the holidays
every year people always ask me "why do you hate christmas"
CHRISTMAS CARDS
Nothing says "I don't really give a fuck about you" like a Christmas card that comes out of a box of twenty identical Christmas cards. Far worse is the Christmas newsletter: "Hi, I can't be bothered to write each of you a personal letter, so here's a computer-printed newsletter to brief you on my boring year." Also on my shit-list: cutesy family Christmas cards with the whole family posing on the front; Christmas Create-a-Cards; and Christmas e-mail postcards. And if anyone e-mails me a snowball this year, I will track them down and do interesting things to them with a fork.
CHRISTMAS GREED
This time of year is when you start overhearing the little brats screaming to their parents that they want the toy du jour. Parents are caught in a cruel bind: They can't very well say "Sorry, kids, toys are expensive and the economy is shit," because then the little shits will just ask Santa for whatever they want. So the parents pretty much have to pay through the nose for a toy they will use for a total of 5 minutes before tossing aside for the nice shiny nickel over there... Christmas is one compelling reason not to have kids unless you're Jewish or some other religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
The insanity begins the day after Thanksgiving, when anyone with two brain cells to rub together will stay the hell away from anything resembling a retail store. Somehow, though, the idiots come out in force every year. And there's no let-up until at least the second week of January, because even after Christmas, people return their shitty gifts And it's not as if the Christmas shopping season begins in November: you start seeing Christmas commercials and store decorations as early as October.
CHRISTMAS GIFTS
The whole giving-and-getting thing: ick. When you exchange gifts with someone, you feel bad if the gift you gave them is cheaper than the gift they gave you; you also feel bad if it's the reverse. "Wow, a DVD player! Uh ... thanks ... I got you a bag of chips." You calculate just how much to spend on each person, which means you're basically putting a price on your love. How much is Mom worth? $150? $200? How about your cousin? One great reason to stay away from romance is the agonizing over what to get your boy/girlfriend that first Christmas. And what to get his/her parents, siblings, etc....And of course he/she (usually she) will say, "You don't have to get me anything. Just as long as we can spend Christmas together." This, let me tell you, is horseshit.
CHRISTMAS MUSIC
Really? Can you get more annoying than that? Even every single retail store in America blares christmas music. This does not put me in a cheerful shopping mood no... I'm all for dumping it into a large hole, setting it on fire, and pissing out the flames.
More than anything, though. I have to say it's the phoniness of it all. The whole "Holiday spirit" bullshit everyone shoves down your throat. People being nice to you because it's the "holiday season". Listen, if you hope i choke and die every other day of the year, please don't act like we're best friends now because as soon as the clock strikes midnight and christmas is over i guarantee you'll go back to being the asshole you've always been. Why pretend? This also goes for family. Why do you need to get together with family on the holidays? Let's be honest here. Most of our families talk shit about each other behind our backs & can barely stand each other which is why we don't keep in touch the rest of the year so why do we need to force ourselves into one place once or twice a year, fake smiles and pretend as if we like each other? No thanks.
♥happy holidays♥
CHRISTMAS CARDS
Nothing says "I don't really give a fuck about you" like a Christmas card that comes out of a box of twenty identical Christmas cards. Far worse is the Christmas newsletter: "Hi, I can't be bothered to write each of you a personal letter, so here's a computer-printed newsletter to brief you on my boring year." Also on my shit-list: cutesy family Christmas cards with the whole family posing on the front; Christmas Create-a-Cards; and Christmas e-mail postcards. And if anyone e-mails me a snowball this year, I will track them down and do interesting things to them with a fork.
CHRISTMAS GREED
This time of year is when you start overhearing the little brats screaming to their parents that they want the toy du jour. Parents are caught in a cruel bind: They can't very well say "Sorry, kids, toys are expensive and the economy is shit," because then the little shits will just ask Santa for whatever they want. So the parents pretty much have to pay through the nose for a toy they will use for a total of 5 minutes before tossing aside for the nice shiny nickel over there... Christmas is one compelling reason not to have kids unless you're Jewish or some other religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
The insanity begins the day after Thanksgiving, when anyone with two brain cells to rub together will stay the hell away from anything resembling a retail store. Somehow, though, the idiots come out in force every year. And there's no let-up until at least the second week of January, because even after Christmas, people return their shitty gifts And it's not as if the Christmas shopping season begins in November: you start seeing Christmas commercials and store decorations as early as October.
CHRISTMAS GIFTS
The whole giving-and-getting thing: ick. When you exchange gifts with someone, you feel bad if the gift you gave them is cheaper than the gift they gave you; you also feel bad if it's the reverse. "Wow, a DVD player! Uh ... thanks ... I got you a bag of chips." You calculate just how much to spend on each person, which means you're basically putting a price on your love. How much is Mom worth? $150? $200? How about your cousin? One great reason to stay away from romance is the agonizing over what to get your boy/girlfriend that first Christmas. And what to get his/her parents, siblings, etc....And of course he/she (usually she) will say, "You don't have to get me anything. Just as long as we can spend Christmas together." This, let me tell you, is horseshit.
CHRISTMAS MUSIC
Really? Can you get more annoying than that? Even every single retail store in America blares christmas music. This does not put me in a cheerful shopping mood no... I'm all for dumping it into a large hole, setting it on fire, and pissing out the flames.
More than anything, though. I have to say it's the phoniness of it all. The whole "Holiday spirit" bullshit everyone shoves down your throat. People being nice to you because it's the "holiday season". Listen, if you hope i choke and die every other day of the year, please don't act like we're best friends now because as soon as the clock strikes midnight and christmas is over i guarantee you'll go back to being the asshole you've always been. Why pretend? This also goes for family. Why do you need to get together with family on the holidays? Let's be honest here. Most of our families talk shit about each other behind our backs & can barely stand each other which is why we don't keep in touch the rest of the year so why do we need to force ourselves into one place once or twice a year, fake smiles and pretend as if we like each other? No thanks.
♥happy holidays♥