Remix for chiyakenyu
Title: Decisions
Rating: PG
Group/Pairing: Hey! Say! JUMP, YamaChii
Notes: I Can't Let You Go Even If I Die is a very sad fic that will surely bring tears to your eyes. I'm a bit rusty with writing, as this is the first fic I wrote after months of not writing. I hope my version will still be as angsty and could bring tears to readers eyes too.
Link to Original Story: I Can't Let You Go Even If I Die
Link to Original Writer: chiyakenyu
Beta Reader: Camilla
Tomorrow is the day, and there’s no turning back. Chinen sat on the window ledge, the moon illuminating the darkness of his room. He wished there’s another way, but there’s nothing more to be done. His health was deteriorating.
Chinen remembered that time, the time Yamada finally confessed. They were on a school camping trip during the summer vacation. That night, when everyone was asleep, the stars were shining so bright that he decided to watch. Yamada joined him soon after.
“Can’t sleep?” the taller teen asked, sitting on the log next to Chinen.
“Kind of,” Chinen answered, hugging himself. “The stars are beautiful tonight.”
Yamada nodded, “Yes, you are beautiful.”
It was soft, Chinen could barely hear it. But he did. He looked at Yamada with questioning eyes. “What are you saying?”
There was a visible flush on Yamada’s face as he ran a hand through his hair. “I... Oh hell,” he muttered before kissing Chinen on the lips. Chinen’s eyes widened in surprise. When Yamada pulled away, his arms were wrapped around Chinen’s body, his head rested on Chinen’s shoulder.
“You’re my best friend, Chii... No, you’re more than that. You are my world.” Pulling away, he stared into Chinen’s eyes, a hand caressing Chinen’s face. “And I think I’m in love with you.”
Still stunned, Chinen stared at Yamada with wide eyes. Taking Chinen’s silence as a no, Yamada turned around, his back facing Chinen. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Just forget what I say. But please, don’t leave me, our friendship. I-...”
Yamada was cut off when Chinen suddenly threw himself at Yamada, his head rested at Yamada’s back. “I won’t go anywhere, don’t worry. I will be here for you forever, Yama-chan. I promise.” Tightening his arms around Yamada’s waist, he added in softly, “I love you too.”
Chinen’s lips twitched upwards slightly. He had to admit, they were really cheesy that night. But he didn’t care, he loves Yamada. He sucked in air, feeling the hot tears in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he thought.
Chinen closed his eyes, trying to push back the tears. But it was no use. He could feel a lump in his throat, a sob threatening to escape.
It happened a few months after Yamada’s confessions. Chinen was sick. He was hit by a few dizzy spells, and constantly throwing up. He passed it of as a stomach flu. But, it lasted too long, so Yamada had forced him to go to the hospital. Chinen agreed, with the condition that Yamada does not accompany him. He knew how much the older teen could fuss over him.
And after the doctor’s appointment, Chinen knew he made the right choice by not allowing Yamada to accompany him.
That night, Chinen met up with Yamada at a cafe for dinner, well, dinner date. Yamada immediately bombarded Chinen with questions as soon as the smaller one arrived. Chinen only chuckled though, and said they’ll talk over dinner.
“What did the doctor say?” Yamada asked after swallowing his soba.
“Good news, it was just a stomach flu,” Chinen forced smile. ...You have brain cancer.
“So, there’s nothing to be worried about?” Yamada questioned again, not fully convinced.
There was a pang in Chinen’s heart for having to lie, but it was the only way, he thought. “Yes, everything will be fine, don’t worry.” ...You only have a few months to live.
“If you say so,” Yamada sighed, playing with his food. The other boy nodded slightly, gripping his spoon tight. ‘I’m sorry for lying,’ he thought.
The sudden chill from the cold night breeze snapped him out of his thought. He went off the window ledge, outside his bedroom, and into the kitchen. Turning on the light, he looked at the empty kitchen. Another memory struck him.
“It looks like we’re alone here,” Yamada stated the obvious, a stupid grin on his face.
“We’re not going to make out, if that’s where you’re heading,” Chinen retorted, causing Yamada to pout. He chuckled. “But on a serious note, I’m sorry to keep you so late. Now you can’t go home because of the rain.”
“Don’t think about it,” Yamada replied, sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen. “I won’t have it any other way. I would be worried sick leaving you here, alone, in this heavy rain and thunderstorms,” Yamada joked.
Chinen swatted Yamada’s hand playfully. “You’re mean.” Yamada just chuckled and pecked Chinen on the cheek.
Suddenly, Chinen shivered. “It’s getting chilly in here,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck where he had goosebumps. He stood up, “I’ll get us some hot chocolates.”
Yamada smiled watching Chinen move around in the kitchen, humming softly as he pour some hot water into two mugs. However, it immediately turned into a frown when Chinen dropped to the ground, the mugs he was holding crashed to the floor. Yamada immediately went to Chinen’s side.
“Are you alright?” Yamada asked. His boyfriend was about to answer when he suddenly had a fit of seizures. Panicked, Yamada didn’t know what to do. It was a relieve when Mrs. Chinen, who just returned from work, appeared in the kitchen. By that time, the seizure has stopped and Chinen fell into unconsciousness. Mrs. Chinen told Yamada to help Chinen into the car and she drove them to the hospital as fast as she could.
The next day when Chinen woke up, he saw Yamada sleeping in a chair next to him. He pressed a hand to the side of his head when he felt the dizziness coming back as he struggled to sit up. Yamada woke up by the slight movement Chinen made and quickly fussed over the younger teen.
“Wa...ter,” Chinen croaked, his throat dry. Yamada just nodded, and poured a glass of water for his boyfriend.
After settling down, he stared at Chinen with a mixture of worry and anger. “Why didn’t you tell me about your illness?”
Chinen froze, not knowing what to say. He never wanted Yamada to know. He never wanted Yamada to feel the pain of losing him. Because of death.
“I would rather hear it from you than your mother,” Yamada whispered, his voice carrying the sadness he felt.
Chinen looked down, tears running down his cheeks. “Why don’t you leave me?” he cried. “I...I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to hurt you. I-...”
Yamada pulled Chinen in his embrace, resting his head on Chinen’s. “Please don’t make the decision for me,” he softly said. “I love you, Chii. I love you, and nothing you say could keep me away.” Yamada tears started to fall, wetting Chinen’s hair. “I want to be with you, by your side.”
True to his word, Yamada did stay by Chinen’s side even when things got worse. Even when his hair started to fall, even when his started throwing up every moment, Yamada stayed by his side.
Chinen returned to his room with a new determination. These few months, Yamada had been strong for him, staying by his side. Now, he will need to be strong, for Yamada’s own good. He need to be strong to tell Yamada, “It’s over.” He need to. Because he knew, dying...dying would be easy. The difficult thing would be living, staying alive, for the people who was left behind.
Rating: PG
Group/Pairing: Hey! Say! JUMP, YamaChii
Notes: I Can't Let You Go Even If I Die is a very sad fic that will surely bring tears to your eyes. I'm a bit rusty with writing, as this is the first fic I wrote after months of not writing. I hope my version will still be as angsty and could bring tears to readers eyes too.
Link to Original Story: I Can't Let You Go Even If I Die
Link to Original Writer: chiyakenyu
Beta Reader: Camilla
Tomorrow is the day, and there’s no turning back. Chinen sat on the window ledge, the moon illuminating the darkness of his room. He wished there’s another way, but there’s nothing more to be done. His health was deteriorating.
Chinen remembered that time, the time Yamada finally confessed. They were on a school camping trip during the summer vacation. That night, when everyone was asleep, the stars were shining so bright that he decided to watch. Yamada joined him soon after.
“Can’t sleep?” the taller teen asked, sitting on the log next to Chinen.
“Kind of,” Chinen answered, hugging himself. “The stars are beautiful tonight.”
Yamada nodded, “Yes, you are beautiful.”
It was soft, Chinen could barely hear it. But he did. He looked at Yamada with questioning eyes. “What are you saying?”
There was a visible flush on Yamada’s face as he ran a hand through his hair. “I... Oh hell,” he muttered before kissing Chinen on the lips. Chinen’s eyes widened in surprise. When Yamada pulled away, his arms were wrapped around Chinen’s body, his head rested on Chinen’s shoulder.
“You’re my best friend, Chii... No, you’re more than that. You are my world.” Pulling away, he stared into Chinen’s eyes, a hand caressing Chinen’s face. “And I think I’m in love with you.”
Still stunned, Chinen stared at Yamada with wide eyes. Taking Chinen’s silence as a no, Yamada turned around, his back facing Chinen. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Just forget what I say. But please, don’t leave me, our friendship. I-...”
Yamada was cut off when Chinen suddenly threw himself at Yamada, his head rested at Yamada’s back. “I won’t go anywhere, don’t worry. I will be here for you forever, Yama-chan. I promise.” Tightening his arms around Yamada’s waist, he added in softly, “I love you too.”
Chinen’s lips twitched upwards slightly. He had to admit, they were really cheesy that night. But he didn’t care, he loves Yamada. He sucked in air, feeling the hot tears in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he thought.
Chinen closed his eyes, trying to push back the tears. But it was no use. He could feel a lump in his throat, a sob threatening to escape.
It happened a few months after Yamada’s confessions. Chinen was sick. He was hit by a few dizzy spells, and constantly throwing up. He passed it of as a stomach flu. But, it lasted too long, so Yamada had forced him to go to the hospital. Chinen agreed, with the condition that Yamada does not accompany him. He knew how much the older teen could fuss over him.
And after the doctor’s appointment, Chinen knew he made the right choice by not allowing Yamada to accompany him.
That night, Chinen met up with Yamada at a cafe for dinner, well, dinner date. Yamada immediately bombarded Chinen with questions as soon as the smaller one arrived. Chinen only chuckled though, and said they’ll talk over dinner.
“What did the doctor say?” Yamada asked after swallowing his soba.
“Good news, it was just a stomach flu,” Chinen forced smile. ...You have brain cancer.
“So, there’s nothing to be worried about?” Yamada questioned again, not fully convinced.
There was a pang in Chinen’s heart for having to lie, but it was the only way, he thought. “Yes, everything will be fine, don’t worry.” ...You only have a few months to live.
“If you say so,” Yamada sighed, playing with his food. The other boy nodded slightly, gripping his spoon tight. ‘I’m sorry for lying,’ he thought.
The sudden chill from the cold night breeze snapped him out of his thought. He went off the window ledge, outside his bedroom, and into the kitchen. Turning on the light, he looked at the empty kitchen. Another memory struck him.
“It looks like we’re alone here,” Yamada stated the obvious, a stupid grin on his face.
“We’re not going to make out, if that’s where you’re heading,” Chinen retorted, causing Yamada to pout. He chuckled. “But on a serious note, I’m sorry to keep you so late. Now you can’t go home because of the rain.”
“Don’t think about it,” Yamada replied, sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen. “I won’t have it any other way. I would be worried sick leaving you here, alone, in this heavy rain and thunderstorms,” Yamada joked.
Chinen swatted Yamada’s hand playfully. “You’re mean.” Yamada just chuckled and pecked Chinen on the cheek.
Suddenly, Chinen shivered. “It’s getting chilly in here,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck where he had goosebumps. He stood up, “I’ll get us some hot chocolates.”
Yamada smiled watching Chinen move around in the kitchen, humming softly as he pour some hot water into two mugs. However, it immediately turned into a frown when Chinen dropped to the ground, the mugs he was holding crashed to the floor. Yamada immediately went to Chinen’s side.
“Are you alright?” Yamada asked. His boyfriend was about to answer when he suddenly had a fit of seizures. Panicked, Yamada didn’t know what to do. It was a relieve when Mrs. Chinen, who just returned from work, appeared in the kitchen. By that time, the seizure has stopped and Chinen fell into unconsciousness. Mrs. Chinen told Yamada to help Chinen into the car and she drove them to the hospital as fast as she could.
The next day when Chinen woke up, he saw Yamada sleeping in a chair next to him. He pressed a hand to the side of his head when he felt the dizziness coming back as he struggled to sit up. Yamada woke up by the slight movement Chinen made and quickly fussed over the younger teen.
“Wa...ter,” Chinen croaked, his throat dry. Yamada just nodded, and poured a glass of water for his boyfriend.
After settling down, he stared at Chinen with a mixture of worry and anger. “Why didn’t you tell me about your illness?”
Chinen froze, not knowing what to say. He never wanted Yamada to know. He never wanted Yamada to feel the pain of losing him. Because of death.
“I would rather hear it from you than your mother,” Yamada whispered, his voice carrying the sadness he felt.
Chinen looked down, tears running down his cheeks. “Why don’t you leave me?” he cried. “I...I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to hurt you. I-...”
Yamada pulled Chinen in his embrace, resting his head on Chinen’s. “Please don’t make the decision for me,” he softly said. “I love you, Chii. I love you, and nothing you say could keep me away.” Yamada tears started to fall, wetting Chinen’s hair. “I want to be with you, by your side.”
True to his word, Yamada did stay by Chinen’s side even when things got worse. Even when his hair started to fall, even when his started throwing up every moment, Yamada stayed by his side.
Chinen returned to his room with a new determination. These few months, Yamada had been strong for him, staying by his side. Now, he will need to be strong, for Yamada’s own good. He need to be strong to tell Yamada, “It’s over.” He need to. Because he knew, dying...dying would be easy. The difficult thing would be living, staying alive, for the people who was left behind.