Fic for ender 839 (Part 4 of 4)
Fic for ender839 (Part 4 of 4)
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Chapter 7: You Win or You Die
Aiba Masaki was ridiculously full, patting his stomach as their dinner plates were taken away. It had been a rough few days. He'd gone down to Okinawa for filming, spending hours of his life sitting in the sand waiting for sea turtles to arrive on shore to lay their eggs, ending up with more sand in his crotch than any man should have to endure. Then he'd returned home to his apartment to find Hina had broken open the rain stick he'd gotten in Africa, leaving the floors covered in the tiny pebbles because he thought there'd been bugs inside it. Where the hell had he gotten such a stupid idea in his head? And of course, he still hadn't found his Housewife Hunters DVD, even though he'd sworn it had been in his bedroom.
But now he could finally relax. Well, as much as a man whose close friend had been kidnapped by another close friend could relax. Aiba hadn't really thought Yoko was capable of kidnapping. For one, Nino was kind of slippery and difficult to keep hold of for long periods of time. And for two, it only made Sho-chan and Matsujun angry, and Aiba was worried about how they were planning to retaliate.
He and Leader were both out for dinner with Matsuoka, and Leader hadn't heard from Nino yet - it had been a few days, and even though Nino had been off work, pretty soon they had variety filming to do, and Nino's absence would definitely be noticed. That wouldn't be easy to explain to their managers.
Even now Leader was looking as antsy as he could get. Though he looked exactly the same, Aiba knew him better than most people did. He could see the subtle changes - the way he tapped his foot under the table, the way his eyes would perk any time Matsu-nii mentioned the word "game" in conversation. Nino's absence weighed heavily on him, mostly because the first one Johnny-san would yell at about it was Ohno anyway. The burdens of leadership. Aiba was pretty sure Leader was going to downright freak out if they didn't get out of the restaurant soon. But of course, even though the two of them were pretty lax when it came to showing Matsu-nii his due as a senpai, their meal had been on him so they had to do what he said.
And even though Aiba was full, when Matsu-nii got up and smiled, declaring that all three of them just had to go to this bakery in the neighborhood, they had to obey. He and Ohno's eyes met at the mention of bakery, and they dutifully followed Matsuoka from the restaurant. They stayed behind a bit, Ohno linking their arms as they walked.
"Aiba-chan, I got a message from Sho-kun in the restaurant," he whispered.
"Did he and Matsujun go rescue Nino? I don't care how many heist movies Matsujun has seen, Yoko's building has pretty good security. He sometimes calls his place the CTU, but I don't know what that means."
"It's not about Nino," Leader said, shaking his head. "It's about the plan moving forward. Sho-kun said we have a new ally for when the occasion presented itself."
"The hell does that mean?"
Leader shrugged. "You're asking me?"
This whole Countdown plan had gotten wildly out of control, and Aiba wasn't sure he wanted to be a part of it anymore. Not when Hina was sneaking resentful looks at him at home and Yoko was abducting people and kids from Hey Say Jump were stalking him in Okinawa. He'd sworn that he'd seen Yabu-kun watching him at the beach with binoculars and Inoo-kun following him at the airport in one of those motorized airport staff carts.
"Oi, slowpokes!" Matsu-nii called, waving his hand. "Shake a leg, they're almost out!"
He and Ohno hurried down the street to enter the small bakery Matsuoka had brought them to. Aiba didn't recognize it from the list Sho-chan had pulled together. It was kind of off the main street, tiny and a little dirty from the outside, which was probably why Sho had skipped it.
"Here," Matsu-nii said as soon as they entered. He already had a small box waiting for him. "You have to try these. I swear, these are the best scones in Tokyo."
"Scones?" Ohno asked. Did TOKIO know? Or was it just a coincidence?
Matsuoka pushed one in Aiba's face, and he could smell the orange glaze. "Try it."
He gave Ohno a nod, accepting the scone and taking a huge bite. In the past few weeks, Aiba had probably tried about 50 different scones, and yet none of them had been as amazing as this one. "Johnny-san will..." Aiba blurted out before hurriedly closing his mouth. He was so enraptured by the taste of the sweet treat that he'd forgotten Matsuoka was standing right there in front of him.
Ohno tried one too, his face lighting up as he tasted perfection himself. Matsu-nii just looked between them. "What about Johnny-san?"
"Nothing!" he and Ohno declared, taking another bite of their scones before sneaking a smile at each other. They'd finally done it.
--
They'd finally done it! And nobody was happier than Shibutani Subaru. He and Tacchon were probably going to need medical attention and a very good dentist because they'd stayed in Osaka far longer than they'd planned. For three days straight, they'd moved from bakery to bakery, sampling every scone in sight with a few intermittent bathroom breaks and sleep breaks at manga cafes.
The two of them looked pretty disgusting, Subaru had to admit. Tacchon's mouth was just about the only thing that worked now as he was running on maybe 2 cumulative hours of sleep at best, and Subaru had to drag him from place to place so he could hand feed Ohkura a new scone. The answer would be a "Yeah" or a "No" and they'd be off to the next bakery. It had been a while since Subaru had even tried one, leaving it to Tacchon to decide.
It was kind of like leading a blind prophet through the streets of Osaka. And they were lucky they were in Osaka - nobody thought it was really strange to see two unshowered, strange men wandering around in search of sweets whereas in Tokyo the paparazzi would have descended and the two of them would have been Friday'ed as having bizarre mental disorders.
But finally Ohkura had declared Bonbon's Brownie Palace to be the place, a kind of dingy little place out in the suburbs. Subaru thought they had tasted pretty good, but Tacchon had ended up writhing on the floor in some sort of food ecstasy before rising to his feet, eyes wide, to declare that they needed to buy about five dozen scones to ship to Hina in Tokyo immediately.
Of course, since they'd spent all their money on their short overnights in the manga cafes and on sweets, they were now broke. But Subaru knew how to remedy the situation. He was smarter than most people gave him credit for. He opened his phone and dialed.
"Shibuyan, good morning!"
He blinked. "Wait, it's morning?" He looked out the window to see the sun shining. It had been an odd few days. "Ah, yes, morning."
Maru sounded chipper on the other end of the line. "Did you and Tacchon have any luck with the scones?"
"Ah...we're still working on that actually," Subaru lied, immediately feeling awful, but this wasn't something he could explain to Maru. He didn't want to admit how broke and desperate he and Ohkura were. It would just make Maru worry more, so a little white lie couldn't hurt.
"Did you know that Yoko abducted Nino? That's crazy, right?"
"Sure is," Subaru said, "anyhow, what do you think of...Housewife Hunters 15?" Ohkura gave Subaru an irritated look, but Subaru waved him off, gesturing for him to get the grand total for the scones and the shipping.
"Wait, there's a Housewife Hunters 15? 14 just came out, and I only just got that one! I'm on the production company's email list and everything!"
"Yeah, I'm uh...I'm here at the store, and they've got this limited edition Blu-ray with all kinds of deleted scenes and special features. It says on the box there's only, like, 100 of these available. Did you want me to get it for you?" Subaru knew Maru pretty well, he thought. Limited edition porn? Talk about some Shibutani genius plotting.
"Deleted scenes? What kind of deleted scenes?"
Subaru had to think on his feet, not always the easiest thing to do, but if it meant the success of Kanjani8, he'd do his best. "Well, I think there's a part where they've got the housewife on all fours, wearing just an apron, and she's scrubbing the tile in the bathroom. So they come up behind her, and the guy's slapping her on the ass with some of those rubber scrub gloves and says, 'hey, okaa-san, let me help you tackle that grout'..."
Ohkura smacked him as a few old ladies gave him dirty looks as they lined up to buy baked goods.
"Sounds hot," Maru said.
"I know, right? So let me pick this up for you..."
Ohkura started holding up fingers to indicate the pricing for the scones. Holy crap, Subaru thought. "Yeah, Maru-chan, it's a really limited edition. So if you could just give me your credit card number, I'll grab it for you."
"Ah, Shibuyan, you are the best friend a guy could ask for," Maru said, obviously tearing up on the other end of the line. "Hold on just a second."
"What are you going to do when there's no DVD to give him?" Tacchon chided him.
"It's Maru-chan," he hissed back, hand covering the phone's mouthpiece. "He'd forgive me if I ran down his grandma on a moped, he's a nice guy."
Ohkura rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot."
"Shibuyan, I am all ready!"
Ohkura scribbled down the price and held it up. "Alright, this is going to show up on your credit card statement as Bonbon's Brownie Palace."
Maru giggled. "Sounds kinky!"
Subaru smiled. "You have no idea."
--
Nino was pretty sure he smelled like a sewer. He'd spent the first day of captivity handcuffed to Yoko's toilet. And because of Yoko's dedication to the task, he'd had to listen as Yoko peed in the bathtub instead, desperately looking away in disgust. Eventually, though, Yoko had been unable to prevent nature's call.
He'd moved Nino into the living room when it was time for number two, but he'd kept the bathroom door open to ensure that Nino couldn't leave his sight. "Aiba-chan's seen me take a dump a dozen times," Yoko had oddly decided to brag. "Grow up, Ninomiya."
Yoko was not an entirely horrible captor though. Any initial threats on Yoko's part to cuff Nino to the small balcony outside his apartment had not been fulfilled. Not because of paparazzi or anything reasonable. No, Yoko had convinced himself that Sho and Jun were planning an aerial rescue of Nino, complete with helicopters and a SWAT team. This was, of course, the way Yoko's mind worked after foregoing sleep for 36 hours.
He'd been fed, poorly, but Nino was used to living off of snacks so what would have left Jun-kun sobbing allowed Nino to regain his strength. His head still hurt a bit, but he was dead set on escaping Yoko's clutches on his own. If Jun and Sho hadn't even come over to knock on the door in nearly two days, Nino was convinced that they simply weren't coming. And while it hurt, knowing he was apparently this expendable, he supposed that they had their reasons for abandoning him.
So Nino watched Yoko down energy drinks in hopes of staying awake. "Any minute now," Yoko would keep saying, "any minute they're going to call with terms. But I'm not going to play their little game. I'm not an idiot."
Well, Nino thought, a smart kidnapper would at least have a partner. Yoko hadn't called any of his bandmates over to help relieve him for a few hours so he could get some sleep. Yoko was so deadset on emulating his hero Jack Bauer's ability to stay up for 24 hours straight that he couldn't see reason. And that, Nino knew, was how he was going to escape.
Yoko was digging through a pile of DVDs on his floor, looking kind of drowsy. "I was going to watch some...adult...videos..."
Nino wrinkled his nose. "It's your apartment, I guess. But, I mean, could you at least move me to another room or something if you're going to jack it?"
"Aiba-chan and I have..."
"Please," Nino begged, shutting his eyes. "You don't have to tell me every damn thing you and Aiba-chan have done together. Truly, your bromance is touching, but..."
Yoko rolled his eyes. "You clearly don't understand real friendship. And just for that I am not going to move you."
Nino was cuffed to the radiator next to Yoko's couch, and he stayed as far from Yoko as he could as he put a disc in his DVD player and grabbed a box of tissue from his side table. This was hell, Nino realized. He thought forced exercise was hell, but this was actually worse.
But as soon as the DVD started playing and Yoko settled down on the couch, he was out like a light. Nino's eyes widened at the first of Yoko's snores - he hadn't even unzipped his pants, and Nino thanked every god in existence for that. "Oi, Yoko," he hissed, testing how deep a sleep it was. "Kimitaka. Oi, Kimitaka!"
Yoko didn't move, and Nino went from hell to heaven in a second. He wriggled across the couch slowly, as far as the cuffs would allow him to move while the porn video emitted it usual noises. Yoko had kept the key in his pocket, and Nino had no qualms about sticking his hand in a friend's pocket if it meant his escape. He gave Yoko's cheek a tentative poke and was rewarded with a noisy snore and a mumbled "Where are the terrorists?" He ganked the key from inside Yoko's pocket and had the cuffs undone in a second, rubbing his wrists in sweet freedom.
He stepped around Yoko's mess to retrieve his cell phone. A truly vindictive person would handcuff Yoko in turn, but escape was far more pressing. He opened a window to let some fresh air into the apartment and left, closing the door as gently as he could behind him.
He ached, stretching as he walked down the hallway. Logically, his first call should have been to another member of Arashi, but he'd been stuck watching Yoko poop for two days and none of them had done anything about it. He didn't want Arashi to win Countdown, not really. Not now. But after his suffering, he wasn't so sure Kanjani8 deserved it either. He found himself dialing a different number.
Nino waited outside of Yoko's apartment, smiling broadly as Kamenashi's car pulled up half an hour later. Kame was immediately suspicious. "Of all the people you know, why did you call me?"
"Because I knew that you'd come," Nino said sweetly, getting into Kame's car and buckling himself in. After all, he'd promised Kame "vital information." There was no way he could resist.
"You smell terrible," Kame complained, rolling down his windows in disgust. "So what's this information I need?"
"Not until you drop me at my place." And Nino did withhold said information until Kame pulled up in front of his building, hands jittery on the steering wheel. But because Arashi always repaid its debts, he turned to Kame with a smile.
"You look creepy," Kame said. "Tell me already."
He leaned over to whisper one word in Kame's ear.
"Scones."
--
By some miracle, Subaru and Ohkura hadn't been stupid enough to ship the box of scones to Aiba's apartment. Unfortunately though, it meant he had to head back to his own building. With each step forward, Hina knew he was closer to a place where cockroaches and various other vermin had been roaming. But he had to be brave. Surely the fumigation was done by now.
And it was. The building looked the same as always as he tiptoed into the lobby, checking every corner and light fixture for nasty bugs. He was itchy and near tears when he got to the front desk. "Excuse me," he asked the man at the desk, "there's a package here for Murakami, marked urgent?"
The man turned around, and Hina jumped. "Chinen-kun, what the hell?"
Hey Say Jump's Chinen Yuri only smiled. "I'll be right back with your package, sir," he said, disappearing into the back room.
Hina jumped again when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, seeing Toma's annoying face. "You again?! You even replaced my building staff? What is your problem?"
Toma just leaned against the counter. "Well, what if one of Sho-kun's spies was here and snatched up your scones first? After all the work your bandmates went through, you'd look pretty sad, Hina."
"Remind me to beat you to a bloody pulp someday. I don't have time for that right now."
Chinen returned with the box, labeled "Bonbon's Brownie Palace, Osaka." He held out a clipboard for Hina to sign. "Just need to verify your identity, sir."
"You know who I am," he snapped, reaching across the counter to slap his kohai's head.
Toma laughed. "Now now, he's just trying to do his job, Hina."
"He doesn't work here!" Hina screeched. "What did you do to the real guy who works here?"
Chinen and Toma only exchanged a conspiratorial smirk.
He pulled the box into his arms in irritation. "I hate you. Both of you."
When he turned around, Toma was still following him. "I did you a service, Murakami. I know you're going to the jimusho with those scones."
"So what if I am?" he spat, heading for his car. This was it, Hina had decided. He had his scones all ready for Johnny-san to sample. He'd worn his nicest army camo-patterned outfit. He meant business, damn it. Today was going to be the end of all of it, this whole damn conspiracy. He was going to wow Johnny-san with his Countdown proposal - a Countdown where Arashi was live via satellite from Antarctica for a grand total of ten seconds. They wanted to create a storm throughout the world, didn't they?
Toma let himself into Hina's passenger seat. "You need help. You think you're the only one with an appointment today?"
Hina turned the car on in a huff. "I will punch Sho-kun in the teeth if he tries to beat me in there."
"That's the Hina I like," Toma cheered him on. "I'll help you. Arashi's done me no favors."
"Whatever," Hina said, driving to the jimusho like a man possessed. He wasn't altogether surprised to see Matsumoto's car in the lot. He grabbed the box of scones and made sure to give Matsujun's bumper a swift kick with his boot before he and Toma headed inside.
He saw Matsumoto and Sakurai sitting right outside of Johnny-san's office door, and they both got to their feet as Hina approached. He was thrilled to see no sign of any baked goods - they'd come unprepared, just to try and cut Hina off.
"Excuse me, gentlemen, I have an appointment," Hina said, standing his ground.
"Oh really?" Sho asked, faking surprise. He checked his watch. "You didn't know?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Didn't know what?"
"That when you play the game of scones either you win or you die," Sho said ominously.
The office door opened, and it wasn't Johnny, but Julie Kitagawa. Hina nearly dropped the box.
"Murakami," Julie said. "I see you made it."
"Er...yes." He held up the box. "Is Johnny-san here?"
"Not yet," Julie replied. "He's still speaking with the lawyers."
"The...lawyers?" Hina asked.
And that was when Toma moved from behind him to stand beside Sho and Jun, and everything Hina thought he'd known to be true came crashing down around him. Toma smiled. "I think it's a good sign that he's come with the evidence though. I think it's a sign that he regrets what he's done," Toma said.
"The hell are you talking about?" Hina asked.
Matsujun shook his head. "Really though, Hina. You can't just flout the jimusho rules. You're a traitor to us all with the stuff you've pulled."
He wondered if the world had turned upside down. "What?"
Sho turned to Julie. "Julie-san, we came here today because we were concerned about Murakami. We hope that you won't be too hard on him."
"I don't know," Julie said, giving Hina the scariest look he'd ever received from anyone in management before. "Trying to sell agency property cheaply on Yahoo Auctions is a pretty terrible thing."
"Selling...what?" Hina gasped. "I didn't do anything!"
Julie stepped forward and took the box from him. "Is this the stuff?"
"It's...just baked goods," Hina admitted, but when Julie set the box down and opened it up, it was full of Kanjani8 merchandise Hina had never seen before. The scones that Subaru and Ohkura had sent had been replaced. "That's not mine!"
"Of course it's not yours," Sho-kun accused him. He took out a folder and handed it to Julie. "Which is why we're turning you in before you cause this agency any further embarrassment."
They'd gotten him - Matsujun, Sho, and even Toma had turned on him. Maybe Toma had never been on his side. They had it all there in front of him - the evidence (manufactured), the time stamps from Aiba's computer when Hina had been the only one in the apartment (faked), and records of transactions on Yahoo Japan (also faked).
As the security guards gathered around close and Julie Kitagawa looked at him with disgust, Hina knew he'd lost.
Chapter 8: The Pointy End
Ueda Tatsuya had never been all that interested in baking. Or Countdown. So having to slave away in a hot kitchen surrounded by senpais and his bandmates both was an extra special level of hell.
They'd been baking for nearly nine hours, working the dough, putting it in the oven, taking it out and serving it to their special baking instructors. Ueda was surprised at Kame's ability to get SMAP to help them out, but he supposed that if anyone was going to whip KAT-TUN into shape in the kitchen, it would be them.
Even now as they were divided into three pairs, their senpai were watching with a wary eye. Kame was working with Koki as Kimura-san barked out orders for them to follow. Nakamaru and Jin were the worst as far as Ueda could tell, and Shingo-san was playing bad cop to Tsuyoshi-san's good cop - he suspected that neither Nakamaru or Jin had produced any scones worthy of Johnny-san's palate yet, though they'd both produced a lot of tears due to Shingo's anger.
And then Ueda himself was partnered with Taguchi under Goro-san's picky instruction. Ueda had hoped that Nakai-san would come to his rescue at some point, seeing as how they'd worked together before, but instead he was observing it all from a large chair in the center of the kitchen space they'd rented out for the day. This left Goro to dip his finger into Ueda's mixing bowl time and time again.
Without fail each time, he'd pick up the bowl and dump it in the trash. "Atrocious," Goro said calmly. "Start again."
It was a real waste of both food and mixing bowls, Ueda thought bitterly as he started over. Taguchi had finally gotten Goro's approval on batter and was just getting something in the oven for the first time in four hours. They were tired, all of them, but SMAP was relentless.
"You think you can just come back like you never left!" Shingo was bellowing in Jin's ear as poor Jin sniffled and tried to stir his batter. "You think you can come back and half ass this?"
"My daughters can make better scones in their Easy Bake Oven!" Kimura was berating Koki. "What the hell are you trying to do, poison me?"
At that moment, Ueda wanted to bake Goro-san into a scone. The sound of his screams inside the oven would surely make up for his nine hours of suffering that day. Even then, Goro was looming over Ueda's workbench. "What's this then?"
Ueda eyed the recipe. "I'm adding in three tablespoons of shortening."
"Can you read? That says two!" Goro said, picking up the recipe card and tearing it in half. "You're using this as a crutch. That's laziness. Make it from memory. Right now!"
Taguchi chuckled, and that was the worst mistake he could have made. Everyone looked on in surprise as Goro grabbed an oven mitt and pulled Taguchi's unfinished scones out of oven and flung them across the room.
"Dude!" Taguchi screamed, dodging the hot tray as it flew past him. "What is your deal?"
"My deal, little one, is your lack of interest in perfection," Goro said angrily, moving a stray hair back into its perfect place. "I'd rather eat feces than anything that would have come out of that tray of garbage you called scones."
Taguchi broke down in tears, and Ueda was close to punching the nearest person. Considering that Kame was standing right behind him, and he'd been the one responsible for this miserable baking boot camp, it was a tempting thought. But finally Nakai-san spoke up.
"Ten minute break," he announced, and all five members of SMAP exited the room, presumably for a smoke break and a chance to regroup and find a new way to shame KAT-TUN's baking ability.
Jin flung his mixing spoon at Nakamaru. "This is all your fault! It's all because you can't tell flour from sugar!"
"My fault, Akanishi?" Nakamaru seethed. "Am I the one who got a long, stringy hair in the batter?"
"My hair's not stringy!" Jin protested.
Koki was giving Taguchi a comforting hug, and Kame hadn't even moved away from his mixing bowl. Even as the group was falling apart around him, he hadn't given up on his baking.
"Remind me again why we can't just go to a bakery," Ueda complained.
"That's what I'd like to know," Koki said bitterly, and that was when Kame broke his spoon over his knee, holding up the two splintered pieces with a crazy look in his eye.
"This is for our own good," Kame said, his voice low and gravelly like he'd been smoking non-stop since he'd been a toddler. "This is so we can win. You think we can just give Johnny-san something store-bought and call it a day? Our senpais want us to win, and they're going to push us until we do."
"But do they have to be so mean?" Jin cried. "Shingo-san made fun of my Twitter!"
"Your Twitter is pretty stupid," Nakamaru admitted.
"Hey!"
"Guys, don't fight," Taguchi mumbled.
"Well, Kame, it's not like your scones are any good either! You haven't slept in weeks so you keep making stupid mistakes," Ueda reminded him. "Maybe if you stopped trying to be completely perfect you wouldn't keep failing so spectacularly!"
"Oh, and you're putting in a hundred percent effort, are you, Tat-chan?" Koki fumed. "What the hell were you trying to do with the food coloring, make them look like vomit scones?"
"Koki, you didn't even know they made brown sugar!" Nakamaru screeched.
"Hey, take that back, sugar's supposed to be white!" Koki protested.
"That's racist!" Taguchi shouted.
"My Twitter isn't stupid!" Jin tried to scream over everyone.
"ENOUGH!" Kame screamed, and all five turned to stare at him. He dropped the two spoon fragments to the ground, a single tear rolling down his cheek. And the next thing he said surprised them all. "Fine. I quit."
They stood there, utterly stunned, as Kame left the rented kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Ueda finally broke the silence.
"Koki, you really didn't know that brown sugar exists?"
He dodged Koki's lazy punch, and they all grew quiet again. Kame had quit. Kame of all people! He felt sort of bad, and that's when Jin took off running.
"Kame, come back!" he shouted, leaving the room.
He and the others decided to follow. Nine hours of baking was still a long damn time, but even Ueda found a place in his heart that was willing to forgive Kame for being a psychotic slave driver. They had to try again, and this time they had to do better. They were stopped in the hall by the five members of SMAP, who were blocking the way through.
"Now," Nakai-san said, " are you five lazy asses going to try harder or not?"
"We will," Jin vowed. "I'll even tie my hair back."
"This is to prove you have responsibility. That you're willing to take on the challenge as a unified group," Tsuyoshi said kindly.
"To show that no matter what gets in your way, be it your senpai or your own inadequacies, you'll keep trying," Kimura said, and Ueda bristled a bit at the obvious backhanded compliment.
"So will you all try again? To show Kamenashi-kun that you're in it to win it?" Shingo asked.
"Yes!" the five of them said, and they saw Kame poke his head out from where he'd been hiding behind Shingo. He was sniffling, meeting each of their glances with watery eyes.
"We need to make the best scones ever, you guys. All six of us. Whatever KAT-TUN is now, whatever it used to be, this is a mission we need to complete together," Kame said.
Jin held out his hand first. "In it to win it."
Nakamaru placed his on top of it. "In it to win it."
Then Koki. "In it to win it." Kame. "In it to win it." Taguchi. "In it to win it!"
Ueda sighed, laying his hand on top of the others. "In it to win it!"
"K-A-T-T-U-N!" they all cheered, high fiving and hugging in a way that creeped Ueda out, but he participated anyway.
"That's the spirit!" Goro said. "Back to work!"
"Just for safety's sake, can you not throw stuff at me that's been in a 400 degree oven this time?" Taguchi asked.
Goro smiled eerily. "Only if you don't fail."
Taguchi frowned.
--
Matsuoka Masahiro considered himself a popular senpai. He liked hanging out with his juniors, showing them ways to have a little fun without getting arrested, ensuring that his legacy would be looked upon favorably when he could finally retire. But even as much as he liked his juniors, the Tegoshi kid was starting to grate on him.
At first, it hadn't bothered him. Having new folks at some of the crazy TOKIO parties was fun, and it gave him ammunition and hangover stories to use against them later on variety programs. Tegoshi and Masuda had been agreeable, if a bit sycophantic. But now they were everywhere. Everywhere Mabo turned, he saw Tegoshi waving around that stupid friendship bracelet Nagase had bought him.
Sure, Nagase loved the kid since Tegoshi was his pet. As far as Mabo knew, Tegoshi cleaned Nagase's apartment, cooked Nagase's meals, and even rubbed his feet. But Nagase clearly didn't understand that Tegoshi wasn't doing it because he liked Nagase - no, Matsuoka could smell ambition coming off the kid like the smell of a Port-o-Potty on a humid summer's day.
And if anything, Tegoshi's presence was starting to interfere with TOKIO business. They had a new single to record, but Tegoshi had refused to let Nagase go to the studio. "Tomoya-chan's throat is sore today," Tegoshi had said. "But if you'd like, I'd be happy to come and sing his part."
It was interfering with variety filming. "Tomoya-chan doesn't think the script has enough lines for him today. Can we rearrange it so he can talk with the guest more?"
Taichi was already developing a nervous tic any time Tegoshi tried to worm his way into his good graces. He'd made Masuda into his own little servant boy just as a way to retaliate, even though they all knew Masuda was only just following Tegoshi's orders.
At least now they had a way to get rid of them, Mabo thought. They hadn't invited Nagase to the meeting on account of Tegoshi being likely to tag along, and the four of them gathered around the grill at the yakiniku place. "So," he said, getting things started, "Countdown."
Leader sighed. "I'm going to miss you guys! Maybe Tegoshi-kun could take my place though?"
Taichi visibly shuddered. "I'm not sure that's a good idea..."
Tatsuya smiled. "Kid sure does want to host though, I'll give him that. You think we should just tell him we talked to Johnny-san already?"
"You mean lie?" Taichi asked, almost giggling. "Oh, it would be just as priceless as watching Koyama's face as soon as the Goldschlager hit him."
But Mabo held up his hand. "I think I've got a better plan. And all it involves is one thing."
"What's that?" Leader asked.
Taichi beat him to it. Not all that surprising since Taichi had spies everywhere. "Let me guess. It involves scones."
"Scones?" Leader wondered.
Mabo slapped down the bakery menu for the place he'd taken Ohno and Aiba. "Scones, my friends."
Of course, the four members of TOKIO were too busy enjoying their yakiniku to see Tegoshi slipping out and into the night with a smile on his face.
--
Maru thought it was kind of exciting as he, Subaru, Tacchon, and Yasu stood side by side and at attention as Yoko paced back and forth with determination. Nino had managed to slip away under Yoko's watch, and as far as they all knew, Hina was still at the jimusho getting yelled at for selling merchandise on Yahoo Auctions. Maru was pretty sure that Hina wasn't stupid enough to do something like that, but since Hina hadn't been allowed to go free yet, it did looks suspicious.
That was why Yoko had ordered them all to gather together. Maru wasn't all that interested in declaring open war against Arashi since he did really like them, but he figured if Yoko had been willing to kidnap Nino, who knew what else he was capable of? Sadly, Ryo-chan hadn't been able to join him - he'd had more filming to complete, although with Ryo's attitude lately, Maru doubted he'd be all that interested in causing Arashi any trouble.
Yoko kept pacing, and Maru had to smile at his enthusiasm. "They will rue the day they declared war on Kanjani8!" Yoko was saying, fists clenching. "They're trying to steal Countdown away with their 'Arashi can do no wrong' smiles and their enormous piles of Arashi money. Well, I say no more!"
"No more!" Subaru shouted half-heartedly, and Maru could tell it was mostly for Yoko's benefit.
"They think they can put us in the hospital and try to kill us?" Yoko continued.
Tacchon elbowed Yasu. "Say something."
"What do you want me to say?" Yasu mumbled.
"No more!" Subaru cheered.
"They didn't really try to kill me though," Yasu said. "I think it was a prank..."
"They try to kill us. They stalk us. They escape our clutches as soon as our backs are turned!" Yoko cried.
"No more!" Maru said along with Subaru this time.
Yoko only got louder. "They think that they're the only people who can buy scones? They're wrong! Comrade Ohkura, Comrade Shibutani, you gave them what for!"
"No more!" Subaru shouted, and Maru was confused.
"Wait..." Maru said, "what's this about scones? You guys found scones?"
Tacchon coughed. "Nothing."
Subaru's eyes widened. "Right, nothing. Nothing at all."
He knew the pair of them were supposed to buy scones in Osaka, but Maru had never actually heard if they'd found anything or not. In fact, all Maru knew was that Shibuyan was supposed to bring him a DVD, but Maru thought it would be rude to bring it up during their Pending Battle Against Arashi rally.
"Can't we just go to the jimusho already?" Yasu asked. "I mean, if they're interrogating Hina, we should be there to back him up."
Yoko shook his head. "No, my friend. That's just what Arashi wants us to do. No, no, no, we have to hit them where it hurts first."
"In the nuts!" Subaru cried.
Yoko made a face. "Ew, no. We're not going near Arashi's nuts, please and thank you. We've got our own scone source, we just have to make sure we secure theirs as well. If they can't get any scones to Johnny-san, then their entire operation falls apart."
"No," Tacchon protested. "I'm not setting foot in another bakery. I gained 10 pounds!"
Maru thought he did look a bit rounder in the face. "Well, how do we find out where they're planning to buy scones?"
Yoko smiled. "Who really runs the show in the Arashi camp?"
"Sho-kun. And Matsujun, right?" Yasu asked. "They're the ones who are always standing and whispering their secrets when nobody else is watching. You know, how they're so much closer than anyone actually realizes and..." He suddenly looked rather faint, holding his head in his hands. "Oh god...oh my god..."
But everyone ignored Yasu's sudden distress because Yoko had moved to stand on his coffee table and strike a victorious battle pose. "Gentlemen, this time the kidnapping's gonna stick. Because this time we're going to catch ourselves a Matsujun."
--
Massu paced back and forth outside of Nagase's hospital room. He knew he should have done something. As soon as Tegoshi had come to him with his "genius" idea of making scones to win Nagase's eternal love, he knew he should have put an end to it.
Instead he'd been there in the kitchen, watching as Tegoshi had tried making the sweet treats without a recipe. Adding way too much sugar than seemed necessary. And now Nagase had really bad food poisoning. Even out in the hall he could hear the man's groans of agony.
He froze as soon as he saw the other four members of TOKIO arrive, looking downright pissed off as they approached. "Masuda," Taichi said immediately, getting up in his face. "What did that kid do to Nagase? Some kind of death magic? Is he a warlock?"
"What? Death magic? No! Well, he just...he thought he could make Nagase dessert, you know, as a nice gesture in exchange for Nagase going to talk to Johnny-san about Countdown."
Yamaguchi grabbed hold of Massu's t-shirt. "That's a TOKIO decision, going to Johnny-san. Your friend has overstepped his bounds for the last time."
"Exactly," Matsuoka agreed. "Maybe it's time we separated those two for good, if you catch my meaning."
Sure, Tegoshi was ambitious, Massu thought, but he didn't want TOKIO to crush his dreams. He'd already had to stand by and see Koyama and Shige face disappointment - he didn't want to go through it all over again with another friend, even if it was over something as ridiculous as Countdown.
He blocked the hospital room door as best he could with his body. "Don't be mad, I'm sure Tegoshi's really sorry for what happened. Please, he loves hanging out with you guys! Please!"
But Matsuoka shoved him aside and pulled open the door. Even then, Nagase was in bed groaning, looking completely out of it as an IV pumped life-restoring nutrients back into his body. Tegoshi got up, throwing himself across Nagase's body almost pathetically.
"You can't take him away from me!" Tegoshi howled. "He's my sun and stars!"
"You're so creepy!" Taichi shouted. "Get away from him! He's ours, you little twit!"
Massu hurried into the room, tugging on Tegoshi's arm. "Come on, he's just dehydrated. He won't die if we go home now."
"No!" Tegoshi cried. "No, we're best friends forever! We have bracelets! WE HAVE BRACELETS!"
"Urrrrgh," Nagase moaned.
Joshima shuffled up to the bed, putting a hand on Tegoshi's shoulder. "Come along now, Tegoshi-kun. It's over, don't you think?"
"No!" Tegoshi howled, and it took four members of TOKIO and three orderlies to finally pry Tegoshi away from Nagase's food poisoned body. "No, Tomoya-chan!"
Taichi pulled Massu aside. "Your friend landed our front man in the hospital. You do realize this nullifies the contract, right? We're done here."
Massu nodded. "I understand," he said sadly.
He headed outside, finding Tegoshi sitting on the curb alone, the hood on his sweatshirt pulled up over his head. He sat down beside his friend. "I'm sorry," he said meekly.
"I just wanted to make him happy. I really do admire him, you know."
"I know."
Tegoshi sighed. "I can't go back. I can't go back to Kei-chan now, not after everything that's happened."
"No, you should probably leave him be for a while." He patted Tegoshi on the shoulder. "But so what then, we don't need TOKIO's help right? We can just ask someone else for help if you want. What about Kisumai? They just debuted, and we could all work together."
Tegoshi shook his head. "There won't be a Tegomasu Countdown, will there?"
Massu considered this. It was probably way too late in the game for it, not with everything he'd been hearing about Arashi and Kanjani8's battles. "Probably not, I'm sorry."
"But we'll find something else," Tegoshi said, seeming a bit cheered. "I just know we will."
Chapter 9: Game Over
It helped that they'd been in the Arashi ni Shiyagare studio before. Arashi would never expect to be attacked on their home turf, and especially with Hina still in custody at the jimusho. Yoko could only imagine that Julie-san was using truth serum on him - Yoko knew the whole thing had been an Arashi conspiracy, and he just hoped that Hina could hold out under the pressure for a while longer. Things would be far more equal once they had Matsujun with them.
Yoko could have gone for Sakurai - he knew that Sho-kun tended toward the more cowardly way of things, but his family was kind of powerful, and Yoko didn't think it was worth messing with him, even when Countdown was at stake. Matsujun was the obvious choice.
He had Maru and Tacchon out in a car, ready to go to whichever bakery Matsujun specified as soon as they got him to cough up the location. That left him, Yasu, and Subaru inside the studio to capture the man in question. There were managers and staff everywhere, and it didn't help that Yasu was having some kind of mental breakdown episode at the same time.
"Matsujun..." he kept mumbling. "Matsujun and Sho-kun..."
"Yes, we know. They're evil, Yasuda, that's why we're here to put an end to it," Yoko complained. "Now be quiet, would you?"
Finally, they managed to sneak into Matsujun's dressing room. The three of them huddled beside the door, ready to pounce as soon as Matsumoto returned from filming. Tensions rose - Subaru was fidgety, Yasu was holding his head like he was having a migraine, and Yoko was losing patience.
But finally the door slid open. Jun was midway through a "thanks for all your hard work" to some random staff member when they sprang into action. Subaru got the door shut as Yoko tackled Jun to the floor, using the element of surprise to get the handcuffs around his wrists. Yasu's hands were shaking as he held the butter knife against Matsujun's face.
"One false move and we'll cut those fancy eyebrows off your face!" Yoko threatened.
Jun sighed. "It's over already, why are you bothering with this? Hina wouldn't back off, you took Nino, it's all fair in war."
Subaru looked as angry as he could manage. "I put those scones on Maru-chan's credit card! And you just used us so you could manipulate Hina!"
"Duh," Matsujun said with a roll of his eyes. "We knew from the beginning that he was the vital target."
"Why?" Yoko asked, offended. Surely he with all his skills and abilities ought to have been Arashi's greatest threat.
"Because he's not an idiot like you three!" Matsujun said. "I mean, you're holding a butter knife on Arashi right now."
"You'll tell us where your scones are coming from," Yasu suddenly said. "You'll tell us right now."
"Or what, Yasuda?" Jun asked. "You'll spread some butter on me?"
Subaru laughed at that, but Yasu was more serious than Yoko had ever seen him.
"No, Matsumoto-kun. I'll tell everyone your big nasty secret."
"Wait, Jun-kun has a big nasty secret?" Yoko asked, dumbfounded. Surely Aiba-chan would have told him about a big nasty secret years ago! What could it be? Yakuza connections? A secret tattoo on his ass? "What big nasty secret?"
"About...about the things Jun-kun would do for love!" Yasu said shakily.
Fear suddenly filled Matsumoto's face. Whatever dirt Yasu had uncovered had to be good, Yoko thought, even though he was annoyed that it hadn't come up in their strategy meeting. "For love?" Subaru asked. "Do you have a love child? Oh oh I bet that's it! You have a baby mama somewhere! Oooh, juicy! Scandalous!"
Yoko grinned. "The bakery, Matsumoto. Tell us where it is."
Yasu looked downright demonic. "Just how far would you go for love, Matsumoto-kun?" he asked, dragging the butter knife down Jun's cheek. Yoko had to admit, he didn't know Yasu had it in him, sweet kid that he was. "How far?"
"Okay!" Jun relented, pulling out his cellphone. "I'll give you the address, seriously!"
"Excellent," Yoko said. "Because we're going to buy the place out."
"With what money?" Jun grumbled, showing his phone so Yasu could get the address.
Subaru already had Maru on the line. "Hey Maru-chan, you still have your credit card on you?"
--
Aiba felt kind of bad for Nino as he listened to Sho-chan's phone call. "You haven't hurt him, have you?" Sho was asking Yoko. "Because I swear, 99% of the work he gets is because of his face. He needs his face, Yokoyama."
He could see Nino's knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel, driving the three of them to the jimusho where they planned to negotiate for Matsujun's safe release. Nino had had to stick it out at Yoko's apartment for days, and Sho and Jun hadn't done anything to rescue him, but within minutes of capture, Sho was already begging Yoko not to damage Jun's face. It just wasn't fair.
"Well so what if we falsely accused him," Sho was still arguing, "that's how the game is played."
They finally agreed to meet up outside Johnny-san's office, as neutral a territory as the two groups could manage. Aiba knew that some of the Kanjani8 members were off buying up all the scones, and Sho had allowed that part of the plan to fall by the wayside so long as Jun was returned to them unharmed. They all got out of Nino's car, Sho speed walking his way inside.
He really needed to work harder on being less obvious, Aiba thought, trailing behind with Nino. "I'm sorry about Yokocho," Aiba said to him. "Really. This whole thing got out of hand."
"I was complicit as much as you," Nino said. "You don't have to apologize to me."
"I guess we all just love Arashi in our own unique ways. But I think Countdown will be better if we let everyone else come along."
"It'll be good to get along with everyone again," Nino agreed. "I'm sick of fighting, and if everyone hates me I'll never get a free meal out of them again."
Aiba's face fell as soon as they walked in the door. Where he expected Yoko to be there with his hostage, instead they saw Leader at the front of an army. Okay, Aiba told himself, not quite an army, but he had the members of Kanjani8 surrounded by Hey Say Jump, Kis-My-Ft2 (on their skates, no less), and a gaggle of juniors he didn't really know that well. They all flanked Ohno like an honor guard as he scowled at Yoko, Maru, Yasu, Subaru, and Ohkura.
"Satoshi-kun!" Sho was pleading with him. "We agreed to a cease fire! I just negotiated it with..."
"You never said anything to me," Leader insisted, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm your Leader, maybe I should start acting like one. We've got them now. Countdown's ours, Sho-kun."
"Arashi's a bunch of liars, as always!" Yoko howled, stomping his feet. He held out his phone. "Maybe I should call Ryo-chan and have him shave Matsujun's head!"
"Nooooo!" Sho screeched, and the Kis-My-Ft members started to skate around their prey like vultures. "Satoshi-kun, stop!"
"Leader," Nino said, "this isn't you. Putting in all this effort."
"Oh, I know." Ohno sighed, setting down the tennis racket he'd seemingly used to rally his troops. "But I was doing this for Arashi. And for Jun-kun. I just got a little carried away, Maou flashbacks and all that." He bowed his head. "I'm really sorry."
Sho sniffed. "We've lost, okay?" He stepped forward, brushing juniors aside to grab hold of their Leader. "Look, Yoko, we all went too far. Why don't we go in to see Johnny-san? We can get Murakami off the hook and maybe our two groups could host together?"
"Together?" Yoko asked, still suspicious. "How do we know this isn't another of your tricks?"
Aiba hurried forward, dragging Nino along. "I want to host with you, Yokocho. I do."
Nino smiled weakly. "It's much easier to make fun of you if we're in Tokyo together. I want to host with Kanjani8, too."
Ohno ran forward and threw his arms around Maru. "Maru, I love you! I'm sorry! I want to host with you! All of you!"
"We want to host with you too!" Maru sobbed.
Sho looked a little sad after all his plans had failed, but he held out his hands in surrender. "Would you consent to co-hosting with us? All twelve of us, at the Tokyo Dome? Maybe winter is coming, but it's a winter I want to spend with you all."
The other groups started grumbling, wandering off now that Arashi and Kanjani8 had obviously buried the hatchet. Aiba was pulled into a group hug while Nino poked Ohkura in the cheek until he smiled. Yoko burst into noisy tears, getting snot all over Aiba's t-shirt as he lamented how they'd nearly ruined their friendship over something as silly as Countdown.
They were just about to go in and see Johnny-san when the door to his office opened, and the faces of Arashi and Kanjani alike were stunned to see a pleased looking KAT-TUN emerge from within, along with Akanishi Jin. But the biggest shock was finding Ikuta Toma arm in arm with them.
"Toma-kun?" Sho asked. "What's going on?"
Kame made a high-pitched little squeal. "Johnny-san loved our homemade scones! We're going to host Countdown!"
KAT-TUN and Akanishi went running down the hall cheering and chanting, high-fiving and celebrating as Kanjani and Arashi looked horrified.
"But...but we all just hugged it out!" Yoko protested. "That's not fair!"
And that's when Toma, who Aiba had always thought of as a nice guy, let loose a maniacal laugh that left the members of the two groups huddling in fright.
"Oh yes," Toma said, pointing at all of them in his gloating triumph. "Yes, yes, yes! Winter is coming, bitches, and you can just call me your new King of Countdown! That's right, me! Me! Sure, I have to share with KAT-TUN but you all have to watch me host! Me! I watched all of you jerks debut and have your concerts and be utterly adored, and I bided my time. And look at me now! Ha! See you in December, suckers!"
And off he went, catching up with KAT-TUN and offering them additional high fives as they departed the jimusho.
"Wait a second," Yoko asked, mouth agape. "Did we all just get pwned by Ikuta Toma?"
--
Ryo clinked his beer bottle against Yamapi's, sighing. "Well, I'm glad all that shit's over. Really, it was not an ending I'd expected after all that."
Yamapi shrugged. "Oh, I knew it was going to happen."
"What?" Ryo asked. He'd done his best to stay the hell out of all the Countdown mess, and he thought out of everyone involved that he'd been involved the least. Aside from Yamapi of course, who had done nothing to stop NEWS from all the in-fighting and had done nothing to intervene in the Arashi and Kanjani fight, despite having grown up with most of them. "What do you mean you knew?"
Pi just laughed, holding out his phone. Winter is coming.
"Toma asked me to send you all those messages. I thought it was funny. Neither of us saw the whole 'Arashi gay scandal cover-up, Yasuda out the window' thing coming though."
"Wait, you sent them?" Ryo asked, nearly choking on his beer. "From the beginning, it was you and Toma-kun?"
"I guess so," Yamapi admitted. "I felt kind of bad for him. I mean, it has to be rough to show up at Countdown, sing everyone's songs, and not be in a group. I just wanted him to be happy."
Ryo chuckled. "You are the biggest asshole ever," he said, smiling big.
Yamapi downed his beer and smiled in return. "Yeah, I know."
--
It had been days since Massu had seen Tegoshi, and he was worried. He used his spare key to let himself into his friend's apartment. He understood why Tegoshi was so upset. Losing his self-proclaimed "BFF" Nagase, losing the ability to host Countdown, being so thoroughly rejected by TOKIO, alienating the rest of NEWS...it made sense.
But there was just something off about the way the lights were turned down low in the apartment, the way the shades were drawn. And then, of course, there was the maddening cackle he heard coming from Tegoshi's bedroom.
"Tegoshi? Tegoshi, are you okay in there?"
More laughter, and Massu felt a shiver go down his spine. Something wasn't right here. When he pushed open the bedroom door, he was horrified to see Tegoshi sitting naked on his bedroom floor, surrounded by several stuffed dragon toys that Nagase had won for him at DisneySea.
"Tegoshi?"
He looked up, cuddling one of the dragons. "Oh, hello Massu."
"Are you...okay?"
"I'm better than okay."
"That's good," he said uneasily, eyes looking anywhere but at Tegoshi's junk. "Not still upset about Countdown, I hope?"
"Countdown?" Tegoshi asked, getting to his feet and holding three of the dragon toys in his arms. "Oh, Massu, who needs Countdown? I mean, next year's going to be my year. I can just sense it. Everything's coming up Tegoshi."
"Okay," Massu said. "Wait, what?"
"Next year is 2012! The year of the dragon!" Tegoshi held up the toys triumphantly. "And it's going to be AWESOME!"
--
THE END
Back to Part 3
Chapter 7: You Win or You Die
Aiba Masaki was ridiculously full, patting his stomach as their dinner plates were taken away. It had been a rough few days. He'd gone down to Okinawa for filming, spending hours of his life sitting in the sand waiting for sea turtles to arrive on shore to lay their eggs, ending up with more sand in his crotch than any man should have to endure. Then he'd returned home to his apartment to find Hina had broken open the rain stick he'd gotten in Africa, leaving the floors covered in the tiny pebbles because he thought there'd been bugs inside it. Where the hell had he gotten such a stupid idea in his head? And of course, he still hadn't found his Housewife Hunters DVD, even though he'd sworn it had been in his bedroom.
But now he could finally relax. Well, as much as a man whose close friend had been kidnapped by another close friend could relax. Aiba hadn't really thought Yoko was capable of kidnapping. For one, Nino was kind of slippery and difficult to keep hold of for long periods of time. And for two, it only made Sho-chan and Matsujun angry, and Aiba was worried about how they were planning to retaliate.
He and Leader were both out for dinner with Matsuoka, and Leader hadn't heard from Nino yet - it had been a few days, and even though Nino had been off work, pretty soon they had variety filming to do, and Nino's absence would definitely be noticed. That wouldn't be easy to explain to their managers.
Even now Leader was looking as antsy as he could get. Though he looked exactly the same, Aiba knew him better than most people did. He could see the subtle changes - the way he tapped his foot under the table, the way his eyes would perk any time Matsu-nii mentioned the word "game" in conversation. Nino's absence weighed heavily on him, mostly because the first one Johnny-san would yell at about it was Ohno anyway. The burdens of leadership. Aiba was pretty sure Leader was going to downright freak out if they didn't get out of the restaurant soon. But of course, even though the two of them were pretty lax when it came to showing Matsu-nii his due as a senpai, their meal had been on him so they had to do what he said.
And even though Aiba was full, when Matsu-nii got up and smiled, declaring that all three of them just had to go to this bakery in the neighborhood, they had to obey. He and Ohno's eyes met at the mention of bakery, and they dutifully followed Matsuoka from the restaurant. They stayed behind a bit, Ohno linking their arms as they walked.
"Aiba-chan, I got a message from Sho-kun in the restaurant," he whispered.
"Did he and Matsujun go rescue Nino? I don't care how many heist movies Matsujun has seen, Yoko's building has pretty good security. He sometimes calls his place the CTU, but I don't know what that means."
"It's not about Nino," Leader said, shaking his head. "It's about the plan moving forward. Sho-kun said we have a new ally for when the occasion presented itself."
"The hell does that mean?"
Leader shrugged. "You're asking me?"
This whole Countdown plan had gotten wildly out of control, and Aiba wasn't sure he wanted to be a part of it anymore. Not when Hina was sneaking resentful looks at him at home and Yoko was abducting people and kids from Hey Say Jump were stalking him in Okinawa. He'd sworn that he'd seen Yabu-kun watching him at the beach with binoculars and Inoo-kun following him at the airport in one of those motorized airport staff carts.
"Oi, slowpokes!" Matsu-nii called, waving his hand. "Shake a leg, they're almost out!"
He and Ohno hurried down the street to enter the small bakery Matsuoka had brought them to. Aiba didn't recognize it from the list Sho-chan had pulled together. It was kind of off the main street, tiny and a little dirty from the outside, which was probably why Sho had skipped it.
"Here," Matsu-nii said as soon as they entered. He already had a small box waiting for him. "You have to try these. I swear, these are the best scones in Tokyo."
"Scones?" Ohno asked. Did TOKIO know? Or was it just a coincidence?
Matsuoka pushed one in Aiba's face, and he could smell the orange glaze. "Try it."
He gave Ohno a nod, accepting the scone and taking a huge bite. In the past few weeks, Aiba had probably tried about 50 different scones, and yet none of them had been as amazing as this one. "Johnny-san will..." Aiba blurted out before hurriedly closing his mouth. He was so enraptured by the taste of the sweet treat that he'd forgotten Matsuoka was standing right there in front of him.
Ohno tried one too, his face lighting up as he tasted perfection himself. Matsu-nii just looked between them. "What about Johnny-san?"
"Nothing!" he and Ohno declared, taking another bite of their scones before sneaking a smile at each other. They'd finally done it.
--
They'd finally done it! And nobody was happier than Shibutani Subaru. He and Tacchon were probably going to need medical attention and a very good dentist because they'd stayed in Osaka far longer than they'd planned. For three days straight, they'd moved from bakery to bakery, sampling every scone in sight with a few intermittent bathroom breaks and sleep breaks at manga cafes.
The two of them looked pretty disgusting, Subaru had to admit. Tacchon's mouth was just about the only thing that worked now as he was running on maybe 2 cumulative hours of sleep at best, and Subaru had to drag him from place to place so he could hand feed Ohkura a new scone. The answer would be a "Yeah" or a "No" and they'd be off to the next bakery. It had been a while since Subaru had even tried one, leaving it to Tacchon to decide.
It was kind of like leading a blind prophet through the streets of Osaka. And they were lucky they were in Osaka - nobody thought it was really strange to see two unshowered, strange men wandering around in search of sweets whereas in Tokyo the paparazzi would have descended and the two of them would have been Friday'ed as having bizarre mental disorders.
But finally Ohkura had declared Bonbon's Brownie Palace to be the place, a kind of dingy little place out in the suburbs. Subaru thought they had tasted pretty good, but Tacchon had ended up writhing on the floor in some sort of food ecstasy before rising to his feet, eyes wide, to declare that they needed to buy about five dozen scones to ship to Hina in Tokyo immediately.
Of course, since they'd spent all their money on their short overnights in the manga cafes and on sweets, they were now broke. But Subaru knew how to remedy the situation. He was smarter than most people gave him credit for. He opened his phone and dialed.
"Shibuyan, good morning!"
He blinked. "Wait, it's morning?" He looked out the window to see the sun shining. It had been an odd few days. "Ah, yes, morning."
Maru sounded chipper on the other end of the line. "Did you and Tacchon have any luck with the scones?"
"Ah...we're still working on that actually," Subaru lied, immediately feeling awful, but this wasn't something he could explain to Maru. He didn't want to admit how broke and desperate he and Ohkura were. It would just make Maru worry more, so a little white lie couldn't hurt.
"Did you know that Yoko abducted Nino? That's crazy, right?"
"Sure is," Subaru said, "anyhow, what do you think of...Housewife Hunters 15?" Ohkura gave Subaru an irritated look, but Subaru waved him off, gesturing for him to get the grand total for the scones and the shipping.
"Wait, there's a Housewife Hunters 15? 14 just came out, and I only just got that one! I'm on the production company's email list and everything!"
"Yeah, I'm uh...I'm here at the store, and they've got this limited edition Blu-ray with all kinds of deleted scenes and special features. It says on the box there's only, like, 100 of these available. Did you want me to get it for you?" Subaru knew Maru pretty well, he thought. Limited edition porn? Talk about some Shibutani genius plotting.
"Deleted scenes? What kind of deleted scenes?"
Subaru had to think on his feet, not always the easiest thing to do, but if it meant the success of Kanjani8, he'd do his best. "Well, I think there's a part where they've got the housewife on all fours, wearing just an apron, and she's scrubbing the tile in the bathroom. So they come up behind her, and the guy's slapping her on the ass with some of those rubber scrub gloves and says, 'hey, okaa-san, let me help you tackle that grout'..."
Ohkura smacked him as a few old ladies gave him dirty looks as they lined up to buy baked goods.
"Sounds hot," Maru said.
"I know, right? So let me pick this up for you..."
Ohkura started holding up fingers to indicate the pricing for the scones. Holy crap, Subaru thought. "Yeah, Maru-chan, it's a really limited edition. So if you could just give me your credit card number, I'll grab it for you."
"Ah, Shibuyan, you are the best friend a guy could ask for," Maru said, obviously tearing up on the other end of the line. "Hold on just a second."
"What are you going to do when there's no DVD to give him?" Tacchon chided him.
"It's Maru-chan," he hissed back, hand covering the phone's mouthpiece. "He'd forgive me if I ran down his grandma on a moped, he's a nice guy."
Ohkura rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot."
"Shibuyan, I am all ready!"
Ohkura scribbled down the price and held it up. "Alright, this is going to show up on your credit card statement as Bonbon's Brownie Palace."
Maru giggled. "Sounds kinky!"
Subaru smiled. "You have no idea."
--
Nino was pretty sure he smelled like a sewer. He'd spent the first day of captivity handcuffed to Yoko's toilet. And because of Yoko's dedication to the task, he'd had to listen as Yoko peed in the bathtub instead, desperately looking away in disgust. Eventually, though, Yoko had been unable to prevent nature's call.
He'd moved Nino into the living room when it was time for number two, but he'd kept the bathroom door open to ensure that Nino couldn't leave his sight. "Aiba-chan's seen me take a dump a dozen times," Yoko had oddly decided to brag. "Grow up, Ninomiya."
Yoko was not an entirely horrible captor though. Any initial threats on Yoko's part to cuff Nino to the small balcony outside his apartment had not been fulfilled. Not because of paparazzi or anything reasonable. No, Yoko had convinced himself that Sho and Jun were planning an aerial rescue of Nino, complete with helicopters and a SWAT team. This was, of course, the way Yoko's mind worked after foregoing sleep for 36 hours.
He'd been fed, poorly, but Nino was used to living off of snacks so what would have left Jun-kun sobbing allowed Nino to regain his strength. His head still hurt a bit, but he was dead set on escaping Yoko's clutches on his own. If Jun and Sho hadn't even come over to knock on the door in nearly two days, Nino was convinced that they simply weren't coming. And while it hurt, knowing he was apparently this expendable, he supposed that they had their reasons for abandoning him.
So Nino watched Yoko down energy drinks in hopes of staying awake. "Any minute now," Yoko would keep saying, "any minute they're going to call with terms. But I'm not going to play their little game. I'm not an idiot."
Well, Nino thought, a smart kidnapper would at least have a partner. Yoko hadn't called any of his bandmates over to help relieve him for a few hours so he could get some sleep. Yoko was so deadset on emulating his hero Jack Bauer's ability to stay up for 24 hours straight that he couldn't see reason. And that, Nino knew, was how he was going to escape.
Yoko was digging through a pile of DVDs on his floor, looking kind of drowsy. "I was going to watch some...adult...videos..."
Nino wrinkled his nose. "It's your apartment, I guess. But, I mean, could you at least move me to another room or something if you're going to jack it?"
"Aiba-chan and I have..."
"Please," Nino begged, shutting his eyes. "You don't have to tell me every damn thing you and Aiba-chan have done together. Truly, your bromance is touching, but..."
Yoko rolled his eyes. "You clearly don't understand real friendship. And just for that I am not going to move you."
Nino was cuffed to the radiator next to Yoko's couch, and he stayed as far from Yoko as he could as he put a disc in his DVD player and grabbed a box of tissue from his side table. This was hell, Nino realized. He thought forced exercise was hell, but this was actually worse.
But as soon as the DVD started playing and Yoko settled down on the couch, he was out like a light. Nino's eyes widened at the first of Yoko's snores - he hadn't even unzipped his pants, and Nino thanked every god in existence for that. "Oi, Yoko," he hissed, testing how deep a sleep it was. "Kimitaka. Oi, Kimitaka!"
Yoko didn't move, and Nino went from hell to heaven in a second. He wriggled across the couch slowly, as far as the cuffs would allow him to move while the porn video emitted it usual noises. Yoko had kept the key in his pocket, and Nino had no qualms about sticking his hand in a friend's pocket if it meant his escape. He gave Yoko's cheek a tentative poke and was rewarded with a noisy snore and a mumbled "Where are the terrorists?" He ganked the key from inside Yoko's pocket and had the cuffs undone in a second, rubbing his wrists in sweet freedom.
He stepped around Yoko's mess to retrieve his cell phone. A truly vindictive person would handcuff Yoko in turn, but escape was far more pressing. He opened a window to let some fresh air into the apartment and left, closing the door as gently as he could behind him.
He ached, stretching as he walked down the hallway. Logically, his first call should have been to another member of Arashi, but he'd been stuck watching Yoko poop for two days and none of them had done anything about it. He didn't want Arashi to win Countdown, not really. Not now. But after his suffering, he wasn't so sure Kanjani8 deserved it either. He found himself dialing a different number.
Nino waited outside of Yoko's apartment, smiling broadly as Kamenashi's car pulled up half an hour later. Kame was immediately suspicious. "Of all the people you know, why did you call me?"
"Because I knew that you'd come," Nino said sweetly, getting into Kame's car and buckling himself in. After all, he'd promised Kame "vital information." There was no way he could resist.
"You smell terrible," Kame complained, rolling down his windows in disgust. "So what's this information I need?"
"Not until you drop me at my place." And Nino did withhold said information until Kame pulled up in front of his building, hands jittery on the steering wheel. But because Arashi always repaid its debts, he turned to Kame with a smile.
"You look creepy," Kame said. "Tell me already."
He leaned over to whisper one word in Kame's ear.
"Scones."
--
By some miracle, Subaru and Ohkura hadn't been stupid enough to ship the box of scones to Aiba's apartment. Unfortunately though, it meant he had to head back to his own building. With each step forward, Hina knew he was closer to a place where cockroaches and various other vermin had been roaming. But he had to be brave. Surely the fumigation was done by now.
And it was. The building looked the same as always as he tiptoed into the lobby, checking every corner and light fixture for nasty bugs. He was itchy and near tears when he got to the front desk. "Excuse me," he asked the man at the desk, "there's a package here for Murakami, marked urgent?"
The man turned around, and Hina jumped. "Chinen-kun, what the hell?"
Hey Say Jump's Chinen Yuri only smiled. "I'll be right back with your package, sir," he said, disappearing into the back room.
Hina jumped again when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, seeing Toma's annoying face. "You again?! You even replaced my building staff? What is your problem?"
Toma just leaned against the counter. "Well, what if one of Sho-kun's spies was here and snatched up your scones first? After all the work your bandmates went through, you'd look pretty sad, Hina."
"Remind me to beat you to a bloody pulp someday. I don't have time for that right now."
Chinen returned with the box, labeled "Bonbon's Brownie Palace, Osaka." He held out a clipboard for Hina to sign. "Just need to verify your identity, sir."
"You know who I am," he snapped, reaching across the counter to slap his kohai's head.
Toma laughed. "Now now, he's just trying to do his job, Hina."
"He doesn't work here!" Hina screeched. "What did you do to the real guy who works here?"
Chinen and Toma only exchanged a conspiratorial smirk.
He pulled the box into his arms in irritation. "I hate you. Both of you."
When he turned around, Toma was still following him. "I did you a service, Murakami. I know you're going to the jimusho with those scones."
"So what if I am?" he spat, heading for his car. This was it, Hina had decided. He had his scones all ready for Johnny-san to sample. He'd worn his nicest army camo-patterned outfit. He meant business, damn it. Today was going to be the end of all of it, this whole damn conspiracy. He was going to wow Johnny-san with his Countdown proposal - a Countdown where Arashi was live via satellite from Antarctica for a grand total of ten seconds. They wanted to create a storm throughout the world, didn't they?
Toma let himself into Hina's passenger seat. "You need help. You think you're the only one with an appointment today?"
Hina turned the car on in a huff. "I will punch Sho-kun in the teeth if he tries to beat me in there."
"That's the Hina I like," Toma cheered him on. "I'll help you. Arashi's done me no favors."
"Whatever," Hina said, driving to the jimusho like a man possessed. He wasn't altogether surprised to see Matsumoto's car in the lot. He grabbed the box of scones and made sure to give Matsujun's bumper a swift kick with his boot before he and Toma headed inside.
He saw Matsumoto and Sakurai sitting right outside of Johnny-san's office door, and they both got to their feet as Hina approached. He was thrilled to see no sign of any baked goods - they'd come unprepared, just to try and cut Hina off.
"Excuse me, gentlemen, I have an appointment," Hina said, standing his ground.
"Oh really?" Sho asked, faking surprise. He checked his watch. "You didn't know?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Didn't know what?"
"That when you play the game of scones either you win or you die," Sho said ominously.
The office door opened, and it wasn't Johnny, but Julie Kitagawa. Hina nearly dropped the box.
"Murakami," Julie said. "I see you made it."
"Er...yes." He held up the box. "Is Johnny-san here?"
"Not yet," Julie replied. "He's still speaking with the lawyers."
"The...lawyers?" Hina asked.
And that was when Toma moved from behind him to stand beside Sho and Jun, and everything Hina thought he'd known to be true came crashing down around him. Toma smiled. "I think it's a good sign that he's come with the evidence though. I think it's a sign that he regrets what he's done," Toma said.
"The hell are you talking about?" Hina asked.
Matsujun shook his head. "Really though, Hina. You can't just flout the jimusho rules. You're a traitor to us all with the stuff you've pulled."
He wondered if the world had turned upside down. "What?"
Sho turned to Julie. "Julie-san, we came here today because we were concerned about Murakami. We hope that you won't be too hard on him."
"I don't know," Julie said, giving Hina the scariest look he'd ever received from anyone in management before. "Trying to sell agency property cheaply on Yahoo Auctions is a pretty terrible thing."
"Selling...what?" Hina gasped. "I didn't do anything!"
Julie stepped forward and took the box from him. "Is this the stuff?"
"It's...just baked goods," Hina admitted, but when Julie set the box down and opened it up, it was full of Kanjani8 merchandise Hina had never seen before. The scones that Subaru and Ohkura had sent had been replaced. "That's not mine!"
"Of course it's not yours," Sho-kun accused him. He took out a folder and handed it to Julie. "Which is why we're turning you in before you cause this agency any further embarrassment."
They'd gotten him - Matsujun, Sho, and even Toma had turned on him. Maybe Toma had never been on his side. They had it all there in front of him - the evidence (manufactured), the time stamps from Aiba's computer when Hina had been the only one in the apartment (faked), and records of transactions on Yahoo Japan (also faked).
As the security guards gathered around close and Julie Kitagawa looked at him with disgust, Hina knew he'd lost.
Chapter 8: The Pointy End
Ueda Tatsuya had never been all that interested in baking. Or Countdown. So having to slave away in a hot kitchen surrounded by senpais and his bandmates both was an extra special level of hell.
They'd been baking for nearly nine hours, working the dough, putting it in the oven, taking it out and serving it to their special baking instructors. Ueda was surprised at Kame's ability to get SMAP to help them out, but he supposed that if anyone was going to whip KAT-TUN into shape in the kitchen, it would be them.
Even now as they were divided into three pairs, their senpai were watching with a wary eye. Kame was working with Koki as Kimura-san barked out orders for them to follow. Nakamaru and Jin were the worst as far as Ueda could tell, and Shingo-san was playing bad cop to Tsuyoshi-san's good cop - he suspected that neither Nakamaru or Jin had produced any scones worthy of Johnny-san's palate yet, though they'd both produced a lot of tears due to Shingo's anger.
And then Ueda himself was partnered with Taguchi under Goro-san's picky instruction. Ueda had hoped that Nakai-san would come to his rescue at some point, seeing as how they'd worked together before, but instead he was observing it all from a large chair in the center of the kitchen space they'd rented out for the day. This left Goro to dip his finger into Ueda's mixing bowl time and time again.
Without fail each time, he'd pick up the bowl and dump it in the trash. "Atrocious," Goro said calmly. "Start again."
It was a real waste of both food and mixing bowls, Ueda thought bitterly as he started over. Taguchi had finally gotten Goro's approval on batter and was just getting something in the oven for the first time in four hours. They were tired, all of them, but SMAP was relentless.
"You think you can just come back like you never left!" Shingo was bellowing in Jin's ear as poor Jin sniffled and tried to stir his batter. "You think you can come back and half ass this?"
"My daughters can make better scones in their Easy Bake Oven!" Kimura was berating Koki. "What the hell are you trying to do, poison me?"
At that moment, Ueda wanted to bake Goro-san into a scone. The sound of his screams inside the oven would surely make up for his nine hours of suffering that day. Even then, Goro was looming over Ueda's workbench. "What's this then?"
Ueda eyed the recipe. "I'm adding in three tablespoons of shortening."
"Can you read? That says two!" Goro said, picking up the recipe card and tearing it in half. "You're using this as a crutch. That's laziness. Make it from memory. Right now!"
Taguchi chuckled, and that was the worst mistake he could have made. Everyone looked on in surprise as Goro grabbed an oven mitt and pulled Taguchi's unfinished scones out of oven and flung them across the room.
"Dude!" Taguchi screamed, dodging the hot tray as it flew past him. "What is your deal?"
"My deal, little one, is your lack of interest in perfection," Goro said angrily, moving a stray hair back into its perfect place. "I'd rather eat feces than anything that would have come out of that tray of garbage you called scones."
Taguchi broke down in tears, and Ueda was close to punching the nearest person. Considering that Kame was standing right behind him, and he'd been the one responsible for this miserable baking boot camp, it was a tempting thought. But finally Nakai-san spoke up.
"Ten minute break," he announced, and all five members of SMAP exited the room, presumably for a smoke break and a chance to regroup and find a new way to shame KAT-TUN's baking ability.
Jin flung his mixing spoon at Nakamaru. "This is all your fault! It's all because you can't tell flour from sugar!"
"My fault, Akanishi?" Nakamaru seethed. "Am I the one who got a long, stringy hair in the batter?"
"My hair's not stringy!" Jin protested.
Koki was giving Taguchi a comforting hug, and Kame hadn't even moved away from his mixing bowl. Even as the group was falling apart around him, he hadn't given up on his baking.
"Remind me again why we can't just go to a bakery," Ueda complained.
"That's what I'd like to know," Koki said bitterly, and that was when Kame broke his spoon over his knee, holding up the two splintered pieces with a crazy look in his eye.
"This is for our own good," Kame said, his voice low and gravelly like he'd been smoking non-stop since he'd been a toddler. "This is so we can win. You think we can just give Johnny-san something store-bought and call it a day? Our senpais want us to win, and they're going to push us until we do."
"But do they have to be so mean?" Jin cried. "Shingo-san made fun of my Twitter!"
"Your Twitter is pretty stupid," Nakamaru admitted.
"Hey!"
"Guys, don't fight," Taguchi mumbled.
"Well, Kame, it's not like your scones are any good either! You haven't slept in weeks so you keep making stupid mistakes," Ueda reminded him. "Maybe if you stopped trying to be completely perfect you wouldn't keep failing so spectacularly!"
"Oh, and you're putting in a hundred percent effort, are you, Tat-chan?" Koki fumed. "What the hell were you trying to do with the food coloring, make them look like vomit scones?"
"Koki, you didn't even know they made brown sugar!" Nakamaru screeched.
"Hey, take that back, sugar's supposed to be white!" Koki protested.
"That's racist!" Taguchi shouted.
"My Twitter isn't stupid!" Jin tried to scream over everyone.
"ENOUGH!" Kame screamed, and all five turned to stare at him. He dropped the two spoon fragments to the ground, a single tear rolling down his cheek. And the next thing he said surprised them all. "Fine. I quit."
They stood there, utterly stunned, as Kame left the rented kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Ueda finally broke the silence.
"Koki, you really didn't know that brown sugar exists?"
He dodged Koki's lazy punch, and they all grew quiet again. Kame had quit. Kame of all people! He felt sort of bad, and that's when Jin took off running.
"Kame, come back!" he shouted, leaving the room.
He and the others decided to follow. Nine hours of baking was still a long damn time, but even Ueda found a place in his heart that was willing to forgive Kame for being a psychotic slave driver. They had to try again, and this time they had to do better. They were stopped in the hall by the five members of SMAP, who were blocking the way through.
"Now," Nakai-san said, " are you five lazy asses going to try harder or not?"
"We will," Jin vowed. "I'll even tie my hair back."
"This is to prove you have responsibility. That you're willing to take on the challenge as a unified group," Tsuyoshi said kindly.
"To show that no matter what gets in your way, be it your senpai or your own inadequacies, you'll keep trying," Kimura said, and Ueda bristled a bit at the obvious backhanded compliment.
"So will you all try again? To show Kamenashi-kun that you're in it to win it?" Shingo asked.
"Yes!" the five of them said, and they saw Kame poke his head out from where he'd been hiding behind Shingo. He was sniffling, meeting each of their glances with watery eyes.
"We need to make the best scones ever, you guys. All six of us. Whatever KAT-TUN is now, whatever it used to be, this is a mission we need to complete together," Kame said.
Jin held out his hand first. "In it to win it."
Nakamaru placed his on top of it. "In it to win it."
Then Koki. "In it to win it." Kame. "In it to win it." Taguchi. "In it to win it!"
Ueda sighed, laying his hand on top of the others. "In it to win it!"
"K-A-T-T-U-N!" they all cheered, high fiving and hugging in a way that creeped Ueda out, but he participated anyway.
"That's the spirit!" Goro said. "Back to work!"
"Just for safety's sake, can you not throw stuff at me that's been in a 400 degree oven this time?" Taguchi asked.
Goro smiled eerily. "Only if you don't fail."
Taguchi frowned.
--
Matsuoka Masahiro considered himself a popular senpai. He liked hanging out with his juniors, showing them ways to have a little fun without getting arrested, ensuring that his legacy would be looked upon favorably when he could finally retire. But even as much as he liked his juniors, the Tegoshi kid was starting to grate on him.
At first, it hadn't bothered him. Having new folks at some of the crazy TOKIO parties was fun, and it gave him ammunition and hangover stories to use against them later on variety programs. Tegoshi and Masuda had been agreeable, if a bit sycophantic. But now they were everywhere. Everywhere Mabo turned, he saw Tegoshi waving around that stupid friendship bracelet Nagase had bought him.
Sure, Nagase loved the kid since Tegoshi was his pet. As far as Mabo knew, Tegoshi cleaned Nagase's apartment, cooked Nagase's meals, and even rubbed his feet. But Nagase clearly didn't understand that Tegoshi wasn't doing it because he liked Nagase - no, Matsuoka could smell ambition coming off the kid like the smell of a Port-o-Potty on a humid summer's day.
And if anything, Tegoshi's presence was starting to interfere with TOKIO business. They had a new single to record, but Tegoshi had refused to let Nagase go to the studio. "Tomoya-chan's throat is sore today," Tegoshi had said. "But if you'd like, I'd be happy to come and sing his part."
It was interfering with variety filming. "Tomoya-chan doesn't think the script has enough lines for him today. Can we rearrange it so he can talk with the guest more?"
Taichi was already developing a nervous tic any time Tegoshi tried to worm his way into his good graces. He'd made Masuda into his own little servant boy just as a way to retaliate, even though they all knew Masuda was only just following Tegoshi's orders.
At least now they had a way to get rid of them, Mabo thought. They hadn't invited Nagase to the meeting on account of Tegoshi being likely to tag along, and the four of them gathered around the grill at the yakiniku place. "So," he said, getting things started, "Countdown."
Leader sighed. "I'm going to miss you guys! Maybe Tegoshi-kun could take my place though?"
Taichi visibly shuddered. "I'm not sure that's a good idea..."
Tatsuya smiled. "Kid sure does want to host though, I'll give him that. You think we should just tell him we talked to Johnny-san already?"
"You mean lie?" Taichi asked, almost giggling. "Oh, it would be just as priceless as watching Koyama's face as soon as the Goldschlager hit him."
But Mabo held up his hand. "I think I've got a better plan. And all it involves is one thing."
"What's that?" Leader asked.
Taichi beat him to it. Not all that surprising since Taichi had spies everywhere. "Let me guess. It involves scones."
"Scones?" Leader wondered.
Mabo slapped down the bakery menu for the place he'd taken Ohno and Aiba. "Scones, my friends."
Of course, the four members of TOKIO were too busy enjoying their yakiniku to see Tegoshi slipping out and into the night with a smile on his face.
--
Maru thought it was kind of exciting as he, Subaru, Tacchon, and Yasu stood side by side and at attention as Yoko paced back and forth with determination. Nino had managed to slip away under Yoko's watch, and as far as they all knew, Hina was still at the jimusho getting yelled at for selling merchandise on Yahoo Auctions. Maru was pretty sure that Hina wasn't stupid enough to do something like that, but since Hina hadn't been allowed to go free yet, it did looks suspicious.
That was why Yoko had ordered them all to gather together. Maru wasn't all that interested in declaring open war against Arashi since he did really like them, but he figured if Yoko had been willing to kidnap Nino, who knew what else he was capable of? Sadly, Ryo-chan hadn't been able to join him - he'd had more filming to complete, although with Ryo's attitude lately, Maru doubted he'd be all that interested in causing Arashi any trouble.
Yoko kept pacing, and Maru had to smile at his enthusiasm. "They will rue the day they declared war on Kanjani8!" Yoko was saying, fists clenching. "They're trying to steal Countdown away with their 'Arashi can do no wrong' smiles and their enormous piles of Arashi money. Well, I say no more!"
"No more!" Subaru shouted half-heartedly, and Maru could tell it was mostly for Yoko's benefit.
"They think they can put us in the hospital and try to kill us?" Yoko continued.
Tacchon elbowed Yasu. "Say something."
"What do you want me to say?" Yasu mumbled.
"No more!" Subaru cheered.
"They didn't really try to kill me though," Yasu said. "I think it was a prank..."
"They try to kill us. They stalk us. They escape our clutches as soon as our backs are turned!" Yoko cried.
"No more!" Maru said along with Subaru this time.
Yoko only got louder. "They think that they're the only people who can buy scones? They're wrong! Comrade Ohkura, Comrade Shibutani, you gave them what for!"
"No more!" Subaru shouted, and Maru was confused.
"Wait..." Maru said, "what's this about scones? You guys found scones?"
Tacchon coughed. "Nothing."
Subaru's eyes widened. "Right, nothing. Nothing at all."
He knew the pair of them were supposed to buy scones in Osaka, but Maru had never actually heard if they'd found anything or not. In fact, all Maru knew was that Shibuyan was supposed to bring him a DVD, but Maru thought it would be rude to bring it up during their Pending Battle Against Arashi rally.
"Can't we just go to the jimusho already?" Yasu asked. "I mean, if they're interrogating Hina, we should be there to back him up."
Yoko shook his head. "No, my friend. That's just what Arashi wants us to do. No, no, no, we have to hit them where it hurts first."
"In the nuts!" Subaru cried.
Yoko made a face. "Ew, no. We're not going near Arashi's nuts, please and thank you. We've got our own scone source, we just have to make sure we secure theirs as well. If they can't get any scones to Johnny-san, then their entire operation falls apart."
"No," Tacchon protested. "I'm not setting foot in another bakery. I gained 10 pounds!"
Maru thought he did look a bit rounder in the face. "Well, how do we find out where they're planning to buy scones?"
Yoko smiled. "Who really runs the show in the Arashi camp?"
"Sho-kun. And Matsujun, right?" Yasu asked. "They're the ones who are always standing and whispering their secrets when nobody else is watching. You know, how they're so much closer than anyone actually realizes and..." He suddenly looked rather faint, holding his head in his hands. "Oh god...oh my god..."
But everyone ignored Yasu's sudden distress because Yoko had moved to stand on his coffee table and strike a victorious battle pose. "Gentlemen, this time the kidnapping's gonna stick. Because this time we're going to catch ourselves a Matsujun."
--
Massu paced back and forth outside of Nagase's hospital room. He knew he should have done something. As soon as Tegoshi had come to him with his "genius" idea of making scones to win Nagase's eternal love, he knew he should have put an end to it.
Instead he'd been there in the kitchen, watching as Tegoshi had tried making the sweet treats without a recipe. Adding way too much sugar than seemed necessary. And now Nagase had really bad food poisoning. Even out in the hall he could hear the man's groans of agony.
He froze as soon as he saw the other four members of TOKIO arrive, looking downright pissed off as they approached. "Masuda," Taichi said immediately, getting up in his face. "What did that kid do to Nagase? Some kind of death magic? Is he a warlock?"
"What? Death magic? No! Well, he just...he thought he could make Nagase dessert, you know, as a nice gesture in exchange for Nagase going to talk to Johnny-san about Countdown."
Yamaguchi grabbed hold of Massu's t-shirt. "That's a TOKIO decision, going to Johnny-san. Your friend has overstepped his bounds for the last time."
"Exactly," Matsuoka agreed. "Maybe it's time we separated those two for good, if you catch my meaning."
Sure, Tegoshi was ambitious, Massu thought, but he didn't want TOKIO to crush his dreams. He'd already had to stand by and see Koyama and Shige face disappointment - he didn't want to go through it all over again with another friend, even if it was over something as ridiculous as Countdown.
He blocked the hospital room door as best he could with his body. "Don't be mad, I'm sure Tegoshi's really sorry for what happened. Please, he loves hanging out with you guys! Please!"
But Matsuoka shoved him aside and pulled open the door. Even then, Nagase was in bed groaning, looking completely out of it as an IV pumped life-restoring nutrients back into his body. Tegoshi got up, throwing himself across Nagase's body almost pathetically.
"You can't take him away from me!" Tegoshi howled. "He's my sun and stars!"
"You're so creepy!" Taichi shouted. "Get away from him! He's ours, you little twit!"
Massu hurried into the room, tugging on Tegoshi's arm. "Come on, he's just dehydrated. He won't die if we go home now."
"No!" Tegoshi cried. "No, we're best friends forever! We have bracelets! WE HAVE BRACELETS!"
"Urrrrgh," Nagase moaned.
Joshima shuffled up to the bed, putting a hand on Tegoshi's shoulder. "Come along now, Tegoshi-kun. It's over, don't you think?"
"No!" Tegoshi howled, and it took four members of TOKIO and three orderlies to finally pry Tegoshi away from Nagase's food poisoned body. "No, Tomoya-chan!"
Taichi pulled Massu aside. "Your friend landed our front man in the hospital. You do realize this nullifies the contract, right? We're done here."
Massu nodded. "I understand," he said sadly.
He headed outside, finding Tegoshi sitting on the curb alone, the hood on his sweatshirt pulled up over his head. He sat down beside his friend. "I'm sorry," he said meekly.
"I just wanted to make him happy. I really do admire him, you know."
"I know."
Tegoshi sighed. "I can't go back. I can't go back to Kei-chan now, not after everything that's happened."
"No, you should probably leave him be for a while." He patted Tegoshi on the shoulder. "But so what then, we don't need TOKIO's help right? We can just ask someone else for help if you want. What about Kisumai? They just debuted, and we could all work together."
Tegoshi shook his head. "There won't be a Tegomasu Countdown, will there?"
Massu considered this. It was probably way too late in the game for it, not with everything he'd been hearing about Arashi and Kanjani8's battles. "Probably not, I'm sorry."
"But we'll find something else," Tegoshi said, seeming a bit cheered. "I just know we will."
Chapter 9: Game Over
It helped that they'd been in the Arashi ni Shiyagare studio before. Arashi would never expect to be attacked on their home turf, and especially with Hina still in custody at the jimusho. Yoko could only imagine that Julie-san was using truth serum on him - Yoko knew the whole thing had been an Arashi conspiracy, and he just hoped that Hina could hold out under the pressure for a while longer. Things would be far more equal once they had Matsujun with them.
Yoko could have gone for Sakurai - he knew that Sho-kun tended toward the more cowardly way of things, but his family was kind of powerful, and Yoko didn't think it was worth messing with him, even when Countdown was at stake. Matsujun was the obvious choice.
He had Maru and Tacchon out in a car, ready to go to whichever bakery Matsujun specified as soon as they got him to cough up the location. That left him, Yasu, and Subaru inside the studio to capture the man in question. There were managers and staff everywhere, and it didn't help that Yasu was having some kind of mental breakdown episode at the same time.
"Matsujun..." he kept mumbling. "Matsujun and Sho-kun..."
"Yes, we know. They're evil, Yasuda, that's why we're here to put an end to it," Yoko complained. "Now be quiet, would you?"
Finally, they managed to sneak into Matsujun's dressing room. The three of them huddled beside the door, ready to pounce as soon as Matsumoto returned from filming. Tensions rose - Subaru was fidgety, Yasu was holding his head like he was having a migraine, and Yoko was losing patience.
But finally the door slid open. Jun was midway through a "thanks for all your hard work" to some random staff member when they sprang into action. Subaru got the door shut as Yoko tackled Jun to the floor, using the element of surprise to get the handcuffs around his wrists. Yasu's hands were shaking as he held the butter knife against Matsujun's face.
"One false move and we'll cut those fancy eyebrows off your face!" Yoko threatened.
Jun sighed. "It's over already, why are you bothering with this? Hina wouldn't back off, you took Nino, it's all fair in war."
Subaru looked as angry as he could manage. "I put those scones on Maru-chan's credit card! And you just used us so you could manipulate Hina!"
"Duh," Matsujun said with a roll of his eyes. "We knew from the beginning that he was the vital target."
"Why?" Yoko asked, offended. Surely he with all his skills and abilities ought to have been Arashi's greatest threat.
"Because he's not an idiot like you three!" Matsujun said. "I mean, you're holding a butter knife on Arashi right now."
"You'll tell us where your scones are coming from," Yasu suddenly said. "You'll tell us right now."
"Or what, Yasuda?" Jun asked. "You'll spread some butter on me?"
Subaru laughed at that, but Yasu was more serious than Yoko had ever seen him.
"No, Matsumoto-kun. I'll tell everyone your big nasty secret."
"Wait, Jun-kun has a big nasty secret?" Yoko asked, dumbfounded. Surely Aiba-chan would have told him about a big nasty secret years ago! What could it be? Yakuza connections? A secret tattoo on his ass? "What big nasty secret?"
"About...about the things Jun-kun would do for love!" Yasu said shakily.
Fear suddenly filled Matsumoto's face. Whatever dirt Yasu had uncovered had to be good, Yoko thought, even though he was annoyed that it hadn't come up in their strategy meeting. "For love?" Subaru asked. "Do you have a love child? Oh oh I bet that's it! You have a baby mama somewhere! Oooh, juicy! Scandalous!"
Yoko grinned. "The bakery, Matsumoto. Tell us where it is."
Yasu looked downright demonic. "Just how far would you go for love, Matsumoto-kun?" he asked, dragging the butter knife down Jun's cheek. Yoko had to admit, he didn't know Yasu had it in him, sweet kid that he was. "How far?"
"Okay!" Jun relented, pulling out his cellphone. "I'll give you the address, seriously!"
"Excellent," Yoko said. "Because we're going to buy the place out."
"With what money?" Jun grumbled, showing his phone so Yasu could get the address.
Subaru already had Maru on the line. "Hey Maru-chan, you still have your credit card on you?"
--
Aiba felt kind of bad for Nino as he listened to Sho-chan's phone call. "You haven't hurt him, have you?" Sho was asking Yoko. "Because I swear, 99% of the work he gets is because of his face. He needs his face, Yokoyama."
He could see Nino's knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel, driving the three of them to the jimusho where they planned to negotiate for Matsujun's safe release. Nino had had to stick it out at Yoko's apartment for days, and Sho and Jun hadn't done anything to rescue him, but within minutes of capture, Sho was already begging Yoko not to damage Jun's face. It just wasn't fair.
"Well so what if we falsely accused him," Sho was still arguing, "that's how the game is played."
They finally agreed to meet up outside Johnny-san's office, as neutral a territory as the two groups could manage. Aiba knew that some of the Kanjani8 members were off buying up all the scones, and Sho had allowed that part of the plan to fall by the wayside so long as Jun was returned to them unharmed. They all got out of Nino's car, Sho speed walking his way inside.
He really needed to work harder on being less obvious, Aiba thought, trailing behind with Nino. "I'm sorry about Yokocho," Aiba said to him. "Really. This whole thing got out of hand."
"I was complicit as much as you," Nino said. "You don't have to apologize to me."
"I guess we all just love Arashi in our own unique ways. But I think Countdown will be better if we let everyone else come along."
"It'll be good to get along with everyone again," Nino agreed. "I'm sick of fighting, and if everyone hates me I'll never get a free meal out of them again."
Aiba's face fell as soon as they walked in the door. Where he expected Yoko to be there with his hostage, instead they saw Leader at the front of an army. Okay, Aiba told himself, not quite an army, but he had the members of Kanjani8 surrounded by Hey Say Jump, Kis-My-Ft2 (on their skates, no less), and a gaggle of juniors he didn't really know that well. They all flanked Ohno like an honor guard as he scowled at Yoko, Maru, Yasu, Subaru, and Ohkura.
"Satoshi-kun!" Sho was pleading with him. "We agreed to a cease fire! I just negotiated it with..."
"You never said anything to me," Leader insisted, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm your Leader, maybe I should start acting like one. We've got them now. Countdown's ours, Sho-kun."
"Arashi's a bunch of liars, as always!" Yoko howled, stomping his feet. He held out his phone. "Maybe I should call Ryo-chan and have him shave Matsujun's head!"
"Nooooo!" Sho screeched, and the Kis-My-Ft members started to skate around their prey like vultures. "Satoshi-kun, stop!"
"Leader," Nino said, "this isn't you. Putting in all this effort."
"Oh, I know." Ohno sighed, setting down the tennis racket he'd seemingly used to rally his troops. "But I was doing this for Arashi. And for Jun-kun. I just got a little carried away, Maou flashbacks and all that." He bowed his head. "I'm really sorry."
Sho sniffed. "We've lost, okay?" He stepped forward, brushing juniors aside to grab hold of their Leader. "Look, Yoko, we all went too far. Why don't we go in to see Johnny-san? We can get Murakami off the hook and maybe our two groups could host together?"
"Together?" Yoko asked, still suspicious. "How do we know this isn't another of your tricks?"
Aiba hurried forward, dragging Nino along. "I want to host with you, Yokocho. I do."
Nino smiled weakly. "It's much easier to make fun of you if we're in Tokyo together. I want to host with Kanjani8, too."
Ohno ran forward and threw his arms around Maru. "Maru, I love you! I'm sorry! I want to host with you! All of you!"
"We want to host with you too!" Maru sobbed.
Sho looked a little sad after all his plans had failed, but he held out his hands in surrender. "Would you consent to co-hosting with us? All twelve of us, at the Tokyo Dome? Maybe winter is coming, but it's a winter I want to spend with you all."
The other groups started grumbling, wandering off now that Arashi and Kanjani8 had obviously buried the hatchet. Aiba was pulled into a group hug while Nino poked Ohkura in the cheek until he smiled. Yoko burst into noisy tears, getting snot all over Aiba's t-shirt as he lamented how they'd nearly ruined their friendship over something as silly as Countdown.
They were just about to go in and see Johnny-san when the door to his office opened, and the faces of Arashi and Kanjani alike were stunned to see a pleased looking KAT-TUN emerge from within, along with Akanishi Jin. But the biggest shock was finding Ikuta Toma arm in arm with them.
"Toma-kun?" Sho asked. "What's going on?"
Kame made a high-pitched little squeal. "Johnny-san loved our homemade scones! We're going to host Countdown!"
KAT-TUN and Akanishi went running down the hall cheering and chanting, high-fiving and celebrating as Kanjani and Arashi looked horrified.
"But...but we all just hugged it out!" Yoko protested. "That's not fair!"
And that's when Toma, who Aiba had always thought of as a nice guy, let loose a maniacal laugh that left the members of the two groups huddling in fright.
"Oh yes," Toma said, pointing at all of them in his gloating triumph. "Yes, yes, yes! Winter is coming, bitches, and you can just call me your new King of Countdown! That's right, me! Me! Sure, I have to share with KAT-TUN but you all have to watch me host! Me! I watched all of you jerks debut and have your concerts and be utterly adored, and I bided my time. And look at me now! Ha! See you in December, suckers!"
And off he went, catching up with KAT-TUN and offering them additional high fives as they departed the jimusho.
"Wait a second," Yoko asked, mouth agape. "Did we all just get pwned by Ikuta Toma?"
--
Ryo clinked his beer bottle against Yamapi's, sighing. "Well, I'm glad all that shit's over. Really, it was not an ending I'd expected after all that."
Yamapi shrugged. "Oh, I knew it was going to happen."
"What?" Ryo asked. He'd done his best to stay the hell out of all the Countdown mess, and he thought out of everyone involved that he'd been involved the least. Aside from Yamapi of course, who had done nothing to stop NEWS from all the in-fighting and had done nothing to intervene in the Arashi and Kanjani fight, despite having grown up with most of them. "What do you mean you knew?"
Pi just laughed, holding out his phone. Winter is coming.
"Toma asked me to send you all those messages. I thought it was funny. Neither of us saw the whole 'Arashi gay scandal cover-up, Yasuda out the window' thing coming though."
"Wait, you sent them?" Ryo asked, nearly choking on his beer. "From the beginning, it was you and Toma-kun?"
"I guess so," Yamapi admitted. "I felt kind of bad for him. I mean, it has to be rough to show up at Countdown, sing everyone's songs, and not be in a group. I just wanted him to be happy."
Ryo chuckled. "You are the biggest asshole ever," he said, smiling big.
Yamapi downed his beer and smiled in return. "Yeah, I know."
--
It had been days since Massu had seen Tegoshi, and he was worried. He used his spare key to let himself into his friend's apartment. He understood why Tegoshi was so upset. Losing his self-proclaimed "BFF" Nagase, losing the ability to host Countdown, being so thoroughly rejected by TOKIO, alienating the rest of NEWS...it made sense.
But there was just something off about the way the lights were turned down low in the apartment, the way the shades were drawn. And then, of course, there was the maddening cackle he heard coming from Tegoshi's bedroom.
"Tegoshi? Tegoshi, are you okay in there?"
More laughter, and Massu felt a shiver go down his spine. Something wasn't right here. When he pushed open the bedroom door, he was horrified to see Tegoshi sitting naked on his bedroom floor, surrounded by several stuffed dragon toys that Nagase had won for him at DisneySea.
"Tegoshi?"
He looked up, cuddling one of the dragons. "Oh, hello Massu."
"Are you...okay?"
"I'm better than okay."
"That's good," he said uneasily, eyes looking anywhere but at Tegoshi's junk. "Not still upset about Countdown, I hope?"
"Countdown?" Tegoshi asked, getting to his feet and holding three of the dragon toys in his arms. "Oh, Massu, who needs Countdown? I mean, next year's going to be my year. I can just sense it. Everything's coming up Tegoshi."
"Okay," Massu said. "Wait, what?"
"Next year is 2012! The year of the dragon!" Tegoshi held up the toys triumphantly. "And it's going to be AWESOME!"
--
THE END