recolection
People say that god is there and he will provide for you in your hour of need if you just beleive in him. And that is why I am not a Christian. This past weekend was proof enough to me that no matter the faith and love you have for yourself as god teaches you to do that life inevitably will catch up to you. This past weekend I endured something I haven't done since I was a teenager when I distroyed my bedroom (literally) and it scared the shit out of me to relise i was capable of such things I never thought possable. You see I lost all conscience thought and logic and let my emotions take me to a place that no one ever wanted to see. And one worse is I did it in front of kids and people I've come to call my family in years past. For those of you who dont know I recently have been having alot of issues in the getting a job department and no not for a lack of trying. So when my sister called me with a babysitting job for 500 cash a month I jumped on it immedately. Little did I know that not only was it not 500 dollars a month but that it would lead to my looseing my mind. For a few weeks now I've been responsable for the wellfare of a small 2 year old for a good 14-15 hours a day on thursday's thru sunday while his mother worked. His mother being my sisters paramedic partner who is shall we say not at all what I expected to see in a mother. She was very outgoing and even frivilious when it came to things in life that to someone like me is very much wrong and demeaning. But I paid no never mind to her "extracaricular activities" so long as I was getting paid. Well needless to say over the course of the last month that I have been babysitting this child I began to notice certin things that did not please me at all. Things like 85 dollars for 65 hours of work. I kept telling myself it was better then nothing and that I should just stick it through till such a time that I can find a normal paycheck job. This unfortuantely quickly caught up to me by means of other influences in my life like my boyfriend and family. They began getting rather tired of seeing me work basicly for not even 1.00 an hour. So being forced to fix this at the whim of my loved one's i notified the mother of the boy I was watching and told her that the money being given for the work was unacceptable. She agreed to a 7.00 dollar and hour rate from then on. That was a mere 2 weeks ago. Then it happened...This past weekend I was enjoying a relaxing afternoon with the man I love when we received a phone call from my darling sister. She stated that she had woken up on her bathroom floor after passing out. As many of you well know she is a new mother if a 7 month old baby, my god daughter Lillian Jennifre. She and the baby were the only one's at her house. Being in Ann Anbor (not 20 miniutes from Milan) I rushed to her aid immadately to take her to the hospital. Her husband and the father of Lilly met us there upon our arrival. A couple hours would pass as I sat in the waiting room entertaining the child while kim was being seen my the doctors. At this point Shawn came out and asked me if I would take Lilly home because he was unsure of how long they would be. Being the dutiful god mother I am I obliged having no idea what was in store for me. Lillian being very attached to her mother was a rather unhappy child that it was not her mother helping her to go to sleep like she was accustome to. So for the remainder of that night I was forced to be awake with her. Miniutes turned into an hour and then an hour turned into hours and before I knew it, it was dawn of the next day and I was exhausted. Now the worst part of all this was the fact that I was due to watch my 2year old the next day when his mother went into work at 10 am. Fearing my sanity of the whole situation I beged his mother to not go to work. Being it was only a mere 2 hours till her shift she said that she could not but that if she needed me to call her and tell her to come home that she would. So there I was with 2 kids just wanting thier mothers and crying all day. Finely at around noon I recieved a phone call from Lilly's father telling me they still did not know why Kim had passed out and that they were keeping her a little while longer for observation. Now offically not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel I began to slowly loose my cool and take it out on the kids, leaving them often to fend for themselves because I just needed to get away. Thanks to the unknown forces a dear friend of mine came by to see how I was doing. He helped me with the children and I felt alot better. I firmly believe had it not been for him I dont know what I would have done. So 5 pm rolled aruond and Kim walked through the door. It's at this point that I start making plans for my trip home so that I might get the much needed sleep I did not recieve the night before. Knowing that Billy would be out of work around 5 pm I called him to see if he might be the one to end my misery. He said that he would be home all night and that if I needed him that he was a mere phone call away. So I waited for the 2 year olds mother to return home from work. When she did I asked her if she might take me home instead of Billy being the good girlfriend and not wanting to force Billy to do all that long driving. She declined for reasons I'm not even going to get into. So I then turn my attention to my friend Thurle who has so mercifully helped me through the course of the day with the children and asked him. He to declined again for reasons I wont get into. Being left with no option at that point I called Billy. Now as you can probably already guess he was indeed not where he should be and in fact had driven himself to a friend of ours house about 15 miniutes from my own to hang out with them for the night. It was at this point I exploded and began yelling and screaming at anyone around me. It was through this explotion that made people realize that as nice as I am on the outside, I'm not so nice on the inside when pushed much to far to the limit. This made my friend thurle realise that I was much in need of going home and he quickly and without question obliged me. Moral of all this is simple, things like faith, love, trust, honor and virtue though meant to be big deals in this world are not always acted upon, even by those you thought you could depend on. I'm okay now, though still a bit upset at the whole event. Anyhow the reason for my story here is because far to many people have asked me what happened and I'm getting rather tired of recaling it. This is simply my reference to the events so that I can direct people here and they can read it for themselves instead of my recolecting it all the time. Thank you all and have a good day....yours truely, A very pissed off Jenny