i dont know whats going on...
i have no idea what the hell is goin on with me anymore. one minute im fine and the next im going insane with stupid thoughts i shouldnt be thinking about. BLAH!so i met this new guy. hes really nice and cute and well i can tell wont just use me and abuse me. something i need. hes really nice and i really like him. i havent liked someone this much since sam. in a way i guess you can say i have the za za zsu with this guy and thats kinda scary for me. why u might wonder? well lets think about this. the last time i liked a guy this much my life was completely turned upside down. sam is a good friend but he has broke my heart more than once and i was beginning to become numb to that heart break he caused because i was so use to it and well i shouldnt be use to it. i was sick of being the girl he wanted but didnt want. kevin isnt like that. hes sweet and makes me completely forget about the other person. i love that about him. hes a good kisser and so sweet it drives me insane and when he touches me i get chills and butterflies in my stomach. once again havent had that since sam. im alil freaked im not gonna lie. im not use to this at all. in a way im afraid to completely give myself to kevin cause look what happened last time. sam fucked me up hard core and now im tryin to get away for real and get myself out of that rut and itz hard but im doing good. sam is having trouble lettin me get away from him but i think he will get over it. i dont want to stop being friends but i dont want to be around all the time and so on. i've put myself out there too much for him and well im not doing that anymore. kevin and i hung out together last night and it was great. we always have something to talk about and i love that! there is never that creepy silence between us. i really really like him and it kills me sometimes! lol! i feel likea different person when im around him and i find that fabulous! i love it!!!i'm moving on and all i can say is itz about damn time! ok on to other things. i started spring quarter yesterday and today i almost skipped a class.im burnt out on school and i need a vacation. i know ur probably like what about spring break, u were just one it. not really cause i worked at the hell hole (aka champps) the whole break. the only form of a vacation i got is when i went up to cleveland and got sick from eating something completely rank!i still have 35 mins till my next class. i dont want to go. i just dont want to do anything today. i wanna go home and watch sex and the city and sleep. im getting more depressed with things and itz scary cause one minute im happy and the next im all emo and sad. i know u are probably like wtf?! werent u just happy? i am but at the same time i feel so empty like i have accomplished anything in my life and i hate it with a passion! i call the people who are close to me but they dont seem to care at all and i hate that. i can tell they are gettin annoyed with my constant whinning about shit and i hate talking to them about it. i miss the old me. hopefully kevin can bring out the old me. i miss the old me and how i could just talk about stupid stupid shit with people and have a blast. the pre sam me. he really fucked me up and made me feel bad about myself like i never have before. thats right sam i blame you! he'll never read this so he'll never know. BLAH!!!! i really need to go to my class, i mean i still havent even bothered to find it. thats how much i dont care about this quarter. i just need rest and to have fun this summer and start over! thats what im gonna do. alright i just realized this is the longest entry ive written in the longest time. lol! well im out.