Serious confessions.
Okay, I need to put some things out in the open, since this is serious stuff that I need to overcome, and possibly need help coming to terms with and overcoming.
It may even be a sin for you to read on. First of all, I'm afraid that this will put alot of strain on my relationship with my mate, so telling this to the world, including hir is dangerous. All I need from from my friends right now is support, and affirmation that life is worth the trouble.
I'm anorexic. Yesterday, I only ate a some cookies with milk, just so my stomach wouldn't hurt. I still haven't eaten today. Sometimes I binge on pizza or tacos, and then on rare occasion, I purge. I thought I was over it, more than a year ago, but it's come back to haunt me.
I have suicidal thoughts. I've never actually done anything, but last night was a close call, which is why I'm finally admiting all of this. Last night, for no apparent reason, I started to wonder what it would feel like to bleed to death. I then picked out a vein on my wrist, and held up a pair of scissors to it. I came very close to cutting it open before throwing the scissors down and crying. I fought back the will to die all night, until I was too tired to think about it anymore. I wanted to get smashed-up drunk last night(there is ample supply of booze in the house right now), but I knew that I would lose control of the logic that keeps me from following through with suicide.
Note: I am removing the part about suicide after a few days, so please don't comment about it. You may email me instead.
With that out of the way, I can move on to a better subject: My 18th birthday(July 23). I want to have a party this year, but I haven't hosted a birthday party since the third grade, so I think you can imagine how lame I would make it. If someone would like to help, please let me know. I don't think the party can be the day of my birthday, either. I'm thinking maybe it should be on the Tuesday after my birthday, since my mate will (probably) be coming to pick me up that day to go out later that night. That way, ze can come for the party, too. If I have a party, I will need alot of help, such as a pace to host it(my house is full and my mother wouldn't like it to be taken over by all of my queer friends), and someone to take care of entertainment, etc. Basicly, I need someone to to everything for me, since, like I said, I'm lame at this kind of thing.
Odds are, ther will be no party. In that case, I will just go shopping with as many friends that have time for me, and see if I can convince my parents to pay for pizza(and a few salads, as some of the invitees will be vegan) for all of us. If anyone has ideas, or wants to join me on my shopping trip, tell me. All are invited, pending availability of transportation for myself. I'm hoping one of my friends will volunteer to take me to the mall.(hey, it's my 18th birthday, you have to spoil me!)
It may even be a sin for you to read on. First of all, I'm afraid that this will put alot of strain on my relationship with my mate, so telling this to the world, including hir is dangerous. All I need from from my friends right now is support, and affirmation that life is worth the trouble.
I'm anorexic. Yesterday, I only ate a some cookies with milk, just so my stomach wouldn't hurt. I still haven't eaten today. Sometimes I binge on pizza or tacos, and then on rare occasion, I purge. I thought I was over it, more than a year ago, but it's come back to haunt me.
I have suicidal thoughts. I've never actually done anything, but last night was a close call, which is why I'm finally admiting all of this. Last night, for no apparent reason, I started to wonder what it would feel like to bleed to death. I then picked out a vein on my wrist, and held up a pair of scissors to it. I came very close to cutting it open before throwing the scissors down and crying. I fought back the will to die all night, until I was too tired to think about it anymore. I wanted to get smashed-up drunk last night(there is ample supply of booze in the house right now), but I knew that I would lose control of the logic that keeps me from following through with suicide.
Note: I am removing the part about suicide after a few days, so please don't comment about it. You may email me instead.
With that out of the way, I can move on to a better subject: My 18th birthday(July 23). I want to have a party this year, but I haven't hosted a birthday party since the third grade, so I think you can imagine how lame I would make it. If someone would like to help, please let me know. I don't think the party can be the day of my birthday, either. I'm thinking maybe it should be on the Tuesday after my birthday, since my mate will (probably) be coming to pick me up that day to go out later that night. That way, ze can come for the party, too. If I have a party, I will need alot of help, such as a pace to host it(my house is full and my mother wouldn't like it to be taken over by all of my queer friends), and someone to take care of entertainment, etc. Basicly, I need someone to to everything for me, since, like I said, I'm lame at this kind of thing.
Odds are, ther will be no party. In that case, I will just go shopping with as many friends that have time for me, and see if I can convince my parents to pay for pizza(and a few salads, as some of the invitees will be vegan) for all of us. If anyone has ideas, or wants to join me on my shopping trip, tell me. All are invited, pending availability of transportation for myself. I'm hoping one of my friends will volunteer to take me to the mall.(hey, it's my 18th birthday, you have to spoil me!)