(no subject)
honestly...i really don't care if we leave hopkinton. actually...i want to leave hopkinton. and there are probably few people who i will even bother to come back to.
i have been home for awhile now and all i do is sit in my house anyways. it gets tiring. new years eve...i am babysitting. how sad is that. but i guess it is better than sitting in this house and going to bed early as i have been doing every other night. i'm not complaining about that. since thanksgiving i have been so sick. so i need to just relax. but at the same time it slightly pisses me off. i feel like i could just fall off the face of the earth and people who i once thought would actually care, probably wouldn't give too shits.
i have just felt really frustrated lately as you can probably tell. i don't want to go back to school anytime soon. just the thought of being back in other peoples mindsets that "oh my grades are better than yours and everything i do you could never amount to" honestly makes me want to fucking puke. not to mention the drama...the oh i feel bad so now i am gonna treat everyone else like shit and make them feel bad too even though they are just trying to help.
and i have this feeling that is so wrong and i can't believe i would even feel this way but i can't get it out of my head...but it is substantial and there is something there i just sense it...but i will not go any further on that dont even ask.
and if i sounded like a bitch this whole entry i am sorry but i just needed to get this off my chest even if it doesnt make any sense. why the fuck am i appologizing. UGGHH i piss myself off too.
i have been home for awhile now and all i do is sit in my house anyways. it gets tiring. new years eve...i am babysitting. how sad is that. but i guess it is better than sitting in this house and going to bed early as i have been doing every other night. i'm not complaining about that. since thanksgiving i have been so sick. so i need to just relax. but at the same time it slightly pisses me off. i feel like i could just fall off the face of the earth and people who i once thought would actually care, probably wouldn't give too shits.
i have just felt really frustrated lately as you can probably tell. i don't want to go back to school anytime soon. just the thought of being back in other peoples mindsets that "oh my grades are better than yours and everything i do you could never amount to" honestly makes me want to fucking puke. not to mention the drama...the oh i feel bad so now i am gonna treat everyone else like shit and make them feel bad too even though they are just trying to help.
and i have this feeling that is so wrong and i can't believe i would even feel this way but i can't get it out of my head...but it is substantial and there is something there i just sense it...but i will not go any further on that dont even ask.
and if i sounded like a bitch this whole entry i am sorry but i just needed to get this off my chest even if it doesnt make any sense. why the fuck am i appologizing. UGGHH i piss myself off too.