Failure

[jenniferjf]

SERIES: Sanctuary
WORDS: 566
DESCRIPTION: Will point of view at end of Revelations.
SPOILER: All Season One vaguely.
WARNINGS: None

My beta, btw, has decided this proves my muses are on steroids.  She may be right... *sigh*  This is probably all TracyJ's fault as she said there was a lack of Will fic which wasn't a pairing and they seemed to take that

Comments

[jenniferjf]

I totally agree about Ashley bottling up all her feelings and that she needs to move beyond the child-role Helen's unwillingness/inability to share the truth with Ashley has caused her to remain in. Given that, I can see how Will might have suggested Ash be the one to talk to Helen. The problem is, though, the confrontation with Ashley finally 'standing up' to Helen almost has to be Ashley-intitiated if it's to do any good. Otherwise it might just be one-more-person telling Ashley what she should do. Though I tend to think, assuming his sanity is more than short-term, it's really through her relationship with her father that Ashley's likely to get to that point. Because John really does treat Ashley like a capable adult rather than a child-needing emotional protection (as he should) and I actually think that's one of the things that 'drew' Ashley to him.

Now, of course, another issue between Helen and Ashley is that part of the 'letting go' process is, IMHO, Helen needing to be able to trust John (and Ashley's judgement) enough to let Ashley get to know him and understand him (not just to understand her own past but who she - Ash - is). Which is funny because in a way the 'argument' at the beginning of Rev1 really did involve visitation rights.

[tamlover]

Well, I'll agree on her trusting Ashley's judgment, but not John's. I mean, he was insane just a few weeks/months ago. A few months to make sure he really is better before trusting his judgment seems highly reasonable to me. I also don't find Ashley to have been drawn to John, myself. Have no familiarity with the webisodes, though, if you're coming from there.

I definitely think Helen is responsible for the bulk of how Ashley turned out - the good and the bad. She's experienced so much more than most of the world ever will. And so much less than most people her age have. I swear, Ashley has almost no experience connecting to people. She couldn't even call Will a friend. As much as Helen can hold back (though I don't believe she holds any of her heart back from Ashley), she's at least capable of making surface connections - don't even see that from Ash. And I think Ashley's cloistered life definitely has a major part of that. I do wonder if Helen's own emotional reticence, fear of loss, has rubbed off on Ashley, and it's just that they react to it in different ways.

I love that Helen wants to protect Ashley from that emotional pain. And, of course, she can't. Just isn't possible for someone to live like that. At least, not if they care deeply about anyone or anything. I think Helen knows that, but just has a bit of trouble accepting it.

And Ashely does need to learn to *think*, as John put it. I don't think John pegged her 100% or anything, but he definitely had a point or two. But I don't think "killer" is Ashley's ultimate nature, either, for all that the hunt/fight/kill is part of her.

I definitely think you have a very strong point about Ashley needing to come to the decision on her own. I hadn't really thought about it in those terms. But you familiar with Avatar: TLA? Zuko needed to stand up to his father, to side with the Avatar, to reject his father, to understand that his father was wrong and proving himself to his father and gaining his father's love was not only impossible, but would undesirable. Would mean denying who he really was. His uncle tried to tell him this several times. Tried to force it almost, in a very important moment. But Zuko could only come to it, grow past it, all on his own, with no urging, no advice, no words from anyone else. All of it from inside. I think the same (albeit on a far less dramatic scale) may well be true of Ashley and Helen. Will might possibly serve to facilitate that growth, but he can't be the one to initiate it.

[jenniferjf]

Oh, don't get me wrong. Helen's not wrong to not trust John... But I do think John held a mirror up to Ashley and illuminated parts of who she is (or could become if she weren't careful - which is I think where 'killer' comes in) more clearly than anyone has ever understood her before and it's that understanding - of being known and accepted so thoroughly - that I think does almost immediately connect Ashley to John emotionally. And if you recall in Rev1, while Helen is demanding to know why John is there, Ashley's anger is because he's not acting more like a father and coming more often... which strongly, IMHO, implies she wants him to do both.

And yeah, you have to feel for Helen trying to protect Ashley. Because how on earth could you tell your child, "Btw, that man who just tried to kill you... he's your father..." It would just be absolutely emotionally devastating to Ashley. And I totally agree about Helen's fear of loss rubbing off on Ashley, it would be unnatural if it hadn't.

While I've not seen Avatar, that's exactly the type of thing I'm talking about. "Coming of age" is only coming of age if you do it yourself. I could see Will giving advice to Ash if she asked him for it, but I can't see him suggesting it for exactly that reason.