07.19.2007
So, I started my new job at Wal-Mart today. Autumn had the whole day to herself, and I won't really see her until Saturday, which is fine. I just don't trust her.
I still love her but she's STILL betraying me.
Last night when she thought I was sleeping I was watching what she was doing online. She visited my page, and a few other peoples. And of course she went to Marah's page. She went to Marah's page last then listened to this song she dedicated to her like...6 times in a row.
It just bothered me. I mean, I don't understand why its so hard for her just to let go. Its not like they've been together for very long, and its not even like Marah is even available. I mean Autumn and I have been together for 2 years, she was over me in a couple of days. She and Marah didn't turn into anything more than friends (I mean she thought she was hot or whatever but still all she talked about was me until I left.) Until I left for CA. So its been like a month....Why is it so hard? They don't get to see each other except on pic messages and myspace. They don't really get to talk except on Autumns way to work and when Autumn gets off work.
Unless the reason she can't let go is because its something to chase or whatever. But Marah can never love Autumn for who she really is.
Marah is a lesbian she doesn't like men. As soon as Marah figures out that Autumn is trans gender shes not going to want her. I mean it might be ok for now since Autumn still has a female body, but what happens down the line when Autumn decides to transition? She'll leave her, and Autumn will be crushed.
I personally have no problem with Autumn being a guy or a girl. I'm bi either way I still loved the person inside. At least, who I THOUGHT the person inside was.
She's changed so much. Maybe she never changed at all. Maybe this whole time we've been living together, her whole responsibility thing was just to impress me. I mean, seriously, paying bills on time is a foreign concept to her family, so is cleaning. Both things Autumn was really good at keeping ME up on. Now, she could care less. I doubt she even scooped the litter box like she said she was going to do from now on.
I don't know. I'm glad I won't see her for 2 days. It'll give me a break from her and let me decide what I really truly need in my life.
She never even calls me