sad

Oct 10, 2006 00:32

i cant help it but im crying. there's no sound. just the keys. i let myself let go of my defences and i found myself here again. i feel like a fool. i feel overwhelmed. i feel like im 12 years old and i have no where to turn to. i couldnt run if i wanted, i dont know where my license is. i dont know where my birt certificate is. i might as well not exist. the only place i would still live is in the vauge memories of here and there friendships that usualy didnt go as planned. it's 27 minutes past midnight. i dont want to sleep because i dont want to wake up. i dont want to be awake because it makes me hurt. i dont want to talk to anyone because i dont want to complain. i dont want to make someone feel bad because they couldnt make me feel better. i want to melt into the floor. i want to put on my furry boots and my blue velvet coat and grab a bottle of water from downstairs and just start walking. i want more self control and motivation. i wish i could stop looking for people i dont know. trying to find someone whome i haven't met, someone who wants to know me. who wants to make me smile. in general. i never want to need, i never want to want anything. ever. thirty one minutes past midnight. i really enjoy writing out numbers. thats about it right now
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