letting go
leaves are beginning to fall at a rapid pace. every time the wind blows, it shakes loose an entire fist full of leaves. aside from that burning red maple tree that was planted in front of our (now just dave's) house, this is the first time in ages that i can really remember being awestruck by the autumn. i've always admired the colors, but hated what it stands for.
death. cold. dark.
this year i am seeing things a bit differently. i'm embracing the changes. i'm realizing that autumn isn't really death at all; its just the start of a rebirth. its seasonal karma, the world balancing things out and restoring itself so that growth--life--can begin all over again.
this journal has served me well, so well. for more than six years, i've chronicled my life and experiences, a journey that thus far hasn't ceased to amaze me. i often go back and look at old entries, to remember what i thought or felt or did. some of them make me laugh, a few make me cry...and they all bring me very special memories.
but i'm in my own autumn now. the wind is shaking free some of the things i've clung to for years, and i'm going through a darker, colder time for me. yet i know that i'm growing, and that all of this change is happening for reasons i can and can't see right now. there will be other seasons to come, in which all of this change will prove beneficial.
i am learning how to be a better person, and a better friend. i am learning what friendship means, and what i want it to bring to my life. i've learning to be a better son, uncle, and brother. i'm realizing so many of my faults and seeing the ways i can avoid making mistakes again. i'm increasingly sensitive to my own feelings, as well as others; and i'm trying to avoid the things that bring me down and do more to embrace (not to mention create) more of the good energies in life.
and in all of it, i'm preparing. for new friendships. for new loves. for new challenges. for new lessons, some of which i'll learn the hard way(s).
it is time for me to wind this journal down and make room for something new. maybe i'll take my journaling to a new place, to a new blog locale just down the street. or to another neighborhood, where there is no autumn or winter. (um, florida anyone?) i haven't figured out what to do next. because after all, i'm rather proud of my lj and the commitment i made to myself and to it by always coming back to share my life here, whether anyone was reading or not. and lately, when i began to realize i was only censoring myself to make it readable for everyone but me, i realized i'd broken my commitment. took some steps to fix that, but you know...now i just feel like its tarnished. not to mention, its had a good run.
now begins a new period in my life, a very clear change in me and my direction. so perhaps a new lj or blog somewhere makes sense. or maybe i won't need one at all.
i just know that first thing's first: time for letting go. over the next few days or weeks, i'm going to sift through my six years of blogging and re-post some of my favorite, most memorable or most-something entries...whether private, friends-only or public...so that whenever i come back here, all of my favorites will be the first thing i see. (and for those still reading me today, maybe i can go so far as to hope that something picked out of the words of my life will find some relevance in your own.)
the leaves are falling at a rapid pace now.
death. cold. dark.
this year i am seeing things a bit differently. i'm embracing the changes. i'm realizing that autumn isn't really death at all; its just the start of a rebirth. its seasonal karma, the world balancing things out and restoring itself so that growth--life--can begin all over again.
this journal has served me well, so well. for more than six years, i've chronicled my life and experiences, a journey that thus far hasn't ceased to amaze me. i often go back and look at old entries, to remember what i thought or felt or did. some of them make me laugh, a few make me cry...and they all bring me very special memories.
but i'm in my own autumn now. the wind is shaking free some of the things i've clung to for years, and i'm going through a darker, colder time for me. yet i know that i'm growing, and that all of this change is happening for reasons i can and can't see right now. there will be other seasons to come, in which all of this change will prove beneficial.
i am learning how to be a better person, and a better friend. i am learning what friendship means, and what i want it to bring to my life. i've learning to be a better son, uncle, and brother. i'm realizing so many of my faults and seeing the ways i can avoid making mistakes again. i'm increasingly sensitive to my own feelings, as well as others; and i'm trying to avoid the things that bring me down and do more to embrace (not to mention create) more of the good energies in life.
and in all of it, i'm preparing. for new friendships. for new loves. for new challenges. for new lessons, some of which i'll learn the hard way(s).
it is time for me to wind this journal down and make room for something new. maybe i'll take my journaling to a new place, to a new blog locale just down the street. or to another neighborhood, where there is no autumn or winter. (um, florida anyone?) i haven't figured out what to do next. because after all, i'm rather proud of my lj and the commitment i made to myself and to it by always coming back to share my life here, whether anyone was reading or not. and lately, when i began to realize i was only censoring myself to make it readable for everyone but me, i realized i'd broken my commitment. took some steps to fix that, but you know...now i just feel like its tarnished. not to mention, its had a good run.
now begins a new period in my life, a very clear change in me and my direction. so perhaps a new lj or blog somewhere makes sense. or maybe i won't need one at all.
i just know that first thing's first: time for letting go. over the next few days or weeks, i'm going to sift through my six years of blogging and re-post some of my favorite, most memorable or most-something entries...whether private, friends-only or public...so that whenever i come back here, all of my favorites will be the first thing i see. (and for those still reading me today, maybe i can go so far as to hope that something picked out of the words of my life will find some relevance in your own.)
the leaves are falling at a rapid pace now.