kardia (2/2)
kardia (2/2)
sunggyu/woohyun/dongwoo, pg, general, warning (highlight): character death
they make a heart. sci-fi AU. 11,132w
longest thing i've ever written. huge thanks to luvey for all the handholding ♥
( In other words, Kardia beta functions just like a normal heart would. )
sunggyu/woohyun/dongwoo, pg, general, warning (highlight): character death
they make a heart. sci-fi AU. 11,132w
longest thing i've ever written. huge thanks to luvey for all the handholding ♥
( In other words, Kardia beta functions just like a normal heart would. )
- i loved the concept behind this. it was unexpected and interesting and kept me engrossed. the climax, while quiet, was well-placed, and the ending was great.
- i also loved the character dynamics here. the relationships between the characters were vivid and well-portrayed. your usage of telling gestures, expressions, etc, was nuanced and effective. also.... the 2woo at the end, omo~ ♥ ♥ so sweet.
- this is a bit random and specific but i really liked your portrayal and characterization of Hoya! he was only there for like two paragraphs but in that short amount of time you were able to convey his personality quite well, and i was interested in what you showed us of him.
- you did an overall great job of incorporating medical terms. you defined them when the definition would add to the reader's understanding of the scene, but let them go undefined when it wasn't necessary. you did just enough to establish the boundaries of believability without making things boring.
- i didn't love the scene-to-scene head-jumping. i understand why you did it, but it gave me POV whiplash at times. with each new scene i wasn't sure whose perspective to expect, which made the reading experience feel... unstable, almost? it didn't render it unreadable by any means, but i think different organization/narrative structure would have helped you here.
- i think you'd really benefit from a good editor who can help you on a sentence-to-sentence level to help make your prose more clear and snappy. i say this not because your prose is bad, but because your prose is good and has the potential to be better. you do a lot of things right but tend toward wordiness.
all-told i quite enjoyed this. :) it was a really refreshing read. sorry if this comment is weird/inappropriate, you just seem to have put a lot of time into this fic and i wanted to give your effort the respect it deserves. thank you so much for writing and sharing! ♥
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i literally don't know what to say to all your compliments, other than thank you so much and aslkjfd i am incredibly awkward but ahhh i'm really really, really glad you liked the concept. i just started this because i really wanted to write a sci-fi au sort of thing, and it kind of snowballed to something of this length ;;;; i'm also really happy you liked the character dynamics! though i thought this was mostly driven by plot, but i think how this ended also depended a lot on their characters and i tried to stay true to what i think 2woogyu are like.
i was worried about the medical terms! so ahh i'm so glad it didn't sound like i was trying to be a medical dictionary or anything, i just felt like it was important to create a feel of the entire au and i didn't know how else to. i mean, i know what i'm writing about, but i bet a lot of times people are like lol wtf is this and ahh i'm just glad it didn't turn out that way. ;;;;
thank you so much for the concrit! i also battled with the head-jumping, but i didn't know how else to show all three of their feelings OTL perhaps omniscient 3rd person narrative would have been better? ;w; and thank you for reminding me about getting an editor! i've heard it once before that having an editor would clean up my prose a lot, but i haven't been able to go about findingone. i think i'll try a lot harder now, and really thank you, anon, for giving me concrit. i've literally never any given to me, and ahh this is extremely helpful, so i'd like to give you loads of hearts in thanks ♥♥♥
omg anon please never ever apologise, your comment was so incredibly helpful and kind and sweet and not in any way inappropriate or weird, i'm literally speechless at how nice it is ;o; this entire fic was written... idek over the course of maybe two months or something and i sat on it for like four more editing, so it was quite a bit of effort! but again you are too kind and i cannot say this enough but thank you for writing such a detailed, amazingly helpful comment and also thank you so much for reading! have all the hearts in the world ♥
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