Life after baby
I feel like I'm starting to be able to keep my head above water. Lily is crawling and very independent. She's great at playing by herself (except when she's extremely clinging and only wants to be held). She's sleeping longer and more regularly (except when she wakes up every two hours or decides 3 a.m. is playtime). I'm tired but not always exhausted. I have an hour or two to myself.
My proofreading gig is slow at the moment. By slow I mean I haven't had a book since the new year. And I'm OK with this. For my mental health, it's been good. Trying to do the side work on top of full-time mom and full-time job is kinda ridiculous. But I could use the money. Just about every penny I make at the main job goes to pay bills. James still has his major side project plus a few little ones, so he's still bringing in extra. But he's getting more and more bitter about spending that money on anything other than new toys. It's causing stress. So it would be nice for me to have a little free money of my own (which would go to extravagant things like hair cuts, contact lenses, vitamins, the occasional gift for family and friends).
I picked up a copy of Whole Living at Borders yesterday. They're closing six stores in Connecticut. Most of the books are only 20% off, which isn't a great deal, but the magazines are 40% off. I got James one of those expensive computer mags, Linux something, for $10.
But I picked up Whole Living, which used to be Body + Soul, with the idea that I should start pitching freelance stories again.
I blew my chance with Body + Soul by taking some bad advice when pitching. My friend's husband's friend was an editor, got me an intro to an editor who assigns freelancers. And I pitched stupid stuff that had no relationship to the content of the magazine, on the advice of the original friend. And felt so dumb that I never tried again.
I thought maybe with the rebranding I might have another shot. The editor I made a fool of myself in front of still works there, but there are other editors. I thought about pitching with my married name, which is an option, but I'm wondering if I'd have to create a new email address to pull that off. I've avoided changing my email address because I find it hugely obnoxious when people keep changing their email addresses. And I'm attached to this one and just don't want to change it.
It feels good, though, to have some stirrings of ambition again. It drifted away with the pregnancy. Energy is at such a premium.
But having this little girl to nurture has really made me reevaluate a lot of things. I'm finding that I'm no longer to put up with things that will set a bad example for her (like when my loving husband blows up for no reason and starts in swearing and calling names -- I don't want her to ever let someone talk to her that way, so therefore I can't let anyone talk to me that way). And that goes for my career, too. I don't want her to see that "good enough" is OK. I want her to strive for her best and the best she can get out of others. Right now, I can't do that at my main job. I'm treading water there. But I can try to reach out, to grow toward whatever is next. And I feel like I have to do it for her. Not just because more money means an easier life for us, but because doing what I love will make me a happier person and I want her to know that she can be happy, too.
My proofreading gig is slow at the moment. By slow I mean I haven't had a book since the new year. And I'm OK with this. For my mental health, it's been good. Trying to do the side work on top of full-time mom and full-time job is kinda ridiculous. But I could use the money. Just about every penny I make at the main job goes to pay bills. James still has his major side project plus a few little ones, so he's still bringing in extra. But he's getting more and more bitter about spending that money on anything other than new toys. It's causing stress. So it would be nice for me to have a little free money of my own (which would go to extravagant things like hair cuts, contact lenses, vitamins, the occasional gift for family and friends).
I picked up a copy of Whole Living at Borders yesterday. They're closing six stores in Connecticut. Most of the books are only 20% off, which isn't a great deal, but the magazines are 40% off. I got James one of those expensive computer mags, Linux something, for $10.
But I picked up Whole Living, which used to be Body + Soul, with the idea that I should start pitching freelance stories again.
I blew my chance with Body + Soul by taking some bad advice when pitching. My friend's husband's friend was an editor, got me an intro to an editor who assigns freelancers. And I pitched stupid stuff that had no relationship to the content of the magazine, on the advice of the original friend. And felt so dumb that I never tried again.
I thought maybe with the rebranding I might have another shot. The editor I made a fool of myself in front of still works there, but there are other editors. I thought about pitching with my married name, which is an option, but I'm wondering if I'd have to create a new email address to pull that off. I've avoided changing my email address because I find it hugely obnoxious when people keep changing their email addresses. And I'm attached to this one and just don't want to change it.
It feels good, though, to have some stirrings of ambition again. It drifted away with the pregnancy. Energy is at such a premium.
But having this little girl to nurture has really made me reevaluate a lot of things. I'm finding that I'm no longer to put up with things that will set a bad example for her (like when my loving husband blows up for no reason and starts in swearing and calling names -- I don't want her to ever let someone talk to her that way, so therefore I can't let anyone talk to me that way). And that goes for my career, too. I don't want her to see that "good enough" is OK. I want her to strive for her best and the best she can get out of others. Right now, I can't do that at my main job. I'm treading water there. But I can try to reach out, to grow toward whatever is next. And I feel like I have to do it for her. Not just because more money means an easier life for us, but because doing what I love will make me a happier person and I want her to know that she can be happy, too.