4-10-06
The fear is gone. Falling hard and fast and with no care as to the destination. He speaks so easily of glorious futures, simple, but gloious none the less, of babies and front porches or fire escapes. And he means it. And christ, I believe him. And I'm drawn into this perfect picture he paints - well, perfect with expected but quirky variations. No fear, no worry, just certainty that this is meant to be, that somehow it will be.
We sit at the foot of the island, and I listen to him speak so passionately that I am struck dumb, reeling, racing to catch up. To the ideas, the plans, the opinions, the worry, the dreams, the love. And I fall just a little bit harder, I find myself tangled within him just a little deeper. And I find myself silently pleading for more, as inconceivable as it may be.
He is so good. And strong. And human. And I watch him slumber so peacefully and am humbled with the thought that part of that peace of mind is from me. I lie next to him and can't believe he's really mine. Still. Four and a half months and I still can't fully fathom it. He loves me. And it gives me peace and keeps me going, and makes me want to be better, stronger. And from moment to sporadic moment I still wonder what he sees in me, why he's picked me.
People are meant to find this. I believe that. I really do. It's just hard to think that I've found you so soon, that I've really gotten this lucky, this unbelievably lucky. And I think of all the years ahead, how many potential pitfalls lie in either of our paths, and the fear creeps in at the edges of this perfection. But I trust you; I believe in you. In the ten million men you could become if you so choose. In the man you are now. And I love you. And it's no longer insane or not thought out enough. It makes perfect sense and is as logical as gravity. You are my gravity.
We sit at the foot of the island, and I listen to him speak so passionately that I am struck dumb, reeling, racing to catch up. To the ideas, the plans, the opinions, the worry, the dreams, the love. And I fall just a little bit harder, I find myself tangled within him just a little deeper. And I find myself silently pleading for more, as inconceivable as it may be.
He is so good. And strong. And human. And I watch him slumber so peacefully and am humbled with the thought that part of that peace of mind is from me. I lie next to him and can't believe he's really mine. Still. Four and a half months and I still can't fully fathom it. He loves me. And it gives me peace and keeps me going, and makes me want to be better, stronger. And from moment to sporadic moment I still wonder what he sees in me, why he's picked me.
People are meant to find this. I believe that. I really do. It's just hard to think that I've found you so soon, that I've really gotten this lucky, this unbelievably lucky. And I think of all the years ahead, how many potential pitfalls lie in either of our paths, and the fear creeps in at the edges of this perfection. But I trust you; I believe in you. In the ten million men you could become if you so choose. In the man you are now. And I love you. And it's no longer insane or not thought out enough. It makes perfect sense and is as logical as gravity. You are my gravity.