Your Smile (Part 4)
Title: Your Smile (Part 4)
Pairing: Subassan/OhYass
Summary: Triangle between Subassan and OhYAss.
A:N: I’m sorry Yasu, Subaru and Tacchon. I’ve done nothing but torture you guys. Sorry, trust me. I do love you guys..
Subaru remembers vaguely how he managed to arrive home last night. All he remembers was, from the café’ he went to the nearest bar, trying to drown his despair by drinking, and when he arrives home, and on his bed, he still can’t stop the tears. He finally cried himself to sleep. So, he woke up that morning, painfully hung over. He was just about to get up to take a shower when suddenly his keitai rings. The screen displays “Johnny Jimusho”. Surprised, Subaru tries to put on his most professional tone.
“Moshi moshi.”
“Good morning Shibutani-san. Can you come to the office this morning at 1pm? Johnny-san asks to meet you.” informs the sweet voice from the other end of the line.
“ All right.” was all that Subaru can manage before he hang up and make a move towards the bathroom. While showering, Subaru can’t help to wonder why Johnny-san wants to meet him suddenly.
As promised, Subaru arrives at the office on time and is now seating across Johnny-san.
“Shibutani-san, did you still remember the application you made before?” Johnny-san went straight to the subject.
“I can’t I say I do. Which one is it?”
“Application for the song composing course at German for one year.” Explain his employer. Suddenly, Subaru remembers. He sent out the application 3 months ago that he has forgotten about it. “Ah, that. Yes, I remember. What about it?”
“Well, your application was accepted. The jimusho is willing to sponsor you. What do you say? It’s a rare opportunity you know.”
Has it been 3 months before, Subaru would jump at the offer right away. But now, he can’t help to think about Yasu. Yasu has forgotten about him, so if he went apart from Yasu for a year, it would mean that it’s the end for whatever is left between Yasu and him. Being visible in front of Yasu’s eyes was the only way left for Subaru to keep reminding Yasu that he exists, but he won’t be able to do that if he accept the offer and leave for German.
“You don’t have to give your answer now. You can give your answer anytime within this week.” Sensing Subaru's reluctant, Johnny speaks up.
“Hait. Arigatou Gozaimashita. Shitsurei shimasu.” With that Subaru left Johnny-san room. At lost, Subaru reach out for his keitai, and dial two numbers by memory.
An hour later, Subaru, Hina and Yoko sits together at a table in the café they frequented.
“What’s up?” ask Yoko after the waitress had left them with their order. Hina just keeps quiet, waiting Subaru to say something.
“I got an offer from Johnny-san to further study in German.” Hina and Yoko expect a wide smile from Subaru at the end of the sentence, only to be disappointed.
“Well, isn’t that great? You should be happy. You wanted this so much.” Hina is obviously confused.
“Yeah, I thought so to so, what’s stopping you?” seconds Yoko.
“Yasu..” Subaru’s voice was almost inaudible even in the quiet environment of the café.
“What about him?”
“What if I leave, he would totally forgets me?”
“Didn’t he already do?”
“Yes, I know that but at least if I’m here, he would be reminded constantly of my existence. If I’m away, he might …” Subaru’s voice trails off, replaced by sobs. Hina moves closer to wrap him arms around Subaru. He rubs Subaru’s back.
“What should I do?” Subaru continues.
“Honestly, I don’t know what to say.” It took Yoko some time to come up with that.
“Have you tried telling him about your feeling?” Hina try to help the situation.
“Last night, he called and asked me out. He asked who I was to him before the accident.”
“Isn’t that a good opportunity? That shows he cares and wants to know. What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
“Why?”
”I didn’t have the chance to. Tacchon suddenly appears and took him home.”
“Tacchon, since the accident, he has been wrapping his fingers around Yasu tightly.” Yoko reason out.
“I know that. He’s trying to protect Yasu, from me especially. I know he blames me for Yasu’s accident even though he didn’t say it out loud.”
“Maybe you should tell him about your feeling. Yasu I mean.”
“But, I wonder it would do him any good or not. After all, he was always hurting before because of me.”
“It’s really up for you to decide you know. This is between you and Yasu. I personally think that Yasu deserves to know. Truth may hurt but not knowing keeps you in the dark and isolated.”
Subaru nods. He agrees. His friends may come up with millions advice and suggestions, but at the end of the day, he’s the one who would have to make the step.
So he made a decision. He wants Yasu to know of what they had before. It maybe selfish of him, but he can’t deny how desperate he wants Yasu back. Before he can change his mind, Subaru heads for Yasu’s house.
***************************************************************************
The night sky settles peacefully in front of Yasu’s eyes, decorated with glittering, shiny stars. It is one of the nights where you can see a lot of stars scattered in the sky. But, the moon is no where to be seen tonight, but it didn’t stop Yasu from being amused by the beauty of the view. Yasu is sitting on the bench in his small garden that his mom helped set up. He likes sitting there, sometimes to relax himself, or looking for inspiration that might sparks new songs, but tonight, he sits there thinking about a lot of things that revolves only one thing or one person to be precise. Yasu can’t help feeling disappointed for letting Tacchon dragged him away easily last night. He really wants to know how Subaru would answer him last night, no matter what it is. He keeps on wondering what the answer would be. To be honest with himself, he never stops thinking about Subaru since the day he woke up. The small man keeps on haunting his mind, despite him not being able to remember anything about Subaru. That is why Yasu really wants to know, why of all people, he forgets Subaru. What triggered such an impact to his brain? He knows for sure, whatever he had with Subaru in the past, it must be something not ordinary. He’s not blind to the way Subaru’s looking at him. The same kind of look that Tacchon always have for him, only more intense, and Yasu’s knows how Tacchon felt for him. Suddenly, Yasu feels his head throbbing, as if his brain is pounding on his skull. It happens occasionally after the accident, especially every time Yasu tries to remember. The pain is so excruciating and unbearable that he leans forward hugging his knee, applying pressure to his head using his knees, trying to find any comfort that position might offers. Yasu lets out a painful scream, as the pain didn’t subside but worsen by minute. That is when he feels a pair of arms wraps around him, rubbing his back.
“Yassan, what’s wrong?”
“Tacchon, my head. It’s killing me.”
“Did you take your meds?”
“No. I forget.”
“Wait, I’ll go get it.” Just when Tacchon was about to get up to get the meds, Yasu pulls him back down by the sleeves.
“No, please. Don’t leave me. Stay with me.” Yasu looks up to Tacchon, his eyes already filled with tears. Tacchon, as if in trance, pulls Yasu into a tight hug. Rocking the guy back and forth, rubbing his back, offering as many comforts as possible.
“Tacchon, it hurts.”
“Sshh.. I know. It’ll get better. Relax, stop thinking too much.” Tacchon starts singing Mamoritai, hoping it helps.
“Will you protect me, Tacchon?” ask Yasu suddenly after a few moments Tacchon has finished the song. The pain in his head has slowly subsides.
“The song was actually written for you Yassan.” Tacchon explains in his soft voice. Yasu looks up to Tacchon. He look surprised by the confession, but the shock only stays for a while, replaced by a smile.
“Thank you Tacchon, for everything. Thank you.” says Yasu. Without thinking, Tacchon’s lips close on Yasu’s. The kiss was so soft, with Tacchon’s palm cupping Yasu’s cheek. Yasu’s didn’t know how to react. Luckily, the kiss was stopped by a sound emerging from the front gate of his house. Yasu sprang towards the gate, to look for the source of the sound, but the actual reason for his action was he wants to escape the kiss. Upon arriving at the gate, Yasu found out that the gate was already opened. Yasu step out and found a figure that’s about his size. Yasu can’t see the face clearly since the guy’s looking straight down at his feet.
“Yes, can I help you?” ask Yasu, hesitantly. That’s when the guy finally looks up.
“Subaru-kun! What are you doing here?” ask Yasu again. At the back of his mind, he can’t help wondering did Subaru saw the kiss. His stomach lurched at the thought.
“I.. Erm, I came to visit. I brought a cactus for your garden, but I dropped it just now. I don’t know if it still can be saved. Clumsy me. ” Subaru holds out the said plant towards Yasu, his eyes switch back to his feet. A forceful laugh escapes his throat. Yasu took the offered plant, while his gaze never leaves the guy who is standing in front of him right now, hoping that Subaru would look up anytime and look at him in the eye.
Once the plant is in Yasu’s hand, Subaru said, “I better leave now that I’ve given you the plant. Goodbye, goodnight.”
Yasu, obviously taken by surprised, only manage to nod his head dumbly. “Goodnight” was all that he can come up with, but Subaru is no longer in front of him. He can only see Subaru’s walking away into the dark of night, his shadow fading slowly. After all that is left was only him and the plant in his hand, Yasu finally turns around to get back into the house, only that his steps is halted by Tacchon. He’s not sure since when Tacchon’s has been standing behind him.
“Yassan, I’m sorry.”
“What are you saying? Why are you sorry?” Yasu force a smile, but he can’t look Tacchon in the eyes.
“I know you know what I mean. I’m sorry I kissed you without your permission but I don’t regret it. Please don’t hate me.”
Yasu’s quiet. He doesn’t know what would be the best answer. He is confused himself.
“Yassan.” Tacchon’s arm reaches out to touch Yasu, but as if on reflex, Yasu moves away from the touch. Yasu notice the hurt in Tacchon’s eyes but he really can’t do anything about it. He didn’t feel like making it better.
“It’s late Tacchon. Maybe you should head home. I’m sleepy already by the way.” With that another shadow fades away from Yasu’s eyes into the dark night.
In the cold night, Yasu’s cry muffled through his hand, while the other hand hugs the plant tight to his chest.
*******************************************************************
Subaru’s heart shatters when the plant reaches the road pavement in front of Yasu’s house. The sight of Yasu and Tacchon kissing was the last thing he wants to see in this earth. He can feel his hearts shattered into millions unlike the plant which is luckily still intact. He took that as a sign. A sign that says he and Yasu can never be together. They’re just not meant to be. Whatever plan he had on his way to Yasu’s house shatters together with his heart when he saw them kissing. He can no longer contain his tears as he walked away from Yasu, after he gave him the plant.
**********************************************************************
With heart full of guilt, Tacchon walked away from Yasu’s house. His feet feel so heavy. Every step is an effort. He wish he can turn back the time. He would hug Yasu tightly in his arms, instead of being selfish and kiss Yasu. He wonders what would happen to him and Yasu after this. He fears that Yasu decided to stop being friends with him. Just the thought is unbearable to Tacchon, his tears unstoppable.
***********************************************************************
As Yasu wakes up in the morning, his eyes feel sore, and he can’t see clearly. He knows his eyes are swollen from all the crying he did last night. After all, he cried himself to sleep last night. His head condition is not helping either. The pain has subsided a little, but it’s still there. Yasu really don’t feel like getting up from the bed, but today would be the first day he would be working again. They are scheduled to have interviews and photo session today and radio at night. Then his keitai rang. Lazily, he picks it up after seeing their manager’s name displayed on the screen.
“Hait.” Yasu didn’t realize how hoarse his voice is from the crying until he speaks up.
“Yasuda-kun. I apologize for calling so early in the morning. I just want to inform you that the entire schedule today has been cancelled. So, you don’t have to come.”
“Cancelled? Why?”
“Because, today Subaru-kun will be leaving for German to further his study, so the other member request for todays schedule to be cancelled so that they will be able to send him off at the airport.”
Yasu lost his grip on the keitai. For a while, he feels like his room is spinning. He doesn’t know what to think of the information that just been relayed to him just now. His heart felt like it weighted with a massive rock. He can’t breathe properly. He closes his eyes, trying to calm himself, only to break into a continuous sobs. Why? He’s not sure himself. Somehow, the thought of not able to see, meet and hear Subaru everyday like he used to seem unbearable and unimaginable. Then, his keitai rings again. He quickly answers the call when he saw Subaru’s name displayed on the screen.
“Shota” his first name sound so sweet coming from the guy at the other end of the phone.
“Subaru-kun. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Subaru can hear sobs along the sentence.
Subaru fake a laugh that can’t even fool a kid.
“It’s nothing big, deshou? This is sudden for me too, I was busy with preparation, I forget to inform you.”
“Don’t lie to me. I’m the only one who doesn’t know about this. The others are there with you right now, am I right?”
“Yes.” Subaru replies weakly.
“So, why wasn’t I informed? Am I not as important to you as the others are? Then why did you even bother to call me? ” Yasu’s sobs increased, laced with anger that he can’t help feeling right now.
“No, you got me wrong Shota. You’re…” Subaru didn’t get to finish his word. Yasu cuts him in the middle of his sentence.
“Whatever Subaru-kun. Just go. I don’t give a damn. Go. Just go” With that, Yasu hung up, and threw his phone to the wall. He buries his face in the pillow, no longer trying to contain his cries.