(no subject)
more often than not, people's sincere, honest feelings get the best of me, and i respond by distancing myself and chances are hurting the person. if i have ever done this to you, i am truly truly sorry, and you can rest assured that it has been eating at my conscience. i have been raised by two people who grew up in houses of extreme mental and physical abuse. so how could affection ever come easy to them? if you are never shown love, how can you then go on to show it? lucky for me, my parents were both able to rise above this, and show the three of us affection to the best of their ability. i know i am loved...and i would not trade my parents for anyone. but i often see other parents go over and hugging their children for no reason, and this just confuses me. the bottom line...honest feelings and affection are my greatest weakness. i want to tell my dying grandmother how much i love her and how much she means to me before she goes...but i can't. i want to tell my aunt sue that although when i address her i do not put an "auntie" in front of her name, i not only consider her an aunt, but someone who i closely look up to, but again i can't. there is this wall there...and i cannot break it...even if it means my actions appear somewhat selfish. and don't even get me going on appologies. that's another unbreakable wall. so i guess what i am trying to say is...if i have hurt you...i want to say sorry...but i just cant...and i really am sorry.
if you just read that...dont even try to understand it.
if you just read that...dont even try to understand it.