Peace Luv and Bullet Proof Marshmellows
hey yall!!! woop wooop look at me i have a day off! hahaha this nevah happens....but o wait i get to work in brockton for tha rest of the summer and 11 hour shifts...lolz yucky!! So yeah lets see what has happened since last...o yeah scotts party hahahaha.
Well Ozzfest fell thru....dont ask. So scott had a party. it was a blast!! i was so pumped to see candida! tha best part of tha night tho was def. moth boy!! this kid legit got a moth lodged into his ear canal and had to like have it surgically removed. hahahah me and joy were dieing from this idk why but it was absolutely hys-fuckin-terical! hahahaha. so ya we got drunk lolz things ensued....Bobby chased me with Febreeze going" It says for pets!!" i of course put in a stunning performance..;-) hahaha and there were people in tinfoil suites hahahaha it was a blast oh and of course tom in his tie dye dolphin shirt...cuz he likes dolphins! hahahaha. and of course i get a rash from tha febreeze only to get lysol sprayed at me from my manager...hahahaha i sometimes luv walgreens....and sometimes absolutely hate it which brinsg me to my next point.......
So at work (names will not be mentioned but w/e i can write w/e tha helll i wanna so if ne1 gets mad....i dont really care cuz its freedom of speech and my journal so deal with it hahahaha) i have to work with certain people that make it very uncomfortable. and i know its not just uncomfortable foir me but as well for them. i wanna work this out but theah is a part of me that just doesnt want to. does that make sense.? well lemme explain, during the school year (btw i luv salem state college more than life itself i have tha greatest bunch of friends ever...yes i do have friends contrary to what others think.) i sort of well not just me alone it was more than 1 sided, had conflict with some people from high school who i thought were the best people i have ever known at the time. Well shit flew and it changed my life from that point on. im not even kidding you can ask any1 at salem state there was a change in me. (esp ask randi marci and michelle) i just didnt know what to think anymore, it caused me to go down tha shitter and i just never left my room for 2 weeks about just thinkin about it. i have never been so down and low in my life liuke this before. i know i fucked up but im not the only 1. there was an unfair bitching out from a certain person that just set me over the edge. the other person i dont even remember what we fought about (i kinda do but w/e) i know i was being a shithead ill admit it and i was wrong, but im not the only 1. there had to be something top set me off. so to those who think this is all my fault alone its not. ill take the blame for what i did but to take it all and make me feel like a horrible person which you guys did make me feel like (and i wont post the bad things that i felt like) you guys need to own up too. yes we have ALL changed, and we have to get user to the changes. yes mistakes were made ( i admit to mine and yoiu can personally ask me about it) but looking back to what we all had, it was amazing!!! you cannot deny that! the amazing undescribaly (spelling?) pissah times we had....well never have again, due to me due to us all. i want soo hard to duke it out and get everything out but there is a paht of me that just cannot take it. i cant take confrontation well, never have never will. but i AM learning. college has changed me i have learned soo much from the people who surround me and i thank you all for that. but there IS a childish part of me that just doesnt wanna resolve this in fear of being hurt again. you guys dont understand what that did to me. it did ruin me. and i am not soley blaimg you i blame myself mostly but you guys have to understand your words had bullets to them also. i wish i could say this a little better and in person but i just dont know. that is where the whole problem enlies. i have an issue and i wish i could fix it you guys dont know how much i miss you and am sorry. i want to prove it soo badly but i dont know if i can, because i dont wanna take all blame for it. it was allsided a lil more me but i cant take it all. i luv u guys and will luv you guys forever, even if we never talk again i want you guys to understand how much i will forever luv you, it may not seem it but i do. i really honestly do. i am sorry and i wish this could be resolved but idk. it is killing me going to work and not being able to joke around and talk to you like old times. or even be civil. i know this is a long post but i reall want you guys to listen to it. ik now you have given me chances and i feel as tho i have sort of explained in this post. we need to talk but idk if i can. i hate this soo fucking much and it is eatin away at me. i may deny it but it is. sigh idk. i dont wanna cause drama (which will be said) i jsut needed to get this off my chest despite tha fact it is done in an unusual awy but this is me and this is how right now i can express this. i hope you guys read it if not its oki i got it out theah. but i hope soime day we can all talk again, and for the 1 i work with, i hope soon cuz it is killin me not talkin to you the most. we had a speshial friendshhip that no longer exisits and it is causing such a void and im sorry i know thats not enough but its what i can do for the time being. i am sorry from the depths of my heart., i never meant to hurt you or others and now i amliving with the consequences of my actions and wow did i fuck uphahahaha. wellz before i keep making myself cry ill stop. and again i did not wanna cause drama with this just merely get it off my chest. luv yas all. **kisses**
Well Ozzfest fell thru....dont ask. So scott had a party. it was a blast!! i was so pumped to see candida! tha best part of tha night tho was def. moth boy!! this kid legit got a moth lodged into his ear canal and had to like have it surgically removed. hahahah me and joy were dieing from this idk why but it was absolutely hys-fuckin-terical! hahahaha. so ya we got drunk lolz things ensued....Bobby chased me with Febreeze going" It says for pets!!" i of course put in a stunning performance..;-) hahaha and there were people in tinfoil suites hahahaha it was a blast oh and of course tom in his tie dye dolphin shirt...cuz he likes dolphins! hahahaha. and of course i get a rash from tha febreeze only to get lysol sprayed at me from my manager...hahahaha i sometimes luv walgreens....and sometimes absolutely hate it which brinsg me to my next point.......
So at work (names will not be mentioned but w/e i can write w/e tha helll i wanna so if ne1 gets mad....i dont really care cuz its freedom of speech and my journal so deal with it hahahaha) i have to work with certain people that make it very uncomfortable. and i know its not just uncomfortable foir me but as well for them. i wanna work this out but theah is a part of me that just doesnt want to. does that make sense.? well lemme explain, during the school year (btw i luv salem state college more than life itself i have tha greatest bunch of friends ever...yes i do have friends contrary to what others think.) i sort of well not just me alone it was more than 1 sided, had conflict with some people from high school who i thought were the best people i have ever known at the time. Well shit flew and it changed my life from that point on. im not even kidding you can ask any1 at salem state there was a change in me. (esp ask randi marci and michelle) i just didnt know what to think anymore, it caused me to go down tha shitter and i just never left my room for 2 weeks about just thinkin about it. i have never been so down and low in my life liuke this before. i know i fucked up but im not the only 1. there was an unfair bitching out from a certain person that just set me over the edge. the other person i dont even remember what we fought about (i kinda do but w/e) i know i was being a shithead ill admit it and i was wrong, but im not the only 1. there had to be something top set me off. so to those who think this is all my fault alone its not. ill take the blame for what i did but to take it all and make me feel like a horrible person which you guys did make me feel like (and i wont post the bad things that i felt like) you guys need to own up too. yes we have ALL changed, and we have to get user to the changes. yes mistakes were made ( i admit to mine and yoiu can personally ask me about it) but looking back to what we all had, it was amazing!!! you cannot deny that! the amazing undescribaly (spelling?) pissah times we had....well never have again, due to me due to us all. i want soo hard to duke it out and get everything out but there is a paht of me that just cannot take it. i cant take confrontation well, never have never will. but i AM learning. college has changed me i have learned soo much from the people who surround me and i thank you all for that. but there IS a childish part of me that just doesnt wanna resolve this in fear of being hurt again. you guys dont understand what that did to me. it did ruin me. and i am not soley blaimg you i blame myself mostly but you guys have to understand your words had bullets to them also. i wish i could say this a little better and in person but i just dont know. that is where the whole problem enlies. i have an issue and i wish i could fix it you guys dont know how much i miss you and am sorry. i want to prove it soo badly but i dont know if i can, because i dont wanna take all blame for it. it was allsided a lil more me but i cant take it all. i luv u guys and will luv you guys forever, even if we never talk again i want you guys to understand how much i will forever luv you, it may not seem it but i do. i really honestly do. i am sorry and i wish this could be resolved but idk. it is killing me going to work and not being able to joke around and talk to you like old times. or even be civil. i know this is a long post but i reall want you guys to listen to it. ik now you have given me chances and i feel as tho i have sort of explained in this post. we need to talk but idk if i can. i hate this soo fucking much and it is eatin away at me. i may deny it but it is. sigh idk. i dont wanna cause drama (which will be said) i jsut needed to get this off my chest despite tha fact it is done in an unusual awy but this is me and this is how right now i can express this. i hope you guys read it if not its oki i got it out theah. but i hope soime day we can all talk again, and for the 1 i work with, i hope soon cuz it is killin me not talkin to you the most. we had a speshial friendshhip that no longer exisits and it is causing such a void and im sorry i know thats not enough but its what i can do for the time being. i am sorry from the depths of my heart., i never meant to hurt you or others and now i amliving with the consequences of my actions and wow did i fuck uphahahaha. wellz before i keep making myself cry ill stop. and again i did not wanna cause drama with this just merely get it off my chest. luv yas all. **kisses**