(no subject)
Today is January 10, 2017. I am tired. I miss my baby. I have felt way too many emotions in the span of 3 hours. This is me right now.
My baby is turning 2 soon. I nursed her today in the green chair. The same green chair I nursed her nightly. Yes, I almost cried.
Today I read an article about a Japanese tradition of mourning a miscarriage. I thought of my no-longer infant. She was singing "glory to God". I cried.
I have experienced so much change. I hate change. Yet since 2013, I married, moved to Quebec, moved to Ontario, visit family and friends in BC often, bought a house, worked, learned a new language, make new friendships in Quebec and repeat in Ontario, have a baby, bought a car, and my brother married (after giving no indications)
I wonder why these changes all happened after I left. My friends theory is that I couldn't have handled some changes in person. Part of me agrees.
Part of me believes that you don't see change in front of you until you look back.
I have become numb to change, desiring my life to return to what I knew. I get it each time I visit my parents. And it's wonderful. Then I remember why I moved. I'd can't live the lifestyle I want.
Living in small town, I can be a stay at home mom without the noise that stresses me out.
I'm an introvert. Noise, even that from my baby can drive me off kilter.
I'm a deep sleeper. Striving to regain normalcy. My brain hurts.
I am happy. I am glad I can "have it all". i don't regret. I ask only for down-time. Downtime to do what my daughter does. Worship the God who gives us strength and life.
This year my year verse is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Luke 6:31.
In my words it means "love so the other person knows".
My baby is turning 2 soon. I nursed her today in the green chair. The same green chair I nursed her nightly. Yes, I almost cried.
Today I read an article about a Japanese tradition of mourning a miscarriage. I thought of my no-longer infant. She was singing "glory to God". I cried.
I have experienced so much change. I hate change. Yet since 2013, I married, moved to Quebec, moved to Ontario, visit family and friends in BC often, bought a house, worked, learned a new language, make new friendships in Quebec and repeat in Ontario, have a baby, bought a car, and my brother married (after giving no indications)
I wonder why these changes all happened after I left. My friends theory is that I couldn't have handled some changes in person. Part of me agrees.
Part of me believes that you don't see change in front of you until you look back.
I have become numb to change, desiring my life to return to what I knew. I get it each time I visit my parents. And it's wonderful. Then I remember why I moved. I'd can't live the lifestyle I want.
Living in small town, I can be a stay at home mom without the noise that stresses me out.
I'm an introvert. Noise, even that from my baby can drive me off kilter.
I'm a deep sleeper. Striving to regain normalcy. My brain hurts.
I am happy. I am glad I can "have it all". i don't regret. I ask only for down-time. Downtime to do what my daughter does. Worship the God who gives us strength and life.
This year my year verse is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Luke 6:31.
In my words it means "love so the other person knows".