Misophonia.
Click to viewThis is a problem that has been affecting me deeply for many years. I just realized it has a name- Misophonia.
Certain sounds engender an immediate, involuntary rage.
I thought it was just another symptom of me being an asshole, but it's a real disorder. (Add it to the list of disorders I suffer from.)
-As much as I love Scott and his dog, Flee, I literally want to kill the pug for constantly licking.
-And as much as I love my father, the fact that he smacks when he eats and drinks is one of the main reasons I had to leave him early when I was there to (try to) help him after his knee surgery.
-There is a perfectly nice woman at work that I want to kill on a daily basis because she talks in a loud, screechy voice and makes A LOT of exclamatory noises in this tone.
-In college (and now in meetings) I was hindered by the fact that when someone clicks/taps their pen, taps their foot, or opens a noisy wrapper my attention is COMPLETELY sucked into that and with the accompanying blind rage I feel, I can no longer hear the speaker at the front of the room.
As much as I intellectually understand that this is silly and insignificant, it feels like a life/death response that gives no time for me to "reframe" its import in my mind- the rage is, as I said, instant and involuntary. And once I reach that level of arousal, it feels impossible to deal with, to calm down.
This really is a very crippling problem and other than isolating myself, I don't know what to do about it.