(no subject)

[jennsrear]

I feel nostalgic. Listening to music and talking on msn always brings me back to when I used to talk to Nathan for hours on msn while listening to the cars. I miss Nathan.

I miss a lot of people. I think more than anything I miss feeling at home.

But I am home. I don't want to live in stupid Maple Ridge anymore. Bah.

I have this crazy fear that my grandma has died, and everyone in my family is lieing to me about it.

I feel like I'm fifteen again. I feel sad all the time. The only time I haven't been sad lately is when chris came over last night to watch grey's.

I feel like I can't handle anything, and I'm so sensitive. My entire day, from the moment I wake up, is spent on the verge of tears, and it's a constant battle to not break down. I don't know why I'm writing this. I feel so guilty. I have such a good life. I have such a loving boyfriend, and a well-paying job, and I live in a beautiful city.

I'm scared that I'm going to struggle with this same thought pattern for my entire life. Like nothing will be good enough, like I'll never be happy.

Tonight's lame. I'm going to go watch Wheel of Fortune and eat too much.

-j.