life, it ain't easy.- vitamin c
i think its time for an update. so life, i've been hanging out with gerralynn and taylor a lot because we see each other everyday and we get along. they're pretty sweet. i still see my little kriso<3 on the weekends though. boys, they're there. i actually am starting to notice more cute ones in my school. they're alot to choose from but i havent really been able to work up that old confidence i used to have that helped me talk to people. i guess its cause i dont wanna sound weird cause not everyone knows me yet, so im still trying to set back on the craziness, ya know. so, i had a job for like 2 and a half weekes, but that shit failed. i worked, actually was "training" and finally when i was actually ready to start the actual job part, i was fired because they had too many workers. then my mom flipped out and there was drama, and i remember that i was so upset that whole weekend and i had such a horrible feeling in my stomach that i rememeber that i kept thinking that i couldnt wait til the day where whenever i thought about that day i wouldnt get upset anymore. well im over it, but im still a fatty who has no boy in her life, and this will be another pathetic valentines day. a lot of weird shit had been going on but its over. im at this weird stage now. i told my science teacher that im a 30yr old woman trapped in a 15 yr olds body, cause the only thing i can think about is life in 10 years. every decision i make is about whether or not it will benefit me. i looked up colleges, sat shit, and am signed up for so many hard ap classes. ill be in med school (hopefully), and by the time im done with med school i wanna adopt like a 5 year old kid. i wanna be a young mom, but i wont wanna have kids at 20. so ill go adopt some orhpans near the age where they're gonna be at school, and just save them from a life of horror. then maybe ill get married and have a baby at like 28-30, so i can enjoy the experience of having an actual baby.
i dont even care about marriage to be honest. i am so certain that by the time my generation begins to get married, prob 90% of marriages are actually gonna last. sure, i want a father figure in my kids life, but i feel like i can do all of this shit on my own. my whole outlook on life is be the best you can be on your own, and if someone compliments you, congrats. but if you end up alone, be prepared. it sucks, and its hypocritical because i just said i have noone to celebrate valentines day with, but who cares. maybe in 10 years ill actually be a hot girl with a sweet bod who was a playboy covergirl, who can get any hot guy for valentines day. i just get fed up with stupid highschool relatioshipns. i only like the serious ones, not the bullshit ones. "we went out for 3 months on and off" fuck that, i hate it. if i were to be jealous, itd be of the couples who like eachother but dont rub it in everyones faces that get along better as friends, instead of being like boyfriends. maybe ill marry a best guy friend, or at least have some guy in the house that would make a good father figure but i wouldnt have to be with him. like an uncle or something.
i'll probably end up living with pat and krissie and my kids can look up to pat, and be like "yeah i have 2 mommys and a daddy."
{chuckle chuckle} the end.
if i get bored ill write my whole life plan out for the future, it'll be fun.
i dont even care about marriage to be honest. i am so certain that by the time my generation begins to get married, prob 90% of marriages are actually gonna last. sure, i want a father figure in my kids life, but i feel like i can do all of this shit on my own. my whole outlook on life is be the best you can be on your own, and if someone compliments you, congrats. but if you end up alone, be prepared. it sucks, and its hypocritical because i just said i have noone to celebrate valentines day with, but who cares. maybe in 10 years ill actually be a hot girl with a sweet bod who was a playboy covergirl, who can get any hot guy for valentines day. i just get fed up with stupid highschool relatioshipns. i only like the serious ones, not the bullshit ones. "we went out for 3 months on and off" fuck that, i hate it. if i were to be jealous, itd be of the couples who like eachother but dont rub it in everyones faces that get along better as friends, instead of being like boyfriends. maybe ill marry a best guy friend, or at least have some guy in the house that would make a good father figure but i wouldnt have to be with him. like an uncle or something.
i'll probably end up living with pat and krissie and my kids can look up to pat, and be like "yeah i have 2 mommys and a daddy."
{chuckle chuckle} the end.
if i get bored ill write my whole life plan out for the future, it'll be fun.