The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller
(I've already posted this link on FB, but stuff is easier to keep track of and discuss here.)
http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller?skyline=true&s=i
Oddly, the thing that upsets me the most about this are the vast number of people who comment, "I can't imagine...."
Nope, they can't and they don't and most don't even try- even when it's staring them right in the face and yelling, "HELP!". It's usually easier just to ignore.
It seems to take someone killing themselves and posting a well-written suicide letter with a detailed explanation of the Good Reasons he had for people to even consider the amount of lifelong pain this guy went through rather than immediately jumping to the cliches about how stupid suicide is. (The fact that he had an Ivy League degree and looks fairly handsome is helpful too.)
All of the people at work know about my illness because I had to take a month off for daily outpatient therapy in 2008. I was not shy about asking why I needed the time off and why it was urgent (very suicidal) and making it clear that it was OK to discuss amongst the staff. They also know that I still suffer greatly (thanks to me being too honest on FB and in carpool- which I've quit since). But they think that just because I make it to work or because I put on my game face on for work that all is well. They don't understand the quiet desperation of it.
Depression is the loneliest disease.
People you think are friends just get tired of dealing with your moods or tired of asking you to go out because they assume you'll decline. The less you go out the more boring you actually are. The more boring you are the less you want to go out. Isolation is a nasty cycle and is but one of the many problems this illness throws at you. Realizing that you can't depend on friends to support you in times of need is crushing but so is the though that if they won't, why the hell have faith that the medical system or big pharma or insurance will.
AND people don't even believe you have it that bad if you don't have the big Good Reason like childhood rape. In my opinion, that makes it even harder to explain because you don't even understand it yourself.
I think leaving this letter to be published so publicly WAS his great act. I hope it wakes some people the fuck up.
http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller?skyline=true&s=i
Oddly, the thing that upsets me the most about this are the vast number of people who comment, "I can't imagine...."
Nope, they can't and they don't and most don't even try- even when it's staring them right in the face and yelling, "HELP!". It's usually easier just to ignore.
It seems to take someone killing themselves and posting a well-written suicide letter with a detailed explanation of the Good Reasons he had for people to even consider the amount of lifelong pain this guy went through rather than immediately jumping to the cliches about how stupid suicide is. (The fact that he had an Ivy League degree and looks fairly handsome is helpful too.)
All of the people at work know about my illness because I had to take a month off for daily outpatient therapy in 2008. I was not shy about asking why I needed the time off and why it was urgent (very suicidal) and making it clear that it was OK to discuss amongst the staff. They also know that I still suffer greatly (thanks to me being too honest on FB and in carpool- which I've quit since). But they think that just because I make it to work or because I put on my game face on for work that all is well. They don't understand the quiet desperation of it.
Depression is the loneliest disease.
People you think are friends just get tired of dealing with your moods or tired of asking you to go out because they assume you'll decline. The less you go out the more boring you actually are. The more boring you are the less you want to go out. Isolation is a nasty cycle and is but one of the many problems this illness throws at you. Realizing that you can't depend on friends to support you in times of need is crushing but so is the though that if they won't, why the hell have faith that the medical system or big pharma or insurance will.
AND people don't even believe you have it that bad if you don't have the big Good Reason like childhood rape. In my opinion, that makes it even harder to explain because you don't even understand it yourself.
I think leaving this letter to be published so publicly WAS his great act. I hope it wakes some people the fuck up.