????????? What now?
I wanna scream, cry, and hit the wall! WIth all these emotions rapped into one it's hard to even function my normal status. I just want to roll up in the fetal position and wale. I have no hope and when there is hope in abousolutly everything I am still here sitting in hopelesness. Every path I take or turn I make there is always a fucking road block. What do you do with that? how are you suppose to even walk if there is no where to go? sure you would assume there is always a way to go, right? But this time nope, none, zilch, vaneto, nothing, I have run my choices dry.
Looking out the window at the busy streets, people shopping, cars wizzing by, people walking or riding bikes. So carefree like not a care in the world. Yet of course most have problems, but everyone has one thing at least right! so what is it I have? What is a place with no love, no hope, and no faith? It's an empty whole of sadness and sarrow that never ends. An empty black whole in the big universe that has nothing but stars and planets. No life and emotions, I can't live in a world like that!
Sure it might sound like i'm whinning and I suppose I am. But what do I do? I don't know where to go anymore I went to the last option I had and god still wants something else from me. What? what? what? what is it you want? I tried what do you want from me? I need help and I can't do this anymore, Please don't take this from me! I'm pleading with you please not this don't let me disappoint my family yet again. I now understand how my sister felt when everthing kept going up in smoke and I don't want to end up 25 with nothing just like the rest of my familiy. I have been doing things defferently just to avoid that. I guess I will wait and see what path chooses me........