any day now
it's pretty hard to believe that nearly three months have gone by since i packed up all of my things and began a new life in chicago. i remember so clearly those last nights sleeping in the same bed, that evening in early may when i came home with lease papers signed and it was evident that this really was happening.
and now, that rainy moving day doesn't seem so far behind me.
but strangely, dave and my overall unhappiness with life seem so far removed from who i am now...when in fact, dave and the unhappiness i experienced are integral to who i am now. i have such a clear vision of what i want out of my life right now, how i want to feel and the things i want to experience...and what i am willing to accept on this journey and what i am not.
this is not to say that i don't miss dave or want to see more of him again. i miss him every day. but not in the sense of a relationship or out of a feeling of love lost. i miss the way he knew me, the way we could talk or just lean on each other for support. in those last few months, i felt like our companionship deepened, but at the same time i felt the most unhappy and dissatisfied ever.
so i've been pleased to leave so much of that negativity and unhappiness behind, and i really believe i'm a much better person and friend, and much more enjoyable to spend time with, now that dave and i are apart. i've really moved on, and as i look around at my life--whether its work, home, friends, dating (what scant activity there has been)--i see so much change in my life and in me. and yes, i am proud of myself.
it really helped that when jill and i visited dave at his place last monday, so much had seemed to change for him, too. renovations to the house, his plans for the future, and so on...it seemed like his life has moved on, too. i think i felt some guilt for moving on so easily, but knowing he's done the same really made me feel better. i think he's happier (he looks it, or else he's just a great actor) and i know i am.
as the city is concerned, i am still soaking it all in and learning so much. enjoying every minute. whether its new restaurants or bars, scheduled events, geography, development, traffic, or anything in between...i just feel overwhelmed with information and so glad i'm absorbing it. every day that i am out and about i stand in awe that this is, indeed, my life.
i've had such an amazing time this summer. i've made new friends, reconnected with old friends, and done more for myself than i ever thought possible. and there's still so far to go.
but with this being labor day weekend, i'm really just taken aback by the fact that autumn is nearly upon us now. the summer days are dwindling, so with the beautiful weather we're having i'll be spending time at the beach tomorrow and hopefully will enjoy a nice glass of vino on the balcony tonight.
i've started posting some pics of various things on my mobileme gallery, so anyone out there in lj-land interested in taking a look can check them out at http://gallery.me.com/zaphiro last weekend's sunset pics are my current favorites, followed by my niece and nephew's visit earlier this month.
i'm so blessed, and it occurs to me now that 'any day now' has come. and, all i can (and will) do is embrace it.
and now, that rainy moving day doesn't seem so far behind me.
but strangely, dave and my overall unhappiness with life seem so far removed from who i am now...when in fact, dave and the unhappiness i experienced are integral to who i am now. i have such a clear vision of what i want out of my life right now, how i want to feel and the things i want to experience...and what i am willing to accept on this journey and what i am not.
this is not to say that i don't miss dave or want to see more of him again. i miss him every day. but not in the sense of a relationship or out of a feeling of love lost. i miss the way he knew me, the way we could talk or just lean on each other for support. in those last few months, i felt like our companionship deepened, but at the same time i felt the most unhappy and dissatisfied ever.
so i've been pleased to leave so much of that negativity and unhappiness behind, and i really believe i'm a much better person and friend, and much more enjoyable to spend time with, now that dave and i are apart. i've really moved on, and as i look around at my life--whether its work, home, friends, dating (what scant activity there has been)--i see so much change in my life and in me. and yes, i am proud of myself.
it really helped that when jill and i visited dave at his place last monday, so much had seemed to change for him, too. renovations to the house, his plans for the future, and so on...it seemed like his life has moved on, too. i think i felt some guilt for moving on so easily, but knowing he's done the same really made me feel better. i think he's happier (he looks it, or else he's just a great actor) and i know i am.
as the city is concerned, i am still soaking it all in and learning so much. enjoying every minute. whether its new restaurants or bars, scheduled events, geography, development, traffic, or anything in between...i just feel overwhelmed with information and so glad i'm absorbing it. every day that i am out and about i stand in awe that this is, indeed, my life.
i've had such an amazing time this summer. i've made new friends, reconnected with old friends, and done more for myself than i ever thought possible. and there's still so far to go.
but with this being labor day weekend, i'm really just taken aback by the fact that autumn is nearly upon us now. the summer days are dwindling, so with the beautiful weather we're having i'll be spending time at the beach tomorrow and hopefully will enjoy a nice glass of vino on the balcony tonight.
i've started posting some pics of various things on my mobileme gallery, so anyone out there in lj-land interested in taking a look can check them out at http://gallery.me.com/zaphiro last weekend's sunset pics are my current favorites, followed by my niece and nephew's visit earlier this month.
i'm so blessed, and it occurs to me now that 'any day now' has come. and, all i can (and will) do is embrace it.