8 Last days of overwhelming feelings.
I've pushed my feelings away for so long that they've built up and now I don't know how to handle them.
I've come here and found a phenominal group of people that have helped me find out more about myself than I ever knew existed. I've learned so much about how life is and what I have to look forward to. I've been able to breath in the warm Florida air and finally know what its like to be stress free. Now, for as happy as I am to go home, to see everyone I love and that love me, to begin the end of my education and start the rest of my life, I can't help but know that I'm leaving behind a part of me here with these people and with this place.
I've given my heart to someone despite all the strength and power I've put into keeping that person away. I've done this fully knowing that I can never have this person the way I want, knowing the odds of even seeing this person again are almost none. This is the closest to someone I've been in such a long time that in the last 3 months I've felt the least lonely than the last 7 years. I've unwillingly gotten to this point with this person while that person has been open about their need to push me away. Basically, I put myself in the position to get hurt. Its no ones fault but my own. I think I need that heartbreak in my life. I think I might strive to be kicked and pushed away. Perhaps its what makes me feel alive. Thats the only way I can explain why I put myself in situations like this. After everything this is putting me through, I would never change any of it.
I will always remember the last 4 months as one of the best times in my life.
I've come here and found a phenominal group of people that have helped me find out more about myself than I ever knew existed. I've learned so much about how life is and what I have to look forward to. I've been able to breath in the warm Florida air and finally know what its like to be stress free. Now, for as happy as I am to go home, to see everyone I love and that love me, to begin the end of my education and start the rest of my life, I can't help but know that I'm leaving behind a part of me here with these people and with this place.
I've given my heart to someone despite all the strength and power I've put into keeping that person away. I've done this fully knowing that I can never have this person the way I want, knowing the odds of even seeing this person again are almost none. This is the closest to someone I've been in such a long time that in the last 3 months I've felt the least lonely than the last 7 years. I've unwillingly gotten to this point with this person while that person has been open about their need to push me away. Basically, I put myself in the position to get hurt. Its no ones fault but my own. I think I need that heartbreak in my life. I think I might strive to be kicked and pushed away. Perhaps its what makes me feel alive. Thats the only way I can explain why I put myself in situations like this. After everything this is putting me through, I would never change any of it.
I will always remember the last 4 months as one of the best times in my life.