Long time, no post.
It's a good thing I haven't felt like writing, as writing = ranting for me, in general. Who wants to hear the ramblings of a lovesick post-teen? Nobody, but tough shit- here goes.
With all of the men coming and going in my life in the past year, in addition to the fact that I've had a tendency to heap tall praise on them in the initial stages of get-to-know-ye, I know it seems like a bunch of blah-blah-blah for me to be expressing excitement over another romantic prospect, but it's different this time- way different. Usually my giddiness is wishful thinking and selective, optimistic reporting. Again, way different this time.
I don't find myself thinking, "he's (this good thing)" and "he's (that good thing)" BUT... There is no "except for the fact that"
I was much more reserved with my affections this time and I think that's largely because I could see that this fella wasn't just a playmate, not just a pretty package with some interesting historical details, not just a make-believe facsimile of a partner that I know has no long term potential and therefore am safe fantasizing about the "what if..." I've always felt I was ready for having a serious long-term relationship, because that's the way I'm wired, but I think I was getting very comfortable with it being a fairy-tale. When in the back of your mind you realize "this just won't ever happen" in can be fun placing a good-looking, fun, interesting fella in the lead role and not worrying about the parts that would obviously doom the relationship to failure.
I've been talking about my "I only tend to be attracted to curmudgeons" habit for awhile. And it's true that has been the case. But I think that was a built-in safety net for avoiding that long-sought but largely misunderstood idea of The Future.
Well, suffice it to say I'm over that. I think Scott's the hottest thing on two legs now. I could not stop staring at him tinkering around in the kitchen this morning (making for me a most-impressive cappuccino). But this time, the monkeylust happened in the correct order- after I already began to adore him as a person, after seeing no serious red flags, after realizing he's a stand-up guy to me.
I have no regrets about the way things have rapidly progressed. It's good to have such a reaction to someone so True, rather than to someone who's only a dream.
Even if his affections for me are short-lived and this turns out to be yet another fun but fated fling, at least I've learned how to spot and adore a real man.
With all of the men coming and going in my life in the past year, in addition to the fact that I've had a tendency to heap tall praise on them in the initial stages of get-to-know-ye, I know it seems like a bunch of blah-blah-blah for me to be expressing excitement over another romantic prospect, but it's different this time- way different. Usually my giddiness is wishful thinking and selective, optimistic reporting. Again, way different this time.
I don't find myself thinking, "he's (this good thing)" and "he's (that good thing)" BUT... There is no "except for the fact that"
I was much more reserved with my affections this time and I think that's largely because I could see that this fella wasn't just a playmate, not just a pretty package with some interesting historical details, not just a make-believe facsimile of a partner that I know has no long term potential and therefore am safe fantasizing about the "what if..." I've always felt I was ready for having a serious long-term relationship, because that's the way I'm wired, but I think I was getting very comfortable with it being a fairy-tale. When in the back of your mind you realize "this just won't ever happen" in can be fun placing a good-looking, fun, interesting fella in the lead role and not worrying about the parts that would obviously doom the relationship to failure.
I've been talking about my "I only tend to be attracted to curmudgeons" habit for awhile. And it's true that has been the case. But I think that was a built-in safety net for avoiding that long-sought but largely misunderstood idea of The Future.
Well, suffice it to say I'm over that. I think Scott's the hottest thing on two legs now. I could not stop staring at him tinkering around in the kitchen this morning (making for me a most-impressive cappuccino). But this time, the monkeylust happened in the correct order- after I already began to adore him as a person, after seeing no serious red flags, after realizing he's a stand-up guy to me.
I have no regrets about the way things have rapidly progressed. It's good to have such a reaction to someone so True, rather than to someone who's only a dream.
Even if his affections for me are short-lived and this turns out to be yet another fun but fated fling, at least I've learned how to spot and adore a real man.