Remix based on kitsune_hikaru's fic "Mirage"
Title: Mirage of blaze
Rating: PG-13
Group/Pairing: RyoDa
Warnings: None~
Notes: 1 I really hope you like this, I was totally at lost with Medical Vocabulary lol! So I mostly did Tatsuya´s POV of your fic lol! I loved this fic so much that I couldn´t help to try with it, so please enjoy and hope you find it interesting and enjoy reading it^^ It´s called Mirage too and of Blaze because of Tatsuya´s hidden feelings I thought the idea was cool for your remix^^
Notes: 2 Words in italics are quotes from the original fic & thoughts too.
Link to Original Author: kitsune_hikaru
Link to Original Story: Mirage
Summary: Nishikido-sensei can never tolerate unprofessionalism and Ueda can´t help falling in love because of that, to the point that he sometimes thinks he has developed the Gregory House complex.
Mirage of blaze
“Hello?”A husky manly voice said.
“Hello, I’m sorry for disturbing, Nishikido-sensei. I’m Ueda Tatsuya, nurse from 6B,”Tatsuya replied feeling how the hair in his neck stood up at the not-so-amicable tone at the other end of the line, he grabbed the phone with force trying to prevent a murderous comment, doctors and their never ending Godlike attitude he thought. “I’m calling regarding one patient we want to refer to you...”He finally said after breathing hard, he really hoped that the exasperation in his voice wasn´t noticeable to the doctor.
That much…
“Do you want to refer a patient or do you want to request for an echocardiogram?”
What´s with the attitude? Tatsuya thought, he shook his head and rolled his eyes even if nobody could see him. He was pretty sure that whoever had to deal with Nishikido Ryo, the legend of the hospital he was working for, would feel and do the same, maybe worse.
This guy was a nightmare…
“I want to refer a patient, sensei,” He repeated and forced himself to say the words respectfully.This time his exasperation was obvious, but well he was the type of person that thought to receive respect you have to give it, and Nishikido-fucking-sensei was not doing so.
At all.
“If you want to refer a patient, get your MO to call me. Since when are we receiving referrals from a nurse?”The doctor said, and then the dial tone of the phone was the only thing sounding inTatsuya´s ears.
He stared at the phone gaping at it dumfounded; did this doctor hang up on him? He hung up the phone with force and cursed in annoyance.
If anyone ever asked why he didn´t want to become a doctor,that was the reason: The way they were so full of themselves and practically didn´t even bother to interact with patients at a more profound level, and the worse part of course was the way they treated nurses, as if they were inferior for not sharing the same degree.
Well newsflash, Hospitals need nurses, as many doctors they might have those elite son of bitches wouldn´t want to move their asses more than necessary for patients.
Being a male nurse in Japan is not common, not appreciated, and well let´s just say that he had experienced discrimination in so many forms since he decided in his career path that he was already immune to it.
Almost.
That was why he wanted to be the best nurse. He worked and studied twice as hard as any doctor and enjoy the freedom his own career gave him, he wanted to be perfect in his job so that no one would look down on him.
He stood up and went to the next office to talk with his superior.
“Akanishi sensei we have a problem” he stated and landed nosily in the couch.
“Tat-chan you are here” said the doctor smiling brightly. Tatsuya rolled his eyes at the inappropriate way of addressing him.
“Jin you really shouldn´t call me that in our place of work you know”
“Ahhh, formalities, never worked for me”
Tatsuya chuckled and nodded, that was indeed relieving, not all doctors were the same. He forgot about that way too many times. Although he shouldn´t, because his boss always treated him with respect, not that he didn´t win that respect with hard work and responsibility though.
“Nishikido didn´t accept my referral; you should talk with him. I don´t even know him personally and he already annoys the hell out of me”
“Eh? Already? His bad reputation precedes him, but don´t worry, he is like that with everybody, not only nurses. He is just bad at socializing and he has low tolerance for ineptitude.”
“Well me too, and someone bad at socializing is socially inept too”
They laughed while Jin handed him a cup of coffee,
“I´ll take care of it” he said and Tatsuya smiled.
Figures, sometimes having doctor friends had its benefits, especially if they make your job easier.
“Thanks”
*****
“I want the ultrasound report,” Nishikido ordered, his piercing eyes staring intently at the nurse. Tatsuya ignored the shiver that crossed his back because of it.
Men…Why were the hottest always the most complicated?
“Pardon, sensei?” He asked because for a second he got lost in those eyes and totally forgot what they were talking about.
“I said I want the ultrasound report, and I’m not accepting any excuses,”Ueda frowned, he decided on not sending him to hell and continued typing in the computer.
“Hey! I said-“
“I heard that, Nishikido-sensei,” Ueda interrupted politely, of course I heard I´m just purposefully ignoring you, he thought. “But you didn’t make any sense. That was the radiologist part. What do you expect me to do? Go down and force the radiologist to type out the report? Besides, what good does it make if you get the ultrasound report now or later? You entered the plan already. And you still need to wait for the ERCP date.”
Tatsuya observed how Ryo´s eyes widened and looked back at him in utter shock, but for once seemed out of words or snarky comebacks.
Good.
“Really, Nishikido-sensei. I promise I’ll call and tell you about the report the second they key in the notes. I heard you’re working at two hospitals. How about you chill down and take it slow?”
Yeah dude, chill, he thought and pointedly directed a serene look at that short tempered and poisoned worded man, it was probably a bad idea by the way Nishikido glared at him.
The doctor growled. “You’re not competent to even say that to me,” and stormed away from the ward.
Tatsuya started doing Yoga after that conversation,
*****
“Wait, the urine was concentrated?” Ryo asked and checked the results in the medical history of the patient.
“I ran two pints of Hartmann,” Ueda explained, guessing that Nishikido would have expected the urine to be darker than it was. “She was slightly hypovolemia, stage 2. And she’s slightly tachycardic if only you see my chart. Increased diastolic pressure with narrow pulse volume. I wrote down the sodium depletion too. ABG and FBC taken just in case, but the CVP this morning was 6 cmH2O so all is good.” He continued while staring intently at the doctor.
Ryo frowned obviously too curious to not ask. “Who inserted the CVL?”
“Tat-chan did! Isn’t he good?” Jin answered and snuggled onto his friend.
“Wait, you let a nurse insert the CVL?” Ryo asked incredulous and shoved his friend off him.
“Why not? It looks fine to me,” Jin replied uninterested.
Ryo frowned clearly displeased at the seemingly lack of responsibility of his friend by letting an unprepared nurse do the job. Tatsuya smiled in his mind; he was going to show this doctor how good he was, he promised himself with resolution. “Jin, he was a fucking nurse. What if he inserted it the wrong way and entered the artery? It might go through the jugular vein instead. Or maybe damaging the pleural dome?”
“I put the patient in trendelenberg position with US-guided, thank you very much,”Tatsuya interceded with a condescending tone, already tired of these two talking about him like if he wasn´t even there, specially the petit black haired doctor with a nice ass but really elitist attitude.
“Don’t accuse me of something like that Ryo,” Jin interceded clearly offended. It seemed like a special talent of Nishikido to piss and offend people off in his path, and his friends were clearly not an exception, Tatsuya appreciated what Jin did, by defending him, he didn´t need heroes though.“I told you Tat-chan isn’t just a mere nurse. He’s a registered nurse!”
Now Nishikido was blinking at them, back and forth from Jin to Tatsuya, as if searching for the joke in the previous statement. “A registered nurse? Where was he previously?” he asked, clearly surprised.
“ICU,” Jin replied and the last thing he and Tatsuya saw before leaving the patient room was Ryo gaping at them.
That was the first time he felt he really won against Nishikido Ryo, and he promised himself it wouldn´t be the last either, because this little game of push and pull was way too interesting. To be honest he wouldn´t mind the almighty Nishikido admitting defeat, acknowledging his capacities and treating him as an equal.
He wouldn´t mind seeing him spread out on his bed sheets either.
*****
Ueda was checking on his patients as usual when suddenly Ryo appeared out of the blue and threw a file at him. He frowned in confusion and stared at Ryo, he saw how the latter was staring at him uncomfortably as if trying to figure him out or maybe just simply pissed about something that escaped his reasoning. Why did Ryo feel so menaced by his presence? He was just a nurse after all right?
Tatsuya smiled. He was a little self conscious; this little game between them was definitely getting better every day, especially if he managed to take Ryo out of his comfort zone.
“Why didn’t you serve the Sando-K to the patient? Are you planning to slowly kill her?” Ryo accused and Ueda was taken aback for a minute, ok playing hysterical was one thing but accusing him of trying to kill a patient was way out of line, he glared in pure displeasure.
“Because she was on thiazide,” hereplied in a matter of fact tone and pointed at said information in the chart. “Are you planning to make her hyperkalemia instead?” he asked trying hard to make his mocking tone unnoticeable, it was not working though.
Ryo stared at him and scowled. “Jin didn’t tell me that.”
“Maybe he just missed the fact,” Ueda said because yes, doctors do make mistakes from time to time, and almighty Nishikido needed a reminder of that. “We need second opinions sometimes.” He said and he applauded himself for being able to maintain his composure, nothing makes another human being feel more stupid than someone being polite while lecturing them.
*****
He realized how serious Ryo was when it came to his work when the doctor went to Osaka for the first time since they started to “work together”.Ryo worked in two hospitals but he managed to check on all his patients nevertheless, he would call every two seconds to know if the other doctors and nurses where doing their jobs properly.
What a control freak Tatsuya thought, and smiled fondly.
At this point he was very much conscious of how much he admired the Doctor. Yes he was a pain in the ass sometimes, but all that get-the-fuck-of-my-way attitude seemed to be a defense mechanism, it was like the doctor really didn´t know how to handle people. Yet there he was worrying over patients and being caring in his own -not-as-cold-as-he-intended-to-be way.
He wondered what motivated a human being like Ryo, being an emotional handicap but not forgetting to preoccupy himself over people at the same time. He was so efficient in his work and organized in his life. He imagined how it must feel for him to find a person like Ueda, who was able to shake his walls, although only in the work field, because that was probably the only place he was actually doing it. He sighed in discontent.
It wasn´t a mystery either how much he had fallen for the doctor, as much as that bothered him Tatsuya was a person really in touch with his emotions.
And as depressing it was to know that fact it was more discouraging knowing that the object of his passion was not only his superior but also straight. Not that there was any rumor of him dating women, the hell the man worked 24/7 but more like he had the feeling.
Tatsuya always, always, fell for straight guys.
If Ryo´s talent was to offend people and being indifferent, his was to always fell for the wrong guy.
For the past months whether Ryo was in Osaka or not, he was challenged to the fullest by him, making him work twice as much, inquiring over medical subjects the entire time and trying to find flaws in his work every two seconds.
Tatsuya didn´t let him though.
He did everything with dignity and accuracy, and that only made the doctor more annoyed. Ueda could tell by the way the other was always so tense around him. He could also tell that the doctor’s walls were slowly, unbelievably falling apart. He had caught him staring admirably at him more than once and yes Tatsuya would admit that little Tatsuya in his head jumped in happiness at that sight.
Slowly but surely, he was making sure Nishikido Sensei would need him, at least in the hospital, other types of needs were just a product of his imagination and deepest dreams.
“You’ve overworked again,”Ueda commented one afternoon and hischest clenched when he saw Ryo´s dark bags under his eyes, his eyelids were almost closing because of tiredness. Tatsuya felt his fingers tingling with want; he would have given everything to erase that loneliness and exhaustion out of Ryo.
“I didn’t. I have enough sleep in Osaka,” The doctor replied, but Ueda knew better.
“Liar,” he said smiling softly at him, and he knew he was probably showing more feelings in his expression than he wanted, but he really missed him; he always did when they were apart for so long. Now you sound like a lovesick wife, don´t be so pathetic, he ordered himself. “You were definitely working your ass off when you were in Osaka too. We both know Osaka has as many patients as we have in Tokyo. And we both know you never let go of your patients at both hospitals.”
Don´t be stupid were the words left hanging in the air after Tatsuya´s statement.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not a quitter like you,” Ryo accused sharply.
That was the very first time that Nishikido hurt him for real, not to mention confused him to no end.
“Quitter?” he asked out of curiosity, what could have made the doctor say such thing when he has been working his ass off in proving his worth.Tatsuya was a professional and hearing that from Ryo after all he has done was definitely discouraging.
“Why else did you quit being a critical care nurse then? You couldn’t stand the pressure?” Ryo said and Ueda could literally feel how his world sank.
Ueda glared, sadness filled his heart. It seemed like after all that time working together Ryo still didn´t get him.
*****
“What?”a tired voice answered him at the other end of the line.
“Okay, don’t get pissed off,” Ueda said through the phone, already trying hard to erase the image of Ryo´s hair all messed up, half naked with a sleepy cute pout on his lips after being awakened . “I’m not referring a patient, but Jin just wanted me to ask you about this pyloric stenosis patient in our ward, that we plan to do a gastrojejunostomy bypass. Apparently he had an ASD, so Jin wanted to know if we need to refer her to you first.”
He said it as professionally as was humanely possible. After their last conversation, he really wasn´t in the mood to deal with him. What bad luck when your crush works in the same place as you and you just can´t avoid him even if you want to?
“Hey, hime,” Ryo uttered and Tatsuya´s eyes widened immediately. He sat straight in his seat and clenched the phone to his ear trying to figure out if he had just imagined Ryo addressing him so intimately, because really, that was probably his stupid imagination playing tricks on him. “Tell me more about this patient. I’ll review the patient this coming morning.”
He lost his voice for what it seemed an eternity, he heard Ryo snorting through the phone, “I’m implying that I don’t mind getting a referral from you, donkey face! Now get down to business, you’re the only nurse I’ll be accepting referrals from in my whole life, okay!”
Tatsuya literally jumped from his chair and cheered after that, ignoring the questioning looks from other nurses.
Nothing more really mattered; Ryo was finally giving him recognition.
*****
Tatsuya ended the call and sighed, Ryo had just called him to double-check a patient even if others colleagues of his were in charge of the patient. He had asked him of all people to do the job, to check the job others did more precisely. But it made him happy how much things have changed since Ryo finally decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“I just want you to double check. You know... You’re pretty reliable at this.”
Ueda felt a rush of accomplishment throughout his body,
“Please,” he had added and even though Ueda was ecstatic about it he couldn´t really feel at ease. It was like Nishikido couldn´t rely on other people at all, as if trusting was something so remote and impossible for him that only few people within his comfort zone were worthy to be trusted.
He felt happy that he was one of those few…but still…
“What is it that you chase after, Nishikido-sensei?” Ueda had asked then, not being able to quit the subject. He was trying to decode this complicated man that fascinated and irritated him.
The conversation would´ve not been that bad and pretty positive until his word vomit started though.
“The fame? Working back and forth from Osaka to Tokyo, paranoid over almost everything. You don’t even trust your co-workers. It was as if you lost your reasons of becoming a doctor.Like you’re chasing over something you don’t even know,” Ueda had said. “Something that you won’t satisfied no matter how hard you try. Like a mirage. It disappears once you thought you almost reach it.”
He whined and cursed himself for his words.Why did he say that? It was the truth, but he was in no place to question him, he sighed and rubbed his temples in annoyance, him and his big mouth, was he ever going to learn?
“What does a nurse like you understand?”
He remembered Ryo´s last words of the previous conversation and he let his head fall on his desk heavily, it seemed like he was still just a nurse again…as if he lost Ryo´s respect because of his outburst.
God, he hated himself…
*****
Ryo ignored him for two whole weeks, and Tatsuya hated to admit how bad that made him feel, that job in that hospital next to that loveable idiot was starting to be too much for him, maybe he needed to do some reflecting and leave before his heart ended dead broken.
Scratch that, he already felt that way…
*****
“You quit? What do you mean with you quit?” Jin asked him dumfounded,
“I was asked for a new head position in the Kanagawa´s Hospital” Ueda replied tranquilly, that was how life worked when God decided to let you fall in love with someone that would never see you like that; he always put options in your way for you not to kill yourself.
God would be doing a better job if he didn´t let him fall for the wrong guy all the fucking time though.
What a sadistic bastard, he thought then raised an apology to the sky for his thoughts, he really didn´t want to piss off Karma, it was already doing a good job screwing his life all over.
“Is this because of Nishikido?” Jin asked him knowingly.
Ueda´s eyes were plate size now “Eh?” he uttered in shock.
“He is just an idiot you can´t leave now!” Jin said “I need you” he added faking sobs and Tatsuya chuckled “No, really! How am I supposed to find a nurse like you?” he asked.
“It is going to be good for my career, I just can´t be here anymore” Ueda replied, and there was not even a word in that statement that wasn´t true. His pure sincerity must have been obvious because Jin didn´t push it anymore. Maybe Ryo was right after all and he was just a quitter.
The doctor stood up and embraced him with clear affection “I´m going to miss you” he said and now Tatsuya felt like crying.
“We will be in touch don´t worry” his voice shaking and he hugged him back.
New beginnings, those always made him hopeful…
*****
“Ryo came to my office today” Jin told him through the phone and Tatchan felt how his heart skipped a beat.
Putting miles of distance didn´t work as he expected. He was still imagining seeing Ryo in every corner of the new hospital or staring at the phone waiting for the later to rant about his job and narrowing his eyes in distrust at him.
His heart fluttered with a mix of unrequited love and nostalgia.
“Really?” Tatsuya tried really hard for the tremble in his voice to pass by “How is he?” he asked with the right amount of interest, like when you ask after someone unimportant to you that you haven´t seen in a while. He was proud of how natural it sounded.
He should have been an actor.
“Cut it, I know you have a crush on him”
Acting was not a good choice then, he thought defeated.
“Mmmmm” he mumbled, not admitting it not denying it either, he wondered if he was that transparent, Jin wasn´t known for his perceptive skills after all and if he knew then everybody knew. He felt his cheeks reddening because of it.
“He wanted me to give you to him” he explained.
“Sounds like if I´m something to be owned…” he uttered slightly annoyed yet touched.
“He misses your skills, and I really feel like he knew I was covering your ass, “
“You are not covering my ass”
“Really?” Jin asked amused and Tatsuya felt his blush increasing.
“Whatever” he said embarrassed.
“Why don´t you call him?”
“Yeah sure, and say ´Hey, sorry to bother you, but I´m gay and I´m in love with you´”
“That doesn´t sound that bad…”
“For God´s sake Jin, this is real life not Gray´s Anatomy” he finished annoyed the called after ignoring his friend´s laughter.
He wished he was brave enough not to keep himself out of Ryo’s life like this, but Ryo only missed Tatsuya’s professional self; it was funny after all he had fought to have Ryo´s professional respect he was all crushed having only that.
Nope, not like Gray´s Anatomy´s, Dr. House though…
He frowned; he fell stupidly in love with the arrogant, ironic, intelligent and his equal in real life of Dr. House.
What the hell was wrong with him?
*****
He enjoyed his new job.It was less stressful and he got the chance to work with kids, deep inside they had always been weakness. He also had amazing coworkers that were really diligent and welcoming. He felt leaving was not a bad decision in least, except his heart was still aching and his nights were restless.
He wondered if he could cheat and go to Tokyo just to check on his old coworkers, and maybe, just a tiny bit, watch Ryo from afar…
*****
“Enjoying your leisure?”
Ueda´s heart jumped in fright when he heard someone at his back, he suspected his ears were playing tricks on him because he sounded a lot like Ryo, but that was just impossible, he turned around in his seat in surprise, his traitorous heart being stupidly hopeful.
He repressed the need to rub his eyes in astonishment at the sight of Dr. Nishikido standing right there in his office, with those lashed eyes, with his imposing and impressive self that always made people feel so intimidated and forced respect out of them immediately.
God, he really loved him.
Tatsuya was breathing hard in an attempt to ease his heartbeat so he could form at least one coherent question “What are you doing here?”
Really, What are you doing here?, he thought and his eyes must have look amusing because Ryo brightly smiled at him.
Oh God lord help me He begged to the clerks, feeling his legs weaken when seeing that charming side of Ryo.
He didn´t remember being so loose in his actions before, and he wasn´t sure if it was good or bad for his state of mind, he saw how Ryo shrugged and then answered. “I was transferred here.”
He stood still for a few seconds taking the statement in, and at the end he came to the conclusion that it didn´t make any sense at all“You were supposed to be the transferred doctor? But... Why? You love your department.” He said trying to figure out what was really happening, maybe he was hallucinating, so many times he had imagined Ryo entering in that room and walking down the halls of that hospital.
Ryo approached him and stared him in the eyes; they were so close that Tatsuya was able to see the sun in Ryo´s irises. He swallowed with difficulty; it was probably the most fantastic fantasy he has had so far. “I was thinking that you might probably be right,” Ryo said and intensified his eyes on him “It’s time for me to chase over something concrete rather than chasing over uncertain mirage.”
Ueda stood still for a few seconds perplexed about what to think of Ryo´s words. His confused mind went from turbulent thoughts to completely blank when he felt Ryo´s lips on him. His heart beat so fast that he really thought he was going to faint or nosebleed in any second. That was when he woke up and realized that Dr. Nishikido was indeed there, in his hospital, in his office, and more important kissing him.
Finally…
He sighed in pure contentment in the doctor’s arms and tightened the embrace while deepening the kiss. He let his forbidden feelings out, putting them with all his passion into a kiss that ended too soon for his liking, God, why do people need to breathe? He complained. But his complaints got lost when he was once again dragged in the heat of passion by Ryo kissing him fervently.
He felt his pulse in his neck, his fast breathing and how his entire world was spinning, not quite catching it all, but it didn´t matter as long as he got to have this.
“I enjoyed our teamwork,” Ryo mumbled against his swollen lips, “You taught me the excitement in this field of work again. I kinda wanted to continue working with you.”
Ueda smirked amusedly. He stared at him lovingly still not quite believing that he was there, with him, ready to have him on more levels than the professional, craving for it more precisely, and even if he was really excited for working with such an amazing doctor as Ryo, he secretly promised himself that even if they worked together he was going to make sure that this type of conversation always continued in his home.
He still wanted to know how Nishikido Sensei would look spread out on his bed sheets after all~
~The End~