strong enough to break..

[jenniferann_xo]

sometimes i am so amazed with umhb. it hasn't been anything like i expected. its so strange to me the combination of encouragement and letdowns i have recieved since being here, and how somehow i am okay with it all. i had such high hopes when i came. i thought i would meet the perfect best friend, instantly find the greatest group of friends and somehow become a different person. but i am still me with all of my faults and friendships are not instantaneous for me. that has been my biggest letdown. i will never have my youth group back. and i so wanted to come here and meet a best friend. its my own fault that i havent formed any really close relationships. i haven't needed to, because i always have someone to eat lunch with, or go to wal-mart with or whatever (yes, that would be nick). i am comfortable with him, so i don't ever push myself to spend a lot of quality time with new people because it makes me nervous and i don't know what to expect. but i long for a guinune friendship with a girl. i want to have someone that i can talk to about anything. but on the bright side, i do go to a school full of great people who share my values, encourage me and keep me accountable. it is the most refreshing contrast to high school, in every way. in high school, i never went after what i wanted. and i am still shy, quiet and at times unconfident, but i never feel intimidated like i did in high school. i don't feel like i am "below" anyone else. i can't believe the opportunities i have had in the year and a half that i have been here. i've written for the newspaper, gone to nashville, learned to two-step, and will be yearbook editor next year. that is something i wanted so bad in high school but didnt have the confidence to show my capabilities or voice my opinion. these may seem like small things, but they are things that i have always had such a passion for, and i am just so amazed that this school is giving me the opportunity to use these passions and talents.

this was a lot of rambling, but it was probably one of the most honest entries i have done, ever. and in a huge way, i'm hoping no one will read it.