something has changed within me, something is not the same
i remember recently thinking that i lost passion in my faith and in my daily life. but I think that's changing now. something has changed inside of me... i can feel it in my heart. i can feel the desire of something greater than you, greater than me.
i've said it once, and i'll say it again. i am so blessed to have aimee jade as my God-mother. her prayers are keeping me sane. this past month has been such an emotional roller coaster. come to think of it, february has been such a bittersweet month. it's caused so much pain and exhaustion since before i can remember. i can only take so much. after all, i am human.
maybe i don't remember because i usually suppress bad memories and choose to keep myself busy from thinking about everything. that's what i do. i keep myself busy so that i don't have to face the hurt. why do you think i'm so involved? family. school. work. aphio. pcn. seas. friends.
but i still praise God for allowing me to realize a few things lately. this is where the "sweet" part of the bittersweet comes in. i believe that everything happens for a reason. i might not know what the reasons are, but i know that God will reveal them to me in His time. recently, i've got to experience my own little miracle... i'm experiencing "God's Actual Grace" as my shepherd put it. the horror of sin has been eating at me. and in this process, i've also experienced the difference between human love and God's unconditonal love.
i've done my fair share of "God's Love" talks, but i don't think i've felt the difference in my heart until recently. it's the truth... that human love is conditional, inconsistent, superficial, imperfect, temporary. with human love, there's this constant fear of rejection. and almost 99% of the time, i know rejection when it comes or when it's about to. i can tell you all the different ways i've experienced a conditional love, but that's not the point. truthfully, i'm guilty of being selective with who my friends are or the kind of guys i date. and that's something that can be seen as reasonable, but that's not the point either. the point is that it's not enough. the point is... we are all made for a perfect love.
i desire God's love. His love is perfect, authentic, unconditional, permanent, rejection proof. with God's love, we don't have to worry about what we've done in the past. if we repent and ask for His forgiveness, then He'll forgive us.. not only that.. He'll forget our sins. we don't have to worry about how to impress someone who doesn't know just how worthy we are. we can be who we are and know that God will stand beside us. we were created for tHis love.
i've said it once, and i'll say it again. i am so blessed to have aimee jade as my God-mother. her prayers are keeping me sane. this past month has been such an emotional roller coaster. come to think of it, february has been such a bittersweet month. it's caused so much pain and exhaustion since before i can remember. i can only take so much. after all, i am human.
maybe i don't remember because i usually suppress bad memories and choose to keep myself busy from thinking about everything. that's what i do. i keep myself busy so that i don't have to face the hurt. why do you think i'm so involved? family. school. work. aphio. pcn. seas. friends.
but i still praise God for allowing me to realize a few things lately. this is where the "sweet" part of the bittersweet comes in. i believe that everything happens for a reason. i might not know what the reasons are, but i know that God will reveal them to me in His time. recently, i've got to experience my own little miracle... i'm experiencing "God's Actual Grace" as my shepherd put it. the horror of sin has been eating at me. and in this process, i've also experienced the difference between human love and God's unconditonal love.
i've done my fair share of "God's Love" talks, but i don't think i've felt the difference in my heart until recently. it's the truth... that human love is conditional, inconsistent, superficial, imperfect, temporary. with human love, there's this constant fear of rejection. and almost 99% of the time, i know rejection when it comes or when it's about to. i can tell you all the different ways i've experienced a conditional love, but that's not the point. truthfully, i'm guilty of being selective with who my friends are or the kind of guys i date. and that's something that can be seen as reasonable, but that's not the point either. the point is that it's not enough. the point is... we are all made for a perfect love.
i desire God's love. His love is perfect, authentic, unconditional, permanent, rejection proof. with God's love, we don't have to worry about what we've done in the past. if we repent and ask for His forgiveness, then He'll forgive us.. not only that.. He'll forget our sins. we don't have to worry about how to impress someone who doesn't know just how worthy we are. we can be who we are and know that God will stand beside us. we were created for tHis love.
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