(no subject)
Making coffee. Up late working on homework.
Trying to finish by 9 AM class period. A bit tricky as I am sleepy. Making coffee with lots of ice in it and trying to wake myself up. My life is very full right now, and classes interfere sometimes.
My life is really new in some ways.
I'm almost 26, but I have never been in a committed romantic relationship. Yeah sure maybe for a few days. (My facebook relationship status even changed once for like 3 days once. Heh.) This is not as inexperinenced sounding as it comes off as: I have several close male friends, a few of whom I care about very deeply and know as closely as many dating couples know one another. (Oddly a couple of them were met over LJ.) But dating them didn't ever end up feeling right.
There's a huge difference between a) caring about somone like a member of your extended family and b) wanting to date them / feeling in love with them.
Part of the problem is I never had the opportunity to date someone I was in love with...but I know what that kind of love feels like.
I've fallen into what felt like love for sure to me twice.
These are the people who I would be willing to change for, yet at the same time (ironically) people who I didn't have to change at some deeper level all that much for--people I felt safe being my entire self around, people who touched a part of me nobody else could touch. They might be deeply flawed people, but there was something unique in our chemistry that made it safe and rewarding to be mutually--well, real.
I never was in a dating relationship with either of those people.
The weird thing about 2011 - 2012 ....
A combo of luck, work, circumstances and foolhardiness have brought me back into close contact with the second person I ever fell in love with. One of those people i never dated.
On the tenth this guy kissed me, and ever since then we've talked every day usually for at least an hour, and