An honest realization..
So the other night I hung out with Lizzy and it was lots of fun..we got chinese food...we watched a cheesy movie,..and we talked..and it was a nice talk I really needed and that made me realize a lot of things...
In light of recent events from the past week I have had a lot of ups and downs with Matt. Before we both left to go back to college he didnt want to be my friend, then about (a little over) a week ago he wanted a relationship, and then he decided he didnt want to be friends (mostly because of something I did on my part). But thats not the point..I have never in my life meant someone who changes so much..
But thats not the point either..
I was really upset at the beginning of this week about the whole situation..and then upon our nice conversation we had I realized that I am a very happy person. I hardly argue with people (unless its play arguing), its very hard to get me upset or to piss me off..like you have to do something REALLY bad to piss me off...except in the case of Matt..and my friends agree..99.9% of the time that I am upset,crying, or angry..it all has to do with events that went on in THAT situation.
And then I met some amazing new people..mainly guys...and I've realized that this situation isnt everything. Its so scary to let go of a relationship/friendship that has become such a big part of your life for so long. Its that whole..comfort zone thing. And I now know that this situation is by far the "end of the world".
And I've decided that I would be a much happier person..and that I would be much happier with myself without this whole situation..its just getting past this whole situation thats the hard part.
A comment someone said to me was.."wow you are strong and have a lot of tolerance to hang on for so long"...now its time to learn to be strong and that its the right time to let go.
Dont get me wrong..I love Matt to death and all that jazz..and I dont regret anything because I have learned from it all and grown from it...but our friendship isnt really a friendship..its more of a usingship if you will. Who needs enemies when you have a friendship like this? Ya know? And I've realized that. With my friends and family I have talked to..
Let me tell you one thing..I am one lucky girl to have the kind of friends I do..the friends who back me up..but most of all are just there...I think I will be spending many good times next door in Salomes room..or on the phone with her when she is right next door! lol...good times and good conversations.
So now..after the past 4 1/2 years its time to close one chapter of my book and open another one. And learning that when one door closes another one always opens. I would love to stay friends but quite frankly he cant handle that and I am not interested in to forcing someone to do something they dont want to do. So instead of being scared or whatever that I might piss him off..I'm done..I'm letting go. Its far over do for it all.
Sorry if all of this seemed like a ramble but its almost 2 in the morning and I have to be up in like 6 short hours lol. Oh! And if you dont like what I had to say..then ignore this whole post..please dont post nasty msgs in my comments as I know that many people who read my journal are also close with Matt. If you dont like what I have to say then dont read my stuff. Other then that. I am out...hope everyone enjoys the game tomorrow :)
In light of recent events from the past week I have had a lot of ups and downs with Matt. Before we both left to go back to college he didnt want to be my friend, then about (a little over) a week ago he wanted a relationship, and then he decided he didnt want to be friends (mostly because of something I did on my part). But thats not the point..I have never in my life meant someone who changes so much..
But thats not the point either..
I was really upset at the beginning of this week about the whole situation..and then upon our nice conversation we had I realized that I am a very happy person. I hardly argue with people (unless its play arguing), its very hard to get me upset or to piss me off..like you have to do something REALLY bad to piss me off...except in the case of Matt..and my friends agree..99.9% of the time that I am upset,crying, or angry..it all has to do with events that went on in THAT situation.
And then I met some amazing new people..mainly guys...and I've realized that this situation isnt everything. Its so scary to let go of a relationship/friendship that has become such a big part of your life for so long. Its that whole..comfort zone thing. And I now know that this situation is by far the "end of the world".
And I've decided that I would be a much happier person..and that I would be much happier with myself without this whole situation..its just getting past this whole situation thats the hard part.
A comment someone said to me was.."wow you are strong and have a lot of tolerance to hang on for so long"...now its time to learn to be strong and that its the right time to let go.
Dont get me wrong..I love Matt to death and all that jazz..and I dont regret anything because I have learned from it all and grown from it...but our friendship isnt really a friendship..its more of a usingship if you will. Who needs enemies when you have a friendship like this? Ya know? And I've realized that. With my friends and family I have talked to..
Let me tell you one thing..I am one lucky girl to have the kind of friends I do..the friends who back me up..but most of all are just there...I think I will be spending many good times next door in Salomes room..or on the phone with her when she is right next door! lol...good times and good conversations.
So now..after the past 4 1/2 years its time to close one chapter of my book and open another one. And learning that when one door closes another one always opens. I would love to stay friends but quite frankly he cant handle that and I am not interested in to forcing someone to do something they dont want to do. So instead of being scared or whatever that I might piss him off..I'm done..I'm letting go. Its far over do for it all.
Sorry if all of this seemed like a ramble but its almost 2 in the morning and I have to be up in like 6 short hours lol. Oh! And if you dont like what I had to say..then ignore this whole post..please dont post nasty msgs in my comments as I know that many people who read my journal are also close with Matt. If you dont like what I have to say then dont read my stuff. Other then that. I am out...hope everyone enjoys the game tomorrow :)