeshift fort. ‘Not yet, I don’t think we’re quite ready for the real deal.’
Jack mm’d and took another pretend sip from his cup.
They did this often whenever they had the chance, spare time in an otherwise hectic job making them both a little delusional. But still, it was nice to stay in touch with their inner children. It sometimes made them forget the sombreness of their job. And so that was why it was tradition, that whenever they had a spare Saturday afternoon to themselves, they would plant two sticks at either end of their large bed and drape the duvet across it, making a tent-like structure for them to sit under and drink their pretend tea.
‘I think this one’s even better than last week’s,’ Jack commented conversationally. ‘Have we moved on from Okinawan tea?’
‘Oh yes, it’s gone completely out of fashion now,’ Ianto informed him in an elegant tone. ‘What you are tasting now is the finest samples of Kombucha tea.’
‘Rare?’
‘Extremely,’ Ianto nodded.
‘Oh Mr Jones, you do spoil me, indeed.’
‘I believe you are quite worth the high price, Captain Harkness.’ Ianto met Jack’s kiss half way before taking another mouthful of air and closing his eyes, a look of pure bliss upon his face.
‘You do that far too well,’ Jack muttered, leaning in and brushing feather kisses across the younger man’s jaw. Ianto instinctively let his head fall back - inconsequentially hitting one of their supporting sticks, causing the whole duvet to crash down around them.
For a moment Ianto was completely tangled up in the blanket, but once he extracted himself from it and raised it with his hands high above his head, he could see Jack was already spread out on his side, head propped up by one elbow and smiling at him. Amused, delighted and completely… well, smitten.
‘Not a word about this to anyone,’ Ianto pointed an accusing finger at him.
Jack grinned muttering, ‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ even as he hooked his hands, one around Ianto’s waist and the other around the base of his neck, pulling the younger man to him. He didn’t kiss him, just held him close.
‘You know what I love even more than fake tea parties?’
‘Real tea parties?’ Ianto teased quietly, stretching the length of his body out to tangle his feet with Jack’s.
‘No,’ Jack smiled at him, curling his fingers around one of the younger man’s hands and tucking it neatly against his chest. ‘Spending a whole Saturday afternoon just lying in bed doing nothing.’
‘Nothing?’ Ianto raised an eyebrow.
‘Absolutely nothing,’ Jack affirmed softly.
‘You know what you love even more than those two things put together?’ Ianto asked.
‘What I love?’
‘Yes, what you love.’
‘I have no idea,’ Jack breathed. ‘You tell me.’
‘Me!’ Ianto laughed.
Jack chuckled, reaching out with his spare hand to play with the dark hair behind the Welshman’s ear. ‘You’re right. I do love you. More than you could possibly imagine.’
There was a moment spent in comfortable silence, both men content to just stare at each other before finally Ianto sighed happily and laughed a bit more. ‘I think we just had a sappy moment,’
Jack ducked his head down to kiss the knuckles he was still holding tightly to his chest. ‘It’s not always a bad thing.’
‘But most likely a very dangerous thing,’ Ianto shot back.
Jack laughed. ‘You ruin everything!’ He leant forward and again, Ianto met the kiss half way. ‘Why can’t you just live for the moment?’
‘Because it’s not a moment, Jack. This thing between us, it’s every single hour, of every single day. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
‘There you go, Mr Sappy!’
‘Oh, and Jack?’
Jack mm’d again.
‘You had better not be lying on any of my good china.’
‘The moment, Ianto! Do you understand the concept of having a moment?’
‘Oh god, you’ve broken it, haven’t you?’
Jack shook his head as best he could while lying down and reached behind him, returning with a small white cup clasped neatly in his hand. Then he slowly slipped it over the side of the bed, out of harm’s way, before kissing Ianto’s nose gently.
Ianto brought his free arm up to pillow his head, just staring at Jack, staring and smiling.
‘Oh great, so now you have a moment. I spill my heart to you but no, it’s only when you realise the teacup is safe that you feel romantic.’
‘Jealous, Jack?’
‘Always.’
‘Good to know. Now be quiet, we’re going to have a moment.’
‘You can’t just say that! You can’t just say “let’s have a moment” and then-’
He was cut off abruptly by a pair of soft lips being pressed to his. And when, after a long time, they finally broke away, there was a pair of pale blue eyes just staring at him. And so he stared back, losing himself in the emotion behind those eyes.
When he thought enough time had passed, he whispered, ‘Well there you go. We had a moment, a perfect moment.’
‘That was nice,’ Ianto smiled. ‘Very boring, but still nice.’
‘And there you go again, ruining the moment.’ But there was no scorn in Jack’s voice, only adoration.
‘Honestly Jack, you are a hopeless romantic.’
‘Maybe I am. It’s not a bad thing.’
‘Not a bad thing at all. A little over the top, though.’
‘Hey, even alien hunters can be romantic sometimes. It’s a lot of fun.’
‘Fun.’
‘Yes, fun. To just say exactly what’s on your mind.’
‘And what’s on your mind?’
Jack grinned wolfishly. ‘How we’re in love. You and me, we are in love. Hopelessly and romantically so. Now it’s your turn.’
‘Oh yes, sounds very fun,’ Ianto sighed. ‘I’m thinking that you’re an idiot. But you are, without a doubt, still the one.’
--
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
--
‘IANTO!’ Jack screamed. He screamed and he screamed and he screamed until his voice was hoarse and his throat scratchy. His chest was burning, like a creature was holed up inside there and trying to claw its way out.
‘Ianto,’ Jack’s screams eventually whittled away to feeble whimpers, and he dropped to his knees at the base of the machine. The machine that had just demolecularised a whole troop of savage, pale blue shark-like humanoids. The machine that, along with them, had demolecularised his brave husband.
His brave, valiant, fearless, courageous, heroic husband, who had willingly given his life for the sake of the human race, no hesitance, no questions asked.
Just gone. One minute apologising softly to Jack through the comm. system, murmuring those soft words that Jack was sure he would never forget, the next just… gone. Dissolved into thin air.
‘Ianto,’ Jack moaned, tears still cascading down his chin. ‘You said you wouldn’t do this, Ianto. You said you wouldn’t die until you were at least thirty. You’re not thirty yet, not until tomorrow.’
He choked a bit more, making terrible, desperate noises in his throat as he tried to hold back even more sobs to no avail.
He wasn’t aware of his name being called softly until Gwen’s hands smoothed over his shoulders and she dropped to her knees so she could hug him tightly. He abruptly stopped his crying, quickly sniffing and reaching a hand up to rub hastily at his eyes.
‘I’m okay,’ he said throatily.
‘You’re not,’ Gwen reprimanded him. ‘You’re not okay and you don’t have to be. I know you think you have to be the strong, brave captain, but he was your husband. You’re allowed to cry.’
‘Is,’ Jack muttered in a bitter tone.
‘What was that, love?’ Gwen urged him on, pulling back to stare at his red rimmed eyes.
‘You said he was my husband. Is, he is my husband.’
‘Jack, sweetheart, I know it hurts but you can’t just ignore this. You have to acknowledge that Ianto is-’
‘Don’t you say it, Gwen Cooper,’ Jack growled darkly, roughly breaking away from her arms and backing himself against the machine. ‘Don’t you dare say it.’
Gwen got to her feet and stepped forward, latching onto his hand again and ignoring how he noticeably cringed. ‘Ianto isn’t coming back.’
‘He is. I’ll make him.’
‘No honey, not this time.’
‘Gwen.’ The effort of not yelling at her was making Jack’s voice sound strained and threatening. ‘Just… please. Go and do… something. Something useful. Keep the Hub afloat, save the world. And leave me the fuck alone.’
‘Jack, I can’t handle the Hub by myself. And you shouldn’t be alone-’
‘No, what I shouldn’t have is you questioning my orders. I am the captain, and if I tell you to man the Hub, you man the Hub. I’m not going back, not yet. Don’t come after me, don’t look me up on CCTV cameras, don’t check in on me, don’t try to contact me. If the world is ending… deal with it. Or you know what, even better, just let it end. At the moment, I couldn’t care less.’
‘Jack, you can’t honestly mean that…’
‘Stop telling me, what I can and can’t do!’ This time Jack couldn’t hold back the anger boiling in his voice, and just didn’t have the energy to apologising for shouting. So instead he turned away from the Welshwoman and leaned his forehead against the cool, smooth metal of the machine.
‘Fine,’ Gwen began, stubborn as ever and desperately trying to hold up her wounded pride. ‘Jack, I know you’re hurting, but it’s not need to shout.
‘I’m not hurting, Gwen! My husband died! He fucking died. I’m torn up inside, I'm falling apart, and all I want to do is go back to screaming about him in peace. So follow my fucking orders, and leave me the fuck alone.’
For a long while Gwen just stood silently behind him, until she finally realised that while he still had anger to focus on, and someone to lash out at, he would never truly let his real emotions show. And so it was her only option to leave him be.
‘Take as much time off as you need,’ she said quietly before exiting the dark room.
It took an even longer moment of silence for Jack to control his heavy breathing, and regain his composure enough to be able to convince himself he could get home in one piece. As it was, he only got two steps away from the machine before turning on his heel and punching it with all his might, the metal dinting with an impressive clang.
‘You said… You told me you wouldn’t die, Ianto,’ he whispered brokenly. And if he concentrated hard enough he could almost feel a pair of strong arms sliding around his waist, a face being pressed into his back just between his shoulder blades in a way that always sent shivers down his spine.
‘You couldn’t have just waited. God you’re so…’ Jack smiled despite himself, still whispering to the ghostly presence behind him. ‘You’re so stubborn, so intent on being a hero, you couldn’t have just waited ten minutes until I got there. I don’t know if I’d even come back from demolecularation… I would have tried, though. I would have done it if it meant these people on earth could see your sweet smile once more…’
Jack laughed softly and tilted his head back. ‘I’m getting soppy. You were always complaining that I get too soppy. I guess I’ll… I guess I’ll never have to worry about you complaining to me ever again.' Jack’s smile faltered momentarily, before he broke down completely into tears again, choking out sobs once more.
‘You bastard. You fucking bastard,’ he rested his hand against the metal as he sank to the floor. ‘I love you so much…’
By the time he hit the cold cement floor, curling himself in the foetal position, Ianto’s last words, sounding tinny through the comm., were already playing over and over in his mind.
‘You’ve got to promise me, Jack, you’ll still have fun without me. I love you, and you know even in heaven, you’ll still be the one.’
--
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
--
‘I hate snow.’
‘You hate snow,’ Jack repeated with the air of a man who had heard those words far too many times.
‘Jack,’ Ianto said with that goddamn accent that still sent tingles down the captain’s spine. ‘Don’t make me go out there,’ he grabbed hold of both Jack’s biceps and rested his head against the older man’s shoulder. ‘Please don’t make me go out there.’
Jack didn’t say anything, partly because he knew he couldn’t bring himself to refuse Ianto aloud, but partly because he knew that Ianto knew he would have to eventually anyway. So instead he lifted the thick scarf in his hands, sliding it over the back of Ianto’s neck and looping it around only once.
‘Warm,’ Ianto murmured into his shoulder.
Jack hummed in agreement. ‘It’s meant to be warm. So you don’t freeze out there in the snow.’
Ianto groaned at the word. ‘Snow is cold. I hate snow.’
‘Look,’ Jack gently pushed Ianto away from him so he could help slide the Welshman’s heavy coat over his shoulders. ‘You’ve got your gloves, got your scarf, got your coat. I can guarantee you’re not going to be cold. Do you want a beanie with that?’
‘I’ll not degrade myself with a beanie,’ Ianto scowled.
‘Okay then,’ Jack opened the door cautiously. ‘We’re all set. Let’s go.’
‘Jack!’ Ianto whimpered in token protest, but he stepped outside regardless.
By the time Jack had shut and locked the door, Ianto was already trying to flinch away from the small ice flakes. Jack chuckled and approached the young man cautiously, smiling as Ianto instinctively reached out for him. He wrapped his arms tightly around the Welshman from behind, breathing hot air down his neck in response.
Ianto visibly relaxed in his arms, breathing out in a puff of white mist.
‘What don’t you like about snow?’ Jack whispered into his ear, keeping one arm firmly curled around Ianto’s waist as they began to walk.
Ianto scrunched up his nose. ‘It’s… cold, and wet, and slushy and all together awkward.’
‘And unpredictable,’ the hot air from Jack’s laugh made the hairs on the back of Ianto’s neck stand up.
‘Uncontrollable,’ Ianto sighed.
‘It’s not all bad you know.’
‘Like you,’ Ianto chuckled softly.
‘Like me,’ Jack agreed cheerfully. ‘Snow can be fun, too.’ He reached down and picked up a handful of crisp white snow.
Ianto immediately scrambled away from him. ‘Put that stuff anywhere near me and I will not lay another hand on you for a year.’
Jack immediately dropped the snow, holding his empty hands up in front of him like a man who was under gun point. Ianto very cautiously accepted Jack’s arm back around him but he was edgy the whole walk to the Hub.
‘If the SUV’s not finished repairs by this afternoon, I’m staying here overnight,’ Ianto told Jack grimly but sincerely once they’re reached the front door, Ianto scooting into the safety of the Tourist Office the second it was unlocked.
Jack sighed. It was a battle he knew he would never win. ‘Okay, Ianto,’ he said instead, giving the young man’s cheek a quick kiss before disappearing through the hidden door.
Apart from Ianto’s short trip down into the Hub to pass out mugs of steaming coffee, Jack didn’t see him again until nearly lunch time when he finally gave up on his paperwork and decided to venture up to the Tourist Office to check on his young lover. He hated slow days at the office.
‘Ianto!’ he called, stepping through the beaded curtain.
‘Jack,’ Ianto beckoned to him swiftly from where he sat by the widow, one hand pressed up against the glass. ‘Come watch this.’
Jack came and knelt beside Ianto’s chair, eluding a small sound of pleasure when the Welshman’s fingers absently threaded through his hair. Looking out the window, it was easy to see what had captured Ianto’s attention.
A man and a woman, both either in their late teens or early twenties, were slowly but surely building up a snowman. Both Jack and Ianto watched, mesmerised, as they finished moulding a snow sphere for the head and lifted it onto the body. The man pulled his scarf from his neck and in turn wound it around the snowman’s shoulders while the woman tugged open her bag, pulling out two shiny black buttons to serve as eyes for their icy friend, a long pointy carrot for the nose and even an elegant smoking pipe to place in its imaginary mouth.
When the two had finished, they stood back to admire their work, arms wrapped around one another and shoulders shaking with happy laughter.
‘Let’s make one,’ Ianto’s voice brought Jack back to the warm room in which he currently sat.
‘A snowman?’
‘Yeah,’ Ianto breathed in awe.
‘Why Mr Jones,’ Jack grinned. ‘I thought you hated snow.’
Ianto looked offended. ‘I said no such thing!’ he cried out, before breaking into a grin himself.
‘Come on,’ Jack grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet, starting toward the door.
‘We can’t Jack, we’ve got work.’
Jack grabbed Ianto’s gloves and scarf from the front desk, tossing them to the younger man and grinning. ‘We’re officially on our lunch breaks,’ he pressed a kiss to the side of Ianto’s face. ‘Just let me get my coat.’ And with that he disappeared.
By the time Ianto had shaken his head sadly, pulled his gloves and scarf on and slipped his coat back over his shoulders, Jack had returned, similarly dressed.
‘Okay, let’s go.’
Ianto laughed and allowed himself to be dragged out into the snow.
A good while later both him and Jack collapsed onto the ground to admire their own snow-weevil.
‘Snow’s not so bad,’ Ianto said.
‘Not bad at all,’ Jack agreed, nuzzling his cold nose into the side of Ianto’s face. ‘Janet would be proud.’
Ianto laughed, pulling Jack’s hands into his own and just holding them in his lap. ‘That was fun.’
‘A job like ours and we’re still having fun,’ Jack said quietly.
‘As long as I’m with you I’ll always be having fun,’ Ianto grinned cheesily. ‘Because you’re still the one.’
--
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
--
‘I have small hands,’ Ianto slowly walked into Jack’s office, hands spread out before his face. ‘Oh that’s going to be very problematic.’
‘Come here,’ Jack reached out and grabbed one of Ianto’s hands, kissing the palm gently. ‘I think they’re perfect.’
Ianto stared at said palm intently. ‘Perfect, oh yes, I’m not doubting that. They’re just so very… small.’
Jack frowned and tugged on Ianto’s waist, getting him to sit on the edge of the desk. ‘Well let’s see,’ he placed his flat palm against Ianto’s. The captain’s was approximately half a fingernail higher, and slightly thicker. ‘They look pretty average to me.’
‘They’re not!’ With his free hand, Ianto tried to push Jack’s fingers down so they were level with his. ‘Yours are much bigger.’
’And that’s not the only thing,’ Jack said with a wink.
Ianto just stared, clearly not impressed. Jack sighed.
‘Ianto, I don’t think it matters,’ he smiled fondly at the younger man.
‘It a hazard, Jack. Workplace Health and Safety!’
‘Oh yes, because I’m sure we’re all in peril at your small hands,’ Jack muttered.
‘Stay here,’ Ianto instructed him, getting off the desk and taking two steps away before returning quickly and grabbing the blue and white striped mug from behind Jack. A guilty look spread across the captain's face. ‘Jack! I told you, you daft fool, no more coffee! You’re watching your blood pressure, remember? Honestly, I’m not your mother.’
‘Thank god you’re not because otherwise I’d get in a lot of trouble for doing this’ Jack hooked his fingers around the back of Ianto’s neck and kissed him leisurely.
‘Are you going to do this every time I catch you eating something you’re not supposed to?’ Ianto asked, not really expecting an answer as he shuffled over to the door.
Jack caught him half way, looping his arms around the younger man’s arms and shoulders from behind, holding him tight. ‘Are you saying you don’t enjoy it?’ he retorted.
Ianto scoffed. ‘Not at all, but you don’t have to wait until you do something wrong to kiss me, Jack.’
‘Oh really?’ Jack ran the tip of his nose down the length of Ianto’s neck. Ianto merely hummed his approval. ‘Maybe I should test this theory,’ he said, spinning Ianto around in his arms.
The Welshman grinned and placed his hands on either side of Jack’s face before frowning and tilting his head back from Jack’s enquiring lips.
‘Small hands,’ he muttered, more to himself than the captain. ‘Go sit down,’ he pushed Jack back gently. ‘And this time stay there. I’ll be back in a minute.’
‘To continue on from where we left off, I hope,’ Jack muttered sourly, wandering back to his desk. He watched as Ianto disappeared before turning his attention to the little silver balls on his desk, smiling in amusement as they clinked against each other.
Ianto returned not too soon later, an impatient Gwen in tow. ‘Okay, look,’ he placed Gwen in front of Jack before grabbing her hand and pressing it against his own. His fingers were easily a whole fingernail’s length bigger, not to mention a lot wider than Gwen’s petite hands.
‘I’m looking…’ Jack began slowly. ‘But I’m not seeing.’
‘They’re practically the same size!’ Ianto cried, shaking his hand slightly as if this would make him see.
‘Jack, he’s deranged,’ Gwen muttered darkly and none too quietly.
Jack sighed, reaching his hands out to Ianto again. ‘Ianto,’ he said softly, resting his hands gently on the Welshman’s hips and pulling him close. ‘What’s got you so paranoid about your hands?’
‘You said I’m your better half, Jack.’
The captain smiled. ‘Indeed you are.’
‘Better half, how can I be better if my hands are so small?’
Jack let out and hearty laugh and even Gwen covered her mouth with her hand to disguise her giggles.
‘Ianto, Ianto, Ianto,’ Jack hugged the younger man’s waist tightly, chuckling into his stomach.
‘It’s a figure of speech, sweetheart,’ Gwen began gently but Jack cut her off, pulling back and staring up at Ianto’s eyes.
‘Just because they’re smaller, doesn’t mean they’re not better! Look,’ he took one of Ianto’s hands and placed it on his cheek. ‘It’s the exact size of my face, Ianto. Any bigger and it’d feel strange, but your hands fit my face perfectly.’
Ianto stared on like a child who was enchanted by a television show.
Jack moved the Welshman’s hand down and curled it around his bicep. ‘Perfect size for holding onto my arms. Not too big, not too small.’ Then he grasped the smaller hand in his own. ‘Fits perfectly in my hand,’ he smiled up at Ianto, lacing their fingers together. ‘And doesn’t stretch my fingers at all, threads in beautifully, see?’
He placed their joined hands over his stomach, just above the waistline of his pants before continuing. ‘Gwen, you might have to leave for this next part.’
Gwen blushed profusely and was about to leave when Ianto pulled his hand free and cupped Jack’s face, leaning down to give it a long, proper kiss. ‘Thank you,’ he smiled sincerely.
‘Any other non-perfect things I can help you out with?’ Jack smiled back.
‘Not while Gwen’s here.’
Ianto laughed at the positively filthy look Jack gave Gwen for still being in his office, the captain firmly pointing to the door and glaring at the former Policewoman. Both Gwen and Ianto both knew that he was only joking, but Gwen took that moment to leave anyway, trying to hide her blush as she gently closed the door behind her.
‘Do you really think I’m perfect?’ Ianto asked, turning back to the captain.
‘In every way,’ he replied with a wolfish grin.
Ianto chuckled. ‘That’s a lie.’
‘It is,’ Jack agreed. ‘You’re a stubborn, uptight, borderline-anal bastard who is infuriatingly snarky and not nearly as good a cook as he thinks he is.’
‘Ooh, that hurt,’ Ianto grinned despite himself.
‘And still I fell for you and I fell for you hard.’
‘How hard?’
‘Call an ambulance, I think I have broken bones.’
Ianto raised an eyebrow dubiously. ‘That’s pretty hard.’
‘Head over heels, Ianto Jones.’ There was not a hint of mockery in Jack’s voice.
‘Sounds like you had fun doing that,’ Ianto replied snidely.
‘And every time I see you I’m reminded just why you’re still the one.’
--
Part Two