(no subject)
it's 3:00 in the morning. and i am no where near ready for sleeping. in fact i can't see sleeping anytime soon. fuck. my roomates are each in bed with their boyfriends...which makes me feel like shit. no offense lindsey because i know you will read this. seriously nothing against you. but i am just so tired of everything. colby sawyer weekends. you play drinking games, you party, you call your friends to tell them just how wasted you are, you make an ass out of yourself. i'm sorry but it just all gets so tiring after awhile. my head hurts so much right now...its like i have these low points every once and again and i dont know where they come from...i think i have put all this shit behind me but apparently i have not. uggggggggh i hate this fucking livejournal i just want to delete it because all i do in it is piss and moan and then everyone will read it and be like aww she's not happy. i dont know i just need to get away from here for awhile...so thanksgiving break is only too convenient. but honestly i dont even have any desire to come back after. i wish i could just go home and not come back. i fucking hate it here sometimes. i went for a walk tonight...you know at 2 in the morning...there was no one on campus...and i said to myself is this really what i wanted for myself...to be here for the next well now 3 years of my life. yes i did say that. because i think about it. at home i am surrounded by people who love me, who if in their presence, i would never be able to sneak out of my room at 2:30 in the morning and go for a walk without them following me, and who would never let me be crying in my bed. why the hell did i ever leave them. and why do i almost shut them out now? why so i can stay here??? i hardly ever talk to my sister anymore. when we were little before we went to bed we would talk for hours. and we don't do that anymore. i couldn't even tell you what she did this week. and that sucks. i don't know where i am going with this...but what i do know is it is after 3 in the morning...and i should have been asleep hours ago...and i am going to regret it in the morning. please if you read this just forget about it ok???