(no subject)
so, the screwed up life of me deepens even more, im going to write it out here, more to sort it out in my own head than anything else.
my aunt is dead. the thing is i was the only one here when they rang to say so i had to phone my mum and tell her. it was not very nice at all. so my aunt for some unknown reason made my dad cheif executor of her will. my mums real mum was a ned crack whore bint and when she had my mum (who was approx her seventh or eighth child) she told the nurse in the hospital she didnt want the baby and the nurse gave my mum to her real mums sister (in effect my mums aunt) this aunt of my mum (whom she calls mum and i call gran) is a complete psyco bitch. however this is not the point.
tons of the people on my mums side are neds and stuff (hence why ige t upset when people mock paisley/call my mum a whore cause she and my dad worked real hard to get out of that whole situation) are now trying to steal from my aunts house and get as much as possible from her will so my dad is trying to stop all that. my mum cant get a flight home so alas at the funeral it shall be me, my sister and my father. the even odder thing is my mum found one of her real brothers last year and hes coming to stay with us, sept ive never met him but my mum says hes nice. hes english and has a wife, a little boy and a baby girl. i guess that could be quite nice. anyway my mums real mum is going to be at the funeral. my mum has never met her real mum as she never wanted to, however now i shall meet the real mum. i think i might hate her, i have half a mind to tell her what kind of childhood she enforced upon my mum. yet i dont know if that childhood was better than the one she would have had.
im not sad about my aunt dieing yet, the thing is im not too sure if i will be. its not like ive got a complete non-compassionate heart, but i just feel really cold jsut now. she died of lung/throat cancer from smoking. my dads mum also died of this and i am afraid i have just learned it is after my grandpa jsut now. i know this sounds stupid but sometimes i feel those stupid little cigerettes are actually out to get my family, i dont understand why people smoke them and i dont think i ever will. i noticed my aunt getting paler and smaller but get this - she didnt tell any of us she had it because she didnt want to worry us. she was in her house alone a week before the police kicked down the door to find her, fancy that. i think thats my worst nightmare, dieing alone with nobody else to notice.
ir ealise none of your eading this probably care, but its kinda sorted out things in my head. ever get that? whn writing things down makes them seem mroe real? im hoping the funeral isnt on the day of my shows because then ide have to miss the funeral/show. i dont even know which one ide choose although it sounds awful. man what an actual drama.
its funny really what goes on inside peoples heads when really they act perfectly normal.
my aunt is dead. the thing is i was the only one here when they rang to say so i had to phone my mum and tell her. it was not very nice at all. so my aunt for some unknown reason made my dad cheif executor of her will. my mums real mum was a ned crack whore bint and when she had my mum (who was approx her seventh or eighth child) she told the nurse in the hospital she didnt want the baby and the nurse gave my mum to her real mums sister (in effect my mums aunt) this aunt of my mum (whom she calls mum and i call gran) is a complete psyco bitch. however this is not the point.
tons of the people on my mums side are neds and stuff (hence why ige t upset when people mock paisley/call my mum a whore cause she and my dad worked real hard to get out of that whole situation) are now trying to steal from my aunts house and get as much as possible from her will so my dad is trying to stop all that. my mum cant get a flight home so alas at the funeral it shall be me, my sister and my father. the even odder thing is my mum found one of her real brothers last year and hes coming to stay with us, sept ive never met him but my mum says hes nice. hes english and has a wife, a little boy and a baby girl. i guess that could be quite nice. anyway my mums real mum is going to be at the funeral. my mum has never met her real mum as she never wanted to, however now i shall meet the real mum. i think i might hate her, i have half a mind to tell her what kind of childhood she enforced upon my mum. yet i dont know if that childhood was better than the one she would have had.
im not sad about my aunt dieing yet, the thing is im not too sure if i will be. its not like ive got a complete non-compassionate heart, but i just feel really cold jsut now. she died of lung/throat cancer from smoking. my dads mum also died of this and i am afraid i have just learned it is after my grandpa jsut now. i know this sounds stupid but sometimes i feel those stupid little cigerettes are actually out to get my family, i dont understand why people smoke them and i dont think i ever will. i noticed my aunt getting paler and smaller but get this - she didnt tell any of us she had it because she didnt want to worry us. she was in her house alone a week before the police kicked down the door to find her, fancy that. i think thats my worst nightmare, dieing alone with nobody else to notice.
ir ealise none of your eading this probably care, but its kinda sorted out things in my head. ever get that? whn writing things down makes them seem mroe real? im hoping the funeral isnt on the day of my shows because then ide have to miss the funeral/show. i dont even know which one ide choose although it sounds awful. man what an actual drama.
its funny really what goes on inside peoples heads when really they act perfectly normal.