Losing
ive been listening to bloc party and have been reminded of how good they are. silent alarm, what a beautiful debut album.
i’ve been thinking about loss. and how much i seem to be losing this year, so far, a lot of important things have been slipping through my grasp, walking away, being taken from me, cutting ties, not looking back. for the first time in years, i’m acutally allowing myself to feel everything and deal with it now, here and now. its the hardest thing a person can do, deal with the loss that life is inevitably constantly about. we spend our lives running from but never quite evading the loss we all feel. i’m losing the best friend i had for the last year. i guess i’ve already lost him but it comes in waves and soon he’ll be gone, perhaps forever. i’ve lost other best friends, some i’ve regained and some are gone good. i’ve dealt with it in different ways, some good, some not so good. now, i’m just plain dealing. i’m now losing someone who i lost a good while ago now but it’s been a new slap in the face this week. necessary i suppose and really the way it should be, still, it hurts.
its kept me up at night, this insomnia has to leave me soon because my will is breaking. i have no control over these things. i have to accept it. i refuse to shut down, disconnect and pretend, like other people deal with these feelings. i've done that in the past, with some devastating consequences.i’ll just buck up, feel the pain, cry like a motherfucker and press on.
i’ve been thinking about loss. and how much i seem to be losing this year, so far, a lot of important things have been slipping through my grasp, walking away, being taken from me, cutting ties, not looking back. for the first time in years, i’m acutally allowing myself to feel everything and deal with it now, here and now. its the hardest thing a person can do, deal with the loss that life is inevitably constantly about. we spend our lives running from but never quite evading the loss we all feel. i’m losing the best friend i had for the last year. i guess i’ve already lost him but it comes in waves and soon he’ll be gone, perhaps forever. i’ve lost other best friends, some i’ve regained and some are gone good. i’ve dealt with it in different ways, some good, some not so good. now, i’m just plain dealing. i’m now losing someone who i lost a good while ago now but it’s been a new slap in the face this week. necessary i suppose and really the way it should be, still, it hurts.
its kept me up at night, this insomnia has to leave me soon because my will is breaking. i have no control over these things. i have to accept it. i refuse to shut down, disconnect and pretend, like other people deal with these feelings. i've done that in the past, with some devastating consequences.i’ll just buck up, feel the pain, cry like a motherfucker and press on.