and God said "I'm sorry I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone".
Well well, TAFE holidays, I thought I'd be enjoying them alot more than what I am. Staying up late is fun, but during the day I'm bored. Having time to read is exciting, I've just bought Mark Haddon's new book. I was excited as it's quite long, so I was hoping it would take me more than a day to read it, but one day in, I'm two thirds through, so there goes that dream. It feels like a waste to only get one day of fun out of a book. I've decided to go to the local library and pay off the fee's, that way I can borrow lots of books, and pay for none of them, bargain.
As some of you are aware, I've gotton my learner's car licence. I'm very excited, but dissapointed that it was met with the same celebration as when my brother got his, but blind Freddy could have seen that coming.
I had alway thought it was the money that stopped me going for the test. But I realised that it was a confidence issue, actually thinking to myself that I could volunteer for a test, and bet $34 dollars on my ability to pass it. I think the confidence I have gotton lately, mostly from my success at TAFE has shown me that I'm alot more capable then I give myself credit for. Which some people has been telling me for years, but up until lately, there was too much evidence to the contrary.
Now, I still expect myself to fail, but there's still a small amount of hope in my head that I might actually succeed. Last year, in two semesters of TAFE, I completed to modules. This semester that has just finished, I did five modules. I thought at the start, that I would start at five, and slowly quit most of them, like I did last year. But it never happened. I kept thinking that Infomation Technology was the subject that would get me, but I was told by the teacher that my work was excellent. Then I decided that maths would be the subject that I would quit, but I kept going, and the final exam went really well, with only a couple of questions that had me confused.
So it's interesting. The first time in four years, I'm not feeling like there is something wrong with me. I'm feeling like I am functioning like any normal human being , with no real symptoms to speak of. I found my mayan worry diary the other day, I had not made an entry in a few months, I used to write in it a couple times a day, but now, I have any real troubles. It's a completely foreign feeling to me, but I think I'll get used to it. Maybe my confidence is rubbing off on people to, in the last couple of days, Josh has made huge progress. My psychiatrist said that I'm 'like a soldier" that I've been in the trenches for so long, everytime I lifted my head, someone took a shot at me. But now I'm looking up, and no ones firing, but I am still expecting them too. Soon enough I'll realise that I'm quite safe, and jump out of the trench and go on my merry way. It's all very exciting.
So, another thing that has happened, as a result of this new found confidence, I'm thinking of getting a job on the weekends to assist me in saving up for a car. I haven't thought in years that I would be able to hold down a job, especially with fours days of TAFE a week. But now I'm thinking that it might be alright. Now that I'm a more organised student, I can get my work done through the week, which leaves the weekened free. Who knows, but I can always give it a try, and run away if it gets to much. Awesome.