Thinking
I just can't think of the words to describe how exactly I feel.. I know I am upset and I know who I am upset with, but I can't quite pinpoint why I'm upset. I have a general idea and I can think of some things, but I can't think of the perfect words to describe it. Maybe, if I can think of them and tell this person, they could help ease my worries or sadness or whatever...
I have also thought of another thing to add to my recent rant.. I just thought of it today. I think it really upsets me how there are people that you are close to, perhaps as close as we are, that don't deserve to be. And by this, I mean, they have hated you in the past and done you wrong. They were mean to you and accused you of things you didn't do. They didn't trust you or believe you. And then, there is me.. I have never done anything wrong to you. I believed you, always, whether I wanted to admit or not. I made sacrifices for you that may have cost me some with other friends. Still do. And I have done things for you that made me risk friendships. I have done so much in the desire to be the best friend that I could be. Yet.. I, most of the time, get worse treatment than the people referred to by my above statements. Why is that? I believe that I have been a really good friend to you, like I have said many times before in these entries, but I am still on the same level or lower than people who haven't always been there for you or have done things wrong to you. I don't understand it and I don't think you will ever explain it to me. What is so wrong with me? Seriously.. What is wrong with me that I don't deserve good treatment and nice things said? I don't know. I want to talk to you.. But I can't get myself to. And I don't think you ever really want to. I'm not sure exactly what I want to say, but I want to clear some things up. I don't have that much time left with you. The time will go fast and before I know it, you will be gone... And I don't want to waste any remaining time with you doubting where I stand and what the purpose of my friendship to you is.. Do you intend to stay this close of friends with me?? I haven't felt this strongly about things in awhile...I need to figure things out, and I need to somewhat soon.. I need to talk to you. Maybe I can try tomorrow...
Does it phase you at all when I say these things? Or when you read this? What do you even think? I guess, a better question would be, does anything I say like this affect, or mean anything to you? Sometimes, I feel like there is no point.. In anything..
I got to sleep. I swear, one day, I will get in the general stuff about why my family upset me.. But not now, I don't feel up to it.
I have also thought of another thing to add to my recent rant.. I just thought of it today. I think it really upsets me how there are people that you are close to, perhaps as close as we are, that don't deserve to be. And by this, I mean, they have hated you in the past and done you wrong. They were mean to you and accused you of things you didn't do. They didn't trust you or believe you. And then, there is me.. I have never done anything wrong to you. I believed you, always, whether I wanted to admit or not. I made sacrifices for you that may have cost me some with other friends. Still do. And I have done things for you that made me risk friendships. I have done so much in the desire to be the best friend that I could be. Yet.. I, most of the time, get worse treatment than the people referred to by my above statements. Why is that? I believe that I have been a really good friend to you, like I have said many times before in these entries, but I am still on the same level or lower than people who haven't always been there for you or have done things wrong to you. I don't understand it and I don't think you will ever explain it to me. What is so wrong with me? Seriously.. What is wrong with me that I don't deserve good treatment and nice things said? I don't know. I want to talk to you.. But I can't get myself to. And I don't think you ever really want to. I'm not sure exactly what I want to say, but I want to clear some things up. I don't have that much time left with you. The time will go fast and before I know it, you will be gone... And I don't want to waste any remaining time with you doubting where I stand and what the purpose of my friendship to you is.. Do you intend to stay this close of friends with me?? I haven't felt this strongly about things in awhile...I need to figure things out, and I need to somewhat soon.. I need to talk to you. Maybe I can try tomorrow...
Does it phase you at all when I say these things? Or when you read this? What do you even think? I guess, a better question would be, does anything I say like this affect, or mean anything to you? Sometimes, I feel like there is no point.. In anything..
I got to sleep. I swear, one day, I will get in the general stuff about why my family upset me.. But not now, I don't feel up to it.