A Series of Choices (Part of the 'Differences between Alpha's & Beta's' VERSE) (PART 4)
Title: A Series of Choices (Sequel to Halfway There)
Rating: NC-17
Author: jensen_is_love and Anonymous
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Summary: This is the forth instalment, following Hidden Strengths, Worth Fighting For, and Halfway There. In this chapter we see how Jensen reacts to his new found knowledge of how both Chris and Jared feel about him, and he finds that he has a few choices to make regarding love and life.
Word count: 5,852 words
Disclaimer: None of this is true; unless Jared and Jensen are really werewolves.
Warnings: Talk about Rape, Werewolves
A/N: Sooo.. What started as a one-shot is now somehow sort of becoming a verse, but we’ll see how it goes. COMMENTS ARE LOVE, ALL! Also, sorry it's so late guys! But this chapter is dedicated to kebab1806 for her belated Birthday! Happy late Birthday hun! :)
Beta: Unbeta’d, so please don’t moan if you spot a mistake.
A Series of Choices
They had all decided that it had been an extremely long day, and that they should have an early night after dinner, but whether Chris and Jared not getting on was the real reason, or not, Jensen wasn’t sure. Instead of mentioning anything, he simply ignored it and went to sleep in the smallest bedroom, where he was now curled around a pillow, snoring softly.
It wasn’t until gone two in the morning that Chris decided that he had had enough of tossing and turning, thinking about Jensen and the most recent turn of events, so he got up and wandered down the stairs toward the kitchen, hoping Jensen had packed some sort of beer.
He passed the living room, but didn’t waste his time checking on Jared, he headed straight for the fridge.
Sitting on the couch, staring into the darkness through the window, Jared didn't move when he heard someone moving around. He knew it was Chris, his senses were tuned into Jensen's presence and he knew his mate was still curled up in bed. He hadn't even tried to fall asleep, knowing that without Jensen by his side it would be impossible. He didn't speak until Chris had almost made it passed the doorway on his way back from the kitchen.
"You're determined to drive a wedge between us, aren't you?" The words were quiet, calm, but he knew without a doubt that Chris had heard him.
For a few moments Chris didn't make any indication that he had heard Jared, instead he just stood there for a moment, a beer hanging limply between his fingers as he stared out of the same window, the rain still pouring down around the cabin.
When he finally spoke, it wasn't vicious, or angry, but it held something else, something that Chris couldn't name. "You don't deserve him. Jensen is an amazingly talented guy; he's beautiful and funny, and smart. He's everything in between. And you don't deserve any part of him."
"You're right," Jared agreed simply, not moving a muscle. "But whether either of us likes it or not, it's not about that anymore. It's about what Jensen wants. I leave all decisions up to him. If he tells me to go then I will, if he asks me to stay I will do my best to make him as happy as I possibly can. We're mated now and there's nothing you, Jensen nor I can do about it."
"Bullshit, Jared. You know that's total crap. It's possible for mates to live without each other, and the way you have him all submissive like he is, it just isn't right. He was perfect before, and you can only see an inch of that perfection, because you don't know what the alpha Jensen was like." Chris shook his head, the anger he had felt earlier, at Jensen's house, directed once again at Jared.
"He was strong, and brave, and perfect. And you changed all of that
Dropping his head, Jared stared at the darkened floor between his feet. "I did see some of the alpha in him before. And you're right; he was strong and unbelievably brave." Jared closed his eyes, fighting the images of how hard Jensen fought against him.
"But I think you fail to see that he hasn't lost those traits. He is still all those things you loved about him before. He hasn't changed as much as you think he has. Give him time, Chris. He's still the Jensen you fell in love with."
Chris' piercing blue eyes met Jared's as he growled out a warning, "You don't know shit, man. Don’t you dare pretend to know things that are none of your god damn business," His jaw clenched angrily at Jared's accusation of him being in love with Jensen.
He wasn't denying it, but it was none of Jared's business.
"He's lost it all, because of you. He had friends, a family, and a pack. Now he has lost it all through no fault of his own. You chose to lose yours the moment you chose to hurt my best friend."
"Again you're right," Jared said, still as calm as when the conversation had first started.
"I chose to follow my father's order even though I didn't agree with it. I'd never disobeyed him in my life. Then Jensen and I mated. I could have kept it all. I could have stayed with my family, my friends, my pack. All I had to do was to kill my mate. I chose not to do that too. All life is, is a series of choices. Some are good, some are bad, and some aren't really choices at all. I wonder what your choices are going to be from here, Chris. Will you hurt your best friend by turning him against his mate and then try to pick up the pieces when I'm gone, even though Jensen is now less than perfect in your eyes? Where as in my eyes, he is everything."
"Are we speaking of the same mate who raped him?" Chris narrowed his eyes at the taller man, shaking his head in disbelief. "Don't try to blame any of this on me, because Jensen deserves better than you. And for the record, he will always be perfect to me. I just hate you for changing him, he didn't want that."
"I can't take back the choices I've made. I would save Jensen that pain if I could. But I won't give him up unless he tells me to go, and until he tells me that, I will fight for him until my last breath and I will never hurt him again, I'd rather die."
Jared peered at Chris and he knew the other wolf felt exactly the same and Jared had a fight on his hands. Who would Jensen choose?
The man who raped him and by some fluke then became his mate? Or the man who’d been his loyal and loving friend for years, who thought the world of him?
Jared didn't like his chances.
Chris sighed as a wave of frustration slid over him, but he didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, instead taking the time to think about Jensen and everything he loved about him.
“I wish that I could just leave you two to live happily ever after, but like you, I can’t back down. He’s too important to me. That and I don’t trust you as far as I could throw you, and that’s a pretty long way.” Chris finally spoke, his words soft, but his eyes on Jared were challenging.
“I just hope he isn’t setting himself up to get hurt, whichever one of us he chooses.”
"And I guess either way you'll be the winner. If Jensen chooses you, I'll be out of your lives and you'll never see me again. But if he chooses me, at least you'll still always be his friend." Jared murmured.
It wasn't the rain that had woken him from his peaceful sleep, but voices. The two voices he dreamed about, and couldn't help but recognise. Jensen quietly snuck out of bed, and down the hall until he could sit on the stairs to clearly hear Chris and Jared.
His jaw practically dropped when he heard them talking about him, why would they do that? He'd missed the majority of the conversation, only coming in when Jared had mentioned a choice.
"Then of course there's always the possibility that he chooses neither and we're all left alone and broken. I don't envy him, that's for sure."
Those words made Jensen’s heart start to beat a little faster as he realised what the two men were talking about. Chris liked him? And Jared was his mate. Oh god, why had he pushed for them to become friends? Right now the last thing he wanted was either of them around each other.
Swallowing hard, Jensen found his way quietly back to his bedroom, mixed thoughts and feelings warring through his mind and heart, how the hell was he supposed to take this new bout of information?
“Fuck.” He whispered to himself, knowing that tonight he would definitely get no more sleep; there was no doubt about it.
*******************************
The next day was a strange, yet quiet one, to say the least. From the moment Jensen had woken up and gone downstairs he ceased every opportunity he could to leave the room if either Chris or Jared was in there with him. He avoided them both like the plague, whilst being as subtle as he could about it, each time claiming that he needed the bathroom or that he was hungry, and needed a snack, or most commonly that he wanted to make sure that they had enough supplies for the next few days at least.
He had made it until midday before he started to notice the weird looks he was getting from both Jared and Jensen.
“Anybody hungry?” Jensen called from the kitchen, knowing that all three of them needed to eat, even if he didn’t want to be near them just yet.
Jared and Chris exchanged worried glances for the umpteenth time so far that day. I was obvious something was wrong with Jensen but equally obvious he didn't want to talk about it. Sighing, Jared got wearily to his feet and walked into the kitchen. He hadn't slept a wink last night and from the looks of his house mates, neither had they.
"Would you like me to do that?" He asked softly, looking at Jensen with concern. "You look beat."
“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” Jensen shrugged his shoulders, keeping his back to the two of them, where he knew Chris was watching him from the doorway, and he could feel Jared’s eyes on him from inside the kitchen.
“I’ll be fine, It keeps me busy.” With that Jensen reached into the freezer, the movement fast and measured like a cat, his jean clad ass extended in both Jared and Chris’ direction before he could think about whether either of them were staring or not, his mind too focused on last nights conversation between the two men.
In a surreptitious move, Jared positioned himself between Jensen and Chris, blocking a view Chris shouldn't be treated to. When Jensen stood back up straight, Jared stepped closer, catching him by the hips and holding him still for a moment, speaking quietly into his ear.
"You haven't stopped all day, mate. You're going to collapse if you're not careful."
The moment Jared touched him, Jensen flinched. Not because he was scared, or shocked, but because it was strange to allow Jared to touch him now that he knew there was some stupid kind of war going on between Jared and Chris. He felt like a piece of meat, and it wasn’t fair.
“I’ll be fine!” Jensen snapped, once again repeating the statement he had been telling them all day when either Chris or Jared mentioned that he wasn’t stopping to rest. “I’m not some delicate little flower, Jared. I was an alpha once upon a time.”
Chris smirked at Jared, giving him a pointed look. “There’s the old Jensen, or at least part of him.” He smiled at his best friend proudly.
Rolling his eyes, Jensen growled at Chris threateningly, letting them both know that no, he wasn’t a complete beta. “You can be quite too.”
Chris' words barely even registered with Jared, he was too stuck on Jensen's. Yes, Jensen had once been an alpha, and now he was a beta and that was no ones fault but Jared's. He'd been expecting Jensen to get mad about it at some point but that didn't make the jab sting any less. Holding his hands up, showing Jensen he wasn't about to try and touch him again, Jared took a purposeful step backwards.
"I never thought of you as weak. I'm sorry if my caring about you came across that way, it wasn't my intention.” He said gently, not wanting to piss Jensen off even more.
As Chris retreated from the room to give Jared and Jensen some time to talk, Jensen sighed softly, turning to face his much taller alpha with a look of frustration. “I’m sorry if my behaviour has been… erratic today, but I don’t want to always be worrying about pissing one of you off, or upsetting one of you.”
Running a hand through his short hair, Jensen tugged on the light blond strands with an annoyed low growl. “Why does everything have to be so complicated all of the time? Why can’t you and Chris just get along?” The question came out of nowhere, and Jensen knew that he wanted this all to just go away. For him to not need to make a choice, but he also knew that would never happen.
Before he could even think about it, Jared was reaching out to Jensen, his instincts screaming at him to comfort his mate, to make his pain disappear. "Is that what's bothering you? My not being friends with Chris?" Tentatively, Jared caught Jensen's hand and loosened his fingers before his mate pulled his hair from his scalp.
"Well, Chris and I may not always see eye to eye, but I do hold him in very high regard. He's obviously a very loyal, protective friend and a good wolf, you're lucky to have him in your life."
Jensen allowed Jared to loosen his fingers from his hair before he did any permanent damage, but after a moment the shorter man pulled away and looked down at his hands, where he had fisted them on the counter, possibly to stop himself from hitting something. It was so damn frustrating knowing that whatever happened between the three of them now was going to be his fault.
“That’s what makes choosing between the two of you so difficult.” Jensen whispered; his voice so low that Jared barely heard the words. All day Jensen had been stepping around the issue, but now he was letting Jared know that he knew everything.
Chris was his best friend, and would be the best mate ever, but Jensen knew that he already had one and that he could truly fall for Jared if they spent more time together, but then Jared had betrayed him before they had even had the time to get to know each other.
Understanding dawned of Jared and he closed his eyes for a moment, keeping his breathing steady. "You heard us talking last night," He stated. Opening his eyes to look at Jensen, pain evident in his expression, Jared bit the bullet and asked the question he needed to. "Is there a choice to make? Do you feel that way for Chris? Do you want something more than friendship with him?"
Still not looking up at his mate, Jensen kept his expression closed off, and his voice void of all emotion as he thought of how he should answer that question without hurting either Jared or Chris, or confusing himself.
“You know you don’t get to ask me that, Jared. It wouldn’t be fair for me to answer you before I’ve even thought about it myself.”
Whatever he said would hurt somebody, but he still didn’t want Jared to think that he didn’t stand a chance, because in all honesty? Chris had been a friend for a long time, and Jared was his mate. But he had to get over his trust issues, so yes, he had a decision to make.
But it wasn’t whether he could fall in love with either of these two men, but who he could and would always trust.
"And you need the time and space to have those thoughts," Jared said understandingly. He smiled slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Shall I not bother you unless you need me? Would that be the best way for me to help you?" As much as Jared wanted to scream and shout that Jensen was his mate, there was no choice to make; he knew it just wasn't the case.
Chad had always accused Jared of being too much of a thinker, always looking at every angle of everything, except when it came to his father, and perhaps he was right.
Maybe that's why he could see the struggle Jensen was going through and was determined to try his best to do whatever his mate needed of him.
Jensen nodded in relief when Jared showed him that he understood what Jensen needed; it was like a weight had been pulled off of him, and now Jared was the one holding it. He felt guilty as all hell, but he had to focus on how he could deal with this situation.
He was relatively sure that he only thought of Chris as a very close friend, much like a brother, but when they were younger, Jensen could remember having a huge crush on Chris, and now he was wondering if the only reason he only saw Chris as a friend now was because of the mating.
“I honestly don’t know what would help any of us, I just want for everybody to be happy, and for my feelings to become clearer… What can I do?” He asked, clearly looking to Jared for advice, because whether the taller man was part of the problem or not, he was still Jensen’s alpha, and there to protect him.
“The best advice I can give you is to take as much time as you need, do what you feel you need to do, and I'll be here for whatever you decide." He couldn't look at Jensen as he said it, too afraid Jensen would see the terror in his eyes that at the end of it all he may loose his mate, he didn't want his feelings to influence Jensen's decision, he needed to know that Jensen was sure about his feelings.
The fact that Jared was being so amazing and patient with him made Jensen’s heart skip a beat, and he suddenly realised why Jared was the alpha; he was patients and calm, never losing his head over small things, or even big decisions such as this.
“Thankyou Jared.” Jensen ran a hand over Jared’s to let him know that he appreciated the way Jared was acting for him.
Despite everything, Jared smiled. Jensen appeared so unsure of himself, but Jared was sure that once he found his footing he'd be a force to be reckoned with, he'd seen a glimpse of it a minute ago.
He just hoped he'd be there to see how he turned out when it was all said and done. "I'll leave you to your thoughts," Jared said quietly, kissing Jensen's forehead before backing away, nodding to let Jensen know that everything was alright.
******************************
The rest of the day had been relatively quiet, with Jensen only speaking to either of the two men when he asked if they wanted food, or when deemed necessary. It was the most awkward thing in the world to avoid Chris after they had been so close for the majority of their lives, but it was equally as difficult to steer away from Jared, especially now that they were mated and the tugging feeling in his heart hurt.
Finally, around two am, Jensen decided that he had had enough of feeling withdrawn and alone, and knowing that he would not be sleeping at all that night, he slipped on a t-shirt over his boxers before making his way downstairs, where he saw Jared sprawled on the couch.
Biting down on his lower lip, Jensen walked over with the stealth of a cat, careful not to wake Jared, but his alpha would probably wake. He wasn’t the future leader for nothing.
“Jared…” He whispered; voice low and husky as he put a warm, gentle hand on Jared’s hip, the darkness around him swallowing those facial features that he would be intent staring at for a long time.
Turning his head, Jared looked at Jensen through the darkness. He'd known he was there but hadn't wanted to say anything in case he'd scared his mate away, this was the first time Jensen had approached him for anything properly all day.
"Everything okay?" He asked, his voice quiet but seeming overly loud in the silence of the night.
Nodding, Jensen swallowed hard, thinking of how to put the words he wanted to say into a sentence that wouldn't make Jared think that he was playing with him, or Chris. He just wanted some company, maybe some closeness...
"I don't know, I feel... I need to be close to you. I can't explain it." A slight frown creased Jensen's forehead as he knelt on the blankets which was sprawled on the floor beside the sofa. "Sit with me?"
"Of course," Jared agreed easily, rolling onto his side to he could face Jensen properly. It hurt to see Jensen so confused, so cautious about every move he made.
"It's hard isn't it? Feeling the mating bond so someone you're so unsure about?"
Jensen smiled sheepishly as he watched Jared watch him, their eyes trailing slowly over each other’s faces, “It isn’t you who I’m unsure about, it’s me. I don’t know what I want, and I can’t just make my feelings sort themselves out. I feel… safe, with you. But I shouldn’t, not after what happened. I’m so confused.” He sighed softly, wishing that he could just give over and let himself go, to give into this.
As he laid beside Jared on the blanket, his shirt rode up his bare hip, and he licked his lips nervously when Jared stared.
Jensen's skin gleamed almost white in the scarce moonlight that sneaked into the room, Jared's fingers itched to touch him, to feel him beneath his fingertips, but he clenched his hand into a fist and kept it to himself. "I think I would be more concerned if you weren't confused. Would you like to hear my theory on our mating?" he asked, unsure if he should tell Jensen or not.
How much worse could it possibly get? Jensen thought, shrugging as he shifted closer to Jared, unable to stop himself from wanting to feel closer to the other man. It was like he was suddenly enthralled in Jared's eyes, and the warmth of his body.
"Sure, I'd love to hear... It might make some of this drama make sense."
Smiling uncertainly, Jared took a deep breath before speaking. "I know that there’s just one mate out there for everyone but I still believe that mating happens for a reason. You know that plenty of wolves can have sex with each other without initiating a mating bond, I've been with others before... but when I was with you... it was the most perfect thing I've ever felt."
He cleared his throat, sure he wasn't explaining himself right. "After the way we met, what happened between us... and we still mated. It tells me that we're perfect for each other, no matter how we started out. That if we tried, we could have the best life together, make each other happier than anyone else ever can."
Giving in to the urge to touch him, Jared reached out and ran the backs of his knuckles over Jensen's cheek, affection shining in his eyes. "There is no doubt in my mind that I want to be your mate. I want to get to know everything about you, I want to fall in love with you, I want to spend every second of my day ensuring that you're as happy I can possibly make you. I know you've got a lot to work out and I know that it's hurting you. I wish there was some way I could make it all better for you."
Nuzzling his cheek into Jared’s knuckles, Jensen suddenly felt safer than ever before, a warm feeling forming in his chest as his breath hitched, his eyes never leaving Jared’s.
“You… You want to fall in love with me?” Swallowing hard, Jensen looked away, avoiding the taller man’s eyes, hoping that Jared wouldn’t see the pure emotion mixed with confusion which shone brightly in his eyes.
The way Jared touched him was so gentle, and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in a way that had never happened when anybody had touched him before.
“Please don’t stop…”
Encouraged by Jensen's response, Jared let his hand trail a light touch from Jensen's cheek, around his ear and down his neck. He could feel his mate's pulse beating rapidly beneath his fingertips.
"Yes I want to fall in love with you, and from what I know so far I don't think it'll take very long." Jared's voice was nothing more than a whisper as his hand dropped down to rest against Jensen’s heart.
By now Jensen’s heart was practically slamming back and forth against his chest, so hard that he thought his chest might break in two. “I-“ Lost for words, Jensen let his eyes slip closed as he arched his back against Jared, pressing their bodies together as close as physically possible.
“This is only for tonight, okay? I want… I don’t know what I want. Please Alpha; just tell me what to do.” Jensen spoke equally as soft, his forehead coming to rest on Jared’s. “For tonight.”
"Come here," Jared murmured, taking Jensen's completely into his arm as he lay back. Settling Jensen's head under his chin, Jared pushed his face into Jensen's hair, breathing him in, eyes closed to savour his scent. "Just sleep, baby."
Sighing softly in contentment, Jensen wrapped an arm around Jared's waist and rested his cheek against Jared's chest, loving how he could feel the other man's heart beating rapidly beneath his chest.
"M'kay.." He breathed, already drifting off into a dream state.
For the first time since he'd kissed Jensen the night before, Jared felt some semblance of peace settle through him. Having Jensen in his arms was an experience unlike any other and one he never wanted to have to give up. Sighing heavily into Jensen's hair, Jared stared up at the ceiling and just revelled having his mate in his arms.
He must have dosed off at some point in the night because when Jared opened his eyes again the sun was just starting to shine in through the window. Against him, Jensen was starting to wriggle slightly as he stirred from his sleep. Jared smiled, lifting one hand to brush his mate's hair off his forehead.
When Jensen blinked bleary eyes at him, Jared grin widened. Jensen was adorable when half asleep. "Morning," He breathed quietly. "You sleep okay?"
Still half asleep, Jensen mumbled half words and little sounds to himself, his eyes fluttering open and closed every so often as he snuggled closer into the heat of his mate's arms.
"Mmhmm, perfect." Jensen murmured quietly as he ran his hands over Jared's chest and stomach, his fingers sliding over his mate's built abs, and flat stomach, further down, without thinking.
Jared hummed happily, giving Jensen a squeeze as he kissed his forehead. His hum turned into a half moan, Jensen's hand sending shivers through him. Quickly realising that Jensen wasn't completely awake and probably didn't know what he was doing, Jared caught his hand, stopping it before it reached too low. He met Jensen's eyes, holding his breath.
Oh god. Jensen’s heart started to beat about a mile a minute, which was abnormal even for a wolf. He’d almost touched Jared inappropriately. That sure would have helped his case. Quickly pulling his hand back, placing it on his own hip, Jensen bit 87own on his lower lip, suddenly wide awake.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” His cheeks were a pretty shade of red, and the heat was slowly seeping down to his chest and around his ears. “I was dreaming.” Jensen mumbled, his eyes widening when he realised what he had just admitted. “I mean… Not about that.” Putting a hand over his face, realising that there was no way to take his words back, Jensen groaned in embarrassment, just thankful that his erection wasn’t close to Jared.
Stopping the smile that broke over Jared's face at Jensen's embarrassment was impossible. Shaking his head, Jared carefully took Jensen's hand away from his face, kissing each finger in turn before facing him. "It's okay," he told him, planning on waving away the whole thing.
Jensen's bottom lip was once again caught between his teeth and Jared used his thumb to pull it free, kissing away any soreness before thinking about it. He froze, lips mere millimetres from Jensen's. Suddenly the situation was a lot more serious, Jared's breath catching in his throat. His gaze went from Jensen's eyes to his lips and back again.
Once again, Jensen's heart skipped a bit and his eyes sparkled in the early morning sunlight as he stared into his mate's eyes, his breathing coming out in gentle little puffs in anticipation of Jared's next move.
"We should get up..." If Jared hadn't been so close, he wouldn't have heard him.
For a moment Jared couldn't move, couldn't think about anything but kissing Jensen, desperate to feel their lips brush with mutual need. Then he forced his eyes to close and his hold on Jensen to loosen. "Okay," He croaked, resting their foreheads together, disappointment swamping him. He should have just kissed Jensen.
Taking yet another deep breath, Jensen closed his eyes and licked his lips, somehow tasting Jared on them, even though he knew that was impossible. "I want to kiss you, back, Jay." He admitted, somehow able to tell what Jared wanted of him. It was also the first time Jensen had used that nickname for Jared.
Jared nodded, his head rubbing against Jensen's as he did. "I know." It was all he could say. He was scared that if he opened his mouth to speak more he'd be telling Jensen to fuck it and just kiss him already.
"Well isn't this cosy," Chris snapped, glaring at the two far too comfortable wolves lying on his living room floor, draped all over each other. It would have been polite to leave, to turn his back and walk away, but Chris stayed, eyes locked on the sight.
Hearing the sound of another voice, Jensen gasped and jumped out of Jared’s arms, clearly having not heard Chris approaching the room. He felt Chris’ intense blue eyes boring into them, and it made him feel like shit. How could he have been so inconsiderate?
Chris had been nothing but loyal and loving toward him, giving them a home, and basically saving their lives, and Jensen had just found out how he felt about him, and now here he was kissing another man on Chris’ floor.
“Chris, please. I need some time, that’s all. You never told me how you felt, it’s a lot to take in. It’s confusing.” Pleading with his voice, Jensen sat up on the blanket, feeling more naked under both Jared and Chris’ gaze than he actually was as he sat there in a t-shirt and a pair of tight boxers.
"Yeah, Jen, you're looking really confused right now," Chris scoffed, and then sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm making coffee." He announced, leaving the room quickly.
Once Chris was gone, Jared looked at Jensen in concern. "Can I give you one last piece of advice? If you really feel something for Chris then by all means give him every chance. But just consider if you're thinking of him because of that or just because you feel you owe him."
Leaning forward, Jared pressed a light kiss to Jensen's cheek before getting up and leaving him to think.
“Thankyou.” Jensen smiled sheepishly at Jared as he watched the taller man leave the room. The moment both Jared and Chris were gone, Jensen let his tense shoulders drop, and he let out a frustrated little growl, wondering how he could have been so stupid as to hurt his best friend like that.
After a few moments of thinking, Jensen stood from the blanket and made his way toward the kitchen, taking one last deep breath before entering, his heart dropping when he found Chris pacing like a lunatic.
“Hey…” Was all he could think to say at that moment, as he stood there in his boxers, awkwardly watching Chris pace.
Chris only spared Jensen a quick glance, not stopping his fast steps for a second. His thoughts were in turmoil, racing through his at a hundred miles an hour. Any day now he could lose his best friend, his potential lover, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to stand by and watch Jensen be with Jared, it would rip him to shreds. Another glance at Jensen showed him still standing in the same place, apparently at as much of a loss as Chris.
Suddenly Chris' feet had him stalking towards Jensen, stopping only when they were nose to nose. Looking deeply into Jensen's startled green eyes, Chris steadied himself, not wanting to scare the other man.
Carefully raising his hand, Chris slipping to along the back of Jensen's neck, “Just... you've kissed him, more than kissed, but I've never... give me the same chance, please?"
When he'd first walked into the kitchen to see Chris pacing, Jensen had known that his best friend was both angry and hurt, but he hadn't expected this. The sudden gentleness and the question. It was difficult to say no, because if he was honest? Chris did have an extremely valid point, but it could ruin things between them.
"I... Chris, this is different." Swallowing down his fear of what would happen if he kissed Chris; Jensen looked into his best friend's deep blue eyes, getting lost in depths of them. Wow.
"Why?" Chris demanded desperately, staring deeply into Jensen's eyes. "Why is it so different? And how is it fair? I love you, Jensen. I've loved you for years. Let me show you, please?"
This was so difficult, trying to keep both Jared and Chris from being hurt, but all he seemed to be doing was making everything worse. Instead of answering Chris' question, Jensen tried to avoid it by asking one of his own.
"You never told me. Why now? Why did you never tell me, Chris? I used to have the hugest crush on you." Frowning now, Jensen knew that wasn't the right thing to say when Chris had already asked to kiss him, but he’d realised too late.
Well fuck.
Despite everything that Jensen said, it was the last words that stuck in Chris' head. He grinned widely. "You did? Don’t you see, we were meant to be?" Then he leaned in and took Jensen's lips in a deep, passionate kiss.
He'd barely gotten into it when Jensen pushed him away and rushed out of the room. At the sounds of heavy footsteps running up the stairs Chris closed his eyes and cursed.
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Rating: NC-17
Author: jensen_is_love and Anonymous
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Summary: This is the forth instalment, following Hidden Strengths, Worth Fighting For, and Halfway There. In this chapter we see how Jensen reacts to his new found knowledge of how both Chris and Jared feel about him, and he finds that he has a few choices to make regarding love and life.
Word count: 5,852 words
Disclaimer: None of this is true; unless Jared and Jensen are really werewolves.
Warnings: Talk about Rape, Werewolves
A/N: Sooo.. What started as a one-shot is now somehow sort of becoming a verse, but we’ll see how it goes. COMMENTS ARE LOVE, ALL! Also, sorry it's so late guys! But this chapter is dedicated to kebab1806 for her belated Birthday! Happy late Birthday hun! :)
Beta: Unbeta’d, so please don’t moan if you spot a mistake.
A Series of Choices
They had all decided that it had been an extremely long day, and that they should have an early night after dinner, but whether Chris and Jared not getting on was the real reason, or not, Jensen wasn’t sure. Instead of mentioning anything, he simply ignored it and went to sleep in the smallest bedroom, where he was now curled around a pillow, snoring softly.
It wasn’t until gone two in the morning that Chris decided that he had had enough of tossing and turning, thinking about Jensen and the most recent turn of events, so he got up and wandered down the stairs toward the kitchen, hoping Jensen had packed some sort of beer.
He passed the living room, but didn’t waste his time checking on Jared, he headed straight for the fridge.
Sitting on the couch, staring into the darkness through the window, Jared didn't move when he heard someone moving around. He knew it was Chris, his senses were tuned into Jensen's presence and he knew his mate was still curled up in bed. He hadn't even tried to fall asleep, knowing that without Jensen by his side it would be impossible. He didn't speak until Chris had almost made it passed the doorway on his way back from the kitchen.
"You're determined to drive a wedge between us, aren't you?" The words were quiet, calm, but he knew without a doubt that Chris had heard him.
For a few moments Chris didn't make any indication that he had heard Jared, instead he just stood there for a moment, a beer hanging limply between his fingers as he stared out of the same window, the rain still pouring down around the cabin.
When he finally spoke, it wasn't vicious, or angry, but it held something else, something that Chris couldn't name. "You don't deserve him. Jensen is an amazingly talented guy; he's beautiful and funny, and smart. He's everything in between. And you don't deserve any part of him."
"You're right," Jared agreed simply, not moving a muscle. "But whether either of us likes it or not, it's not about that anymore. It's about what Jensen wants. I leave all decisions up to him. If he tells me to go then I will, if he asks me to stay I will do my best to make him as happy as I possibly can. We're mated now and there's nothing you, Jensen nor I can do about it."
"Bullshit, Jared. You know that's total crap. It's possible for mates to live without each other, and the way you have him all submissive like he is, it just isn't right. He was perfect before, and you can only see an inch of that perfection, because you don't know what the alpha Jensen was like." Chris shook his head, the anger he had felt earlier, at Jensen's house, directed once again at Jared.
"He was strong, and brave, and perfect. And you changed all of that
Dropping his head, Jared stared at the darkened floor between his feet. "I did see some of the alpha in him before. And you're right; he was strong and unbelievably brave." Jared closed his eyes, fighting the images of how hard Jensen fought against him.
"But I think you fail to see that he hasn't lost those traits. He is still all those things you loved about him before. He hasn't changed as much as you think he has. Give him time, Chris. He's still the Jensen you fell in love with."
Chris' piercing blue eyes met Jared's as he growled out a warning, "You don't know shit, man. Don’t you dare pretend to know things that are none of your god damn business," His jaw clenched angrily at Jared's accusation of him being in love with Jensen.
He wasn't denying it, but it was none of Jared's business.
"He's lost it all, because of you. He had friends, a family, and a pack. Now he has lost it all through no fault of his own. You chose to lose yours the moment you chose to hurt my best friend."
"Again you're right," Jared said, still as calm as when the conversation had first started.
"I chose to follow my father's order even though I didn't agree with it. I'd never disobeyed him in my life. Then Jensen and I mated. I could have kept it all. I could have stayed with my family, my friends, my pack. All I had to do was to kill my mate. I chose not to do that too. All life is, is a series of choices. Some are good, some are bad, and some aren't really choices at all. I wonder what your choices are going to be from here, Chris. Will you hurt your best friend by turning him against his mate and then try to pick up the pieces when I'm gone, even though Jensen is now less than perfect in your eyes? Where as in my eyes, he is everything."
"Are we speaking of the same mate who raped him?" Chris narrowed his eyes at the taller man, shaking his head in disbelief. "Don't try to blame any of this on me, because Jensen deserves better than you. And for the record, he will always be perfect to me. I just hate you for changing him, he didn't want that."
"I can't take back the choices I've made. I would save Jensen that pain if I could. But I won't give him up unless he tells me to go, and until he tells me that, I will fight for him until my last breath and I will never hurt him again, I'd rather die."
Jared peered at Chris and he knew the other wolf felt exactly the same and Jared had a fight on his hands. Who would Jensen choose?
The man who raped him and by some fluke then became his mate? Or the man who’d been his loyal and loving friend for years, who thought the world of him?
Jared didn't like his chances.
Chris sighed as a wave of frustration slid over him, but he didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, instead taking the time to think about Jensen and everything he loved about him.
“I wish that I could just leave you two to live happily ever after, but like you, I can’t back down. He’s too important to me. That and I don’t trust you as far as I could throw you, and that’s a pretty long way.” Chris finally spoke, his words soft, but his eyes on Jared were challenging.
“I just hope he isn’t setting himself up to get hurt, whichever one of us he chooses.”
"And I guess either way you'll be the winner. If Jensen chooses you, I'll be out of your lives and you'll never see me again. But if he chooses me, at least you'll still always be his friend." Jared murmured.
It wasn't the rain that had woken him from his peaceful sleep, but voices. The two voices he dreamed about, and couldn't help but recognise. Jensen quietly snuck out of bed, and down the hall until he could sit on the stairs to clearly hear Chris and Jared.
His jaw practically dropped when he heard them talking about him, why would they do that? He'd missed the majority of the conversation, only coming in when Jared had mentioned a choice.
"Then of course there's always the possibility that he chooses neither and we're all left alone and broken. I don't envy him, that's for sure."
Those words made Jensen’s heart start to beat a little faster as he realised what the two men were talking about. Chris liked him? And Jared was his mate. Oh god, why had he pushed for them to become friends? Right now the last thing he wanted was either of them around each other.
Swallowing hard, Jensen found his way quietly back to his bedroom, mixed thoughts and feelings warring through his mind and heart, how the hell was he supposed to take this new bout of information?
“Fuck.” He whispered to himself, knowing that tonight he would definitely get no more sleep; there was no doubt about it.
*******************************
The next day was a strange, yet quiet one, to say the least. From the moment Jensen had woken up and gone downstairs he ceased every opportunity he could to leave the room if either Chris or Jared was in there with him. He avoided them both like the plague, whilst being as subtle as he could about it, each time claiming that he needed the bathroom or that he was hungry, and needed a snack, or most commonly that he wanted to make sure that they had enough supplies for the next few days at least.
He had made it until midday before he started to notice the weird looks he was getting from both Jared and Jensen.
“Anybody hungry?” Jensen called from the kitchen, knowing that all three of them needed to eat, even if he didn’t want to be near them just yet.
Jared and Chris exchanged worried glances for the umpteenth time so far that day. I was obvious something was wrong with Jensen but equally obvious he didn't want to talk about it. Sighing, Jared got wearily to his feet and walked into the kitchen. He hadn't slept a wink last night and from the looks of his house mates, neither had they.
"Would you like me to do that?" He asked softly, looking at Jensen with concern. "You look beat."
“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” Jensen shrugged his shoulders, keeping his back to the two of them, where he knew Chris was watching him from the doorway, and he could feel Jared’s eyes on him from inside the kitchen.
“I’ll be fine, It keeps me busy.” With that Jensen reached into the freezer, the movement fast and measured like a cat, his jean clad ass extended in both Jared and Chris’ direction before he could think about whether either of them were staring or not, his mind too focused on last nights conversation between the two men.
In a surreptitious move, Jared positioned himself between Jensen and Chris, blocking a view Chris shouldn't be treated to. When Jensen stood back up straight, Jared stepped closer, catching him by the hips and holding him still for a moment, speaking quietly into his ear.
"You haven't stopped all day, mate. You're going to collapse if you're not careful."
The moment Jared touched him, Jensen flinched. Not because he was scared, or shocked, but because it was strange to allow Jared to touch him now that he knew there was some stupid kind of war going on between Jared and Chris. He felt like a piece of meat, and it wasn’t fair.
“I’ll be fine!” Jensen snapped, once again repeating the statement he had been telling them all day when either Chris or Jared mentioned that he wasn’t stopping to rest. “I’m not some delicate little flower, Jared. I was an alpha once upon a time.”
Chris smirked at Jared, giving him a pointed look. “There’s the old Jensen, or at least part of him.” He smiled at his best friend proudly.
Rolling his eyes, Jensen growled at Chris threateningly, letting them both know that no, he wasn’t a complete beta. “You can be quite too.”
Chris' words barely even registered with Jared, he was too stuck on Jensen's. Yes, Jensen had once been an alpha, and now he was a beta and that was no ones fault but Jared's. He'd been expecting Jensen to get mad about it at some point but that didn't make the jab sting any less. Holding his hands up, showing Jensen he wasn't about to try and touch him again, Jared took a purposeful step backwards.
"I never thought of you as weak. I'm sorry if my caring about you came across that way, it wasn't my intention.” He said gently, not wanting to piss Jensen off even more.
As Chris retreated from the room to give Jared and Jensen some time to talk, Jensen sighed softly, turning to face his much taller alpha with a look of frustration. “I’m sorry if my behaviour has been… erratic today, but I don’t want to always be worrying about pissing one of you off, or upsetting one of you.”
Running a hand through his short hair, Jensen tugged on the light blond strands with an annoyed low growl. “Why does everything have to be so complicated all of the time? Why can’t you and Chris just get along?” The question came out of nowhere, and Jensen knew that he wanted this all to just go away. For him to not need to make a choice, but he also knew that would never happen.
Before he could even think about it, Jared was reaching out to Jensen, his instincts screaming at him to comfort his mate, to make his pain disappear. "Is that what's bothering you? My not being friends with Chris?" Tentatively, Jared caught Jensen's hand and loosened his fingers before his mate pulled his hair from his scalp.
"Well, Chris and I may not always see eye to eye, but I do hold him in very high regard. He's obviously a very loyal, protective friend and a good wolf, you're lucky to have him in your life."
Jensen allowed Jared to loosen his fingers from his hair before he did any permanent damage, but after a moment the shorter man pulled away and looked down at his hands, where he had fisted them on the counter, possibly to stop himself from hitting something. It was so damn frustrating knowing that whatever happened between the three of them now was going to be his fault.
“That’s what makes choosing between the two of you so difficult.” Jensen whispered; his voice so low that Jared barely heard the words. All day Jensen had been stepping around the issue, but now he was letting Jared know that he knew everything.
Chris was his best friend, and would be the best mate ever, but Jensen knew that he already had one and that he could truly fall for Jared if they spent more time together, but then Jared had betrayed him before they had even had the time to get to know each other.
Understanding dawned of Jared and he closed his eyes for a moment, keeping his breathing steady. "You heard us talking last night," He stated. Opening his eyes to look at Jensen, pain evident in his expression, Jared bit the bullet and asked the question he needed to. "Is there a choice to make? Do you feel that way for Chris? Do you want something more than friendship with him?"
Still not looking up at his mate, Jensen kept his expression closed off, and his voice void of all emotion as he thought of how he should answer that question without hurting either Jared or Chris, or confusing himself.
“You know you don’t get to ask me that, Jared. It wouldn’t be fair for me to answer you before I’ve even thought about it myself.”
Whatever he said would hurt somebody, but he still didn’t want Jared to think that he didn’t stand a chance, because in all honesty? Chris had been a friend for a long time, and Jared was his mate. But he had to get over his trust issues, so yes, he had a decision to make.
But it wasn’t whether he could fall in love with either of these two men, but who he could and would always trust.
"And you need the time and space to have those thoughts," Jared said understandingly. He smiled slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Shall I not bother you unless you need me? Would that be the best way for me to help you?" As much as Jared wanted to scream and shout that Jensen was his mate, there was no choice to make; he knew it just wasn't the case.
Chad had always accused Jared of being too much of a thinker, always looking at every angle of everything, except when it came to his father, and perhaps he was right.
Maybe that's why he could see the struggle Jensen was going through and was determined to try his best to do whatever his mate needed of him.
Jensen nodded in relief when Jared showed him that he understood what Jensen needed; it was like a weight had been pulled off of him, and now Jared was the one holding it. He felt guilty as all hell, but he had to focus on how he could deal with this situation.
He was relatively sure that he only thought of Chris as a very close friend, much like a brother, but when they were younger, Jensen could remember having a huge crush on Chris, and now he was wondering if the only reason he only saw Chris as a friend now was because of the mating.
“I honestly don’t know what would help any of us, I just want for everybody to be happy, and for my feelings to become clearer… What can I do?” He asked, clearly looking to Jared for advice, because whether the taller man was part of the problem or not, he was still Jensen’s alpha, and there to protect him.
“The best advice I can give you is to take as much time as you need, do what you feel you need to do, and I'll be here for whatever you decide." He couldn't look at Jensen as he said it, too afraid Jensen would see the terror in his eyes that at the end of it all he may loose his mate, he didn't want his feelings to influence Jensen's decision, he needed to know that Jensen was sure about his feelings.
The fact that Jared was being so amazing and patient with him made Jensen’s heart skip a beat, and he suddenly realised why Jared was the alpha; he was patients and calm, never losing his head over small things, or even big decisions such as this.
“Thankyou Jared.” Jensen ran a hand over Jared’s to let him know that he appreciated the way Jared was acting for him.
Despite everything, Jared smiled. Jensen appeared so unsure of himself, but Jared was sure that once he found his footing he'd be a force to be reckoned with, he'd seen a glimpse of it a minute ago.
He just hoped he'd be there to see how he turned out when it was all said and done. "I'll leave you to your thoughts," Jared said quietly, kissing Jensen's forehead before backing away, nodding to let Jensen know that everything was alright.
******************************
The rest of the day had been relatively quiet, with Jensen only speaking to either of the two men when he asked if they wanted food, or when deemed necessary. It was the most awkward thing in the world to avoid Chris after they had been so close for the majority of their lives, but it was equally as difficult to steer away from Jared, especially now that they were mated and the tugging feeling in his heart hurt.
Finally, around two am, Jensen decided that he had had enough of feeling withdrawn and alone, and knowing that he would not be sleeping at all that night, he slipped on a t-shirt over his boxers before making his way downstairs, where he saw Jared sprawled on the couch.
Biting down on his lower lip, Jensen walked over with the stealth of a cat, careful not to wake Jared, but his alpha would probably wake. He wasn’t the future leader for nothing.
“Jared…” He whispered; voice low and husky as he put a warm, gentle hand on Jared’s hip, the darkness around him swallowing those facial features that he would be intent staring at for a long time.
Turning his head, Jared looked at Jensen through the darkness. He'd known he was there but hadn't wanted to say anything in case he'd scared his mate away, this was the first time Jensen had approached him for anything properly all day.
"Everything okay?" He asked, his voice quiet but seeming overly loud in the silence of the night.
Nodding, Jensen swallowed hard, thinking of how to put the words he wanted to say into a sentence that wouldn't make Jared think that he was playing with him, or Chris. He just wanted some company, maybe some closeness...
"I don't know, I feel... I need to be close to you. I can't explain it." A slight frown creased Jensen's forehead as he knelt on the blankets which was sprawled on the floor beside the sofa. "Sit with me?"
"Of course," Jared agreed easily, rolling onto his side to he could face Jensen properly. It hurt to see Jensen so confused, so cautious about every move he made.
"It's hard isn't it? Feeling the mating bond so someone you're so unsure about?"
Jensen smiled sheepishly as he watched Jared watch him, their eyes trailing slowly over each other’s faces, “It isn’t you who I’m unsure about, it’s me. I don’t know what I want, and I can’t just make my feelings sort themselves out. I feel… safe, with you. But I shouldn’t, not after what happened. I’m so confused.” He sighed softly, wishing that he could just give over and let himself go, to give into this.
As he laid beside Jared on the blanket, his shirt rode up his bare hip, and he licked his lips nervously when Jared stared.
Jensen's skin gleamed almost white in the scarce moonlight that sneaked into the room, Jared's fingers itched to touch him, to feel him beneath his fingertips, but he clenched his hand into a fist and kept it to himself. "I think I would be more concerned if you weren't confused. Would you like to hear my theory on our mating?" he asked, unsure if he should tell Jensen or not.
How much worse could it possibly get? Jensen thought, shrugging as he shifted closer to Jared, unable to stop himself from wanting to feel closer to the other man. It was like he was suddenly enthralled in Jared's eyes, and the warmth of his body.
"Sure, I'd love to hear... It might make some of this drama make sense."
Smiling uncertainly, Jared took a deep breath before speaking. "I know that there’s just one mate out there for everyone but I still believe that mating happens for a reason. You know that plenty of wolves can have sex with each other without initiating a mating bond, I've been with others before... but when I was with you... it was the most perfect thing I've ever felt."
He cleared his throat, sure he wasn't explaining himself right. "After the way we met, what happened between us... and we still mated. It tells me that we're perfect for each other, no matter how we started out. That if we tried, we could have the best life together, make each other happier than anyone else ever can."
Giving in to the urge to touch him, Jared reached out and ran the backs of his knuckles over Jensen's cheek, affection shining in his eyes. "There is no doubt in my mind that I want to be your mate. I want to get to know everything about you, I want to fall in love with you, I want to spend every second of my day ensuring that you're as happy I can possibly make you. I know you've got a lot to work out and I know that it's hurting you. I wish there was some way I could make it all better for you."
Nuzzling his cheek into Jared’s knuckles, Jensen suddenly felt safer than ever before, a warm feeling forming in his chest as his breath hitched, his eyes never leaving Jared’s.
“You… You want to fall in love with me?” Swallowing hard, Jensen looked away, avoiding the taller man’s eyes, hoping that Jared wouldn’t see the pure emotion mixed with confusion which shone brightly in his eyes.
The way Jared touched him was so gentle, and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in a way that had never happened when anybody had touched him before.
“Please don’t stop…”
Encouraged by Jensen's response, Jared let his hand trail a light touch from Jensen's cheek, around his ear and down his neck. He could feel his mate's pulse beating rapidly beneath his fingertips.
"Yes I want to fall in love with you, and from what I know so far I don't think it'll take very long." Jared's voice was nothing more than a whisper as his hand dropped down to rest against Jensen’s heart.
By now Jensen’s heart was practically slamming back and forth against his chest, so hard that he thought his chest might break in two. “I-“ Lost for words, Jensen let his eyes slip closed as he arched his back against Jared, pressing their bodies together as close as physically possible.
“This is only for tonight, okay? I want… I don’t know what I want. Please Alpha; just tell me what to do.” Jensen spoke equally as soft, his forehead coming to rest on Jared’s. “For tonight.”
"Come here," Jared murmured, taking Jensen's completely into his arm as he lay back. Settling Jensen's head under his chin, Jared pushed his face into Jensen's hair, breathing him in, eyes closed to savour his scent. "Just sleep, baby."
Sighing softly in contentment, Jensen wrapped an arm around Jared's waist and rested his cheek against Jared's chest, loving how he could feel the other man's heart beating rapidly beneath his chest.
"M'kay.." He breathed, already drifting off into a dream state.
For the first time since he'd kissed Jensen the night before, Jared felt some semblance of peace settle through him. Having Jensen in his arms was an experience unlike any other and one he never wanted to have to give up. Sighing heavily into Jensen's hair, Jared stared up at the ceiling and just revelled having his mate in his arms.
He must have dosed off at some point in the night because when Jared opened his eyes again the sun was just starting to shine in through the window. Against him, Jensen was starting to wriggle slightly as he stirred from his sleep. Jared smiled, lifting one hand to brush his mate's hair off his forehead.
When Jensen blinked bleary eyes at him, Jared grin widened. Jensen was adorable when half asleep. "Morning," He breathed quietly. "You sleep okay?"
Still half asleep, Jensen mumbled half words and little sounds to himself, his eyes fluttering open and closed every so often as he snuggled closer into the heat of his mate's arms.
"Mmhmm, perfect." Jensen murmured quietly as he ran his hands over Jared's chest and stomach, his fingers sliding over his mate's built abs, and flat stomach, further down, without thinking.
Jared hummed happily, giving Jensen a squeeze as he kissed his forehead. His hum turned into a half moan, Jensen's hand sending shivers through him. Quickly realising that Jensen wasn't completely awake and probably didn't know what he was doing, Jared caught his hand, stopping it before it reached too low. He met Jensen's eyes, holding his breath.
Oh god. Jensen’s heart started to beat about a mile a minute, which was abnormal even for a wolf. He’d almost touched Jared inappropriately. That sure would have helped his case. Quickly pulling his hand back, placing it on his own hip, Jensen bit 87own on his lower lip, suddenly wide awake.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” His cheeks were a pretty shade of red, and the heat was slowly seeping down to his chest and around his ears. “I was dreaming.” Jensen mumbled, his eyes widening when he realised what he had just admitted. “I mean… Not about that.” Putting a hand over his face, realising that there was no way to take his words back, Jensen groaned in embarrassment, just thankful that his erection wasn’t close to Jared.
Stopping the smile that broke over Jared's face at Jensen's embarrassment was impossible. Shaking his head, Jared carefully took Jensen's hand away from his face, kissing each finger in turn before facing him. "It's okay," he told him, planning on waving away the whole thing.
Jensen's bottom lip was once again caught between his teeth and Jared used his thumb to pull it free, kissing away any soreness before thinking about it. He froze, lips mere millimetres from Jensen's. Suddenly the situation was a lot more serious, Jared's breath catching in his throat. His gaze went from Jensen's eyes to his lips and back again.
Once again, Jensen's heart skipped a bit and his eyes sparkled in the early morning sunlight as he stared into his mate's eyes, his breathing coming out in gentle little puffs in anticipation of Jared's next move.
"We should get up..." If Jared hadn't been so close, he wouldn't have heard him.
For a moment Jared couldn't move, couldn't think about anything but kissing Jensen, desperate to feel their lips brush with mutual need. Then he forced his eyes to close and his hold on Jensen to loosen. "Okay," He croaked, resting their foreheads together, disappointment swamping him. He should have just kissed Jensen.
Taking yet another deep breath, Jensen closed his eyes and licked his lips, somehow tasting Jared on them, even though he knew that was impossible. "I want to kiss you, back, Jay." He admitted, somehow able to tell what Jared wanted of him. It was also the first time Jensen had used that nickname for Jared.
Jared nodded, his head rubbing against Jensen's as he did. "I know." It was all he could say. He was scared that if he opened his mouth to speak more he'd be telling Jensen to fuck it and just kiss him already.
"Well isn't this cosy," Chris snapped, glaring at the two far too comfortable wolves lying on his living room floor, draped all over each other. It would have been polite to leave, to turn his back and walk away, but Chris stayed, eyes locked on the sight.
Hearing the sound of another voice, Jensen gasped and jumped out of Jared’s arms, clearly having not heard Chris approaching the room. He felt Chris’ intense blue eyes boring into them, and it made him feel like shit. How could he have been so inconsiderate?
Chris had been nothing but loyal and loving toward him, giving them a home, and basically saving their lives, and Jensen had just found out how he felt about him, and now here he was kissing another man on Chris’ floor.
“Chris, please. I need some time, that’s all. You never told me how you felt, it’s a lot to take in. It’s confusing.” Pleading with his voice, Jensen sat up on the blanket, feeling more naked under both Jared and Chris’ gaze than he actually was as he sat there in a t-shirt and a pair of tight boxers.
"Yeah, Jen, you're looking really confused right now," Chris scoffed, and then sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm making coffee." He announced, leaving the room quickly.
Once Chris was gone, Jared looked at Jensen in concern. "Can I give you one last piece of advice? If you really feel something for Chris then by all means give him every chance. But just consider if you're thinking of him because of that or just because you feel you owe him."
Leaning forward, Jared pressed a light kiss to Jensen's cheek before getting up and leaving him to think.
“Thankyou.” Jensen smiled sheepishly at Jared as he watched the taller man leave the room. The moment both Jared and Chris were gone, Jensen let his tense shoulders drop, and he let out a frustrated little growl, wondering how he could have been so stupid as to hurt his best friend like that.
After a few moments of thinking, Jensen stood from the blanket and made his way toward the kitchen, taking one last deep breath before entering, his heart dropping when he found Chris pacing like a lunatic.
“Hey…” Was all he could think to say at that moment, as he stood there in his boxers, awkwardly watching Chris pace.
Chris only spared Jensen a quick glance, not stopping his fast steps for a second. His thoughts were in turmoil, racing through his at a hundred miles an hour. Any day now he could lose his best friend, his potential lover, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to stand by and watch Jensen be with Jared, it would rip him to shreds. Another glance at Jensen showed him still standing in the same place, apparently at as much of a loss as Chris.
Suddenly Chris' feet had him stalking towards Jensen, stopping only when they were nose to nose. Looking deeply into Jensen's startled green eyes, Chris steadied himself, not wanting to scare the other man.
Carefully raising his hand, Chris slipping to along the back of Jensen's neck, “Just... you've kissed him, more than kissed, but I've never... give me the same chance, please?"
When he'd first walked into the kitchen to see Chris pacing, Jensen had known that his best friend was both angry and hurt, but he hadn't expected this. The sudden gentleness and the question. It was difficult to say no, because if he was honest? Chris did have an extremely valid point, but it could ruin things between them.
"I... Chris, this is different." Swallowing down his fear of what would happen if he kissed Chris; Jensen looked into his best friend's deep blue eyes, getting lost in depths of them. Wow.
"Why?" Chris demanded desperately, staring deeply into Jensen's eyes. "Why is it so different? And how is it fair? I love you, Jensen. I've loved you for years. Let me show you, please?"
This was so difficult, trying to keep both Jared and Chris from being hurt, but all he seemed to be doing was making everything worse. Instead of answering Chris' question, Jensen tried to avoid it by asking one of his own.
"You never told me. Why now? Why did you never tell me, Chris? I used to have the hugest crush on you." Frowning now, Jensen knew that wasn't the right thing to say when Chris had already asked to kiss him, but he’d realised too late.
Well fuck.
Despite everything that Jensen said, it was the last words that stuck in Chris' head. He grinned widely. "You did? Don’t you see, we were meant to be?" Then he leaned in and took Jensen's lips in a deep, passionate kiss.
He'd barely gotten into it when Jensen pushed him away and rushed out of the room. At the sounds of heavy footsteps running up the stairs Chris closed his eyes and cursed.
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